What an extraordinary week it has been, with the most exciting things happening about the place. But before I get into that, I will first answer a couple of quick questions from my valued members.
Yes, Ellie in Texas, when you have a costume party to celebrate your ten years NRA membership a piñata is a very suitable idea for a game, though we do not generally feel that putting ammunition in it as prizes is a very good idea. Perhaps crystal wine goblets or a decanter would be better.
Olive, in Halifax in Yorkshire, we find the best remedy is to plunge your plums in boiling water. Both Julie and I enjoy making jam, too! What a small world it is.
As we revel in a beautiful summer here in North America itâs definitely time to delve into your wardrobe and find a mini skirt. Whether itâs to do a private set of selfies, or get out in the park and brave going out in public, the summer gives us all a great excuse to expose our legs to sunshine and get a beautiful tan. Youâll find one of my very popular self hypnosis recordings that so many of you love right HERE. Of course, in the Premium Program thereâs many to help you along. If youâre already a member I hope youâre getting the most out of these. If youâre thinking about joining the Premium Program enjoy the self hypnosis filehere and see how you feel. Itâs likely to harden your resolve to getting into a lovely skirt.
And speaking of hardening my resolve, Sebastian my personal trainer was over at my place just yesterday. He came over to give me a yoga class, and afterwards he gave me a very enjoyable massage. I was out in the sun, in the back garden, with Sebastian rubbing some oils into my aching muscles, when I noticed Max, my neighbours 20 year old son, watching us from his bedroom window, which overlooks my garden.
I should point out that Max has shown growing curiosity about me in recent months. Heâs not quite sure what to make of me, I think. Either way, seeing Sebastian rubbing my thighs so intimately seemed most disturbing for him. Whilst Sebastian was hard at work, as it were, Max was suffering.
Unknown to me at the time, Max was indeed so agitated that he went downstairs to his motherâs kitchen, took a large carrot, and then went out into my driveway, and pushed it right up Sebastianâs exhaust pipe! Sebastian, I should say, rides a little Honda scooter. Itâs very cute. Not as big as Sylvesterâschopper, of course, but thatâs another story.
Nothing good ever comes from jamming vegetables places they shouldnât be. Believe me, I should know, my cousin works in an emergency room at the hospital. Anyway, after inserting his nefarious carrot, Max returned to his bedroom.
Sebastian was just finishing me off, (phrasing), and our yoga session was coming to a very happy ending. It was not a minute too soon, as Bernard, my photographer, was due at my place to discuss a shoot we have next week for one of the advertising agency clients. I like to work from home, and Bernard often drops by.
I was just seeing Sebastian off, when Bernard arrived. Sebastian straddled his scooter and hit the starter, just as Bernard was walking up my driveway. There was a phut, phut, BANG!
Next thing I knew Bernard was lying on the ground gasping and clutching his heart. You may remember he had a heart transplant just about a year ago, after an unfortunate Tazering incident at OâHare.
At first I thought the shock of the backfire had given him a heart attack. Then I saw the carrot, fallen to the ground, beside Bernard, who was by now convulsing and looking decidedly peeky.
âHold on, Bernard,â I said as calmly as I could. âIâll call an ambulance!â
He gurgled as first Sebastian and then Max, appearing from next door ran to him to help.
As I rushed inside Sebastian was telling Bernard that he wished heâd brought his homeopathic first aid kit. This didnât seem to comfort Bernard, who was gurgling and coughing up blood.
I called the ambulance from the phone Iâd left in my kitchen, and then hurried back to the increasingly pale form of Bernard lying in the driveway. He was reaching out in front of him, clutching at the air.
âItâs OK,â I said as calmly as I could. âThe ambulance is coming.â
âI can see a light,â said Bernard, his eyes glazed over.
âGo toward the light,â said Sebastian. âGo toward the light!â
âAre you sure?â I said. âI thought you were supposed to go away from the light.â
âTheyâre calling me,â babbled Bernard, still clutching his chest, but fading from pale to a blue color. With that he seemed to go limp and give a final sigh.
A moment later the ambulance pulled into my driveway. The ambulance service here really is very good, and they have such very nice uniforms.
They loaded Bernard into the ambulance. Max was flapping around like an old woman, fawning over Bernard, and looking terribly distraught. As the ambulance pulled away and headed toward the hospital, I thought he was going to run and get his bicycle and follow it. Even then, I realised something was amiss.
As the ambulance siren faded Max turned to me and said, âFiona, thereâs something I have to tell you.â
Now, Iâm going to tell you exactly what happened next in my next newsletter, because it really was so extraordinary. Letâs just say that the truth really does set you free, but at what price?
I hope you’re having a better weekend than we are!
😊
Fiona |