Not my protector.

I was talking to Sylvester this very morning. He said to me, “How is it that anyone who was alive in the eighties and nineties- people who listened to our music – could possibly vote for that stinking pile of orange crap?”

“I assume you are talking about Mr. Trump,” I said. “And I’ll thank you not to use that language in my kitchen.”

“Really, though!” He said. “How can this election be this close? People who lived through Boy George, The Thompson Twins and David Bowie… How can they betray the things we all believed in?”

“Sylvester, calm down,” I suggested. “In any given population you are going to get a certain number of people who are either misinformed, selfish or monumentally stupid. People who don’t understand how to use Google to check facts. They’re what we call in Canada, ‘Morons’. We will see exactly how many there are in the US in a few days.”

“You can usually tell them apart from normal people,” I continued. “They refuse to consider any opinion but their own, often buy into ideas that keep them at the bottom of the social pile, and are too uneducated to realise that what they think is commitment is actually ignorance. They fear women, they fear immigrants and they fear people who don’t subscribe to their brand of idiocy. They also often think that their gun is a solution.”

As you likely know Pig And Pig Farmer was one of the first publications to endorse Donald Trump in 2016. Even Amanda, who edits this venerable publication has refused to endorse the foul pile of orange crap this year.

She just can’t bring herself to vote for a person who sexually abuses women, pushing policies that will damage so many people, and only enrich the wealthy few. While Trans healthcare is not her foremost concern, as a mother she can’t in good conscience vote for a person who is denying so many women the right to autonomy over their body. She knows that if one of her daughters needs an abortion, she doesn’t want to have to argue the point with a politician or a law enforcement officer.

“Amanda,” I said as we chatted on the phone while I organised a few things in my office, “most of the things they blame on Biden are nothing to do with him. I assure you this isn’t the first time the middle east has had a war, and while they blame Biden for the immigration situation, I guarantee you that’s something that’s been developing over decades. They’ll take these issues and try and manipulate you into thinking they’re all the fault of the person in power. As for that Afghanistan mess, Trump created the whole thing by being an inexperienced and naïve commander in chief. The truth is, neither of them are great, but Trump comes with a whole fascist agenda – and that’s what our parents fought a war to overcome.”

I then had to ring off as I told her I had to assign a few jobs to the team her and hand jobs out in the board room. I really do think her hearing is going.

“Hand jobs out in the boardroom?” she replied.

“Don’t worry, Amanda,” I said. “Things will work out if everyone keeps their heads.”

Sebastian stopped by during the morning, too. As you know, his sister is named Rainbow. What you might not know is that she’s named after the Greenpeace ship, Rainbow Warrior. As you can imagine she was raised with values around the environment that are dear to my own heart. Here in beautiful British Columbia we live by the words, leave only footprints behind. To be fair, my footprints are usually with a very pronounced four inch heel – but looking after the environment is very dear to my heart. It’s a small thing, but I don’t want my children living on a burned out cinder of a planet. And talk of ‘drill baby, drill’ turns my stomach. If you can imagine a dinosaur looking up at the sky and saying, ‘Gee, isn’t that a great looking asteroid heading our way! Let’s try and get a closer look!’, then you can imagine the way I feel about pushing carbon fuels further than absolutely necessary.

Personally, it’s the trans persecution that is the hardest of many lines that have been crossed. I know of many trans people who are feeling frightened by the possibility of losing health care. If he gets in, that’s practically guaranteed to end. Any thought that RFK has any knowledge or understanding of modern healthcare is beyond comprehension. That Trump would give that antivaxxer any say in health matters defies understanding – yet no more so than injecting bleach to overcome Covid.

Only someone who fails to understand how tariffs work could ever suggest the idea of bringing in tariffs in a country that imports so many of its consumer goods.  The tariffs will come straight out of American pockets and trigger one of the worst recessions the US has ever seen.

And let’s be honest here. He’s going to be dead long before his mess gets cleaned up. He’s an old crock who is making his last play before he dies a lonely failed little man. Most people stupid enough to vote for that will have to live with the results longer than he will. Unfortunately, if he gets in, so will the rest of the US. For those of us who are trans, the consequences will be far reaching. Fortunately, Canada will always provide a home to people persecuted in their home countries.

As for making America great again, if Trump is elected the US will become the laughing stock of the world. Except that if you’re trans, it’s not going to be very funny. Anyone voting for Trump is no friend of the Transgender movement, and they’re no friend of mine.

Many of us are worried. Of course, it’s a worrying time.  However, we will get through this. I’m online much of the time over the next few days.  Visit the website if you need to, and look for the chat system if you need to talk.  I will make m yself as available as I can. We’re going to be ok.

Have a voting plan, take a friend and bring whatever you need in case you need to wait in line. Make it count.

