Are you ready for your massage ;) ?

Are you ready for your massage šŸ˜‰

Hi,

It’s the night before Christmas eve here in Huckleberry Close, and I have had the most extraordinary text message fromĀ Bernard. As you may know, Bernard’s health has not been good recently. Between being tazered and shot in the chest with a carrot, he’s had quite a year.

With this in mind he traveled to England for Christmas, where he has some family, and checked himself into a rather eccentric sounding health farm near something called ā€˜Newmarket’. He’s being treated at ā€œThe Devil’s Dyke Centre for Alternative Health.ā€ This immediately had me thinking of a friend of mine who recently divorced her lesbian wife. As you might have guessed the divorce is not going well.

Bernard’s text read: ā€œHope all is well. Love to the crew. Just waiting for the nurse to give me my evening massage.Ā Ā  😉 ā€œ

Now, I don’t mean to be pedantic, but that smiley winkey face at the conclusion of the message did give me pause for thought. At the timeĀ Sylvester,Ā AliĀ and I were enjoying a few glasses of eggnog while I modeled a new gown I recently treated myself to, and Ali showed us a traditional arab jalabiyyah. Needless to say, Sylvester wore his Carhartt pants, and frankly I think Ali and I looked considerably more presentable than our swarthy friend.

AmandaĀ had joined us, ā€˜popping in’ as she does, not unlike a visit from the plague. We all sat around the log fire in my living room and enjoyed the winter evening.

Making conversation, Sylvester said, ā€œI see Bernard’s started using emoji’s. I don’t think he’s quite got the hang of it yet.ā€

ā€œI couldn’t agree more,ā€ I said, showing them both the recent text. ā€œI mean, really. What is one to make of that?ā€

The eggnog was fortified with substantial amounts of brandy, which neutralizes the sweetness a little, though does not reduce the calories, to Amanda’s disappointment. I’ve been making this recipe for years, and it was given to me by my grandmother.

Ali passed on the eggnog, but Amanda drank it deeply. I could tell she’d had more than is wise from her slightly slurred speech.

ā€œWhere on earth do you get this,ā€ asked Amanda looking at her glass. ā€œIt’s so smooth!ā€

ā€œOh,ā€ I replied modestly, ā€œit’s just something I knocked up.ā€

ā€œRather like your first wife,ā€ I heard her mutter under her breath.

Just then Sylvester got to his feet to refill his glass, nudged the table and Amanda’s glass toppled into her lap covering her with eggnog. She yelped like a… Well, like a startled pig, and got to her feet.

ā€œOh, I’m so sorry,ā€ Sylvester gushed.

ā€œDon’t worry, Amanda. I’ll find you something.ā€ I said and trotted off upstairs to get her a skirt. Perhaps I could find a discarded garden tent upstairs. No, that’s a little unkind, I suppose. I looked among the clothes, and returned with something suitable.

I handed the skirt to Amanda and she disappeared to change, leaving us all enjoying the warmth of the fire.

I turned to find Sylvester texting Bernard. ā€œJust covered Amanda’s pants with eggnog. 😊ā€

A text came back from Bernard a moment later – ā€œCan’t chat, going in for colonic irrigation! 😉ā€

“Wow,” said Sylvester. “They really know how to have fun in England.”

With that Sylvester disappeared upstairs to the bathroom, leaving Ali and I to talk about how he and his family were enjoying their second Christmas in Canada. He told me how well his daughter had settled in at school, and how his wife had managed to find a good job in the bank. It wasn’t until ten minutes or so had passed that I realized both Sylvester and Amanda were still absent.

I glanced at the carriage clock on the mantelpiece.

ā€œHow very odd,ā€ I said to Ali. ā€œI wonder what could have happened to Sylvester?ā€

Ali turned his eyes toward the heavens, or one of the bedrooms upstairs, depending on your point of view. He had an ominous look on his face as our eyes met.

“Just how much brandy is in that stuff,” asked Ali.

“Enough.” I said. Sylvester is Italian.

I hope you are enjoying the run up to Christmas. We will be here through the holiday looking after all our friends and members. I’m thrilled to say we’ve been getting a lot of new members in toĀ My Little Black Book. If by chance you are alone this Christmas it’s a great idea to get intoĀ My Little Black BookĀ and message some of our other members. They’re all keen to hear from others and make new connections, and we all love to connect, however distant, at this time of year.

Merry Christmas,

😊

Fiona

Become a Patron!

There’s never a dull moment in the advertising business.

As you likely know, I work for a well known advertising agency in an active office in this delightful city. It is often said that for each job in some industries, several other people are supported. So, for example while a car plant may employ 4,000 people a further 6,000 jobs are created servicing the 4,000 people employed with things like transport, employment services and catering. In much the same way, my work supports not just myself, but also Sylvester my mechanic, Sebastian my personal trainer, Ali my gardener, young Max who helps with technology on my blog and several other assorted hangers on and peripheral individuals.  

I was talking on this very subject with Bernard, my photographer, when we were out on agency business just the other day. Ali, who so lovingly tends my garden, spends more time there than I ever do. Instead, while he enjoys my delightful champaign colored roses in my garden I am out driving with Bernard on a task for the advertising agency. And I’m paying Ali! It all seems rather obtuse. That said, I do love Ali, and his daughters are sweetness itself. They arrived in Canada just a couple of years ago, refugees from the war in Syria.

