Tonight I have a very special task for you. It’s Sunday evening and if you have some time to sit down and absorb a couple of my fellow creators, these two are pure gold. As luck would have it, they both put out work this week that overlaps beautifully.
We all benefit form this content. If you happen to be in Ohio there’s a very important call to action in Leah’s video. Take some time to settle down and watch them both here – https://fionadobson.com/are-you-sitting-comfortably/
I’ve been having a stressed out week, doing tax returns and managing some personal challenges which my ‘Behind the Scenes’ members will be learning about this week. Surprised by my energy Sylvester said that I was holding up well. I had to explain that the twinkle in my eye had more to do with MAC makeup than my personal fortitude.
Our hearts go out to the Filipino community here in Vancouver following the tragic events of last weekend. You can learn more about that here. A community that has always been supportive of trans brothers and sisters many of us have friends who have been impacted by this terrible situation.
What a busy week it’s been. Poor Sylvester has barely even got his chopper out. He’s looking most frustrated.
I’ve told him, there are times when circumstances just don’t allow a good ride, and it’s times like that we have to do the preventative maintenance. He usually looks despondent when I say such things, and then goes off to grease his nipples, or something. I have no idea what that is, by the way. Anyway, perhaps the weather will improve and he’ll be able to get out on his bike.
We are living at a strange and dystopian time. The US is not what it once was – we might as well accept the fact. Al l that said, this is not a time to give up. It is the time to be the hope that seems so absent for most people. We can do that by being kind, considerate and by being ourselves. Our existence is resistance.
So, what can we do? Right away you can familiarise yourself with this – https://fionadobson.com/the-three-things-you-can-do-right-now-to-advance-transgender-rights/ – which is a good starting point. If you live in an area which has no pathway to support for a candidate that could get themselves elected, then I would strongly suggest backing a candidate in a location they may be able to get elected, even if this is far from you. Elections, contrary to popular belief, do not take place on one day. They take years. Supporting political movers and shakers who align themselves with out values does not have to happen just during an election year. The pressure needs to be constant, and our support of our people should be, too. If you live in the middle of a right wing enclave, you can donate to Zooey Zephyr, in Montana and lend her your support. Those of us outside the USA can’t donate to support US candidates, there are rules against that, but we can look to people who are advancing trans rights in our own country and lend them whatever support we can. Sometimes this is monetary, sometimes by volunteering, and sometimes simply by expressing support for their message.
We are definitely living at a strange time in history. However, we’ve always been here, and we will always be here. Supporting our sisters in any way we can is more important than ever. This week I was travelling in the foothills of the rocky mountains, and in a small town hardly big enough to swing a cat in I stopped to buy a coffee on a very long drive. To my surprise a trans girl came in as I was ordering my coffee. I would guess she was 20 years old. She looked lovely and I turned to her, complimented her on her lovely hair, and then told her how those of us who are older are so very proud of our young sisters. I said to her, ‘you carry a flag that we were unable to, and we admire you for that. When we are gone, you will carry that flag onward.’
She was so grateful. Many of us face a very solitary journey. When we are able to express our support for one another it really helps.
With this in mind I am offering the first five people who email me at fdobson@zoho.com with the email subject line ‘I support my sisters’ free membership of my Whatsapp Group. This is usually $10 a month, so it’s a substantial saving. Remember to check out the guidelines for the group chat. It’s been running very well for years and is a supportive place for many members unable to find community elsewhere. If you’d like another opportunity to chat with others, you can do so by choosing one of the options on my Patreon and using the community chat there. Just remember to keep it respectful and clean. It’s about supporting one another.
You can get into my Patreon for as little as a dollar a month, and I could really use some new members there. Jump in and use ‘my back door’ if you want to be supportive.
Sylvester was already at my breakfast table as I hurried by to the laundry room. He’s doing some work caulking the tiles in my kitchen. I let him let himself in when he drops by early, as long as he puts the coffee on.
“Morning,” I said as I rushed by, late for a morning meeting at the office. In the laundry I grabbed a polka dot bra, and a pair of panties, then hurried back upstairs to dress properly. This happens to be one of my favorite bras. The HRT has helped my breast development nicely, and I like to feel comfortable.
When I came down to breakfast a few minutes later wearing a nice blouse and skirt, I noticed Sylvester looking at me disapprovingly.
“Well,” I asked. “What’s the matter with you?”
“I couldn’t help noticing,” he said, “that your bra and panties don’t match.”
As I poured some milk onto my muesli I gave Sylvester a disapproving look.
“If I want you to look at my underwear I’ll tell you so!” I said. I think you can see the kind of thing I have to put up with.
“I couldn’t help but notice,” he replied. At least he had the decency to look a little awkward.
“Anyway, so what if they don’t match?” I asked.
“It’s just that I always think of you being better organised than that. Besides I happen to know you spend a small fortune on lingerie,” he carried on. “And, I mean – it’s nice if it all goes together.”
