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Accept yourself as you are – create yourself as you desire.
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I hope youâve been practicing your makeup routine, in preparation for Halloween. So many crossdressers spend time on their clothes without realising that the most attractive thing a gurl can wear is a smile⊠preferably under a nice coating of YSL or Chanel lipstick.
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Iâm emailing you having just returned from the heart unit, where I am happy to relate that Bernard is in the process of recovery from his rather unfortunate incident with a carrot. This is much to the relief of Max, who for a moment thought he may have blood (or rather carrot juice) on his hands after shooting Bernard with the aid of Sebastianâs motorcycle. If this is all a bit confusing you may be able to catch up here.
I arrived home to find Sylvester sitting at my kitchen table looking more confused than a Trump supporter who had recently learned that heâd won a months free food at Hooters, only to discover that he had to complete a skill testing question asking him to calculate the area of a square measuring 2 inches by 2 inches, before being eligible to collect his prize. I asked Sylvester what could possibly be wrong.
âItâs this business with North Korea. My dad was out there years ago, and that didnât go so well,â said Sylvester.
Now, in case youâve been living under a rock â which might be the safest place to be under the circumstances â then you might be unaware that people are talking about the possibility of nuclear war. At times like this one is forced to ask the big questions. âWhatâs it all for?â, and âIsnât there hope for humanity?â, and âWhat does one really wear for Armageddon?â.
As I looked down at my troubled friend, I was forced to conclude that one should always look on the bright side, and dress up for the occasion. Seeing Sylvesterâs legs, also brought something else to mind, and consider that this is a man who looks like a gorilla and a fridge got together and created a baby.
I am of course talking about the need to deal with body hair when one crossdresses. The need to look oneâs best supersedes all other considerations as the nuclear clock ticks toward midnight. Sylvesterâs legs are very hairy, and if one is to meet oneâs end looking fabulous either waxing it off, or at least disguising the body hair is a great place to start.
Not all of my members are able to shave their legs. For those who discretely dress without the knowledge of their partners, suddenly appearing without leg hair may be something of a give away. One member did successfully claim that their new swimming regime required them to remove as much body hair as possible, but this isnât going to fly for some members.
In the quest to disguise body hair the fishnet pantyhose are your friends. Better still, try a fishnet body stocking. No one should be without one, in my opinion. If youâre unable to find one locally, you can follow this link and order one on my website.
So, the question remains, faced with the unpleasant eventuality of nuclear annihilation, what would your outfit be? Personally, I think nice summer dress and some heels, pretty pink bra and panties. Feel free to let me know.
Now donât forget, you can now join My Little Black Book for just $2.95 a month by using this link – https://gumroad.com/l/mMgcZ. Be sure to let me know once youâve paid and Iâll get you set up.
😊
Fiona
Hi,
Well, Iâm sure youâre aware of the latest events around Bernard being shot in the chest with a carrot â if not you can catch up here â which has left us all very worried about his health.
To get you up to date, it wasnât until several hours after heâd been carted off in the ambulance, following Max getting so upset about what he described as Sebastian and I doing yoga âdoggy styleâin my garden, that I managed to get through to the emergency department. The head nurse left me on hold as she went to see what had happened to poor Bernard.
Now, as you likely know, Bernard recently had a heart transplant following a Tazering incident, and we were all most concerned that he may have been severely hurt by the flying vegetable. Additionally, Max was getting increasingly worried about the idea that he may have committed a crime.
I had the phone in my kitchen on speaker, as Max and I waited to be transferred. I remember the moment in some detail, as I had just finished freshening my nail polish and I couldnât very well hold the cell. Really, though, that scarlet color is simply to die for!
I asked Max to paint my toe nails, as I waited on hold. I was standing there on one leg, my other foot on a bar stool, my tight leggings showing the well defined shape of my legs, as Max painted my toes. You know, you might think me a little cruel, but I do get a little thrill from the fact that his eyes would drift up my leg from time to time. Torturing the puppies is a secret pleasure of mine!
âIs that Fiona Dobson,â came the nurses voice.
âIt most certainly is,â I replied.
âYes, Ms. Dobson. Bernard has you listed as his primary contact.â
âOf course he does!â I said, attempting to keep the frustration from my voice.
âWell, Ms. Dobson, Iâm sorry to tell you thisâŠâ
At that moment Maxâs hand shakily managed to paint one of my toes.
âJust a moment,â I said, then turning to Max, âfor goodness sake, Max. Please be more attentive!â
I turned back to the phone, âGo on, dear,â I said.