Continue reading “There’s never a dull moment in the advertising business.”

Marjorie has an infestation!

Hi,

Sitting in my kitchen, enjoying a quiet cup of tea, wearing my favorite kimono, I was surprised to seeĀ AliĀ hurrying through the gate in the fence between my garden and my neighbors. Ali, you’ll remember is my wonderful gardener. He’s a Syrian refugee, and the nicest man you can imagine.

He bustled into the kitchen looking flustered.Ā 

“It’s Marjorie,” he said looking worried.Ā  “She has the most terrible infestation!”

“She has?” I said, a little puzzled.

“Yes, in her bush. It’s very distressing.”

“Well, it would be,” I replied.

Ali is a gardener, but he was a professor at Damascus University prior to the war.Ā  He is very knowledgeable about botany. When it comes to making my garden bloom, he’s sure to be all over it.Ā 

“If her problem spreads to our garden it’s going to be horrible. Aphids are little monsters!Ā I think I should take care of it. If I don’t everyone in Huckleberry Close is going to get it.”

“That’s a wonderful idea,” I said.

Sure enough, later that evening, whenĀ SylvesterĀ andĀ BernardĀ were over enjoying a drink with me at the end of the day, Ali came back happily convinced he’d resolved the issue. HeĀ had used some sprays, a little trimming and Marjorie’s bush was looking very thoroughly groomed.

Well, done, Ali,” I said. “After rooting around in Marjory’s bush all afternoon, I think you deserve a little clap.”

As you can see, my life is never dull. .

šŸ™‚

FionaĀ 

No one should be without a body stocking!

If you are getting my weekly emails – which you get when you sign up for the Free Program – you’ll already know the importance of having a great body stocking in your wardrobe. Ā I was reminded, when looking at Sylvester’s legs the other day, that some of us bare a closer resemblance to the lower primates than others. Having a great body stocking is a good way to disguise body hair.

Here’s a selection of options that are fun, easy to wear and will make you feel fabulous.

_________________________________________________________________

Unhand that banana!

Hi,

Ā 

Seldom, if ever, do I like to come between friends (calm down Amber, in Colorado). Yet this morning I came down the stairsĀ having had a refreshing shower to findĀ SylvesterĀ shakingĀ SebastianĀ vigorously by the neck. I leaped in, interposing myself (phrasing) between them, my colorful summer swing dress swishing about me.

ā€œCalm down, boys!ā€ I said, as I struggled to hold them apart.

ā€œI will not calm down!ā€ said Sylvester, still fuming. ā€œHe said he wants me in a three way!ā€

I glanced at Sebastian. I’d always had my suspicions. He glared at me, Sylvester’s grip loosening.

ā€œSylvester, I think you should put Sebastian down. He’s gone a funny color. Besides, you might enjoyā€¦ā€

ā€œI was trying to explain three way calling,ā€ chimed in Sebastian, as the color came back to his face. ā€œAll I said was, ā€œwould you like to join Max and I in a three way?ā€ā€

Ā 

ā€œWell, I think I see where the confusion’s crept in,ā€ I said. ā€œPerhapsĀ MaxĀ and you could help Sebastian get a little more utility from his smart phone. You know, Sylvester, I’ve seen your messages that end with that quaint little expression, ā€œSent from a phone that’s smarter than I am.ā€ I think in your case it might well be true.ā€

Thirty minutes later Sylvester was being watched by three of us marveling as he attempted to open a Soundcloud song that had been shared over Watsapp.

ā€œIt’s quite remarkable,ā€ I said, shaking my head. ā€œIt’s like watching a monkey try to operate a type writer.ā€

ā€œCome on, Sylvester. You’ve got 999,999 more tries to go! Given enough time,ā€ said Sebastian very softly, ā€œsome people believe thatĀ enough monkeysĀ would type the complete works of Shakespeare.ā€

You could almost feel the gears inside Sylvester’s head grinding. He frowned again, and prodded the file in the Watsapp window.

ā€œ999,998.ā€ Said Sebastian softly.

Max moved towardĀ the fruit bowl, so kindly made byĀ one of my members, and reached for a banana.

ā€œDon’t,ā€ I said to Max reproachfully.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you today. I thought I’d share a rather wonderfulĀ BBC articleĀ with you. In this piece about the people ofĀ Guna Yala, their unusual lifestyle is examined. As a child develops they are allowed to move toward a more male or female orientation. While this is still essentially binary in nature there is clearly a more equal approach to gender. There is also a greater choice in how the Guna present themselves.Ā It’s a fascinating readĀ and I hope you enjoy it.

Don’t forgetĀ ourĀ Premium ProgramĀ is growing all the time.

Have a lovely week,

šŸ™‚

Fiona

Continue reading “Unhand that banana!”

I had to beat off a load of journalists!

The winter months are always fun in an advertising agency. Even more so for myself, as I have several skiing related accounts. It was this that brought me, Bernard my photographer and Sebastian, my personal trainer to the beautiful mountain village of Whistler in Beautiful British Columbia this week.

I found myself here partly to oversee the photography for a ski manufacturer’s latest high end products, and also for a resort client located in the Village. As part of the week’s activity I found myself skiing with a small group of journalists, all eager to test the manufacturers new products.

Before the main days skiing, I had the opportunity to brush up my skills a little with Bernard. There I was, in my tight ski suit, stretching and preparing.