“Sylvester,” I said patiently as I sipped my coffee, “there’s something you need to understand. And I say this as one who knows, if your girlfriends, misguided as they may be, are wearing matching bra and panties, then they’ve already decided you’re having sex that night.”
Sylvester looked blankly at me as the realisation that he wasn’t the one making the decisions slowly dawned on him.
“You mean, they decide before we even go out?” he asked.
“Yes.” I replied.
“But if that’s true, why do I have to do all the hard work, buying dinner and trying to get them in the mood?” he mumbled.
“Because we like that sort of thing. We like you to work for it,” I said and put my empty cup in the sink.
“You’re saying, I don’t get to make the decision? She’s already decided what we’re going to do?”
“Bingo!” I said.
As I hurried to the door and picked up my back-pack, Sylvester smirked and said, “So I guess you’re not getting anything tonight.”
You know, Sylvester really can be quite coarse.
As I hurried out the door I said, “So, now you know what I carry in my back-pack!”
But that’s not the main reason I’m writing tonight. I thought I would just remind my friends and members, with all the troubling developments we see around us today, we cannot change the things people expose us to, the terrible news, the erosion of rights, however we can change the way we respond to them.
As hard as it sometimes is, choosing not let ourselves feel despair or anger can help us. Choosing to calmly observe, keep our powder dry, and pick fights we can win is a wise path. Of course, the news organisations want you to respond to news stories. It’s their job to present news in a way that gets a reaction. Take a breath, step back and try not to respond. Yes, that does mean dumping some social media. It also means being very selective with your news sources. I always use Associated Press and BBC, their coverage of most news being relatively balanced. Don’t forget, our existence is resistance.
Sylvester took the lovely Brazilian coffee I’d made and tried to look sensible as he sat at my kitchen table. It’s not easy to get him to understand the complexities of the transgender world, but I do my best. It’s rather like trying to teach a monkey to use a calculator. I eyed the bunch of bananas on the windowsill.
“Ok,” I said, ever patient. “I’ll try to explain it again. Think of it like this. I am going through changes.”
“I’ve seen your boobs!” said Sylvester.
“Shut up,” I replied. You know Sylvester really can be quite coarse. “There are shifts in my body, but also in the way I think and process things. Whether or not it’s the hormones, or just that I have become more sensitive, more kindly, more thoughtful, I don’t know.”
At this point Sylvester opened his mouth to speak and I gave him a sharp kick under the table.
“And with all these changes has come a different view of things. A different way of looking at the world,” I said. “But – and this is the complicated bit, Sylvester, concentrate now… But the world at which I am looking is also changing. It’s changing a lot. So, it’s like there’s two moving targets.”
“Oh, I get it,” he said, his brow knotted like an ancient oak tree’s roots clinging to the earth.
“So, as I look at the insanity going on in the world to day, I am looking at it with new eyes. It’s almost impossible to think of things the way I used to before I accepted this part of who I am – and those very same things are now all so different. It’s very confusing. And even sometimes frightening. I mean, there are people who would rather see a dead trans person than have a friendly trans person in their life. And they’re running the country! We used to be the good guys – and now we’re painted as a bunch of freaks!”
“That must be very difficult,” sympathised Sylvester.
“You can think of it like this. It’s like two trains, both moving at different speeds but going in the same direction. One is going a little faster than the other, but if you’re standing on one, the other might only seem to be moving a little faster than the other, but they’re both moving at great speed.”
“Like the two Pride floats on highway one that time?” said Sylvester.
“What?” I said thinking I’d lost him.
“You remember, when we were on Highway one, and we saw that float from First Bank, and we had to race it to get a better place in the Pride procession. Remember, I raced past them and cut them off before the slip road.”
I cringed at the memory.
“I remember the girls hanging on the back of the float as you screamed past, yes. Jenny is still having counselling over that.”
In my mind I saw Sylvester hunched over the steering wheel in the cab of the Kenworth Tractor, pulling on the horns and shouting for all the queens on the flat bed to hold on. As we raced past the other float, the driver flipping Sylvester the bird as we roared past, and taffeta, sequins and crowns flying everywhere as he pulled out and overtook the slower truck, and all just to get a better place in the Pride Parade.
“For the life of me I will never know how Alexa made the jump between the two vehicles,” I muttered. “And in those heels!”
“But we did get a better place in the Pride Parade,” said Sylvester.
“Well,” I replied, “Yes, it’s sort of like that. There’s a lot of moving parts, and at times like this it can be very confusing. And, I mean, we don’t all want to end up like Jenny, do we?”
“I suppose not,” agreed Sylvester.