âYes,â she continued, âIâm sorry but I have to tell youâŠâ
âMax!â I shouted, as he slipped once more. âDo be careful!â
The nurse continued, âIâm sorry but Bernard is no longer with us.â
There was a pause, and Max fell pale. I took the phone off speaker mode, and said to the nurse, âBut ⊠How?â
âHeâs no longer in the emergency department,â continued the nurse. âHeâs been transferred to the Intensive Care Unit, heâs scheduled for heart surgery later today.â
Now, I am sure you know I am not an unkind individual. However, I do confess I thought briefly about leaving Max in his growing sense of panic. Mentally, he was already gathering a few things and ready to head to Mexico.
I arranged to visit in the morning, and hung up the phone.
âDonât worry, Max. Bernardâs having surgery. Iâm sure heâs got a good chance of a full recovery. It was a nasty accident, thatâs all. We can go to see him in the morning.â
With that, Sebastian entered the kitchen, doing his very best to be helpful. âI feel I should come, too. After all, it was my exhaust pipe from which he was hurt. I feel a kind of karmic obligation.â
âHow thoughtful you are,â I said. âMax, my nails arenât going to paint themselves!â
âPerhaps I could take him one of my nice recordings of relaxing sounds. Thatâs sure to make him feel better. Fiona, whatâs the most relaxing sound you can think of. Whale song? The sound of the wind through a forest?â
âI think the sound of the door closing as Amanda leaves my house following one of her visits. That always leaves me feeling better,â I said.
âI think whale song might be more relaxing,â murmured Sebastian.
With that we did our best to put our fears for Bernard to rest. Max continued to do my toe nails and we resolved to visit the hospital the following morning.
And so it was that we decided to visit the following morning, Max and Sebastian bringing both guilt and karmic balance, and I some perfectly painted nails and a rather smart pleated skirt.
I shall let you know how things went next week.
Fiona
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All I can possibly say is, âWhat a week!â
Now, as you likely know, I am the very soul of discretion, and would neither say anything to embarrass anyone, nor anything to get myself sued. With this in mind you may need to read between the lines in todayâs email. For my many friends outside of North America, you may have to work a little on this weekâs missive.
I found myself hurrying through Las Vegas this week, on agency business. I got off the plane and was in a series of meetings before finally checking into my hotel late on Wednesday evening. The last time I had been in Las Vegas was with Sebastian, my personal trainer, who was here applying for a job. He was in the midst of one of his bursts of Christian spirituality, and had applied to a famous TV Evangelist for a job working as a missionary. The TV preacher was subsequently defrocked, I learned, for being rather too friendly with some of the younger members of his flock. Such behaviour! I wonder if that is âdefrockedâ or disbaaahedâ? Either way, Sebastian did not get the missionary position.
I found my hotel to be full of activity and secret service people, as apparently there was a very important guest staying. At first I thought all the attention was for me, however I soon found out otherwise.
After checking in, I walked to the elevator, stepped inside just as a large entourage arrived and one particular member pushed forward through the closing doors of the elevator. Taken by surprise I found myself alone in the elevator with a large man, who was instantly recognizable by his shock of orange hair.
Now, as I say, I am the soul of discretion, so I will refrain from naming names. The man was, in his way, also applying for a rather important job. He was very distraught and kept muttering something about a ânasty womanâ.
To my surprise the elevator stopped after a moment, nowhere near my floor, and the lights dimmed. Being caught in a halted elevator is a very disturbing experience. The man looked at me, then seemed to realise his colleagues were not with us, and gradually we realised we were stuck in the elevator, and may be here some time. It was a very difficult situation.
The next moment I was shocked to find himm lunging at me and thrusting himself forwards. As you know, I am not like other women and have a little extra to surprise any man. As he tried to grab at me, I deftly stepped aside and giggled.
âReally,â I gasped, and tried to stall him, but he was having none of it. He made another lurch and his octopus like hands were suddenly all over me! All right, a very small octopus.
Thinking, I might as well do something about the situation, I pushed him away, smiled and said that I thought I might know what he needed.
âRelax,â I said. âThink of me as someone who can sort out your electionâŠâ
I dropped to my knees and I will not go into what followed. Needless to say, I think I can say his pole was looking healthier than it has in a long time. By the time the elevator returned to service, he was looking a lot more relaxed.
As we arrived on the 16th floor, the doors opened and several worried looking secret service personnel hurried into the elevator. My friend then disappeared, leaving me feeling like I needed to go and brush my teeth, in the knowledge I had done my bit to serve my country.
However, thatâs not the main reason I am writing to you. As we edge closer to the election I feel it part of my role to urge you to go out, familiarise yourself with the issues and then get out and vote. As for me, I think Iâve had enough of his nonsense rammed down my throat for one election.
đ
Fiona