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Become a Patron!
Imagine, it’s 12 inches long and you’re right on top of it!
Rainbow’s career change.
As I was washing some vegetables this morning after my weekly shop at the organic vegetable store my phone rang, and who should it be but Sebastian, my personal trainer.
“Sebastian,” I said answering the call. “How lovely to hear from you. I’m just washing my organic ethically sourced zuchinis.”
This seemed to stop him in his tracks, but he quickly recovered himself.
“Fiona,” he said, clearly agitated, “what on earth have you been saying to Rainbow?”
You’ll remember that Rainbow is Sebastian’s flakey kombucha drinking yoga teacher sister.
“I chatted with her just yesterday,” I said. “We had a lovely conversation on that thing Max installed on my phone. Snatchchat, I think it’s called.”
“But what did you say to her,” he persisted.
“Oh, we talked about all sorts of things,” I replied. “That Mr. Willow down the road. He got caught cheating on his wife with her twin sister. Funny story actually.”
Before I could go on Sebastian cut in, “Did you give her some career advice?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t give her career advice,” I said. “Not after the incident at the vets place.” –
Sebastian, sounded quite exasperated.
“What on earth’s the matter?” I asked.
Sounding very puzzled, he replied, “I just don’t understand it. She’s going on about you telling her that she should be a therapist.”
“What, Rainbow?” I replied, almost swallowing my tongue in surprise.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
Suddenly a thought came to my mind. It came with the crushing inevitability of a garbage truck backing purposefully over a child’s unseen tricycle left out in the lane.
“Oh, wait,” I said. “I seem to remember saying to her that she should ‘see’ a therapist. Yes, that was it. Somewhere after the second bottle of Cab Sauvignon. Did you know her last therapist took his own life? Terrible!”
“Oh God,” said Sebastian. “She thinks you said she should ‘be’ a therapist. And now she’s all excited about getting trained.”
“It would be an unusual choice for a person like Rainbow,” I said. “Very unusual.”
You can read Rainbow’s profile here.
I shall watch her development with the sense of foreboding it deserves.
Have a lovely week,
Fiona
PS. Enjoy some Contrapoints below.
There’s never a dull moment in the advertising business.
As you likely know, I work for a well known advertising agency in an active office in this delightful city. It is often said that for each job in some industries, several other people are supported. So, for example while a car plant may employ 4,000 people a further 6,000 jobs are created servicing the 4,000 people employed with things like transport, employment services and catering. In much the same way, my work supports not just myself, but also Sylvester my mechanic, Sebastian my personal trainer, Ali my gardener, young Max who helps with technology on my blog and several other assorted hangers on and peripheral individuals.
I was talking on this very subject with Bernard, my photographer, when we were out on agency business just the other day. Ali, who so lovingly tends my garden, spends more time there than I ever do. Instead, while he enjoys my delightful champaign colored roses in my garden I am out driving with Bernard on a task for the advertising agency. And I’m paying Ali! It all seems rather obtuse. That said, I do love Ali, and his daughters are sweetness itself. They arrived in Canada just a couple of years ago, refugees from the war in Syria.
Continue reading “There’s never a dull moment in the advertising business.”What are you driving?
I could not help noticing, whilst driving home from the advertising agency the other day, the names on the back of vehicles. The model names of vehicles are of interest to me, from both the branding perspective and what it tells me about the drivers.
A therapist member of mine recently pointed out to me that several of their erectile dysfunction clients did indeed drive muscle cars, in more than one instance a Hummer. Frankly I feel anyone driving a Hummer should be on their knees begging forgiveness from their children as they pump heat into an increasingly fragile environment. On the other hand, given the erectile dysfunction issues associate with Hummer ownership theirs a good chance that having children is one complication these thoughtless tools will not have to concern themselves with.
Sylvester, on the other hand has shunned the muscles cars and even removed the photo on his office wall of him posing with his Dodge Penetrator 3000. I am pleased to see him mellowing. I do remember the day he pulled up outside my house, on his phone calling me to tell me he was there.
“I’m just pulling into your garage,” he said. “No wait, I’m reversing. Pulling in again… backing up, and going in again now. Perhaps I should go in the laneway round the back. I can get the back way, but it’s a bit tight.”
You know, I may have said this before, but Sylvester can be quite coarse at times.
Personally I like to drive a Buick Vagina. It’s the limited Silhouette edition. So much more my style. Both feminine and powerful, with the twin turbo V6 with the cuddle seats option.
Vehicle names and designs do tell us a lot about their drivers. I noticed a Kia Soul in the traffic as I was driving home, and I can only speculate that some Korean designer sat down and thought hard about what a car designed for Spongebob Squarepants might look like, and then took up the challenge to build it. Ironically the driver of this particular vehicle did look like a cartoon character.
Sebastian, my vegetarian personal trainer, drives a Kia Hymen when not riding his electric bicycle. His sister, Rainbow, drives a Nissan Slide with a synchromatic gearbox. Amanda drives a Prius, which is entirely predictable, while of course Ali, my gardener, drives the Smart Car with a rifle rack on the rear window, adapted to carry his gardening tools. He’s proud to declare he always shows up with his hoes.
One of my Vancouver members, Lenni, is originally from Alaska, and proudly tells of her mother having driven a Ford LTD wagon. This vehicle, with a 7.5 litre engine has the dubious distinction of being capable of hitting a moose, killing it, and then being able to transport it back to the trailor park for butchering. I can’t help thinking life in Alaska holds wonders I am pleased not to have either witnessed or shared.