But that is not the main reason I am writing to you today. Tonight I am going to an event called ‘Coronation’. This is a celebration put on by The Dogwood Monarchist Society, established in 1972 as a registered non-profit society to run the Imperial Court of Vancouver to support the LGBTQIA+ community. The DMS was recognized as the Mother Court of Canada in 1976, and is now part of over 70 courts across Canada, the United States and Mexico. Since its inceptions, the DMS has raised over $2M for deserving LGBTQ charities, and continues to thrive as an organization and as leaders within the Vancouver community. This is not only a wonderful event, Lenni (our very own) and her wife, Crem, are major drivers of the event and the organisation. You may know Lenni from our ‘Lenni And Jules’ discussions – https://fionadobson.com/tag/lenni-and-jules/.
Now, and here’s the important part, in this changing world, if you want to support an organisation that gives to deserving LGBTQ charities you should consider even a small one off donation to the DMS. I know how much good their work does and can vouch for their integrity. Donate Here – https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=3LZ29C5UQ795Q
I know Jules will be down there as well, and I expect they’ll be posting pics to our support group and Whatsapp Elite Group. I am sure some will end up on our Patreon page as well. It’s happening tonight and if you jump into the Whatsapp Group you’ll see content going up as it happens.
Anyway, I have to go now and get my hair done for the event. Have a lovely weekend!
Now, you likely know that Max, my neighbours son, looks after the technology here at the enormous corporate entity that is FionaDobson.com. Max is a sweet boy, and Marjory is rightly very proud of him.
I was sitting in my kitchen just the other morning glancing through the list of new people who have recently joined my patreon, and looking back at some old data. It’s quite normal for someone to have joined the website in 2016, stayed around a while, and then unsubscribed. They then pop up in a mailing list two or three years later. And then sometime later they show up on Patreon. It builds a fascinating picture.
Looking at some of the oldest email addresses, I can see that some have bounced or haven’t opened an email in a year or two.
“We should probably clean up these old email addresses,” I said to Max, as he stared at his screen.
“But what about the members that go in and out, and then in again?” replied Max.
“I am sure many of my members go in and out frequently,” I replied.
“They seem to,” said Max, absorbed in the data and oblivious to the double entendre.
“Some people are just not quite sure if this is for them,” I replied. “And others have yet to accept it as a part of themselves. It takes them a little while to realise it’s not going away anytime soon.”
“Well, perhaps we should just archive the ones who have been idle for six months,” said Max.
“I think when people are going through cycles it can be a little longer than that. Perhaps if they’ve not been opening email for more than a year. That might be a good idea,” agreed Max.
“OK, one year and then we cut them off!” I said. It seems a reasonable approach.
These things may seem a little mundane, however there are some serious sides to this. For example, I am currently considering cutting off Facebook completely. There’s no question they’ve moved forward some anti trans policies of late, and should we be surprised if Zuck were to share that kind of data with people who don’t have our best interests at heart. After all, they share data in the name of marketing, why wouldn’t they just hand over data on people who have an interest in trans issues, if asked by – oh, I don’t know – some fat bastard in Washington, for example.
I think you can see where this is going. I don’t want to make that easier. So, I am consolidating a lot of our data. I will be concentrating on keeping the website and our Patreon presence secure. I will also retain our Mastodon ( https://mastodon.online/@FionaDobson ) and Bluesky ( https://bsky.app/profile/fionadobsontrans.bsky.social ) presences, but in most other cases I will likely close the accounts, to prevent them becoming targets for bad actors.
Now, any of you who are aware of online marketing etc. will know this is going to mean a financial hit for me. FB has been a major funnel into my site and Patreon. With this in mind I am appealing to those of you who do value what I do to join my Patreon and continue your support for me in that direction. You can join for as little as $1 a month. I have always believed I would rather have a couple of thousand supporters who are committed than 250,000 followers who are not. By the way, our membership peaked in 2017 at 250,000.
So, as we settle into the new reality of the rapist in the Whitehouse, let’s quickly just remind ourselves of some basics. Firstly, the gross man baby is likely only in for four years, after two years he will likely loose Congress, and be the lame duck he looks so much like. Next, he talks a lot but actually achieves very little. Interestingly, as much as many of the policies he talks about are financially likely to be a disaster, the stock market is soaring. What this means is that most realise he either cannot implement many of the policies, or they think he’s bluffing, as usual. An example is the idea of sticking tariffs on Canadian imports. Well, good luck rebuilding the houses in LA without Canadian softwood. They use it in the timber framing for most of those structures. Sure you could use US timber, and if you plant the type you need today it should be ready in about thirty years.
So, you can see some of those policies are just not going to happen. Sure, we have a couple of uncomfortable years. We will endure those and we will do so as we’ve endured prejudice and bigotry before. We will do it with grace and kindness to those who oppress us, as we always have. And we will come through it. Simply signing an executive order will not erase us. We are here and we are here to stay.
Please be aware that media coverage in the US is changing quite substantially as anti-trans sentiment is stoked. It can become very hard to remain informed without independent news stories. If you have any doubt about this, check a US news source against any of those below. It’s quite startling. You can always find reasonably independent coverage (leaning neither left nor right) at the following new sources:
“That’s a nasty gash you’ve got there,” I said to Amanda, as she was bending over.
