Fiona Dobson's Trans Blog.

“Look at that huge crack,” said Sylvester.

“I’m sorry?” I replied.

“In this salad bowl!” he continued. “I think you should use the other one.”

Sylvester is quite a distraction in the kitchen. I motioned him out of the way as I brought out my best salad bowl.  Now, I know you might be thinking, what brought on this bout of domesticity? It’s quite simple really, while I live in the beautiful Canadian city of Vancouver, my wife’s good friend (and the bane of  my life), Amanda, has asked me to research some fun dishes she might be able to make as tariffs kick in. Like I have all the spare time in the world, so why not, right?

“What do you mean?” I asked after she asked me to come up with something creative.

“Well, I like to cook with fruits in many of my recipes, like Kiwi fruit or banana, and under these tariffs they’re going to be hugely expensive.”

“But I thought the idiot said he would bring those products to the USA and grow them there,” I countered.

“Have you tried to grow a kiwi fruit in Ohio?” said Amanda. Well, she is sort of agriculture adjacent, being the editor of Pig and Pig Farmer monthly.

“I see what you mean.  I will come up with something,” I replied.

That got me thinking about cucumbers. I realise this is an under-utilised vegetable – or fruit if you prefer.  Surprisingly I think it is actually both a fruit and a vegetable. You might wonder if this is possible, however, if you met Sylvester you’d understand how something can be both a fruit and vegetable simultaneously. And, yes, he is pretty under utilised, too.

So, I dug into my recipe book and found a lovely preparation I used to get ready for friends when I was a student.  It’s so simple that anyone can do it. As a (then) young man, I would impress girlfriends with my prowess in the kitchen. The Anthropology department girls certainly seemed to like it. Here we go:

You’re going to need the following ingredients –

1/2 cup rice vinegar.

1/2 cup granulated sugar.

1/2 teaspoon salt.

2 large cucumbers.

2 green onions, trimmed and sliced.

Find a large salad bowl, preferably without a crack in it, and also a cup or small bowl. Into the small bowl put the vinegar, the sugar and the salt.  I sometimes also squeeze some lemon juice into the cup. Using a sharp knife (hide it after use if you have any suicidal friends visiting, like Rainbow for example), peel and then slice the cucumbers and dice the onions.  While you do so the sugar and salt will be dissolving into the vinegar. If it hasn’t dissolved well just give it a stir.

All you have to do now is put the cucumbers and onion in the bowl, add the vinegar solution and you’re done.  If you want to be extra fancy just add some crumbled feta cheese and halved cherry tomatoes. I guarantee any anthropology students will be all over you and praise your culinary abilities. It also works on wives of 25 years. Let me know how you get along with this.

Now, all I have to do is think of a couple of other things to do with a cucumber. I mentioned this to Sylvester, and – well – he really can be quite coarse at times!

Have a lovely weekend.

Fiona