|Do you know that feeling? You know, when you can’t swallow fast enough and it starts to dribble down your chin? I should tell you what happened the other day.
I know you were probably wondering what happened to me last week. Well, yada yada yada, and I end up having my stomach pumped at the local hospital. Perhaps I should explain a little better.
Where to begin. OK, to keep a long story short, here’s what happened. I flew down to San Diego last week to visit some clients, along with Bernard my photographer from the ad agency. This particular client had the unusual distinction of having a VP of Communications, a marketing director and an account manager all named Richard. It really was a nest of Dicks!
After a very productive few days at their headquarters, and I must say some spectacular weather, I finally got ready to leave on the Friday night. That’s when I usually write my emails to you, as you doubtless know. However, much to my surprise, the boys had decided to take me out for a night on the town. They surprised me at the hotel and practically kidnapped me, and took me out to one of the many excellent seafood restaurants in San Diego.
I wore a nice little Channel suit, a pencil skirt and some spectacular heels. You know, my good friend Ilena says they’re too conservative. Not like me at all! Well, whatever. I hadn’t brought any party wear, so what can you do.
So there I was, letting the oysters slide down my throat, when along comes one of the account manager’s brothers fresh from the Naval base. Next thing I know he’s called a bunch of friends and I’m in a drinking game with half the US Navy. I was chugging back the drinks so quick, and they’re running down my chin, dripping to the floor. I can’t believe the things I got up to. I think I was a little out of control.
Now, let me tell you this. When they’ve had a few vodka’s these boys aren’t interested in asking, and I’m sure as hell not telling! All I can tell you, in the interests of decency, is that I helped raise more than one flag up the pole that night!
Bernard, who usually acts as a chaperone, had slipped off early. Now, when I say he’d been hard at work that week, I mean it in the most literal of senses. You know how he feels about me, I’m sure. He was not feeling himself after a few hours though, which I’m not touching, Amber! I know what you’re like, up there in Colorado… Let’s just say that the Appletini’s were flowing rather too freely that night.
So, the three Dicks and I went on to another bar, and that’s when I started feeling a little queasy. Next thing I knew the projectile vomiting, and the oysters and the hospital all merged into one unpleasant memory. I put it down to the oysters!
Let’s just say that my stomach was the last organ I needed pumped, though that’s not the way the night panned out.
Anyway, that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you. I just wanted to remind you that I am adding new soundfiles and Youtube broadcasts all the time and I’d love you to enjoy these. Some of the most fun are the series called ‘Probing Fiona’s Inbox’, which has many of the replies to emails I can share. Some of course are more difficult to share. For example, ‘Jessica’ from Ithica, no, I don’t advise using lard for that.
By the way, in the last email out you saw some Eddie Izzard. Kara from Mumbai asked me about this rather unusual comedian, and was curious about him. Yes, he often crossdresses on stage, and yes he is as good live as you saw in that clip. I’ve seen him a couple of times and he is quite breathtakingly brilliant.
Have a great weekend.