Fiona.

Spurred on to success.

I do enjoy it when my friends drop by for tea.

“It says here,” said Sylvester, “that due to a remarkable breakthrough in medical science, some sufferers of bone spurs are now able to be active into their senior years, even running at the age of 78!”

“That’s wonderful,” I said and placed the cup of tea in front of him.

“Do you really think you should get your medical news from the Fox News website,” I asked.

But that’s not the main reason I thought I would write to you.  I wanted to let you know that I’ve just released a story you may enjoy on my site, you can find it here – https://fionadobson.com/my-father-thought-he-had-three-boys/ For most of us, relationships with parents can be quite fraught. You may enjoy this.

I had a note from Jeff, one of my lovely members in Louisiana, who asked, “Fiona, I love your great advice about clothes and cooking. The recipe you sent me for better buns has proved a winner. However, I am concerned that I live in a state that is unlikely to swing to the Democratic party and I don’t know how to be supportive to my trans sisters. What should I do?”

I’m so glad you asked, Jeff. The fact is you must vote your conscience as best you can. Obviously, if you have either a mother, wife or daughter you can’t in all good conscience vote GOP as the right to control of a woman’s body is a matter for the individual rather than the state. However, in terms of supporting your trans sisters, if you are in a firmly red state you can still help.  Making a small donation to Zooey Zephyr will help her and keep her in the Montana legislature. Getting behind her, even if you are not in her state, will strengthen our foothold. Before long there will be others. After all, it’s not like we’re going away any time soon. So, counter intuitive as it may seem, donating to Zooey really does further our cause all over. We’re not going to get far unless we stick together. As the great philosopher Maya Angelou said, “We get by with a little help from our friends.”

For those interested in some personal news – monumental personal news – be sure to check out my Patreon. You can join the free level if you need to. For the in depth background, of course, there’s always the Behind The Scenes membership.

Have a lovely week.

🙂

Fiona

Short Straight Multi-Color Wig – $16.99

Don’t be left without a leg to stand on this summer!

Following Donald Trumps insane ramblings about sharks this weekend (hear the speach here –TRUMP SHARK SPEACH) I delve into the deep questions that are left unanswered by this unhinged rant. Chief among those is, of course, ‘what would you wear if you had to swim in shark infested waters with sinking battery powered boats?’

This delightful swimsuit in transgender colors is the ideal outfit in which to be admitted to the ER at any fashionable resort. Here’s a selection of great swimwear options.

Quick Dry Beach Shorts – 16.69

One-Piece Swimsuit Transgender Pride Flag LGBT Swimwear – $13.99

Transgender Flag Colors Two Piece Swimsuit – $23.00

You can always depend on insight and thoughtful comment about current affairs and news here on FionaDobson.com. Be sure to support my work by joining my Patreon here – https://www.patreon.com/fionadobsonCD

Become a member!

As the counting continues Auntie Kittie urges calm.

What a very stressful few days it’s been. Just today I had one of the neighbourhood boys over while my delightful niece, Nancy and I arranged some flowers in my house. I do find it so relaxing to put out a few nice flower arrangements.

The children in Huckleberry Close seem to gravitate to my house, and the large garden I’m lucky enough to have. Fiona’s delightful gardener, Ali, has been helping me and cutting some beautiful blooms for me to arrange in the house. The unfortunate challenge of being so available to the neighbourhood children is that from time to time the rather revolting neighbour, Donald comes and plays in my garden. I try to be kind and even handed, but it’s really not always easy. I think all the children think of me as their personal Auntie.

It’s hardly surprising really. They love to come over and are sure to sample my pie, or anything else I put out on the kitchen table. I like to provide a nice spread. Some of the young boys just can’t get enough of it. I should be flattered I suppose, that they have such hearty appetites.

“Auntie,” said young Donald this very afternoon. “What’s an erection?”

“Donald, that’s a very unusual question. Now, let me see. Your mother should really talk to you about this, but when a man and a woman… No, when two people… No, when a small group of people of undetermined genders or something between genders…”

“Auntie,” said little Nancy jumping in and coming to my rescue between placing holly sprigs in vases I’d put out on the table. “I think Donald means, ’What’s an election?’”

“Oh, I see,” I said with relief. “Really? You don’t know what that is? Ok, let’s see. How can I explain? It’s something we do now and then to get rid of people who aren’t running the country the way we like it. For example, by locking up all the little children. Or making promises they don’t keep, or are generally doing things that are douchy and not representative of our values.”

“What are values, Auntie Kittie?” asked Donald.

“Don’t worry, Donald,” I replied. “I’ll let you know if you ever get any. We usually elect people based on policies, Donald. So, for example in Canada we believe in religious freedoms, freedom of thought and belief, and freedom of expression. You believe in freedom of speech, don’t you, Donald?”