Instead I think I’ll go and get Sylvester to change the fluids in my Buick Vagina.
Have a lovely week.
Fiona
Long live the King.
I was lamenting the passing of our Queen yesterday, along with a huge number of people. My voice need hardly be added to the outpouring of regret by so many others, and yet I do feel a sense of loss. The Queen was, after all, an influence my entire life, and there’s no doubt about it, whatever else she was, she really was a likeable sort of monarch.
It was fitting that I wore a nice black sweater, black stockings and a black kilt yesterday. On that slightly mournful note, I have some lovely crossdressing funeral ideas HERE.
After my yoga session this morning I was sitting in my kitchen, enjoying a calming cup of tea with Sebastian, when he started telling me the news about his sister, Rainbow.
“Rainbow’s not seeing that optician anymore,” said Sebastian a little mournfully.
“I’m sorry,” I said, confused.
“They’ve broken up. It’s a pity, I think he was very good for her,” continued Sebastian. “Apparently when she said she couldn’t see him anymore he told her to stand a little closer, and then said ‘And now?’”
I looked at Sebastian and tried to figure out if he was joking.
“Well, Rainbow has some unusual ideas,” I said.
“She certainly does. She told me she felt their energies didn’t ‘co-mingle’ they way she wanted,” he concluded, looking through the window into the far distance in deep contemplation.
I tell you this as much as anything to set the scene. The window that overlooks my garden is really quite lovely but of late I have had Ali trimming some of the bushes just around the base of the window. He’s a talented gardener, and moves quite silently about the place, his long white gown floating like some ethereal gardening spirit. Now and then he stands up, his head appearing in my wind, and says something before once again going down on hands and knees working on among the foliage of my beautiful flowers. It can be quite disconcerting at times. He’s just like a Syrian Jack In The Box, appearing out of nowhere. It can be quite startling.
It was in this tranquil scene of quiet contemplation as I sipped my chamomile tea that Ali’s wizened head appeared, rising out of nowhere and chimed in, “Tits like coconuts.”
I steadied my nerves as Ali sank out of my line of vision, and then rising and leaning out of the window looked down into the flower beds and said, “I beg your pardon?”
Sebastian struggled back onto his stool.
Ali surfaced back into view and replied, “You were saying how much you like the birdsong of summer, and wanted to attract more birds into your garden.”
I stared blankly before remembering a conversation we’d had just the other day. I do like to attract wildlife into the garden, and had asked Ali if he had any thoughts on the matter.
“Oh yes,” he went on. “Lot’s of birds love coconuts. If you hang them on a string from one of the trees it’s sure to attract a few. You know, tits, chaffinches and sparrows. They all love coconuts.”
I slowly sat down once more, and thanked Ali for his contribution to the conversation. I really do wonder just how much English he understands, at times. I may have to talk with his English teacher.
I do hope you’re having a delightful end of summer. Be sure to have a look around the website – there’s a lot there and I always try to keep things fun.
😊
Fiona
I’m getting Sylvester’s boxers down.
“That’s it, Sylvester,” I said. “You just take down your boxers and I’ll stick a big one up there!”
While perched on the top of a step ladder Sylvester handed me down the two portraits of his father’s prize winner pedigree boxer dogs. They won the dog show here several years ago, and as I liked the pictures so much Sylvester allowed me to display the paintings in my living room while his apartment was being decorated. They made a nice change, but to be honest I’m a little bored of them now. I’m replacing them with a huge photograph of Hannibal, my dachshund now. I do like to freshen up the look of my living room in spring, don’t you?
I’ve had a lovely week, Marjory my neighbour invited me over yesterday evening, having hired a sweet young French chef to cook her birthday dinner. What a handsome young man he is! And I think he took a shine to me, too.
After thanking him in the kitchen for such a lovely meal I spotted something between the frog’s legs, and the cake. So many candles! In the end we lit them, and the chef and my friends all sang happy birthday for Marjory before she blew them all out in the dinning room. It brought quite a lump to my throat. Such fun!
But that’s not the main reason I’m writing today. I’ve been trying to be supportive to Rainbow, Sebastian‘s sister. She’s terribly worried about the people in Ukraine, where she has a number of friends.
“They should do something about those awful Russians,” she said to me while sitting at my kitchen table. “Can’t they send someone?”
“Like who?” I asked.
“I don’t know. The Pope, or the other one,” and then she paused and scratched her head, and then remembering said, “That nice Bono, or Greta Thunberg, perhaps.”
“I’m not sure Greta’s quite the right person,” I replied, “though she might have something to say about the carbon emissions of those useless T72 tanks. They seem to burn very well, if nothing else, but I don’t think that does much for global warming. Then again nor does a thermobaric weapon. The environment doesn’t seem to be a priority for Mr. Putin.”
“I feel so helpless,” she added at length.
“Well, you don’t have to,” I said. “Unicef, the UN agency with a mandate to help women and children, is organising help for women and children in Ukraine. So is UNHCR, who look after refugees.”
Giving here has the funds matched by the agency and is applied directly to women and children in need, and is the most efficient way to provide help. I didn’t need to add that previously having worked for Unicef in Africa, in field emergencies in Sudan and Somalia, I could vouch for their effectiveness.
