What’s in a ‘femme’ name.

When chatting online I often ask my CD members and friends what their femme name is.  Most of us have one and as we develop this side of our personality we learn to treasure it. After all it is something we have given ourselves.

One of the reasons it’s important is that it gives us something on which to hang all the complexities of the identity we’ve chosen. It gives ‘her’ personality. When we are first called our femme name it gives us a thrill, and each subsequent time it’s used it subtly nails home this part of ourself. It’s a continual reinforcement of who we are.

Each email, each time a friend online and each time someone in our daily lives use this name we are further confirmed as who we really are. This is true whether you are just dressing now and then in private or out and working toward transition. In either case it’s an important part of us. For this reason I encourage all my members to select and use a positive name and give themselves to it.

I’ve even got a great hypnosis file to help reinforce the name.  You can find it here – – https://fionadobson.com/your-feminine-identity-self-hypnosis/  –  I suggest you use this self hypnosis file even if you’ve been using your name for years. It will help you adopt the name as part of yourself.

For those who have yet to choose a name, here’s a good way to do so. Think back to when you were in high school. Likely there was a girl there who you admired. There were some aspects of her character you liked, and you’d like to have today. Perhaps it was her winning smile, or the way she moved. Maybe it was her feisty attitude, or perhaps her depth and thoughtfulness. By choosing her name you are doing a few things.  One is to honor the memory of this person, even if you’ve never seen her since and never will. You’re also affirming subconsciously your admiration of the characteristics that she exhibited. By using her name you’ll find that you are quietly reminded of how good you can be. Your name will silently influence you to be a better person. A person you can admire.

While some people like a very Sissie name, like Trixie or Candie, these names communicate a rather different message. Yes, you can call them ‘stripper’ names. Well, chances are that if you’re using a name like that those are messages you are trying to communicate. There’s nothing remotely wrong with that, as long as that’s the image you wish to present to the world. Personally I like to dress femme everyday, so whether I am in a client meeting at work or going to the sports centre I want my name to fit.

If I were introduced to a new client at a meeting as ‘Trixie’ they might think the entertainment had arrived. So, your name says a lot to the world in general and also to yourself. If you’re at a total loss to find the right name then here’s a little trick. Take your year of birth, and then put it into a google search preceded by ‘popular girls names’. It’s likely that in the first four or five names there will be a name that feels right. I’ve helped many members with his and it usually works. Apart from anything else, if you’re 45 and stumble on a name that was never popular among people of your own age it will probably never feel quite right.

The first few times you use the name it will feel a little strange, but before long it will begin to feel right. If you sign up to a few mailing lists ( here’s a good one – http://FionaDobson.com/my-programs) with this name and start getting used to seeing it in your inbox you will soon delight in it. When someone calls you by your new name you will find it a delight. And before long it will feel as natural as… well, as ‘Fiona’ does for me.

Fiona Dobson.

Nice legs, shame about the face!

The music is by The Monks. It’s great – and fit’s this weeks message very nicely. If you listen the the words you’ll get a lot out of it! Jules Sanderson talks about passing, and how it really isn’t important while crossdressing.

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I was ‘outed’ to my kids by my stalker.

I would like to say it was a morning like any other. I would like to say I didn’t receive a string of texts from friends and family asking if what they were reading on line were true. I would like to say I wasn’t being outed by my stalker.

But we don’t always get what we want, do we?

Instead that morning, as I drove to work I made an awkward phone call to my son and asked, “So what are you seeing online?”

“Some weird guy says you’re a crossdresser. He say’s a load of stuff.”

I avoided sliding the car into the oncoming traffic and said, my voice a little strained, “And what did you say back?”

Continue reading “I was ‘outed’ to my kids by my stalker.”

Let’s not get hung up on labels.

I see a lot of comments on forums and blogs about the idea of labels. It seems to be a common pass time to try to decide if transgender people are the same as transvestite people – and some terms are now archaic, and others have slipped into alternative use. One way or another I find it a complete mine field.

I am certainly not going to step into those debates. I do understand that there are many different types of people who choose to wear women’s clothes. Some are on their way to transition, others are choosing to put something on as they really find a sexual high out of it. Others still simply want to allow their femininity to blossom. Personally I am enjoying navigating the middle ground between genders that allows me to enjoy something of the best of all worlds. I think we cater to all of those possibilities here on FionaDobson.com.

I find the term ‘gender fluid’ fairly generic. The movement freely and easily between genders does describe what many of my members do, if not who they are. And there I think lies the safe ground. After all, do we really need these labels? Particularly here, if we really think of the phrase ‘Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire’ you’ll see we are not really interested in what others think or how they choose to judge us.

Continue reading “Let’s not get hung up on labels.”

Where to start crossdressing?

So many of my friends privately confide in me that they’ve always wanted to crossdress, but just never really knew where to start. It’s not the clothes that were the problem, it was how to think about gender.

I generally suggest they listen to this talk to help get their heads in the right place. After all, crossdressing is more about what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs.

Preparing for the Covid winter.

As we progress through our Covid winter I know many of my members are going to feel constrained by the challenges of being either locked down, or at the very least restricted in our movements.  These are precisely the challenges that we should rise to as we move through the dark months.

It’s quite normal, when unable to dress as we desire, to feel a little down.  I’d like to make a few suggestions that may assist those of you unable to indulge your usual dressing practice as much as you’d like. It is important to remember that being non-binary, or crossdressing generally, takes place largely between the ears, and not the legs.  How you think, and finding that more sensitive side of your nature, is a very important goal.

You’ll find many of the free hypnosis files available here to be of great help. Keeping your mind in the right place, and training yourself to accept it, is a great step forward on your journey – and one that will provide comfort during those moments when there is no possibility of dressing.

The most helpful thing you can do during this time is to develop a routine during the day.  When you get up and have your morning wash and shave, waiting a few minutes and then using a little moisturizer is sure to give your skin a nicer texture and will start the day in a positive way. Give yourself a few minutes after shaving, as you don’t want the pores of your skin to be too open when you use the moisturizer.

If you have the habit of taking a daily walk during the lockdown, you may wish to try an exercise. Imagine walking in a feminine manner and slowing your pace a little. Taking slightly shorter steps and allowing a more feminine motion, as subtly as you reasonably can, is a satisfying and enjoyable process. Observing how a woman moves, and giving yourself that same, more fluid gait is both satisfying and reinforces the gradual changes that you will start to enjoy as you progress along this path.

Using a small amount of eye make up, probably imperceptible to others, is a good habit to form. It’s quite normal to feel others will notice it, but rarely do others notice a subtly applied amount of discrete eye shadow.  Using it will make you feel more feminine and satisfy that basic urge we all enjoy as we groom ourselves a little.

Planning, selecting a few interesting outfits and combinations of clothes, and doing a little online research into ordering, can be a useful pastime in preparation for more enjoyable times ahead. One way or another, after all, spring is coming.

These are simple steps. You’ll find many more in the Premium Program, should you wish to move more overtly ahead.  Most of all you should remember that crossdressing is about being yourself – your true self – rather than the person society has pressured you into being.  Doing so, with or without being able to crossdress, will help you feel more comfortable and better prepare you for the months ahead. And don’t forget, there’s a host of stories here to keep you entertained, either free or within the Patreon platform.

Let me know how you get along.

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