“Well, I guess,” agreed Donald reluctantly.

“Well shut up then,” I said firmly.

“Tell him about the polls, Auntie,” piped up Nancy, always keen to be of help.

“I don’t trust the Poles,” said Young Donald.

“Don’t be so racist,” I said and cuffed him around the ear, before sending him off to the bathroom. “Be a sensible boy and be sure to wash your little hands after.”

Donald has a lot to learn in the hygiene department.

Nancy turned to me and said, “I’m not sure Donald quite understands about democracy.”

“Oh,” I said gently. “I’m sure he’ll learn. And then probably be thrown in a cell where he belongs, before dying alone in disgrace. Under the circumstances I think that’s not a bad outcome.”

“What do you mean, Auntie?” asked Nancy.

“Well, five hundred years ago we would have stoned him to death, in the time honored fashion. Under the circumstances, if I were Donald I would consider myself lucky.”

Don’t worry, it’ll soon be over. Let’s just stay calm, and choose an extra special pair of panties with which to celebrate as the tide of change flushes out the U-bend of the last four years.

Your favorite auntie,

Auntie Kittie.

Get more Auntie Kittie HERE.

BREAKING: Vaccine Found! Trump to announce cure.

Trump to announce vaccine has been found for bisexuality.

“We believe there’s only a few cases, maybe 15. Soon they’ll magically disappear. Our non science based approach gets a thumbs up from the electorate. And our thumbs really are way up!”

Speaking from the Rose Garden Trump talked casually with reporters after the announcement.

“You know I am a stable genius,” he added. “I don’t get why everyone thinks this administration is a laughing stock. Bleach anyone?”

Little Donald has been telling porkies!

Auntie Kittie writes: –

My goodness, I do have to put up with some nonsense from some of the children in the neighbourhood.  One doesn’t like to have favorites, but I can’t help but thank heavens my nephews and nieces are rather better behaved than some of the other neighbourhood children.

Several of the local children like to play in my garden. I’ve started having Ali, Fiona’s gardener – you may have heard of him – pop by and take care of my flowers. He rigged up a nice swing from an apple tree and some of the youngsters like to come over and play on the swing. Generally they are sweet, laughing and giggling away there. I love the sound of happy children. Of course, there’s sometimes one obnoxious little trouble maker in the group, but one hopes the positive influence of my neighborhood kids will have a beneficial effect. Little Angela, Jacinder and Boris are all playing nicely. It’s not easy for the little ones while we have this virus to contend with.

Continue reading “Little Donald has been telling porkies!”

The Art Of The Toilet

Sylvester very kindly dropped in this morning.  He was concerned I might not have put together a good supply of things to get through the next little while, as many of us hunker down for a while.  I think I am well prepared, however there was one thing I did find a little curious about his care package.

On the top of the package was a book by Donald Trump.  I felt this was a little odd.

“I know things are bad,” I commented.  “I don’t think they’re quite that bad, though.  My reading list is quite extensive, and this would be somewhere behind Dyanetics, or perhaps the Montreal telephone directory of 1985.”

“It’s meant as toilet paper,” commented Sylvester.

“Oh, yes.  I suppose it always was.  Well, it’s good to find some use for it.”

Below are some very helpful toilet tissue links. It’s good to put these things behind you, of course. I was visiting Washington last month and a good friend of mine who we will just call ‘Nancy’ put me on to several reliable suppliers. You know she has them in each bathroom and is lobbying to have the installed in the bathrooms in The Capitol Building.

I realise a lot of my members will be stuck at home for various reasons in the coming weeks, and frankly as inconvenient as it is it’s also the responsible thing to do at present. We don’t need to either expose ourselves (calm down) or be exposed to more people than absolutely necessary. With this in mind I will be spending more time online chatting through the site or through our Whatsapp Group.  I’ll also be raising the frequency of posts on FionaDobson.com and my Patreon. We’ve got a great series running on my Patreon at present, Poison! – you can read the first installment here.

If you are bored be sure to check out the Whatsapp Group as it includes discussions about all manner of things, and we’d love to see you in there. You’ll never be bored.

😊

Fiona

From The Office Of The President.

I get a lot of correspondence on my email and through the various chat channels, as well as Twitter. Now, without betraying any confidences here, and understanding that some of my lovely members are in positions of power that make their identities a matter of some delicacy, I will recount one such conversation I had today.

“Fiona, I get so tired of making decisions every day, I just would love for someone to make them for me. Sometimes, I just feel the whole world is against me.”

Continue reading “From The Office Of The President.”

Urine a pile of trouble, Fiona.

“Urine a pile of trouble, Fiona…”

Hi,

I feel I have no alternative but to come out and say it, Yes, I did stay at The Ritz Carlton in Moscow in 2013. It’s true. However, there are limits to the kind of depravity I am prepared to indulge in. I should come clean and clear the air.

