When chatting online I often ask my CD members and friends what their femme name is. Most of us have one and as we develop this side of our personality we learn to treasure it. After all it is something we have given ourselves.
One of the reasons it’s important is that it gives us something on which to hang all the complexities of the identity we’ve chosen. It gives ‘her’ personality. When we are first called our femme name it gives us a thrill, and each subsequent time it’s used it subtly nails home this part of ourself. It’s a continual reinforcement of who we are.
Each email, each time a friend online and each time someone in our daily lives use this name we are further confirmed as who we really are. This is true whether you are just dressing now and then in private or out and working toward transition. In either case it’s an important part of us. For this reason I encourage all my members to select and use a positive name and give themselves to it.
I’ve even got a great hypnosis file to help reinforce the name. You can find it here – – https://fionadobson.com/your-feminine-identity-self-hypnosis/ – I suggest you use this self hypnosis file even if you’ve been using your name for years. It will help you adopt the name as part of yourself.
For those who have yet to choose a name, here’s a good way to do so. Think back to when you were in high school. Likely there was a girl there who you admired. There were some aspects of her character you liked, and you’d like to have today. Perhaps it was her winning smile, or the way she moved. Maybe it was her feisty attitude, or perhaps her depth and thoughtfulness. By choosing her name you are doing a few things. One is to honor the memory of this person, even if you’ve never seen her since and never will. You’re also affirming subconsciously your admiration of the characteristics that she exhibited. By using her name you’ll find that you are quietly reminded of how good you can be. Your name will silently influence you to be a better person. A person you can admire.
While some people like a very Sissie name, like Trixie or Candie, these names communicate a rather different message. Yes, you can call them ‘stripper’ names. Well, chances are that if you’re using a name like that those are messages you are trying to communicate. There’s nothing remotely wrong with that, as long as that’s the image you wish to present to the world. Personally I like to dress femme everyday, so whether I am in a client meeting at work or going to the sports centre I want my name to fit.
If I were introduced to a new client at a meeting as ‘Trixie’ they might think the entertainment had arrived. So, your name says a lot to the world in general and also to yourself. If you’re at a total loss to find the right name then here’s a little trick. Take your year of birth, and then put it into a google search preceded by ‘popular girls names’. It’s likely that in the first four or five names there will be a name that feels right. I’ve helped many members with his and it usually works. Apart from anything else, if you’re 45 and stumble on a name that was never popular among people of your own age it will probably never feel quite right.
The first few times you use the name it will feel a little strange, but before long it will begin to feel right. If you sign up to a few mailing lists ( here’s a good one – http://FionaDobson.com/my-programs) with this name and start getting used to seeing it in your inbox you will soon delight in it. When someone calls you by your new name you will find it a delight. And before long it will feel as natural as… well, as ‘Fiona’ does for me.
Fiona Dobson.