In the comfort of my hotel room, Sebastian helped me refine my style and posture for fast downhill skiing. Sebastian can be very useful on a trip like this. You’d be surprised what he gets up to.

ā€œThat’s it,ā€ he said, pressing his hand into the small of my back. ā€œLean forward and stick your bum out.ā€

ā€œNow bend your legs, and flatten your back.ā€

I found the position strangely familiar.

ā€œIf you move your hips from side to side,ā€ he said standing behind me, ā€œyou’ll find it feel even more fluid.ā€ Sebastian seemed quite breathless.

ā€œYes,ā€ I gasped feeling my body getting into the exercise. ā€œIt’s a very enjoyable sensation,ā€ I said as I moved my body languidly back and forth.

Now, I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but all this stretching and preparation seemed to get Sebastian quite excited. I could swear he poked me in the back with his ski pole!

As it happened I did very well on the slopes. At the end of the week of skiing we had a race down the mountain from the peak, a very exciting informal race. I thought I might be beaten by a number of the boys, but as you might guess, try as they might – and through no small effort on my part –  I managed to beat them off and cross the finish line leading by a head.

After that it was up to the hot tub to watch the snow falling on the mountain in the twighlight.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing. I thought I’d send you a quick reminder that with Spring just around the corner it’s time to start looking for some new Spring colors. This year putting together easy combinations of colors in underwear, makeup and outwear should be every CD’s priority. When was the last time you matched your eyeshadow to your favorite lingerie? Well, todays a great day to start planning ahead.

Got any great Spring outfit ideas? Get on the website and share them!

šŸ™‚

Fiona

I need some new eyeshadow for my third eye!

Auntie Kittie’s niece Megan tells me her Auntie says she looks good in a kilt. What do you think?

ā€œPush your bum back a bit,ā€ said Sebastian, maneuvering behind me.

ā€œOh, Sebastian,ā€ I said, perspiration dripping from my brow.

ā€œThat’s better,ā€ he said pressing his hand into the small of my back.

As you probably know, Sebastian is my personal trainer. We often do yoga sessions together. Some of these yoga positions are really quite challenging. As we move into the cooler weather I do find I like to lift up the intensity of my exercise regime. And Sebastian is a treasure, I really do enjoy getting it up with him. My yoga is very important to me.

I also find that with the cooler weather I like to dress in suitably warmer clothes, and the opportunity to explore new styles is a source of great joy. I enjoy wearing a kilt, and know there are many other members, some who cannot overtly dress in femme clothing but can wear a kilt from time to time.  A kilt is a very good way to gradually introduce more androgynous clothing into your repertoire.

This week, as an exercise perhaps you can check out a few ideas for kilts online – here’s a start.

I also loved the tights below.  They have a nice tartan imprint. I do have some distant Scottish heritage and used to spend every Christmas on the Isle Of Skye. I even got lost in Dunvegan Castle once as a child. But one thing I do enjoy is watching the Highland Games events. I have always thought Bernard would be rather good at tossing the caber. I understand he comes from Essex, in England, which some of my English friends have told me is full of tossers.

Bernard tells me that it sometimes gets so cold in the north of Canada that there’s so many icicles hanging from his sporran that you’d think he brought along his own wind chimes. What a sight that must be.

Here in Canada we believe in an inclusive approach to life. This is exemplified by my good friend Justin, who – when he’s not busy running the country – is very happy to swing by and take a walk on the beach nearby. And I have to say, he doesn’t have bad legs. He’s asked me once or twice if I can spare Sebastian for a yoga class, but so far we’ve been a bit too busy and our schedules haven’t been quite aligned. Perhaps he’ll join us for a class here in Huckleberry Close as things slow down around Christmas. At least, he promised he would. We’ll see.

When not running the country Justin enjoys a little yoga, and wants to borrow Sebastian, my personal trainer.

As we approach Halloween I have a ghostly story coming out late this month which I think you might enjoy. You may want to keep an eye open for The Living Doll on http://FionaDobson.com . There’s also The Foreshore Light and The Apartment, for those of you who like the ghostly theme of Halloween, both of which are already available. If you’d like to hear Jules Sanderson reading The Foreshore Light you can do so here. Be sure to check them out when you have a moment. I think I’ve given you enough there to keep you up at night. It’s not often that you find ghostly stories suitable for crossdressers, but I do try to present a broad cross section of content for my lovely members. As ever, Clothes Maketh The Man, now with episode 50 out, is doing wonderfully. I do hope you’re enjoying it.

If you’re not already a member be sure to check out the membership options here – http://FionaDobson.com/my-programs

Have a lovely week,

😊

Fiona

Bernard is making me wet.

Bernard has his little skiff out on the bay today and is pressing me to join him. What is an action transvestite like myself to do?

With a few good gusts blowing and Bernard urging me to join him sailing I know I have to be well prepared. And what could be nicer than this lovely looking wetsuit. This particular one is a 3mm neoprene one, providing enough UV protection to allow me a good afternoon’s sail without overheating, and should I end up taking a swim or capsizing, I know I won’t get cold. And all for less than $45.

Are you an action trannie? Be sure you’re suitably geared up for summer.

It’s important to get one’s priorities right.

I had just disconnected from a Zoom meeting with a client who was looking at rebranding his chain of laundries when Ali, my Syrian gardener, arrived for his English lesson.  I have been concerned about his use of English and offered to help him as best I could. The Trimark Laundry Company would have to wait for their report about renaming their stores.

