Sylvester’s got his knob out and is giving it a polish.

We had a little socially distanced gathering the other day which I feel I should tell you about.  Amanda, as you likely know, is my wife’s friend and the editor of Pig And Pig Farmer Weekly, the seventh most popular pig related publication in the Midwest. As such I have found inviting her to some brainstorming sessions has helped at times. On this occasion Bernard, my photographer, and Sebastian were also present.

Poor Sebastian, he’s very worried about his sister, who you will remember made a small error and applied for the job involving a little ‘light house keeping’, and is now positioned in the far north manning a navigation outpost alone in the northern arctic. Bernard is also feeling quite disrupted. He loves to go hunting and fishing. The cold months unfortunately reduce his leisure activities substantially. So, you can see the need for a something to destress us all seemed quite pressing.

“I think we should address the elephant in the room,” said Bernard. Naturally I glanced at Amanda. He continued, “we need some direction.  Something to help us see past how difficult things are at the moment. We need some goals.”

“You are so right, Bernard,” I agreed. “It’s like my friend Justin said just the other day. Spring is coming! We should remember that!”

It’s not unusual for me to have a call from the Prime Minister’s office late in the evening, with Mr. Trudeau looking for a little advice.  He often asks me for a helping hand, and I am always happy to give him one.

The four of us sat down and decided we should each set one goal for the month and one for the year. We then discussed how we might achieve such a goal to improve our life. We will get past this Covid time eventually, and however long it takes we should not waste this time. We should use it to improve ourselves.

It’s not a bad idea for all of us. I know how many of my members struggle with makeup, for example. Deciding to spend just 5 minutes a day practicing eye makeup for the month is a great example of how you can set a goal that will help you improve your life a little. Admittedly putting your mind to being a better person, not dumping your garbage on the neighbours lawn because they parked in your parking spot again, or trying to make the appointments with your probation office/therapist/addictions coach may also be helpful goals.  Either way, selecting something that seems appropriate, achievable and relevant may be a good way to get through the next few weeks.

Goal setting is a wonderful way to use this time. Setting a goal in the short term (one month) and another for the year is a good technique to help your crossdressing. You might think along the lines of pushing your boundaries, getting out dressed and in public in a safe an appropriate way at least a couple of times this month may be just right for some members. For others it may be more advanced, such as having a nail painting session with a girlfriend, or even going on a shopping trip with a girlfriend. It really rather depends where you are in your journey. Ultimately you should be aiming to progress to a place where gender labels are increasingly irrelevant. As a long term goal that is certainly a good one to give some thought.

After my guests left I decided to cycle over to Sylvester’s place, where I found him in his garage pulling out bits of old equipment. He has all sorts of things in there. Old parts of motorcycles, a theodolite (whatever that is), and other items picked up in estate sales and auctions. He seems to gather these things in the hopes that one day they will once more be useful. Quite what anyone would do with four Eight Track cassettes of Captain and Tennille I really don’t know.

“Isn’t this beautiful,” said Sylvester, a piece of electrical equipment in his hand. “It’s a brass light switch. It just needs a good polish.”

As Sylvester put some brass polish on a cloth and started polishing his nob I cast my eyes over the piles of assorted junk in the garage. I supposed it brought Sylvester some joy, and as one who does like to invent things from time to time I supposed there was some practical purpose to it all. He seemed quite content playing with his equipment. A very male trait, I supposed.

I poked about in a couple of the boxes, eventually finding a lovely old motorcycle headlamp, wires sprouting from it like colorful vines looking for something to creep up (a little like some of the junior execs at the advertising agency). I idly decided to polish the metal surround of the lamp, as Sylvester retreated into the house to make us both a coffee.

As I polished the metal, and I know this seems surprising but then such things happen to me all the time, a strange pink mist seemed to form before me. At first I thought I’d open the garage door to let the mist dissipate, clearly an environmental hazard. As I rose to my feet to open the door a form appeared and emerged from the clouds of pink mist, a beautiful woman wearing a sparkling dress and carrying a rainbow colored wand.

“Can I help you?” I asked, taking in the long dress and tiara worn by the beautiful figure before me.

“No, Fiona. I’m here to help you,” replied the beautiful woman before me. “I am the Lady of The Lamp, and I am here to grant you three wishes.”

“Well, that seems a little random,” I replied, surprised at her appearance in Sylvester’s garage. I mean, you sort of expect these things to happen in sacred places, not in a hoarder’s garage.

“You summoned me,” came the reply as she waved her hand in front of her face and gave a little cough. “Sorry about the mist.  It’s always like this.”

“Well, it’s a good job I found you. Poor old Sylvester is out here polishing his knob and things all the time, and he’s never said he found a Lady Of The Lamp,” I replied.

The lady looked a little embarrassed and said, “You should tell him to take it easy on that. He could go blind.”

“That’s exactly what I told him, but what can you do,” I replied. “Boys will be boys. So what are you doing hanging out in an old motorcycle lamp?”

“What sort of question’s that? Old oil lamps, that’s what everyone seems to expect but we haven’t been doing that in years. I’ve got a sister who’s just moved into a Tesla’s LED system. I’ve been stuck in this thing for the last eighty years, but here I am. So, three wishes. Let’s do it so I can be free once more.”

“Well, I suppose I should go with ‘world peace, personal health and wealth.’” I replied.

“Oh, come on, Fiona. You know that’s like the ‘lunch box A’ of wish making. You can do better than that,” she responded.

“Well, it would be nice if Rainbow wasn’t so lonely up there in the light house. Something to make her life better might be nice,” I said.

The lady closed her eyes and snapped her fingers.

“Oh, and someone stole my boobs in the fall. They took a bag from my car and it had a pair of 44 DD’s in it. I’d like those back,” I said and a moment later I felt my sweater tighten and a wonderful pair of breasts emerged.

“There you are,” said the lady of the lamp. “Fresh from Glamour Boutique – you can’t go wrong. Now, what’s your final wish?”

I’m not going to share that with you, I’m afraid. It’s a little personal. With that the lady gave me a final smile and vanished to roam free.

By the time Sylvester returned with the coffees I did find that I was feeling much more at peace with this new Covid world. And so to the moral of the story… These are not easy times, but with a little creativity we can find ways to move forward with a smile, great make up and a pair of 44 DD’s on our chest.

I am trying to get my count on Patreon up to 200 this month. I’m almost there. If you’d like to help me get it up please join my Patreon for as little as $1 a month, if you’ve not already done so.

Have a lovely week.



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