“It’s a tragedy,” I said, giving her a hug. “But one way or another we’re all going to be a part of sorting it out. And I don’t mind paying a few extra dollars for gas if it means we don’t give Mr. Putin the kind of help he needs to hurt innocent women and children in Ukraine. Let’s just hope people are wise enough not to let his friends, people like that orange haired loser of a former president, ever get anywhere near the reins of power ever again.”
With that I suggested Rainbow come upstairs and help me pick out a nice yellow and blue outfit to wear when I go out today. Perhaps you could do the same.
If you feel generous use the links above to send a few dollars to support people affected by the war in Ukraine. Send me a copy of your receipt and I will enroll you at no cost in our Whatsapp Group – a gift worth $10 a month. Just send me a copy of your receipt to fdobson@zoho.com
Have a lovely week.
Fiona
Become a Patron!Let’s try to be accepting of others.
Ali has been here in Canada for several years now, having arrived as a refugee along with his lovely family from Syria. As I have mentioned before he was a botany professor in Damascus University prior to the war there, and is now my gardener. His knowledge of fauna and flora really is most extensive.
Arriving from a country such as Syria one does have to check some of the experiences and baggage that we bring, at the door – as it were. Jeff, who looks after immigration at our local airport, says that most immigrants are all too ready to let go of the past and look forward to their new life in Canada. And many, like Ali, bring some wonderful talents to our communities, regardless of what they may have done in the past. Like many of us, Ali does not talk much about his former life. I imagine it could be quite dark but have had few glimpses of what it may have entailed. It’s really none of my business.
Jeff takes great pride in telling me that he checks the passports of all immigrants arriving at the airport (other than when he’s on his lunch break or picking up his kids from school). He says that Canada accepts the poor, the disadvantaged and the impotent. He then rather sheepishly adds that unfortunately, while the poor and disadvantaged regularly show up, unfortunately the impotent couldn’t come.
Ali’s language skills, however, appear to still require some polish. As I sat drinking my morning tea in my kitchen Ali joined me and flicked through the local paper that had just been delivered. I had just finished my daily yoga workout and was still in my pink leggings and powder blue sports bra, that’s so good for working out.
He took his tea black and was quite absorbed in the paper.
“It says here,” he said at length, ”that the city is going to have a ‘pilot racoon cull’.”
“It’s about time,” I said, knowing how mischievous the racoon population of Huckleberry Close can be. “They’re too clever by half.”
Ali frowned as he read the article.
“It’s just that you wouldn’t think they could do that,” he replied.
“What do you mean?” I said sensing something amiss.
Sipping his tea Ali continued reading without looking up and turned the page. “You’d think they’d fail the eye test. I did.”
I sometimes wonder about Ali and his command of English. It is, however, better than my command of his obscure dialect of Arabic. I’d given up my attempts to learn his language after failing to master such a simple phrase as “Is it safe to drink the water in this hospital?”
We all of us have our own particular perspective that brings a bit of ourselves to all we observe. As a crossdressing non-binary person, when I see a Zebra I do not take offence at the black and white nature of the creature. Ali, on the other hand, sees a majestic beast of the African plains while Sebastian sees a walking barcode. He then goes on to pretend to scan it in much the same way as the checkout girl in the corner store, and adds, “At least it’s easy to keep track of them.”
We all of us have our divergent ways of looking at things and each is equally correct. As trans people I think we have to learn acceptance of others with views that don’t align with our own. They, like us, are travelling their own journey. As people who are often misunderstood, it is up to us to try to understand others – the good, the bad and the ugly – with kindness and without judgement.
But that is not the main reason I’ve written to you this morning. I’ve been adding new content to some of my programs. They are now even better value than ever. Be sure to join if you’ve not done so already. I always do my very best for my lovely members.
😊
Fiona
Unhand that banana!
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Restricted content
I’ve been having a little trouble with my colon!
I’ve been having some dreadful trouble with my colon lately. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but ever since Max changed some of the settings on my computer keyboard I just keep getting a problem with it! I think he reset the layout to the French keyboard!
In the cold wintery weather we’re having I’m going to remind all my girls the importance of moisturizing your skin. Using a nice aloe cream helps, and you can find them at any pharmacy or health food store. It keeps you looking fresh and really helps your skin. You can also find some here.
I am busily chatting with a few of the suppliers who sometimes give some great discounts to my members. It’s always nice to nail down an agreement with a company that provides great clothes and makeup for my members. Be sure to check out my shopping list here.
I can see Ali working on my bush, in the garden – he’s saying something about that not being the only thing that going to get nailed. Ali’s English is very selectively intermittent.
Now, if you’re not already a member I suggest you do join up soon, whether you choose to as a Good Gurl, for just $1 a month, or one of the more extensive programs.
Oh, I have to go now… I can see Auntie Kittie heading up the drive, I’d better hide the sherry!
Have a lovely week and be sure to let me know how you’re getting on.
Ciao.
Fiona
Sebastian and his ‘low hanging fruit’.
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Beware of the balloon twister.
What a wonderful surprise I had this week when a parcel arrived on my doorstep from my friends at Glamour Boutique. My new sandals had arrived, perfectly sized and packaged discretely.
I’m sure that like me, you’ve probably looked for a comfortable pair of sandals that look sophisticated, but are also practical. These shoes fit the bill perfectly. Having a good square heel they had the stability that gives confidence, but retained the classic lines that gives a masculine ankle a feminized appearance.