“Yes,” she said, turning from the flower bed she was weeding. “I caught my finger on that rose bush.”
“Perhaps you should come into the kitchen, I can put some ointment on it,” I replied. As you know, I am really quite compassionate, even with my wife’s dreadful friend, Amanda.
Amanda hesitated for a moment, her brows furrowing in consideration, but then she nodded and followed me into the house. The kitchen, with its warm, golden light filtering through the curtains, offered a comforting sanctuary from the sharp thorns and relentless sun outside.
I rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found the ointment, along with a clean bandage. Amanda sat down at the table, cradling her injured finger gingerly. I couldn’t help but notice the way her face softened in the light, revealing a vulnerability rarely seen behind her usual abrasive demeanor.
“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice uncharacteristically quiet.
“It’s no trouble,” I replied, carefully applying the ointment and wrapping the bandage around her finger. “You’ll need to be more careful around those rose bushes. They’re beautiful, but they can be quite treacherous.”
Amanda gave a small, rueful smile. “I suppose that’s true of many things.”
“It’s remarkable what modern medicine can achieve,” I said. “Take that rapist soon to take up residence in the Whitehouse. They cured his bone spurs magically shortly after Vietnam war conscription ended. And soon he’ll be the commander of American forces. Isn’t it wonderful?”
Amanda looked at me skeptically. I must admit, I was thinking about attending the inauguration. When my invitation arrived in the mail I thought seriously about it, however I have a hair appointment that day. I rarely mention this, but I am also a little sensitive to odors and I had heard that Elon Musk was attending, so I should have opted out. Instead, I put my invitation on Craigslist, but no one has come forward for it.
Interestingly, Epiphany (Rainbow’s girlfriend) has managed to get herself a job in the new administration. She’ll even be working in the Whitehouse. For someone who I thought was basically unemployable I thought this a little surprising, however after seeing her credentials it turns out that if anything, she was over qualified.
Not to worry. By the way, as you may know I do have a support group running for any of my members who are concerned about the incoming rapist. It’s a nice group and they are quite talkative. If you feel in need of a little support come along and join the free service. If you feel you’d like to contribute to this support group please feel free to jump in.
If you’d like to support my efforts here feel free to join my Patreon, for as little as a dollar a month. You can join here.
Sylvester came over for coffee this morning, looking a little downcast. I was quite concerned for millisecond or two. You know I have a very caring nature, I am sure.
As I poured the freshly brewed coffee into his ‘You don’t have to be mad to work here’ mug he spelled out the source of his troubles.
“It’s this yoga class,” he said. “I’ve been going to this studio for a year or so but recently I’ve started doing it remotely, and the studio does it on Zoom.”
“Oh,” I said. “That doesn’t sound very ‘yoga-like’.”
“Lot’s of places do it like that now,” he said.
“I see, so what’s the problem?”
“It’s Captain,” replied Sylvester.
Perhaps you remember Sylvester inherited a parrot, Captain, from a relative who passed away. She had been a school teacher and had owned the beautiful macaw for donkeys years. It had been a big hit at the girls school at which she taught, until someone taught the bird to start using some profane words. For some time now Sylvester has been doing his best to retrain the bird – https://fionadobson.com/you-wont-believe-what-came-across-my-desk/. To be quite honest, though, I think Sylvester is the one who has been trained. He certainly seems to have extended his vocabulary of swear words. This is unsurprising to me.
“I was doing my yoga practice and there were a dozen of us all signed in on Zoom, and the teacher, a friend of Rainbow’s, was there leading the class.”
“Yes, I think I understand,” I said.
“And there on my screen is everyone and the teacher in the centre on the bigger panel. It’s all very sophisticated,’ said Sylvester.
“It sounds like it,” I said humoring him.
“So there I am in cobra, sticking my chest out, when suddenly Captain starts up, squawking away, “Show us your tits, Show us your tits!”. And then, of course the Zoom focus shifts to me as it goes to the sound and I am right in the middle of the screen.”
“Oh,” I said. “That’s awkward. It’s a good job there were only 12 people online!”
“Yeah, except that it’s on the screens in the yoga studio. Apparently they had record attendance. Fifty students,” said Sylvester.
“I see,” I said thoughtfully. “Perhaps you should move him into another room when you’re doing yoga,” I said helpfully.
Sylvester looked at me rather coolly.
“I’ll try to remember that in future,” he said.
“Other than that, how is Captain?” I asked.
“Oh, he’s fine. After that incident I’ve had a few messages from people who want to meet him, oddly enough. My friend Daphanie suggested he should have an OnlyFans page,” he said.
With the cooler weather I have been trying to organise my social calendar more thoughtfully. I do, of course, enjoy the Curling Season. I like to support the local team. I keep an eye on the scores and regularly get them down for the team. It’s a very social sport.
