Let’s not get hung up on labels.

I see a lot of comments on forums and blogs about the idea of labels. It seems to be a common pass time to try to decide if transgender people are the same as transvestite people – and some terms are now archaic, and others have slipped into alternative use. One way or another I find it a complete mine field.

I am certainly not going to step into those debates. I do understand that there are many different types of people who choose to wear women’s clothes. Some are on their way to transition, others are choosing to put something on as they really find a sexual high out of it. Others still simply want to allow their femininity to blossom. Personally I am enjoying navigating the middle ground between genders that allows me to enjoy something of the best of all worlds. I think we cater to all of those possibilities here on FionaDobson.com.

I find the term ‘gender fluid’ fairly generic. The movement freely and easily between genders does describe what many of my members do, if not who they are. And there I think lies the safe ground. After all, do we really need these labels? Particularly here, if we really think of the phrase ‘Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire’ you’ll see we are not really interested in what others think or how they choose to judge us.

Continue reading “Let’s not get hung up on labels.”

So many people struggle to meet crossdressers.

When I started My Little Black Book four years ago I was surprised by how many of my members immediately joined the system. It’s a very simple method of connecting with other crossdressers and admirers, and to be honest it’s a pretty bare bones type of tool. 

I help many people get in touch with their feminine side, and many of them want to reach out to others, both for support and friendship. I often hear that people struggle to connect with crossdressers, and that crossdressers struggle to meet admirers – both male and female. It seems to me this is a problem in search of a simple solution. So I built one.

I was a little concerned that the simplicity of the system would not appeal to people used to online dating apps that are pretty sophisticated. My intention was to keep costs minimal, but more importantly put the members in control. The idea was that people set up an email that they felt safely put all correspondence in one place, and then list themselves in My Little Black Book. Members could then use that email to reach out to others, and to have others connect with them.

Very soon it turned out that people loved the fact that it was so very simple, which has become the single most important part of the system. Now we have members from all over the world talking to each other, and enjoying correspondence from near and far. It’s proved a great success.  People were even connecting and sharing group holidays.

Continue reading “So many people struggle to meet crossdressers.”

Crossdressing – Keeping it in the family.

Does the family know? Do you share it? There’s a lot of questions about crossdressing, and gender fluid life that are likely to emerge. How does one handle that? Enjoy this discussion with Jules and Lenni, as they explore the subject.

Kelly’s operation.

This is a rather poignant exchange, used with permission, that shows how some of our members struggle. Life’s hurdles are made more complex for those of us searching for our inner gurl.

I hope you read the following exchange with kindness and the way it’s intended. Kelly is now recovering and you can leave your good wishes in the comments below.  FD

I received this from Kelly some weeks ago –

I found out this morning that my right foot is going to be amputated below the knee. And since the news my place has been people coming and going. Haven’t had a moment to myself to have a good cry. My fault for not getting to the doctors earlier just kept putting it off. So, I will have to wait on this and I was looking forward to enjoying my time of learning more about myself and inner woman. So sorry to have bothered you. Sincerely Kelly


We exchanged a few messages, and this morning this came in.

 

Ah Miss. Fiona,

I had my right leg amputated and now have to wait 8 weeks to heal. Then I’ll go back and have some screws removed all in good time.

Whenever I can sneak away from prying eyes I look at some of the other C.d.ers and wonder to myself how in the world can they wear those dresses and mini skirts and not be noticed that they are men. And some of them are beautiful and gorgeous, I must say.

I look, then think am I am a pervert for looking. It is going to take me a long time to even start, for I have to look in a mirror and get used to the idea that my leg is gone. But what can I say, or do, it’s my fault. But when the time is right I shall jump at the chance once again for to many years neglecting my inner needs.

So with sincerity I will close, and thank you.

Kelly


And here’s my response:

Hi Kelly,

First of all, ‘no’, you’re not a pervert. Those of us who choose to allow the feminine side of our personality to emerge are neither sick nor perverted. We are simply finding our way.

For many people the path is confusing. However, there are some who have blazed a trail and we can learn from them. Primary in our thoughts should be the fact that while we’re searching, it’s really a quest to discover ourselves. As one progresses along this road one realises that it’s more about accepting who we really are than imitating the female form. Acceptance that ‘this is who I am’ is the most important part.

Your amputation does not change ‘who you are’ one iota. There are many genetic females who also have their legs amputated. I cannot begin to imagine being in your shoes – or should I say ‘shoe’ – however, I do think a good idea may be to look at what a feminine amputee might wear. What is considered good for them? You see, nothing has changed. You are who you are; as you embrace that then, sure, you’ll have to deal with the health issue. However, it need not detract from the search for ‘Kelly’.

My thoughts go out to you, and my hopes and prayers. In the meantime, put your best foot forward (an easier choice now) and hop into a brighter future.

🙂

Fiona

And finally: –

Oh thank you Miss Fiona,

Doctor wants me to sit in front of a mirror so my mind can accept the fact my leg is gone. And yes after i go through all this emotional change to my body I will pursue my dreams. Just bear with me on this deal but thank you for the encouraging words.

Sincerely Kelly

 

Please use the comments section below to pass on your best wishes.