It so happened that in the evening I was out with Sebastian, taking Hannibal (my pet dachshund) for his evening walk. This has become something of an event recently. Because there’s so few performance venues open currently due to Covid it’s become quite normal to see performers in the evenings along these paths. I have to say that there’s some great performers out there putting on live shows in the open air. I took the opportunity to give the new sandals a bit of a test drive.
As you likely know Hannibal is a very chirpy little chap. Now, before you imagine I am a ditzy bimbo-like crossdresser, tottering along with a silly little dog, I should point out that Hannibal has a black studded collar with spikes, and I ‘flow’ rather than totter. Yes, years of practice.
I must say I am a little careful around some of these performers when I have Hannibal with me. Anyone who has ever owned a dachshund will be aware that you never let them near to anyone who calls themselves a balloon twister, for example. Accidents can happen, after all.
Few people realise that the dachshund is a very unusual type of dog. Most domesticated dog breeds are descendants of wild canine animals such as wolves. In the case of dachshunds the reverse is true.
Some dogs chase motorcycles, others chase cars. Hannibal has two bad habits. The first is his dislike of homeless people. I’ve found myself embarrassed a number of times as he wanders up to someone holding up a sign asking for change, stares at them for a moment and then relieves himself on their leg. I put it down to him being a homeless rescue and having had to fight for a slice of pepperoni pizza more than once in his life.
His other bad habit is to chase people in wheelchairs. This can be most unfortunate. The flailing arms, the cries for help, and all as they try in vain to speed away from his snapping jaws. Needless to say Dachshunds are faster than wheelchairs, as many otherwise abled people locally have become painfully aware. All the same, it does often draw an interested crowd as an electric wheelchair speeds along a path way, people leaping out of the way, pursued by a streak of brown and black with vicious growls and teeth flashing in the dusk.
As we walked along the beach I got a number of admiring glances. These shoes really do make a difference. A well designed shoe emphasises the length of the leg and shape of the foot. This pair did not disappoint. I have to say that many times I’ve found shoes online and ordered them, and they’ve not lived up to expectations. The most common of disappointments is poor sizing and uncomfortable. I know many of us who do crossdress struggle with heels. They may look lovely, but I know we’ve all wondered how the hell we’re getting home in such agony, particularly when wearing them for the first time.
These heels were not only perfectly sized, they were actually comfortable. Yes, that may seem unlikely, but they felt great. The heel was high enough (3 1/4 inches) to give me a lift, and that wonderful posture that a well conceived pair of heels enables. As it turned out it was just as well.
I thought the commotion ahead, as we walked along the path, was a street performance of Macbeth. It seemed very realistic, and the gathered onlookers were most impressed. You can imagine our surprise as we watched and gradually realised we were not watching an adaption of Shakespeare, but were witnessing a mugging. Sebastian hustled me away and we hurried back in the direction of my condo at a fast jog, not wishing to get embroiled in the excitement.
As I relaxed and kicked off my shoes at home I realised that these were not only comfortable shoes, they were also perfectly suited to running away from a mugging in the park. That’s more than can be said for most of my heels. You can get your own pair here – https://www.glamourboutique.com/buy/shoes-hosiery/high-heels/square-heeled-sandal. Feel free to let the team at Glamour Boutique know Fiona sent you.
Have a delightful weekend.
Fiona
Living the better life.
With Sebastian strutting around in his cycling shorts, and Auntie Kittie coming over to offer me some of her specially imported organic coconut sunblock, anyone would think that going outside in this glorious weather is some sort of sin. However, it is important to look after ourselves in this extraordinary heat.
It is more important than ever to moisturize – personally I like a nice aloe based moisturizer – and also to drink plenty of water. Adding to this a good quality sunblock is a wonderful idea. I have started working early in the day and having a break by the time the day is hot, then going back to my endless labours in the early evening when the day is cooler. It’s a slightly different regime, but one I learned while living in the hottest parts of Africa. There is no point getting over heated and having headaches and the misery of sunstroke.
This stunning weather does give us the opportunity to wear some suitable clothes that are perfect for the twenty-first century crossdresser. Swimshorts, a tee shirt and a pair of sandals. Add lipstick and a little eye makeup and you’re there. You may not quite be Daisy Duke, but that is all a bit 1970’s anyway. I’m not sure Daisy would quite work today, sliding across the bonnet of an electric vehicle and roaring off down a country road listening to Taylor Swift. Nor can I see Sheriff Roscoe taking gender sensitivity training and a course in critical race theory.
I was discussing this with Sylvester this very morning. I explained how today we are all more ‘woke’.
“It’s all those energy drinks,” he replied.
“What?” I answered feeling like one of us was losing their grip.
“The caffeine.”
“Oh, no,” I said. “We’re more ‘woke’, not more ‘awake’. Besides I don’t even touch those things. They’re bad for you.”
“I don’t get all this ‘woke’ stuff,” grumbled Sylvester.
“As far as I can make out, it means we’re more aware of racial issues. And gender ones. And age ones. And some other things.”
“You mean we’re more considerate?”
“I guess,” I replied.
“That reminds me, there was something I wanted to talk to you about,” went on Sylvester.
“Go ahead,” I replied, ever my helpful self.
“Have you ever been hit on by someone in authority? I mean, I know you’re…”
“Yes,” I replied expectantly.
“You’re not like some other people,” said Sylvester awkwardly.