Auntie Kittie keeps asking me to join her card playing friends, they’re always looking for new victims. She likes an evening of cards often wrapping up with having some blackjack or some stud poker. At least I think that’s how she explained it.
Personally I’ve never liked the idea of gambling with card games. I can see myself getting into awful trouble, loosing everything and being forced into some terrible circumstances and forced into poverty. I might have to resort to sex work, or worse still, journalism. Urgh.
I want to make a special shout out today to my friend Andy, who is in Warsaw and has been marking this week of Transgender Awareness week. You can find her channel here – https://www.youtube.com/@Andy_trans_education/videos Andy’s videos are very sincere and authentic. I think you will find them interesting and informative.
I am currently transitioning my programs to Patreon. You can follow me there for free, or join one of the tiers (from as little as $1 a month). You can find my Patreon here – http://Patreon.com/fionadobsonCD
I have a confession to make. While I am everyone’s idea of an environmentalist, I do yoga and I hate the idea of the cruelty of the fur trade, I own a couple of furs.
Yes, it’s true. I remember a time when, if you walked down Oxford Street in a fur coat someone would pour a pot of red paint over you. Yes, and I agree with that sentiment.
The trouble is my grandmother left me a beautiful hat which is unmistakably genuine fur. It was made very nearly a hundred years ago at a time when furs were really not so unusual. So, it’s not as if I went out and bought a hat made out of fox and supported any kind of business. I just happened to inherit a hat.
Now the reason I tell you this is that, following a week with an election that has left the rest of the world reeling, Sylvester and I decided to go out to dinner with Rainbow and her partner, Epiphany. Rainbow had said there’s a new Thai restaurant and she wanted to try it out.
Since it’s turned a little chilly here in Vancouver I decided to wrap up well and took several of the hats in my wardrobe and put them on my bed and tried them on one by one. Sylvester then appeared as I was doing so and started asking all about the new restaurant.
“And where is it?” he asked as I tried another hat.
“Opposite the picture framers,” I replied looking at my reflection in the mirror.
“Wear the fox hat,” said Sylvester.
“On Main Street,” I answered.
You know, there are times when Sylvester can be quite coarse. I do wish he’d moderate his language.
Think about it…
If you happen to be one of my many members who are transgender and feel the need of a supportive community as a result of the recent election, you can join a project I am creating. If you’d like to join a support group in your state please sign up here: https://fionadobson.com/the-resistance-starts-here/ My hope is to find sufficient people to build an online support group for those of us who need it. There’s no charge for this.
Oh my goodness, the trials and tribulations of life! Poor Rainbow, she’s never had very good luck with therapists. One committing suicide might be considered bad luck, but two? I think it’s unheard of!
And this morning, just as she was getting ready to do a yoga class with me we were intercepted by a very sweaty young man who handed her an envelope and told her that she’d been served. Can you imagine? It seems her latest therapist has a better survival instinct than the others, and has served her a restraining order.
Poor Rainbow has been quite distraught since her girlfriend, Epiphany, went off on a cruise ship working as an entertainment director. She’s due back in port in a couple of weeks. I’m sure things will seem much better when she gets here. Thank goodness she has Sebastian and I to comfort her.
That, however, is not the main reason I am writing today. I just had to tell you that the latest episode of Clothes Maketh The Man has been released. You can find part 72 of Andrea’s ongoing story here – https://fionadobson.com/cmtm/clothes-maketh-the-man-part-72/
So many of us agonize over finding clothing that fits perfectly. It has to be said that the beauty of this type of garment is that it fits most body types well. I like something that covers my shoulders and steers the eye toward a bit of cleavage.
It’s typical of Sylvester that when I say I am going to slip into something simple, he assumes I mean Rainbow. He really can be quite coarse at times. I find it good to give him a pre-emptive slap around the head now and then.
“What was that for?” he says.
“It’s for what you’re going to think, if you’re not doing so already,” I tell him helpfully.
I do like to steer people in a good direction. So, here’s a handy tip. If you like wearing jeans, think about getting a simple leotard that you can slip into, and suddenly you’ve got a very femme outfit which is simple to put together and always looks attractive.
Here’s a link to a leotard that’s only around $22 and is a great asset to any trans wardrobe.
I like to wear this type of thing with a pair of high waisted jeans. If you add heels it’s super femme. This is what I’m wearing this weekend.
Be sure to join my Patreon Community chat, or perhaps you’ll find me chatting online on the website. And don’t forget, you can always use my ‘back door’ on Patreon for just $1 a month.
As you may know, I had suggested therapy to Rainbow, which she took to mean she should train in it, rather than find a decent therapist. As her training has progressed she’s become really quite animated in the subject.
She came over to breakfast just the other day and asked my advice about some marketing she was doing. As one of Canada’s leading crossdressing advertising executives I felt compelled to help. She showed me a draft of some promotional material she was getting ready for a counselling group she’s running.
