You won’t believe what Sebastian is covered in!

You won’t believe what Sebastian is covered in!

Hi,

Sebastian, my personal trainer, was standing in my kitchen, looking distraught. It’s not a good look for a slim man in spandex. He’d cycled over to my place for a coffee.

“The stuff’s everywhere,” he moaned. “I can’t move in my apartment, there’s so much Jiz everywhere!”

“I’m sorry?” I said, adjusting the peach colored silk robe I was wearing. I had just waxed my legs and chest and the soft silk felt magnificent on my skin.

“It’s all over the place!” He went on.

“Sebastian,” I said, “What on earth are you talking about?”

“It’s the week of the Junior and Intermediate Zumba challenge. Everyone down at the gym enters.”

“Is that a ‘thing’?” I asked.

“I get to do the Jiz thing every year, and every year it’s a nightmare. I just get overwhelmed. And this year, honestly, I think I’ve taken as much as I can take. I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I’m practically choking on it!”

“I believe the expression is ‘gagging’.” I added, helpfully.

“All the other personal trainers down at the gym leave it to me, and every year I just get sucked in!”

“I wonder why,” I said rhetorically.

“My whole place is covered in the stuff to arrange it, costumes, posters. I even had to design them myself.” Sebastian reached into his back pack and brought out a folded-up poster.

“Oh, Let me see it,” I said trying to sound enthusiastic.

“Yes, of course.  Your friend Amanda helped me with it.”

“Amanda is my wife’s friend,” I pointed out. Because she edits a trade publication, Pig And Pig Farmer, Amanda considers herself something of a media mogul. I think you’ll agree that’s a bit of a stretch.

Sebastian unfolded the poster. An image of two young dancers, breathlessly whirling across the floor filled the page, with the headline, “It’s Jiz Time! You’ll be glad you came.”

Sebastian looked at it thoughtfully. “They wouldn’t let me put it up at Starbucks. They got quite snotty about it.”

“I wonder why,” I said.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you today.  It’s going to be spring soon, so it’s time to start getting ready with some new looks for Spring. I thought I’d make a couple of suggestions, to help you along.

Spring is a time to emphasise the soft pastels, using both cosmetics and clothes that lift and brighten their surroundings. This is a great time, if you don’t dress outside of the house, to bring some more feminine colors into your selection of clothes that you’d wear day to day.

If you wear glasses, think about getting a pair that are softer and more blended to your skin. Be prepared to experiment with your daily look, softening it with colors that convey gentle forms. Hard black frames may be better replaced with a softer color, for example.

As you color your life more gently, you may be surprised to find yourself feeling more gentle. You’re going to love that. You may well find that wearing pastels and muted colors contributes to a more gentle mood, and as you look the way you know you should, you start to feel the way you should, too.

I sincerely hope you are enjoying the news I share with you. You can participate and comment even more at http://FionaDobson.com

Have a great week,

🙂

Fiona

Urine a pile of trouble, Fiona.

“Urine a pile of trouble, Fiona…”

Hi,

I feel I have no alternative but to come out and say it, Yes, I did stay at The Ritz Carlton in Moscow in 2013. It’s true. However, there are limits to the kind of depravity I am prepared to indulge in. I should come clean and clear the air.

Allow me to explain a little, and I should point out that Max, my next door neighbors 20 year old son came into my kitchen this morning as I was slipping on a gingham skirt and smoothing down my black top. As he rushed in he almost caught me by surprise.

“Fiona,” he babbled. “What’s a golden shower?”

I fixed him with a long look and realised he really wasn’t joking.

“Well, Max. When two people love each other very much…” I realised this was not going to be easy. “You see… It’s something two people who love each other very much can share.”

“Oh, what you mean like sex in the shower.”

“Well, not really,” I replied.

“Not if you have gold taps or a golden shower head?”

“Not exactly.”

I think I’m straying from my point.  Ah, yes. While it’s true that I have stayed at The Ritz Carlton in Moscow, and I have in the past been linked in some capacities to certain persons who will be inaugurated in the next few days, I would like to strenuously deny any suggestion that I have ever indulged in certain acts in the privacy of a hotel room in Moscow. There are limits to my depravity.

While I could succumb to the questionable pleasures of a golden shower, there is absolutely no conceivable way in which I would be sink to such depths of debauchery as to voluntarily spend time alone with the individual in question. As he has so eloquently put it himself, “I am a germophobe.”

Should some video emerge which shows me in a compromising position, obviously it’s been faked! Honest… Believe me!

🙂

Fiona

Here’s a great exercise for anyone wishing to feel a little more feminine. Have a listen and be sure to comment. Don’t forget – you can always find Playtime With Fiona here: http://fionadobson.com/tag/playtime-with-fiona/
Members of my Premium Program have been loving some of the tasks and exercises we’ve been using to help them feel even more comfortable with their dressing. If you’re among this group feel free to post some of your experiences at http://FionaDobson.com.