“You mean I have tits, wear lipstick and have a dick? Yes. I am slightly different, but that’s no one’s business but my own,” I replied enjoying Sylvester’s discomfort.
“Well, I know this is a difficult subject, but…” continued Sylvester squirming.
“Sylvester, this is me. You can talk to me about anything.”
“I wondered if you’d ever been hit on by anyone who was your boss, or something like that.”
I must admit I was intrigued by Sylvester’s line of questioning.
“Well, there’s been one or two incidents. I’m pretty abrasive with people that I get a confrontational vibe from, though.”
“It’s just my brothers teenage daughter got hit on by her boss at the store she works at,” I wondered what you thought about it.
I was a little surprised, mostly that any employer could be so stupid.
“It’s a horrible fact, and one that many men don’t understand, but as I understand it many women do get unwanted attention at work. We sort of assume it doesn’t happen, but it does. Actually, it happens all the time. Now, having said that, most young women do learn to deal with it. I know it’s wrong that it would be that way, but many women just deal with it. However, my best advice is to get her a good lawyer, and then have her choose a nice Caribbean island to go and visit with the settlement that is likely to follow.”
“I was shocked,” said Sylvester. “It was all so ‘low level’.”
“What do you mean,” I asked.
“Well, he just approached her and asked if she’d go for a drink,” said Sylvester.
“Unfortunately that’s often the way these things do look. Somewhat harmless and low key. But then, when it’s time for her review she’ll find that the colleague that went out for that drink does a little better than she did. It’s horrible, and it’s insidious,” I said and paused. “It’s a weird thing. It’s easy to see abuse when it’s obvious. When it’s subtle it’s more difficult. And you know what? As a person who has lived much of their life ‘in trousers’ it has never happened to me, at least not as a teenager. So I can never say I’ve lived through that kind of subtle abuse.”
“But that’s good, isn’t it?” countered Sylvester.
“Well, I’m glad I’ve not been bullied like that, however subtle it may have been. But to be honest, I can’t say I’ve lived the ‘female life’ in that sense. I think this is a difficult area for many people who identify as female. The fact is I’ve been fortunate enough to have many advantages of being male. Having said that, it didn’t feel that way when I got a beating or two for being too girly for some people. My journey has different struggles. But I sympathise and I see how unfair it is on young women.”
“And this happens a lot?”
“It happens all the time, which is why we have to be so supportive of young women who are taken advantage of. I’m fortunate enough to work at an agency where even a hint of such behaviour would have the senior person fired and escorted out of the building before their feet touched the ground. People who act like that are a liability to the company, as well as being bullies.”
“Well, it doesn’t happen in my business,” said Sylvester a little defensively.
“I should hope not,” I replied. It’s worth noting that Sylvester runs a workshop servicing vehicles and has a fairly mixed group of employees.
“And it never happened to you?” he continued.
“Oh gosh, no,” I sighed. “I thought it might when I was at summer camp once, but the camp counsellor found out I was trans and then wasn’t interested.”
“Huh,” said Sylvester with a puzzled look on his face. “I’m not quite sure what to make of that.”
“Yes,” I replied. “That’s what he said.”
Stay hydrated and enjoy the sun, and remember, it’s not just the climate that’s changing.
😊
Fiona
Become a Patron!Things are warming up.
I am happy to say that a few friends and I have been able to gather safely, and socially distanced, in my garden of late. Seeing Sebastian, Sylvester and Bernard all sitting there, along with Marjory and Amanda was a very special treat after such a long time when gatherings have been a bad idea. I am thrilled to say that we’ve finally all ben vaccinated.
Each of my friends brought an item they had prepared themselves. Sebastian whipped out his lovely sausage, which I am sure you know I just can’t get enough of! Just when I think I can’t take any more of it, he surprises me with more.
I was however a little disturbed as Sylvester leaned suggestively over toward Amanda and asked her if she’d like to try a cream horn. He really can be quite coarse, you know. It did remind me though, I did have to speak to Amanda confidentially, and make something of an apology.
This was a matter which by its very nature is unpleasant, however, when Amanda had asked me about a little problem she has I felt obliged to assist. Now, as you know, Amanda is not exactly my favorite person being my wife’s friend and former lover from university. Anyway, it seems Amanda has a problem with something politely described as ‘hyperhidrosis’. In plain English this translates through to ‘she sweats like a gross pig’, something not all together surprising as she is the editor of Pig and Pig Farmer Weekly.
When she approached me confidentially to ask my advice, which as you are doubtless aware I offer without judgement or any desire to embarrass, I was happy to help the poor pig… oops… woman. Pointing out the fact that it may be a sign of more serious health issues, such as diabetes, infection or a thyroid issue, I suggested that the most likely cause was that she was a little out of shape and that she might think of getting more active. Perhaps she should go out with Bernard in his sailboat, or spend more time on her bicycle than in her Prius. Or occasionally walk somewhere.
“But, Fiona,” she replied by text, during a brief exchange, “I feel so embarrassed about my sweating. If I exercise more people will see it. I have great lines of sweat on my tee shirt, and under my arms.”
I pushed the gross imagery from my mind and suggested “Perhaps an antiperspirant…”
The texts flowed to and fro with her asking for recommendations, and as it happened the advertising agency for whom I work do handle an account for a large manufacturer of healthy personal products, so I suggested their antiperspirant stick product, which I had couriered over to her directly. We’re particularly proud of our association with this company, having suggested some slight revisions to the previously ungainly shape of the product. It is now sportily shaped in an aerodynamic style.
