“So, wait a minute,” I said, scratching my head. “You want me to dress up as a sexy cowboy who is actually a woman impersonating a man?”
“Yes!” said Sylvester enthusiastically.
“Sylvester, you have met me, haven’t you? Do you know nothing of my journey?”
Like a typical man Sylvester then tried to claim that this was ok, because it’s all about inclusivity and a woman doing a man’s job. And how if I was a man I would know this. And then he went quiet and realised he was speaking aloud.
Sometimes there’s so much wrong with what comes out of the coarse oick’s mouths I just don’t know where to begin.
I looked at the advertisement again, and said, “You can really be quite coarse at times, Sylvester.”
And then quietly added, “I could just bite that ass though.”
You can buy the outfit the pervert had in mind here – https://amzn.to/3CtNh0S
I handed Sylvester a large bowl of Brazil nuts, and some pliers.
“Make yourself useful, won’t you?” I said. “I need you to shell these, with those big strong manly hands of yours.”
Sylvester sat at the kitchen table and started removing the shells of the beautiful nuts.
It was at that very moment that Auntie Kittie burst through the kitchen door, handkerchief in hands touching it to her eyes.
“What on earth’s the matter, dear,” I asked as I helped her to a chair. I expected it would be something to do with her naughty nephews and nieces, but decided I’d hear her out.
“It’s those beastly Russians, doing all this heavy shelling near Kiev. The children, Fiona. The children!”
“I know,” I said. “You just sit there next to Sylvester. He’s doing some heavy shelling of his own, as it happens.”
Auntie Kittie looked confused and sat beside Sylvester while I went to find her a glass of something to strengthen her resolve.
“What are we to do?” Sobbed Auntie. “I feel so helpless. Surely, Fiona, you must have some idea?”
“Of coarse, I have, Kittie. You don’t think we’d have this happen and not have something in mind. If you use THIS LINK you can make a donation to Unicef’s fund for the protection of the children of Ukraine.
With 5.5 million children at risk donating directly to this targeted fund is the most effective way to see your money makes a difference on the ground in Ukraine quickly. I can say this having worked for Unicef in one of their emergency operations for 2 years. They really do incredible work.
I believe there’s an empathetic side of us, in this particular corner of the world, that understands the terrible nature of suffering some people are exposed to, and through no fault of their own. And I believe we must all do what we can to help. You really can be a hero this Halloween.
If you’re able to help please do so. I will not be alone in thanking you for your kindness.