Bernard is choking on Sebastian’s sausage.

The other night Bernard was being uncharacteristically quiet at the table in the restaurant, with my friends and I enjoying the New Year celebrations. Sylvester and Ali were laughing. I remember, particularly, as I was explaining that while in Australia last year, between photoshoots, I had been diving and had been describing the various merits of the sea cucumber. Bernard had been on the trip, though since his transplant has not been doing much diving.

We were enjoying a wonderful meal at a restaurant in the heart of Montreal which served favorite dishes from around the world. Sebastian had ordered the German Sausage, and shared some of it with Bernard. The succulent meat was exquisitely prepared, and Bernard tucked into it with gusto.

That was when I noticed Bernard changing color. “Are you alright?” I asked. When there came no reply I felt a wave of panic sweep over me. It’s only a few short weeks since Bernard’s operation.

If you’re a regular reading of my material you’ll know that Amanda is not my favorite person on the planet. It was only as a favor to my wife that I invited her to join us for dinner. My wife is on one of her trips. This is a charitable one, I believe. If I remember rightly she’s feeding the hungry in Africa, or something. Maybe it’s the Africans in Hungary. It’s so hard to keep track of her. She has such a big heart. Before leaving on her mission of mercy she had made me promise to take Amanda out with us for dinner on New Years eve.

I remember very vividly, as that night I had chosen to wear a mid blue evening dress, with a bodice that laced up behind, and matching blue heels. The blue was a very particular shade, and as I watched Bernard he gradually changed color to a matching hue.

“What on earth is the matter with Bernard,” I said and looked at Sylvester.

“Search me,” answered Sylvester.

Suddenly Amanda leapt to her enormous feet, and shouted “Heimlich manoeuvre!” For a woman of disturbing proportions she certainly can move swiftly. It reminded me of one of those National Geographic TV shows, about when hippos attack.

“Don’t worry,” she said to a terrified looking Bernard, who by now was clearly choking. “I’m a trained professional.”

I took a long sip of my wine, and said to Sylvester, “This should be interesting.”

Amanda was behind Bernard, wrapping her arms around him and began squeezing. Bernard shifted to a deeper shade of blue.

“That’s it Amanda, you need to reach around him,” said Sylvester.

“And then jerk him. You’ve got the idea,” I added helpfully. Amanda seemed to be thrusting powerfully with her hips, and Bernard looked increasingly alarmed.

A moment later his head jerked back and he coughed and his throat seemed to clear. I was most impressed by the whole thing. Amanda had indeed saved the day, and Bernard had made a new friend.

What a way to go into the New Year. So, if you feel like sharing, let me know what New Years Resolutions you plan to break this year.

I sincerely hope you are enjoying the news I share with you. You can participate and comment even more at http://FionaDobson.com

🙂

Fiona

Enjoy this video about New Years resolutions!

Sylvester and Max are jacking off in my garden!

Sylvester and Max are jacking off in my garden!

Hi,

+++ A quick explanatory note: Members who sign up for the Free Program, and Premium Program Members, get my messages the moment they are written. They are posted as blog comments about a week later, so belated Merry Christmas. Have a great New Year! +++

My goodness, if you could see what’s going on outside my window. I can hardly believe is! I’m standing here in my Christmas lingerie, and my heels, and quite shocked at what I can see going on out there!

Ali, my gardner has just told me, “It’s ok, Fiona. It’s just Sylvester and Max jacking off in the flower beds.”

Now, I know you can imagine me standing here in my flowing red silk robe, mouth open in surprise. I am staring out at the snowy Montreal scene, and everybody seems to be having a wonderful time! Oh, perhaps you should even be here!

Let me explain. I’m watching Sylvester’s muscle bound arm pumping up and down and Max, my next door neighbours 20 year old son laughing – I think he’s licking his fingers – yes, he’s spilled some Bailey’s Irish Cream on his hand, or at least I think that’s what it is. And Ali is watching, engrossed in the unfolding scene.

They’re laughing and very jolly, Sylvester’s face red with exertion, and he has a look of deep concentration. Apparently, Ali’s Smart Car slid off the drive in the snow as he pulled into the icy driveway. It slid into the flower bed, and onto a rock in the rockery. Max and Sylvester were already at my place enjoying a Christmas eve drink, and now the three of them are working away to lift the little vehicle off the rock and manhandle it back onto the drive. What Christmas excitement!

I should hurry along, Amanda, the queen of tweed will be here soon, and Bernard is coming over. My wife, sadly is travelling. She’s a slave to her job! In the meantime, we are a fun gang, all hoping that Christmas will go with a bang!

I hope yours does, too! Have a wonderful holiday and remember, be careful if you are driving in the snow. Otherwise you too might find yourself licking Irish cream from your fingers after jacking off in someone’s garden!

Merry Christmas,

🙂

Fiona