“It’s easy to use,” I texted her. “Just remove top and push up bottom.”
Well, needless to say I did not mean her to take the instructions quite so literally. I suppose when people depend on texts it is somewhat easy to take them a little out of context. Needless to say Amanda was experiencing a degree of discomfort, and I felt I should offer my sympathy.
By the way you can read more of any character I mention by drilling down into the hotlinked references to them, if you feel so inclined. It’s a fun way to explore the strange world I navigate daily.
I’d like to suggest a very worthy charitable cause for my members today. I don’t do this often, as I know not everyone is able to help. Today however I think it important to raise awareness of many of our sisters in quite dire need in India. It’s not easy being trans at the best of times but during a pandemic things can be extremely difficult. Of course, we can’t help everyone on the planet, but helping those where the buck goes furthest is probably not a bad idea. Anyway, check out this campaign, and if it resonates I am sure your help will not be unappreciated.
please donate if you canhttps://t.co/pLIUHNLRiu
— ًsia 🧈 (@lueurvk) April 25, 2021
Check out my programs here. I have something for everyone.
Have a lovely week and stay safe,
😊
Fiona
Sebastian’s showing me his sausage!
I was quite shocked this morning when Sebastian appeared in my kitchen with his sausage in his hand. Sebastian, as you doubtless know, is my personal trainer.
“That thing’s enormous,” I said, as he held it out in front of me.
“I know,” he replied with a cheeky smile. “It’s Jamaican.”
Sebastian loves to make sausages and really is most adept in the kitchen. He’s always coming up with new recipes.
“What particularly makes it Jamaican,” I asked. as I turned on the grill.
“Mostly it’s the spices, but I also add a little pineapple and orange. It gives it a citrus lift.”
“That sounds delightful,” I gushed as the sausage began to sizzle and dribble a little fat under the grill. the aroma that filled my kitchen was delightful. It would only be a matter of time before Marjory and Amanda appeared from next door, in all likelihood. As you probably know it’s soon going to be the start of the competitive eating season, at which point Marjory becomes far more active.
But that’s another story.
Fiona
SEBASTIAN’S JAMAICA SAUSAGE RECIPE:
Jamaica Pork Sausage (should yield 20 sausages at six inches long)
- 4 lbs pork shoulder diced
- 1 lb fat back diced
- 5 Tbs Jamaican Jerk Seasonings
- 2 Oranges chopped
- Half a ripe pineapple chopped
- 40 gr coarse sea salt
- About 10 feet of hog casings
- 1 C ice water
Combine and mix the diced pork, fat, fruit and spices. Chill until ready to grind or set in refrigerator and chill overnight.
Run water through the casings and let soak in a small bowl of water for 30 minutes or until you’re ready to stuff them.
Using the medium holed grind plate in the mincer grind the seasoned pork and fat into a mixing bowl set in ice. I love to listen to Erasure as I do this. It just gets me in a good grinding mood.
When done grinding your meat (Ed. Phrasing), add the water and mix until it is absorbed and the pork gets “sticky.” If using a stand mixer it will take about 1 minute with the paddle attachment.
Make a small patty and cook to check the seasonings.
Note: If you have extra you can make an amazing burger from this.
Stuffing your tube (Ed. Phrasing):
Stretch and push the hog casing onto the stuffer tube attachment, leaving an inch or two hanging off the end of the tube.
Stuff the sausage keeping one hand on the end of the tube where the casing is getting stuffed and help it along if it gets stuck.
Twist the sausage into 5-6 inch links.
Enjoy with a good quality British Columbian gewurztraminer white wine such as Persius –
https://perseuswinery.com/
You can enjoy some wonderful wines from Persius. They’re fun, young and easy to match to some great summer meals. Give them a good go.
Enjoy this wonderful recipe.
Sebastian.
Sebastian’s Yoga Wear suggestions.
I’ve always felt great support in my yoga, knowing that Sebastian is right behind me, whether I am doing a forward fold or a sun salutation. Always knowing he’s there to plunge in and make sure I don’t overdo it is a constant source of reassurance for me.
At his suggestion I am including a few of his ideas for anyone interested in enjoying yoga. Now, as you likely know, yoga isn’t just about stretching. Some people would even say that to think of it in those limited terms is quite ignorant. It is, of course, also about looking good.
To quote Maya Angelou, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you look.”
So I’m including a small selection of clothing ideas you may enjoy. As I write this I am sitting on Sebastian’s right hand and we’re creating it together. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it as much as I do.
Lemedy Women Padded Sports Bra. – https://amzn.to/3wkhewp
This is a great sports bra. It can easily be padded for the fuller look, but is great for a thorough workout too. It’s available in a range of great colors and will look great as you pretzel yourself into shape.
High Waisted Yoga Shorts – https://amzn.to/3uitICO
What could be better. High waisted yoga shorts feel lovely and emphasize your waist. They’re also comfortable and convenient to wear. Carrying a pair in a back pack and slipping into them before your yoga class is a simple way to look great and change swiftly into something that will be great to work out in.
Women’s Yoga Leggings – https://amzn.to/3wkiTSF
It’s important to have a nice pair of leggings, whether you’re doing yoga or just relaxing at home. They show of your legs and have a desirable slimming effect for most body shapes. These particular ones offer a high waist, which helps tummy control. Can you think of a better way of showing off your great shape?