“I’ve decided to form a meet up group,” she said.
“That’s wonderful. I’m sure that will be most helpful. And who is the group for,” I asked.
“Oh, it’s a meet up group for people suffering from social anxiety,” she said.
I looked at her doubtfully. I was immediately put in mind of a campaign for the Eczema Awareness Foundation which one of the junior members of the accounts team at the advertising agency I work at, had suggested. He seemed keen on the idea of a scratch card promotion until I explained that this might not be the best way to promote Eczema awareness. Rainbow’s idea of a meet up group for people with social anxiety seemed likely to have the same likelihood of success.
“You don’t think a meet up group might be a little hard to encourage people with social anxiety to participate in?” I said innocently.
Rainbow then showed me several of the photographs she was using to promote the group. I should point out that Rainbow, a yoga teacher, has a stunning body. However, the photographs were bordering on pornographic, they were so very explicit. I felt quite awkward looking at them.
“The pictures are lovely, Rainbow,” I said kindly, “but do you think them entirely appropriate for this group?”
She replied quite swiftly that “Inner beauty is in the third eye of the beholder.”
It’s hard to argue with logic like that.
“I’m sure these pictures are perfect,” I said.
I realize that it’s never easy working with people with challenges such as social anxiety. It can be a very serious problem for may people. It’s a good job I am blessed with such a sensitive nature, which is of course so common amongst those of us who are transgender. Sadly, my friend Sylvester is not so gifted in this department. He had suggested that they should have an Egg and Spoon race in the Special Olympics, for people suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. Really. He is the limit at times. Obviously Sylvester does not share my kindly nature.
As we go into the summer I hope you’ve found some great clothes to wear and that you’re enjoying the content on my site. Be sure to drop by, and if you’re not already on my Patrion by sure to look in on it. You can even use my ‘back door’ for just $1 a month!
Sylvester looked skeptically at the newspaper. He is one of the holdouts that do still read the physical paper, and his heavy knotted brow was twisted in concentration. His Neanderthal roots were showing.
“Did you see this?” he asked, while I was grinding the coffee.
“What’s that, Sylvester. The picture of Auntie Kittie’s niece in the Girl Scouts?” I replied.
“I don’t think that would make the pages of the New York Times,” he replied.
“Oh, I thought you were reading the local paper. Auntie Kittie’s niece Emma was in it. She got another badge. I think it was for fire starting, or gender awareness. Something like that.”
“She’s very proud of those girls,” said Sylvester. “But no. It’s this story. It says here that they’re making children have babies in Texas.”
“I hope the Girl Scouts down there are giving them a badge for teenage pregnancy,” I muttered.
“It’s this whole abortion issue,” he continued. “I can’t believe this is happening in the 21st century.”
“I can’t understand why anyone with either a daughter, a sister or a mother could possibly accept giving up the right to an abortion,” I said. “It’s like the whole world has gone mad.”
At that very moment I spied Auntie Kittie cycling up the road toward my house.
Sylvester glanced round and seeing her said, “Here she comes. She’s riding ‘the cycle of abuse’.”
“Why do you call her bicycle that,” I asked.
“Have you heard how it squeaks? She never oils it,” replied Sylvester, who is indeed of a mechanical bent. He went on to say, “The last time that thing was lubricated they were still using whale oil.”
“Well,” I said taken aback. “I don’t think that’s a very nice way to talk about Auntie Kittie, Sylvester!”
You know Sylvester really can be quite coarse at times.
On a serious note, just keep in mind anyone who is aligning themselves with the denial of a woman’s right to choose, will be coming for us, too. It starts to make political decisions very simple. Whatever your past voting pattern, don’t be fooled into thinking this is your grand dad’s political environment. There’s already trans people out there fighting for their lives and loosing. Just ask Brianna Ghey or Nex Benedict.
I do hope you’re having a good week. I am taking the time to catch up on a few things having been away for a little in Europe. A little what, you may well ask. I won’t be answering that anytime soon! Let’s just say my body is feeling particularly tired, and like Auntie Kittie’s bicycle could indeed use a little lubrication.
I hope you’re ready for the thanksgiving celebrations, where we turn to look at one another and count our blessings. A time when every self respecting crossdresser looks about at their closest family and wonders “Oh my god! Who the hell are these people!”
Yes, many of my members have said to me that this is one of the most challenging times of year for them. It ranks right along with Christmas, when friends and family wear their bad taste sweaters and we can barely find the time or space to slip into a nice pair of frilly panties or a simple skirt and blouse.
And, of course, there’s the family get together. That joyful time when our distant relatives become our nearest and not so dearest, reminding us that there’s a reason we don’t invite Uncle Billy Bob and his revolting offspring to visit every other weekend of the year. As they pull up, parking in the bike lane outside the apartment, in their Dodge Asshole Wagon, complete with confederate flag licence plate, we are can only reflect that it is sometimes our differences that make us strong. And that as they unload their arsenal of concealed carry weaponry, it sometimes isn’t.