Have you read Julie’s story yet? The Sweet Stench Of Revenge.

As a busy advertising account executive I find I do have to prioritise my private life. If Mr. Skid of the Trimark Laundry Company expected to be prioritized over my own personal interests he was very much mistaken.

I spend a half hour each day helping Ali to advance his use of English.

ā€œSo you see, Ali,ā€ I explained, ā€œusing capitalization properly can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example, ā€˜I was helping my cousin Jack off his horseā€¦ā€

At that very moment the door swung open and Bernard bustled into the kitchen.

ā€œGoodness,ā€ I said. ā€œYou gave me a start, Bernard. What on earth’s the matter?ā€

ā€œI’ve got a leak,ā€ he said hurriedly.

ā€œWell, you know where the bathroom is,ā€ I replied.

ā€œNo. It’s the boat.  I need to go and pump it out.  It seems to be taking on water.ā€

I should explain. Bernard keeps a small sloop in the mariner near Huckleberry Close.

ā€œWell, can I help with anything? Biscuits perhaps?ā€ I got up to put the kettle on.

ā€œNo. We have to get down there right away. I wondered if you and Ali could help out,ā€ he said.

ā€œOf course,ā€ I replied reaching for my new London Look lipstick. I wouldn’t want to be caught out in a sinking boat without a nice shade, and went to find a nice pale pink sweater.

ā€œIt’s just that I need someone to help pump it out.ā€

I remembered the hours I’d spent onboard pumping my arm up and down seemingly for hours on a previous occasion. Anyone who’s been around boats will know this feeling. Up down, up down, and up down. And all to drain the scuppers.

ā€œOh, I’m sure I can help with that.ā€

ā€œCan I come too,ā€ piped up Ali.

ā€œOf course,ā€ said Bernard. ā€œThe more the merrier!ā€

What a fun morning we had.  And all because Bernard’s worm gear clamp had not been properly adjusted. I admit this does sound rather more like something in Mistress Meg’s realm than mine. Which brings you to the main reason I’m writing today. I put out a lovely story for my all my members this week – The Long Game.  And true to form Mistress Meg has released one of her great self hypnosis files. You can find Mistress Meg’s Denial self hypnosis here.  You’ll need to be a Seahorse member to access it and if you’ve not already done so you can do so here.

Now, I have to go and massage my bicep. All that pumping is quite exhausting.  However, at least Bernard’s boat is all shipshape now.

Have a lovely week.

😊

Fiona

Bernard put his foot in it.

As you know, I am a very sensitive person.  I like to think others come to me because of my gentle nature and empathy. For this very reason I was very concerned about a conversation I recently had with Ali, my gardener and Bernard, my photographer. Things are a little quiet at the advertising agency at present, so Bernard has been out getting his boat ready for the season. He does so love his sailing.

Ali and I were enjoying a very nice German Riesling in the garden, talking about plans I have for the arboretum, or scrub land as Sylvester rather ignorantly refers to the more unkempt  section at the bottom of my garden.

ā€œThe Germans really are talented wine makers,ā€ I said as I surveyed the wild flowers.

ā€œIndeed,ā€ said Ali, in his heavily accented Syrian English. ā€œThis is a very ā€˜HƤnde hoch’.ā€

ā€œAli, I don’t think you can say that. We’re all on the same side now! Is it racist? I don’t know. Besides,ā€ I added, ā€œyou drive a smart car. Isn’t that made by Mercedes?ā€

ā€œOh, I’m sorry. It’s my English, you know,ā€ mumbled Ali. I am concerned about his language skills, but I some times suspect he may be trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

At that very moment Bernard appeared at my Garden gate looking most concerned. I invited him in and sat him at the garden table and asked what on earth could be the matter.

ā€œWell,ā€ he started, looking very downcast, ā€œI think I may have upset someone down at the sailing club.ā€

ā€œHow on earth did you do that,ā€ I asked, eager to help, as ever.

ā€œI was trying to be helpful,ā€ said Bernard.  ā€œIt was the Commodore.  He was moving his boat, and I offered to lend him a hand.ā€

ā€œBernard, that sounds very kind of you,ā€ I observed.

ā€œYou obviously don’t remember I introduced you to Andrew a couple of years ago at the year end dinner. You remember, he was the guy with only one arm,ā€ replied Bernard awkwardly.

ā€œOnly one arm,ā€ I said slowly. ā€œAh, yes. I remember now. And you offered to lend him a hand?ā€

ā€œYes. It just, sort of, came out,ā€ he continued. ā€œAnd things got a little chilly after that.ā€

Just because numbers are improving, it’s not yet time to stop wearing a mask.

ā€œAre you sure he took offence,ā€ I asked. ā€œIt might be that you’re imagining this. He’s probably just fine.ā€

At this point Ali chimed in, ā€œYou offered to help the fellow. Where’s the ā€˜arm in that?ā€

I fixed Ali with a cold stare.

ā€œAli, that’s not funny,ā€ I said.

You can see the sort of dreadful thing I have to put up with. However, on a brighter note, I am thrilled to say my Premium Program for women is going very nicely. If you know anyone that would benefit from this great program, be sure to suggest they visit my Patreon and look for the $5 a month Package, which is especially for them.