All yoga wear should be comfortable and help you feel positive. It’s worth taking time to find clothes that you can enjoy while practicing yoga. You’ll find this enhances your practice and makes the whole experience more enjoyable.
Online Yoga Classes.
I always recommend Ekhart Yoga, run by Esther Ekhart. Whether you’re looking for a high energy work out or something more mellow, Esther is sure to provide you with exactly what you need. Here is a selection of her free youtube based classes – https://www.youtube.com/c/Ekhartyoga/videos
Become a Patron!Sebastian’s got trouble with a stiff one.
At last there is sunshine as we move into the early spring here in Vancouver. I realise that we’re not all in the northern hemisphere, however the vast majority of my members have slogged through a difficult winter and will be with me when I say I am thrilled to be seeing the sun once more.
Although Covid has given many of us a tough run this winter we’re coming out of it now. I was talking with Sebastian, my personal trainer this morning over coffee. I’d just finished a yoga session, and was wiping down my mat. I use a spray made from sandlewood. It leans it and smells lovely. I was doing a nice forward bend wiping the mat when the bottle slipped from my hand toward Sebastian, while I was kneeling down. He gave it to me from behind and then he told me his news.
“I’ve not been seeing many clients because of Covid,” he said. “People are reluctant to see too many others. So I took a part time job with a friend.”
“Oh,” I replied. “That sounds exciting.”
“Well, Rainbow is still up north at the lighthouse, so I figured it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.”
“Of course,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“Well, it’s a little odd. I have this friend who is an undertaker. I know, it’s a little unusual, but it’s a job that one needs to be quite sensitive in, and you know I’m quite good at that.”
I was a little taken aback. I don’t really know why I would feel so odd about it, as he’s quite right. It’s the sort of job one would hope would be done with sensitivity.
“It wasn’t a very auspicious start though,” continued Sebastian. “ We have some very exclusive clients. Canada’s Hokey Kokie champion recently passed on and I had to put him in the coffin. It took nearly five hours to get him in there.”
But that’s not the main reason I am writing today. Many of my members ask me about the urge to throw out their clothes now and then. We’ve all been through it. I do explore this thoroughly in the Premium Program, but to those not yet in the program, it will help to know that this is all associated with the shame one feels around crossdressing.
To help get over this sense of shame it’s worth understanding that there really is nothing shameful in crossdressing. For some it’s a little bit of a fetish and it feels nice. For others it’s the start of a path toward the middle of the gender spectrum where they can genuinely feel comfortable being themselves. And for others it’s the start of a journey that will ultimately lead to transitioning. None of those situations is anything about which you need feel shame.
Society imposes shame on those who don’t conform, and not everyone understands that exploring your gender is an important part of your development as a person. As a result we do sometimes need to move gently toward our goals, and finding the place most comfortable within the gender spectrum. People eventually get used to it, and used to a more feminine you. You can also use this hypnosis file that will help.
The party simply never stops on our Whatsapp Group. If you want the support of sisters like us you can get it 24 hours a day in our private group. Come on in and enjoy the fun. You can learn more here.
We’ve got a great series going on Patreon at present. If you’d like to learn the secrets of women who love to feminize their men check it out here – https://www.patreon.com/posts/48366888
Have a wonderful week.
Fiona
This weeks news and a quick competition.
I must say it’s been a very active week. So many things going on. We had a rather unfortunate incident this week involving Sebastian.
You’ll remember, no doubt, that Sebastian is quite an athlete. He’s really a very good personal trainer and also loves adventure sports. However, as things have been a little tough in that department, with many people not wanting to come and work out in close proximity to others, he decided to help of his friends running their bungee jumping business.
To say things didn’t work out so well is something of an understatement. Let’s just say that you’d think the war veteran would have mentioned something about having a wooden leg. I can’t say much more about it as there’s a law suit and a coroners investigation and all that, so I should probably not touch the subject.
In light of the inclement weather some of us have been exposed to (not Ted Cruz, of course), I have a little more of a Mediterranean theme today. It may help warm you up if you’re in the arctic blow off, or whatever they’re calling this outflow of cool air from the north.
I had a very nice morning this morning with Auntie Kittie dropping off her handwritten notes for Max to type into the system. She’s really a technological dinosaur. She joined Ali, my Syrian gardener and I in my kitchen as we were having our morning coffee.
I handed her a coffee and she said “I’m just going to sweeten it a little,” and then reached into her handbag and poured a little whiskey into it from a flask she keeps there.
“That’s not really a sweetener,” I pointed out.
“It’s not as fattening as sugar,” she pointed out.
Well, it’s a point of view, I thought.
“Perhaps you can help me,” I said. “I just can’t think what I can get for my wife. It’s her birthday coming up.”
“How old is she,” asked Ali, taking a little of the date jam and putting it on his toast.
“Well, don’t tell her I told you” I said and told him.
“I would imagine you could get a concrete mixer, two rolls of barbed wire and several sacks of fertilizer,” replied Ali.
I am never quite sure when Ali is putting it on. He seems in many ways to have adjusted to life in Canada very well, but from time to time I wonder.
“Ali, we don’t generally trade our wives for… a concrete mixer… in Canada. We are, of course, open to accepting most aspects of other cultures, but that’s not one that is generally very accepted here. When I say, “I don’t know what to get for her” I am referring to ‘what present’ to get for her.” I must speak to his English teacher.