As Sylvester told me just the other day, “My brother in law arrived, and I said to him to make himself at home.”
“Well, that’s very courteous of you, Sylvester. Well done,” I replied. I like to encourage any evidence of humanity in Sylvester.
He went on to say that his brother said, ‘I always do. Wherever I hang my hat is home!’”
His brother in law then took off his MAGA hat, hung it on the spare room door and went on to spend most of the weekend banging Sylvester’s long suffering sister while poor Sylvester ended up baby sitting their three revolting children. The weekend was only brought to a hurried close when one of their neighbours called to tell him that their landlord was loading their belongings onto a truck and they were being evicted.
Worried that he might have taken the whole ‘make yourself at home’ thing a little too literally, Sylvester waited till they’d hurriedly rushed home four hours away, and then packed his own place up, locked it securely, turned off his cell phone and went on an extended four day fishing trip with Bernard.
As much as we do love our families, many of us feel we don’t need to expose them to this particular side of our nature. As such, and I know this is hard, we sometimes have to smile and bite our tongue as we listen to their insane rhetoric and political views, and quietly remind ourselves, ‘it’s only once or twice a year.’ There are some arguments that there is no point engaging in.
In all seriousness, I do urge you as we go into this Thanksgiving holiday, when a family member bursts forth with some offensive views, ask yourself, ‘Is this an argument I can possibly win? Will Uncle Billy Bob really turn round later and say, ‘Gee, you know you’re right!’. If the answer is ‘no’, then I suggest you to learn the words that every good husband learns at some point in a marriage:
“You’re probably right, dear.”
One can learn to say those treasured words in such a way that everyone else around the Thanksgiving table knows damned well that what you’re really saying is, “You’re an uninformed bigoted idiot and you’re wrong”. We save our energy for the battles that can be won. They are more often subtle, the evidence of our own kindness, and the way we lead by example, allowing our sensitive more loving nature to lead our actions. We are, after all, the living proof of our worthiness.
So, how does one strike back? One does so quietly, with grace and calm. One way is to make sure you vote in all elections for people that share your values. Obviously today I am speaking mainly to my US audience, but these words are equally true wherever you are. For US members, understanding that many of the values presented by the Republican party are resulting in our sisters being targeted and abused is something we simply cannot ignore. While we may not change much by getting in an argument with Uncle Billy Bob, we can use our vote to instigate wider change.
Another way to help is, if you’re feeling strongly about these issues, back a politician who is making a difference for our community with a donation, even if it’s only a few dollars. I am not generally a fan of politicians, but these are trying times. I can wholeheartedly recommend Zooey Zephyr, who is doing great work in Montana. Even if you don’t live in Montana, helping Zooey is a good way to move our agenda forward. If we can make headway there, we will encourage people to come forward elsewhere.
And finally, if all else fails, you can become a member with me and support my work. I say that as, in my own small way, I do my best to be supportive to the trans community and many of my crossdressing members who cannot openly show themselves, by providing supportive content. I’m currently trying to rebuild my Patreon base, so even joining as a Good Gurl for just $5 goes a long way to delivering quality supportive material to your sisters.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and know that as one of my members, I give thanks for you.
Below is some good advice from Natalie Wynn, Contrapoints. Have a wonderful weekend.
I am sure you know, I work at an advertising agency. More accurately, I attend. Fortunately the partners seem to enjoy having me around.
As luck would have it I was invited to a party being thrown by one of the partner’s wives, and against my better judgement decided to bring Sylvester as my plus one. I should have realised this was a bad idea, but all the same Sylvester lurched his way into the beach front condo and mingled with the various guests. I knew a few of those invited, but to be honest I think I was only invited to bump the numbers up a little.
Across the room Sylvester quaffed his beer heartily and started in on another bawdy story to the poor man he was cornering.
“So, this priest, a hooker and a dwarf go into a bar,” said Sylvester. I decided to withdraw to the other side of the room. You know, Sylvester can be really quite coarse at times.
Instead I reluctantly listened to one of the guests walking me through her organic method of vaginal hygiene, and asking me if I thought it might have commercial potential. This is an occupational hazard when one is in marketing. One has to look interested and nod a great deal.
Chantelle, the partner’s wife, eventually collared me and to my surprise told me that they were so pleased I’d brought Sylvester, still talking to the pale looking man he’d cornered earlier.
“Really,” I said, quite puzzled. “Sylvester is a little,” and here I searched for words, “…a little fundamental for most polite company.”
“It’s so good to see someone getting on so well with my brother,” said Chantelle. “He finds it so hard to connect with people since he was ordained.”
But that’s not the main reason I’m writing today.
I thought I’d just remind you how very well received some of my hypnosis MP3’s have been. You can see a few HERE. Be sure to check them out. By using them in the evenings before you go to sleep you can enjoy the effect of hypnosis. Let me know how you get along.