Auntie Kittie has a great new diary entry today, so if you’re a member be sure to check it out.

Have a lovely weekend, stay safe and get a vaccine!

Fiona

PS – Yes. Be sure to get a vaccine. I said that. And I had mine about 10 days ago. It’s about the most satisfying prick that’s been in me in a while!

Check out my programs here. I have something for everyone.

Things are warming up.

Auntie Kittie and her naughty nieces have been having an exciting spring. Get Aunties diary for just $1 a month.

I am happy to say that a few friends and I have been able to gather safely, and socially distanced, in my garden of late.  Seeing Sebastian, Sylvester and Bernard all sitting there, along with Marjory and Amanda was a very special treat after such a long time when gatherings have been a bad idea.  I am thrilled to say that we’ve finally all ben vaccinated.

Each of my friends brought an item they had prepared themselves. Sebastian whipped out his lovely sausage, which I am sure you know I just can’t get enough of! Just when I think I can’t take any more of it, he surprises me with more.

I was however a little disturbed as Sylvester leaned suggestively over toward Amanda and asked her if she’d like to try a cream horn. He really can be quite coarse, you know. It did remind me though, I did have to speak to Amanda confidentially, and make something of an apology.

This was a matter which by its very nature is unpleasant, however, when Amanda had asked me about a little problem she has I felt obliged to assist. Now, as you know, Amanda is not exactly my favorite person being my wife’s friend and former lover from university. Anyway, it seems Amanda has a problem with something politely described as ā€˜hyperhidrosis’. In plain English this translates through to ā€˜she sweats like a gross pig’, something not all together surprising as she is the editor of Pig and Pig Farmer Weekly.

Join me in the Premium Program for just $10 a month.

When she approached me confidentially to ask my advice, which as you are doubtless aware I offer without judgement or any desire to embarrass, I was happy to help the poor pig… oops… woman. Pointing out the fact that it may be a sign of more serious health issues, such as diabetes, infection or a thyroid issue, I suggested that the most likely cause was that she was a little out of shape and that she might think of getting more active.  Perhaps she should go out with Bernard in his sailboat, or spend more time on her bicycle than in her Prius. Or occasionally walk somewhere.

ā€œBut, Fiona,ā€ she replied by text, during a brief exchange, ā€œI feel so embarrassed about my sweating. If I exercise more people will see it. I have great lines of sweat on my tee shirt, and under my arms.ā€

I pushed the gross imagery from my mind and suggested ā€œPerhaps an antiperspirantā€¦ā€

The texts flowed to and fro with her asking for recommendations, and as it happened the advertising agency for whom I work do handle an account for a large manufacturer of healthy personal products, so I suggested their antiperspirant stick product, which I had couriered over to her directly. We’re particularly proud of our association with this company, having suggested some slight revisions to the previously ungainly shape of the product. It is now sportily shaped in an aerodynamic style.

ā€œIt’s easy to use,ā€ I texted her. ā€œJust remove top and push up bottom.ā€

Well, needless to say I did not mean her to take the instructions quite so literally. I suppose when people depend on texts it is somewhat easy to take them a little out of context. Needless to say Amanda was experiencing a degree of discomfort, and I felt I should offer my sympathy.

By the way you can read more of any character I mention by drilling down into the hotlinked references to them, if you feel so inclined. It’s a fun way to explore the strange world I navigate daily.

I’d like to suggest a very worthy charitable cause for my members today. I don’t do this often, as I know not everyone is able to help. Today however I think it important to raise awareness of many of our sisters in quite dire need in India. It’s not easy being trans at the best of times but during a pandemic things can be extremely difficult. Of course, we can’t help everyone on the planet, but helping those where the buck goes furthest is probably not a bad idea. Anyway, check out this campaign, and if it resonates I am sure your help will not be unappreciated.

Check out my programs here. I have something for everyone.

Have a lovely week and stay safe,

😊

Fiona

Continuing crossdressing adventures, and leotards!

Hi,

After a busy morning I returned to my house today to find my wife’s appalling friend Amanda waiting for me. MaxĀ had let her in, something I’d warned him about, but he seemed to have forgotten. I was a little irritated as I had a lot on, and had to get to a jazzercise class which would start shortly.

As I hurried in Max silently mouthed his apology.

ā€œHello, Amanda,ā€ I said as I heard her beige trouser suit rustle in my direction and she appeared from the living room. ā€œHave you been having fun on the newsdesk?ā€

ā€œWhy, what have you heard?ā€ she replied nervously.

I couldn’t really imagine what fun one could have on the newsdesk ofĀ Pig And Pig Farmer Weekly, but didn’t waste too much time thinking about it.

ā€œI wasn’t expecting you today,ā€ I said. Had I known she’d be coming I would have been out.

ā€œWell, I thought I’d stop by. Leo’s with me today,ā€ she said, and glanced over her shoulder into the living room.

I should explain, and I’d like to do this with the sympathy and delicacy this subject deserves, that Leo is what we used to call ā€˜developmentally disadvantaged.’ He is a very sweet young man, but has never really progressed beyond the early stages of mental development. Now, I should point out that in Canada we have a very inclusive approach to those less fortunate than ourselves, and we embrace those less able than the rest of us. It’s a point on which we stand with great national pride. Not withstanding my recent unfortunate episodeĀ with a homeless person, I believe we measure ourselves as a nation by how we treat the less fortunate. To us, universal healthcare at no cost whatsoever, for example, is an absolute no brainer. Which, in it’s way makes what happened this afternoon even more difficult to relate.

