I work with many members who are both surprised and worried by the fact they have tried female clothing and enjoyed wearing it. Often they’re concerned about how much they’ve enjoyed it.
This can be confusing, and can be something that they feel at odds with. There’s also a sense that it can be ‘wrong’ and this challenges them. Guilt is, after all, a dangerous thing.
These feelings can be disturbing and a source of confusion. Often I am asked, ‘But why do I feel I want to do this?’
I generally reply that it’s because you’ve been suppressing this side of yourself for a long time. As you accept your feminine side more, so you will enjoy the dressing, and also other aspects of being more feminine.
This doesn’t have to be overtly feminine. As nice as walking down the street in a floral dress may seem, it might not be right for you. There are alternatives, many of which are satisfying and allow you to exercise this part of yourself.
That’s really what this is all about. It feels so good because this is a part of you that you’ve been suppressing very likely for a long time. The more you resist this, the more likely it is to want to express itself. For this very reason we see the common behaviour of people throwing out all the clothes they’ve bought when they feel guilty, only to go out and spend more money replacing them as the urge returns.
In some cases this can get to be a very expensive routine. It’s also one that is riddled with guilt and bad feelings. However there are a few things you can do to get over this. I’ll detail a few below, but if this is sounding familiar you should really consider doing my premium program.
The way to find relief is to indulge this desire at an appropriate level and in a way that is going to fit with your life. This may look different for a 20 year old and a 70 year old. Not to worry, there’s solutions for everyone if you have the patience to find them. The key is working out what is appropriate in your life.
Some of us don’t want to go for gender reassignment surgery. Some of us would prefer a more feminine lifestyle, without even really concerning ourselves with announcing it to the world. There are ways to feel more feminine and still retain much of the lifestyle you already experience.
Here are a few basic suggestions that will help you explore this side of yourself in a safe and enjoyable way.
- We can ease ourselves gently toward projecting a more feminine version of ourselves simply by choosing to wear softer colors. A few pastels such as a smoky pink or a pale blue softens the way we look. A lambswool sweater and a pair of nice jeans is only a pair of heels away from crossdressing – and yet can look both professional and casual. Think about softer colors and lower contrast combinations.
- A touch of eyeshadow will likely only be noticeable to you. Gently applying a little shade to your eyelids in manner that is subtle rather than obvious will make you feel feminine and not draw attention if you don’t wish it to.
- Practices such as moisturizing each day can become part of a regime that helps you feel feminine every day.
- Give yourself a femme name, and from time to time when faced with life’s challenges ask yourself ‘what would xxx do?’.
- Slow down and remind yourself that the testosterone flowing through your body may not be your friend. Adopting a more gentle approach to life – a more feminine approach to life – may serve you and those around you very well.
- Most of all, be easy on yourself. You don’t need to feel guilty. Part of you is emerging that needs to emerge. When you find something that is working for you, treasure it. There’s no need to smother it. Often, when something feels right it’s because that’s what you need in that moment.
We humans are loaded with learned values and behaviors that may have served us at some times as we’ve grown up, but some of them become redundant as we grow, and some cease to serve us well. As the feminine side of you emerges it will challenges many of those redundant ideas. Our strength is our ability to realise this and adapt. In doing so we become the people we’re meant to be.
You’re going to find that although the early stages of crossdressing are highly charged and exciting. If you progress to full time dressing don’t think you’re going to be feeling highly charged all the time. It doesn’t work quite like that. However you will always feel more comfortable being crossdressed as it likely allows this important part of you to express itself. It’s still partly sexual, however, the early stages of crossdressing are generally more intense experiences. The fact is, it just makes us feel hot. And we love it.
Listening or joining in on the conversation in our Whatsapp Group can also help. You can check it out here – https://fionadobson.com/join-our-elite-whatsapp-group
Fiona