Allow me to explain a little, and I should point out that Max, my next door neighbors 20 year old son came into my kitchen this morning as I was slipping on a gingham skirt and smoothing down my black top. As he rushed in he almost caught me by surprise.

“Fiona,” he babbled. “What’s a golden shower?”

I fixed him with a long look and realised he really wasn’t joking.

“Well, Max. When two people love each other very much…” I realised this was not going to be easy. “You see… It’s something two people who love each other very much can share.”

“Oh, what you mean like sex in the shower.”

“Well, not really,” I replied.

“Not if you have gold taps or a golden shower head?”

“Not exactly.”

I think I’m straying from my point.  Ah, yes. While it’s true that I have stayed at The Ritz Carlton in Moscow, and I have in the past been linked in some capacities to certain persons who will be inaugurated in the next few days, I would like to strenuously deny any suggestion that I have ever indulged in certain acts in the privacy of a hotel room in Moscow. There are limits to my depravity.

While I could succumb to the questionable pleasures of a golden shower, there is absolutely no conceivable way in which I would be sink to such depths of debauchery as to voluntarily spend time alone with the individual in question. As he has so eloquently put it himself, “I am a germophobe.”

Should some video emerge which shows me in a compromising position, obviously it’s been faked! Honest… Believe me!

🙂

Fiona

Here’s a great exercise for anyone wishing to feel a little more feminine. Have a listen and be sure to comment. Don’t forget – you can always find Playtime With Fiona here: https://fionadobson.com/tag/playtime-with-fiona/
Members of my Premium Program have been loving some of the tasks and exercises we’ve been using to help them feel even more comfortable with their dressing. If you’re among this group feel free to post some of your experiences at http://FionaDobson.com.

A premature election?

All I can possibly say is, “What a week!”

Now, as you likely know, I am the very soul of discretion, and would neither say anything to embarrass anyone, nor anything to get myself sued. With this in mind you may need to read between the lines in today’s email. For my many friends outside of North America, you may have to work a little on this week’s missive.

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I found myself hurrying through Las Vegas this week, on agency business. I got off the plane and was in a series of meetings before finally checking into my hotel late on Wednesday evening. The last time I had been in Las Vegas was with Sebastian, my personal trainer, who was here applying for a job. He was in the midst of one of his bursts of Christian spirituality, and had applied to a famous TV Evangelist for a job working as a missionary. The TV preacher was subsequently defrocked, I learned, for being rather too friendly with some of the younger members of his flock. Such behaviour! I wonder if that is ‘defrocked’ or disbaaahed’? Either way, Sebastian did not get the missionary position.

I found my hotel to be full of activity and secret service people, as apparently there was a very important guest staying. At first I thought all the attention was for me, however I soon found out otherwise.
After checking in, I walked to the elevator, stepped inside just as a large entourage arrived and one particular member pushed forward through the closing doors of the elevator. Taken by surprise I found myself alone in the elevator with a large man, who was instantly recognizable by his shock of orange hair.

Now, as I say, I am the soul of discretion, so I will refrain from naming names. The man was, in his way, also applying for a rather important job.  He was very distraught and kept muttering something about a ‘nasty woman’.

To my surprise the elevator stopped after a moment, nowhere near my floor, and the lights dimmed. Being caught in a halted elevator is a very disturbing experience. The man looked at me, then seemed to realise his colleagues were not with us, and gradually we realised we were stuck in the elevator, and may be here some time. It was a very difficult situation.

The next moment I was shocked to find himm lunging at me and thrusting himself forwards. As you know, I am not like other women and have a little extra to surprise any man. As he tried to grab at me, I deftly stepped aside and giggled.

“Really,” I gasped, and tried to stall him, but he was having none of it. He made another lurch and his octopus like hands were suddenly all over me! All right, a very small octopus.

Thinking, I might as well do something about the situation, I pushed him away, smiled and said that I thought I might know what he needed.

“Relax,” I said. “Think of me as someone who can sort out your election…”

I dropped to my knees and I will not go into what followed. Needless to say, I think I can say his pole was looking healthier than it has in a long time. By the time the elevator returned to service, he was looking a lot more relaxed.

As we arrived on the 16th floor, the doors opened and several worried looking secret service personnel hurried into the elevator. My friend then disappeared, leaving me feeling like I needed to go and brush my teeth, in the knowledge I had done my bit to serve my country.

However, that’s not the main reason I am writing to you. As we edge closer to the election I feel it part of my role to urge you to go out, familiarise yourself with the issues and then get out and vote. As for me, I think I’ve had enough of his nonsense rammed down my throat for one election.

🙂

Fiona