I made my apologies to Amanda and said I had to hurry to get ready for my Jazzercise class, and had to change, and so hurried upstairs. I had washed and prepared a few things, and as I gathered them together and put them in my bag, I realised I’d left some clothes lying in the living room.

I called down to Max, who came upstairs.

ā€œMax,ā€ I said, ā€œI seem to have left some things in the living room. Some tights and a leotard, they’re probably in the living room. Can you be a sweetheart and see if you can find them. I think they may be lying over the back of the chair by the window.

With that I changed out of my office clothes and into a light summer dress. I’d slip into my dancewear at the studio.

It was then that I heard a commotion from downstairs, and the slamming of the front door. From myĀ bedroom window I saw Amanda hurry to her Prius, andĀ help her brother Leo into the passenger seat. I couldn’t think what had caused such a commotion, and a moment later Max was politely knocking on my bedroom door.

I opened it and stepped out.

ā€œWhat on earth was that all about?ā€ I asked.

ā€œI think I must have said something to upset Amanda… I don’t know what I did. She just erupted.ā€

ā€œMax, calm down. I’m sure it’s nothing.Ā  Just tell me what you said.ā€

Max followed me downstairs, and recounted his words.

ā€œI just walked into the living room and said to Amanda that you were changing upstairs and I had come down to find a leotard that was lying around in the living room.ā€

ā€œThat’s all you said?ā€

ā€œYes,ā€ he said looking hurt.

ā€œThose were your exact words?ā€ I pressed him.

For a moment he closed his eyes, and then in a moment of reflection he said, ā€œNo, wait a moment… I came through that door, and then I said ā€œIs there a leotard lying around in here?ā€ā€¦ And that’s when she took off in a huff!ā€

ā€œOh,ā€ I replied.Ā  ā€œYou don’t think she thought you were referring to her brother, do you? I mean, his name is Leo… and he is… well, you know.ā€

We looked at each other ashamed of ourselves. I felt pretty sure I had an awkward phone call ahead to make to Amanda.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you today. I thought I’d drop you a line and tell you about some of the spectacular leotards that you can findĀ on my website. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. That’s quite a coincidence, isn’t it?Ā They’reĀ versatile and fun, and as you’ll see can be worn either in a very femme way, or quite an androgynous manner. Check out theĀ page on my siteĀ that tells you about them and you’ll find they’re fun and can make you look great.

Till next week.

😊

Fiona

If your mum comes in while you’re watching this, switch to porn whatever you do. It’s just easier to explain away!

Spring is in the air.

Bernard is full of the joys of spring at this time of year. He’s doing all sorts of maintenance on his little boat, cleaning his fishing gear until it’s spotlessly clean, and also polishing up his weapon.  He’s a very keen outdoor sportsman.

We’ve had many good times in the past when we’ve travelled together for the advertising agency, although there’s been no travel happening for a while.  As I see him stripping his gun I am reminded of a lovely trip we had in the highlands of Scotland some years ago. We’d been invited to shoot grouse on the moors. The beauty of the landscape in that fresh northern light is quite breathtaking. Northern Scotland must be one of the most evocative places on earth, with it’s wild wind swept landscape, lightly brushed with heather.

We’d walked for miles over the moor and seen ptarmigan and quail at a distance, but it looked like Bernard was going to come back empty handed.  I was simply enjoying a lovely day out in the fresh air, and then Bernard got terribly excited, and the next thing I knew he shot a load over my head. It was quite exhilarating. Perhaps you can imagine.

At work I have been surprised by the emergence of a number of committee’s within the advertising agency. We have one for racial awareness, one for staff empowerment and of course one for gender issues, and others being formed all the time. The job of these task forces is to make sure staff are aware of issues and to maintain a high standard of awareness of contentious issues, for both our clients and our staff. I must say, I think it’s high time awareness of some of these issues was brought to the fore. It’s a pleasure to see several new faces on these committees, and I’ve been asked to sit on several of them already.

Sebastian was in my kitchen this morning drinking a freshly squeezed orange juice as I stretched in preparation for our yoga class. I must say I do love the yoga wear.  Nice leggings and a sports bra are a wonderful look for any gurl.

ā€œI am getting a few more clients,ā€ said Sebastian. ā€œI think people want to get in shape for the summer.ā€

ā€œWell, now that we’re getting past this damned virus,ā€ I replied, ā€œI’m sure more people are focusing on their health. It’s a precious gift and needs to be nurtured.ā€

ā€œSpeaking of nurturing,ā€ said Sebastian, ā€œI’ve started a self help group for people who do self-harm.ā€

ā€œSebastian, that’s so thoughtful of you. What on earth made you think of such a thing?ā€

ā€œWell, Rainbow struggled with it,ā€ He told me.  ā€œSo, I figured I’d create a support group. I have to say it’s a hard slog though.  Like banging your head against a brick wall.ā€

ā€œHow very public spirited of you,ā€ I replied.

I have included a post on my website about Sebastian’s suggestions for yoga wear for my members. He’s been very helpful and put some great ideas up there. You can find it HERE.

Don’t forget, you can join my Patreon for as little as $1 a month HERE. It’s the most fun dollar you’ll spend this month, I guarantee it!