But all this is not the main reason I’m writing to you this weekend. I just wanted to point out that I have an exciting new program for wives and friends who are interested in feminizing their partners. You can find all the details HERE. ( https://fionadobson.com/how-to-feminize-your-man/ ) Perhaps you can think of someone you’d like to share this to.
I’ve also started posting profiles of some of the people you come across in these posts. I’ve put up the first, a profile of Bernard HERE. It may help you explore a few people in the World Of Fiona Dobson. I hope you enjoy these.
This week Bernard has suggested a free give away membership to my Elite Whatsapp Group. If you win you get free entry into this great and supportive group. You’ll need to obey the guidelines, but other than that there’s no catch!
So, here’s this weeks challenge. Can you name the type of rig on the boat in the video below. The answer is a six letter word. The first to comment with the right answer will win. You can log in to comment HERE. If you’re not registered on the site just register HERE. Then just post your answer as a comment.
😊
Fiona
Sylvester’s got his knob out and is giving it a polish.
We had a little socially distanced gathering the other day which I feel I should tell you about. Amanda, as you likely know, is my wife’s friend and the editor of Pig And Pig Farmer Weekly, the seventh most popular pig related publication in the Midwest. As such I have found inviting her to some brainstorming sessions has helped at times. On this occasion Bernard, my photographer, and Sebastian were also present.
Poor Sebastian, he’s very worried about his sister, who you will remember made a small error and applied for the job involving a little ‘light house keeping’, and is now positioned in the far north manning a navigation outpost alone in the northern arctic. Bernard is also feeling quite disrupted. He loves to go hunting and fishing. The cold months unfortunately reduce his leisure activities substantially. So, you can see the need for a something to destress us all seemed quite pressing.
“I think we should address the elephant in the room,” said Bernard. Naturally I glanced at Amanda. He continued, “we need some direction. Something to help us see past how difficult things are at the moment. We need some goals.”
“You are so right, Bernard,” I agreed. “It’s like my friend Justin said just the other day. Spring is coming! We should remember that!”
It’s not unusual for me to have a call from the Prime Minister’s office late in the evening, with Mr. Trudeau looking for a little advice. He often asks me for a helping hand, and I am always happy to give him one.
Continue reading “Sylvester’s got his knob out and is giving it a polish.”Rainbow is trying a new position.
What a start to the New Year! Naturally I’m very excited about events in Washington. My connections there are strong and I’ve been hearing that there will be some new advisory boards and committees coming with the Biden administration, and several new faces. I’ve even been asked to sit on several.
Just the other day Sebastian and his sister, Rainbow, came over to my place to visit. Now, I should say we’re very careful about social distancing, so we sat in the garden and Ali brought us tea. He is a treasure, you know.
As we sat there planning out 2021 Rainbow pulled out a piece of paper and started reading to me a horoscope she’d put together. Now, as you probably know, I don’t really place much store by these things, but poor old Rainbow needs all the encouragement she can get at present. The yoga studio she works at recently closed down, as a result of Covid, and sales of her personally blended Kale and ginger protein shakes have not done as well as she’d like.
She read me my horoscope for 2021, which apparently includes challenges with communication (that’s worrying), some enlightening travel and overcoming feelings of isolation. I listened and sipped my Lady Grey tea, while I twisted a lock of my hair round my finger. It all sounded a little unlikely.
I would probably have forgotten all about it, had it not been for a rather surprising development the following day. One of the jobs Rainbow applied for online contacted her asking how soon she could start. She’s looking after some old place on the north coast. Naturally she was excited, agreed to start as soon as possible, and ended up flying the following afternoon to take up her new position.
I should probably have been alerted when Sebastian told me about the job after he’d dropped her at the airport.
“It said she’d be required to look after the place and do a little light house keeping,” said Sebastian with a concerned look on his face. “And they asked her if she had any marine experience.”
“And does she?” I asked.
“Well, she has a paddle board. She likes to do that sort of thing. She’s done some yoga on it while afloat. Pretty cool, really,” he mused. “When she asked what the Covid situation was they told her she’d not need to worry too much about that.”
The rather panicked email he later received made it clear that the job was not quite as she expected. It was a rather unfortunate grammatical error, but needless to say Rainbow now realises there’s a difference between ‘light house keeping’ and ‘lighthouse keeping’. Being the only person for 300 miles off the north coast of British Columbia will give her all the solitude one person can handle. It did make me think she’d perhaps mistaken the horoscope she read for me for her own. I’m told that when the weather clears up the location is quite beautiful. The weather forecast says she should expect things to clear up a bit by the end of April. I hope she took her paddle board.
But that is not the main reason I am writing. After long discussions with Katia Thornwood and Mistress Meg we’ve decided to release something special for the women in our members lives. Yes, we have a new program designed for Women Who Feminize Their Men. This is a wonderful program for any woman wanting to feminize and sissify their partner – with or without their knowledge. Yes, you read that right.
So, if you know someone who should be sissifying someone in their life, then please steer them toward this wonderful new offering.
As we go into an inauguration week, and watch the chaos of a presidency we’d all rather forget recede slowly into the distance, don’t forget there really are brighter days ahead. We’ve all got rather used to chaos. That’s not normal and we’ll leave the craziness of the last days behind us before long.
😊
Fiona
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