Have a lovely week, and be sure to let me know how you’re getting along.

šŸ™‚

Fiona

  • http://FionaDobson.com

Sylvester’s got his knob out and is giving it a polish.

We had a little socially distanced gathering the other day which I feel I should tell you about.  Amanda, as you likely know, is my wife’s friend and the editor of Pig And Pig Farmer Weekly, the seventh most popular pig related publication in the Midwest. As such I have found inviting her to some brainstorming sessions has helped at times. On this occasion Bernard, my photographer, and Sebastian were also present.

Poor Sebastian, he’s very worried about his sister, who you will remember made a small error and applied for the job involving a little ā€˜light house keeping’, and is now positioned in the far north manning a navigation outpost alone in the northern arctic. Bernard is also feeling quite disrupted. He loves to go hunting and fishing. The cold months unfortunately reduce his leisure activities substantially. So, you can see the need for a something to destress us all seemed quite pressing.

ā€œI think we should address the elephant in the room,ā€ said Bernard. Naturally I glanced at Amanda. He continued, ā€œwe need some direction.  Something to help us see past how difficult things are at the moment. We need some goals.ā€

ā€œYou are so right, Bernard,ā€ I agreed. ā€œIt’s like my friend Justin said just the other day. Spring is coming! We should remember that!ā€

It’s not unusual for me to have a call from the Prime Minister’s office late in the evening, with Mr. Trudeau looking for a little advice.  He often asks me for a helping hand, and I am always happy to give him one.

Continue reading “Sylvester’s got his knob out and is giving it a polish.”

Bernard is choking on Sebastian’s sausage.

The other night Bernard was being uncharacteristically quiet at the table in the restaurant, with my friends and I enjoying the New Year celebrations. Sylvester and Ali were laughing. I remember, particularly, as I was explaining that while in Australia last year, between photoshoots, I had been diving and had been describing the various merits of the sea cucumber. Bernard had been on the trip, though since his transplant has not been doing much diving.

We were enjoying a wonderful meal at a restaurant in the heart of Montreal which served favorite dishes from around the world. Sebastian had ordered the German Sausage, and shared some of it with Bernard. The succulent meat was exquisitely prepared, and Bernard tucked into it with gusto.

That was when I noticed Bernard changing color. ā€œAre you alright?ā€ I asked. When there came no reply I felt a wave of panic sweep over me. It’s only a few short weeks since Bernard’s operation.

If you’re a regular reading of my material you’ll know that Amanda is not my favorite person on the planet. It was only as a favor to my wife that I invited her to join us for dinner. My wife is on one of her trips. This is a charitable one, I believe. If I remember rightly she’s feeding the hungry in Africa, or something. Maybe it’s the Africans in Hungary. It’s so hard to keep track of her. She has such a big heart. Before leaving on her mission of mercy she had made me promise to take Amanda out with us for dinner on New Years eve.

I remember very vividly, as that night I had chosen to wear a mid blue evening dress, with a bodice that laced up behind, and matching blue heels. The blue was a very particular shade, and as I watched Bernard he gradually changed color to a matching hue.

ā€œWhat on earth is the matter with Bernard,ā€ I said and looked at Sylvester.

ā€œSearch me,ā€ answered Sylvester.

Suddenly Amanda leapt to her enormous feet, and shouted ā€œHeimlich manoeuvre!ā€ For a woman of disturbing proportions she certainly can move swiftly. It reminded me of one of those National Geographic TV shows, about when hippos attack.

ā€œDon’t worry,ā€ she said to a terrified looking Bernard, who by now was clearly choking. ā€œI’m a trained professional.ā€

I took a long sip of my wine, and said to Sylvester, ā€œThis should be interesting.ā€

Amanda was behind Bernard, wrapping her arms around him and began squeezing. Bernard shifted to a deeper shade of blue.

ā€œThat’s it Amanda, you need to reach around him,ā€ said Sylvester.

ā€œAnd then jerk him. You’ve got the idea,ā€ I added helpfully. Amanda seemed to be thrusting powerfully with her hips, and Bernard looked increasingly alarmed.

A moment later his head jerked back and he coughed and his throat seemed to clear. I was most impressed by the whole thing. Amanda had indeed saved the day, and Bernard had made a new friend.

What a way to go into the New Year. So, if you feel like sharing, let me know what New Years Resolutions you plan to break this year.

I sincerely hope you are enjoying the news I share with you. You can participate and comment even more at http://FionaDobson.com

šŸ™‚

Fiona

Enjoy this video about New Years resolutions!

Getting Astride Sylvester’s Boner.

What a creative group of people I surround myself with, I thought to myself as I sat on Sylvester’s boner. It was shaking this way and that, the vibrations rising up through my body in a very unsettling manner.

Ā 

Sylvester’s workshop has all manner of strange things in it. He is quite the amateur inventor. He’d called me earlier that day, excited about his new development. Naturally, I hurried over to his workshop to see what the fuss was all about.

As I arrived Bernard, my photographer, was pulling up.

ā€œHe want’s me to photograph it,ā€ he said as we entered the workshop. ā€œSay’s it’s an historical moment.ā€

As we arrived Sylvester stood beside a large cube shaped object. I thought it might be a washing machine, though it was covered with a sheet. Suddenly, with a great flourish, Sylvester swept away the sheet revealing a strange device with the words ā€œThe Bonerā€ skillfully painted over the front of it.

ā€œLet me demonstrate my new invention,ā€ he said, clearly expecting our excitement to match his.

I clutched my hands before me, teetered to and fro on my heels, and said, ā€œHow exciting!ā€

With that Sylvester brought a small basket of frozen chickens, probably about five, and emptiedĀ them into the chamber in the centre of the cube. He then released a valve and I could hear water filling the chamber and see steam rising.

Bernard started snapping off pictures, and I began to smell chicken cooking as Sylvester closed the chamber. There were spurting sounds, and something that looked like a cappuccino machine released steam from the side of the contraption. In a few moments a bell ran, and chicken broth was pumped from a pipe at the foot of the machine.

Then the device started vibrating and shaking, and a burst of super heated steam was released. It looked ok for a moment and then I noticed the look of panic on Sylvester’s face.

ā€œQuick, Fiona, climb on the Boner. You sit on it while I get out my tool.ā€

ā€œSylvesterā€¦ā€ I said uncertainly. ā€œI’m not sure about this.ā€ It seemed to be shaking and rattling quite dangerously.

ā€œClimb on it or it may shake itself to destruction.ā€ Sylvester was reaching into one of the colorful tool chests, trying to find his special tool.

I carefully climbed on to the Boner, the shaking going through my whole body. As I sat there I thought it was going to explode, and I must say my breath was quite taken away.

And then, quite suddenly Sylvester was there, between my legs with his tool. He jerked it this way andĀ that and before long the shaking began to subside. At last there was a gurgling sound and a hatch popped open revealing two draws. Sylvester opened one, and brought out some perfectly cooked chicken meat. The smell filled the workshop with a delicious aroma.

From the second draw he drew out a tray containing all the chicken bones, completely cleaned of meat.

ā€œIt’s perfect,ā€ he cried out. ā€œEvery bone has been extracted and the meat remains undamaged.ā€

ā€œGoodness,ā€ I said, feeling quite out of breath. ā€œWhat a remarkable invention. I can imagine everyone will want a Boner.ā€

Sylvester said, “Imagine, a Boner in every kitchen!”

Bernard chimed in ā€œPeople will be asking what on earth they did before they had a Boner!ā€

ā€œImagine, if you could find a way to extract the dark meat,ā€ I said.

ā€œI should think that would make it much bigger,ā€ mused Sylvester. ā€œDo you think there’d be a market for such a thing? It would be a much larger and more powerful Boner.ā€

ā€œI can’t see that being a bad thing,ā€ I replied.

So you can see it’s been a very eventful few days. Have a wonderful weekend!

šŸ™‚

Fiona

It’s spring! When was the last time you played around? Dressed? That’s got to be a good one for Playtime With Fiona!

Ā 

Don’t forget, I’ve got many free videos for you on Youtube, and soundfiles on Soundcloud.

Did you know?

Ā 

When you sign up for my Premium Program, you get a series of exercises, as well as the self hypnosis and educational information for Julie and myself, that’s sure to make all your crossdressing activities way more fun. One recent member wrote: “Your program like changed my life))) especially the initial encounter with the man who is now my bf)) thank you!!!”

Whether you want to just occassionally slip on some panties, or whether you’d like to pass, my Premium Program prepares you psychologically, physically and educationally for all you need to know. You can sign up today for just $10 a month. Join the many members who are finding more acceptance and happiness in this wonderful part of their life.

Date some of my new crossdressing members.

Crossdressing success starts with a desire to create a certain look. What’s your look?

“I can see his nuts from here!” said Bernard, looking through his long lens as he photographed one of the squirrels in my garden. As summer brings my garden into bloom and the wildlife welcomes this warm weather I delighted to see such a profusion of life here.

Regrettably Ali is still locked in mortal combat with several snails he thinks are eating some of my flowers. He’s decalred a jihad on them and is engaged in hunting them down.

In the meantime I thought you’d be interested in the new members joining My Little Black Book. We have so many new members this month, I can barely keep up.

You can now sign up for just $2.95 a month here:Ā https://gumroad.com/products/mMgcZ

Be sure to email me after you’ve signed up, so I can get you set up nice and swiftly.

Can you spot the idiot in this picture?

I have a short tale to tell you that probably will go down as one of my less stellar moments in my career in advertising.  Because of some of the people concerned you will understand that I have to be a little vague on some of the names.  Needless to say, the primary protagonist in this little adventure was none other than one who shares their name with a certain occupant of the White House.

“You must be very proud,” I said.

Well, I had no idea at the time, of course, only aware that one of the charities that we work with at the advertising agency wanted me to organise Bernard (my photographer) to come to one of their locations for a photo opportunity that I was informed could be very valuable in the fund raising campaigns that we typically manage in the fall.

As a result Bernard and I took the flight from Montreal to Vancouver, and then north to the Yukon, where a local company flew us on to a remote hunting lodge. Now, here’s the back story.  Apparently some hunter from the US had decided they want to shoot one of our bears. It’s not that we are short of bears, but the area of incredible beauty that this particular ā€˜sportsman’ wanted to hunt in is designated as a national park.  Now, we take these things rather seriously in Canada. There’s meant to be no hunting of certain species in the national park, however I was informed that a large donation would be made to the conservancy were this particular hunter allowed access, and a special dispensation had been granted.

Continue reading “Can you spot the idiot in this picture?”