“Swallow, Fiona!” said Sebastian, pushing me onward.
“But…” I protested, my mouth almost overflowing.
Rainbow, Sebastian’s sister, added, “Go on, Fiona. You’ve taken more than a couple of mouthfuls already.”
She gave me a knowing look and whispered, “I know you love it really!” Then she lay back on her yoga mat in my garden, the soft fragrance of lavender wafting over us.
I should explain, Rainbow and Sebastian are at my place this morning and brought some healthy kale and ginger smoothies with them. I know how good it is for me, so even though I may gag a little, I manage to force it down. I don’t mind Sebastian and Rainbow coming over for breakfast and we enjoy it in the comfort of my garden.
“It tastes very,” I searched for words, “…healthy.”
It tasted so healthy I wondered if I was going to throw up. It’s not the first time I’ve been exposed to this recipe. To be fair, one does feel wonderful when one stops drinking it.
Sebastian is a very diligent personal trainer. He and his sister come over to my place every two or three days for morning yoga, which helps me keep nice and trim and I feel glad of their presence. I get to dress in a beautiful leotard and tights as we do our yoga class and all the while Max (my next door neighbor’s young son) surreptitiously watches us through his binoculars from his bedroom window. I think he’s furthering his knowledge of human anatomy. He should be careful doing too much of that, he could go blind.
“You know,” said Sebastian, “your body is the sum total of all that you put into it. It’s best to choose things that are wholesome.”
I briefly thought back, remembering a long and and enjoyable youth, and smiled.
“See,” cut in Sebastian, “the thought has brought a smile back to your face.”
“No, you misunderstand,” I replied. “I was just thinking about a little encounter I had last fall. Very wholesome.”
Enjoy the beautiful song by Marvin Gaye. Be sure to let me know how you’re getting along.
I think it fair to say that one of my favorite occupations after I run screaming from my office at the end of the week, is to relax and settle down for a quiet weekend on the water. This is the time when, after the gnashing of teeth and sobbing generally has subsided that I can put my feet up, watch one or two friends trying to look masculine and impressive, and lament the absence of my wife, still unaccountably travelling in Europe.
If there was a week that would drive one to a gnashing of teeth, and generally pulling one’s hair out in frustration, it was indeed the week that has just ended. On the whole my clients at the advertising agency are a sweet and very receptive group of people. They accept my somewhat unusual approach to life, in exchange for some very sound advertising and marketing guidance for which I am grateful, as it does provide me with a satisfactory income. Having said that, I despair at some of the clients.
We do have a number of ‘pro bono’ accounts, which is to say they are charities which we support by donating our time to them. One does hope, however, that they have some experience in the worlds of advertising and marketing. When the Eczema Awareness Foundation recently came to us looking for some assistance raising awareness of that unfortunate condition, I hosted a roundtable discussion at the advertising agency, to encourage their creative ideas. I was surprised then, late last week, when they came back with the idea that they’d like to try a scratch card campaign. While these campaigns do indeed raise awareness and can be fun, a scratch card doesn’t seem an appropriate way to raise awareness of Eczema. These are the challenges I am forced to deal with.
And, of course, there’s the development company attempting to convince the small and ecologically perfect community on the coastline nearby, that they should be the location of an enormous Liquified Natural Gas refinery and port. Not realising that most of the people in this community are retired and living in a place of outstanding natural beauty, their advertising campaign focused on their idea of bringing business to the small town. Our agency was called into to quell the negative publicity after the natural gas company plastered signs all over the small town, saying “LNG – This place is going to boom!”
Spending a lovely sunny afternoon wandering around the town tearing down posters with Sylvester, who came along for the ride, was not really the kind of thing I expected to be doing at this stage of my career, but I really don’t mind. Especially as we spent so much of the late afternoon and evening kayaking up the spectacular British Columbia shoreline after checking into an AirBnB.
For those of you who love Clothes Maketh The Man, I’m pleased to say that Part 66 will be coming out soon. You can always find the latest episode listed in the chapter index here – http://FionaDobson.com/cmtm
Now, Bernard tells me we’re in for a lovely day of sailing tomorrow. I think we can squeeze out a few more good sailing days this summer. Have a lovely week.
When Sylvester suggested I paint breasts on the back of my life jacket, thereby giving him something interesting to look at as he paddled in the double kayak, I refrained from the desire to beat him in the head with the paddle in my hands. We’ve taken to getting out and about on beautiful English Bay.
We’ve been doing so many chores at home recently I think we deserve a bi of a break. Just yesterday afternoon we were cleaning up an old chest of draws that had been neglected. Some candles had burned down and damaged the surface. We’re taking the finish back to the wood. I’ve been stripping while Sylvester scrapes the varnish and wax off.
I enjoy doing outdoor activities to keep my body in shape. One activity I’ve found that works very well is sea kayaking. There are a couple of things worthy of pointing out about this activity. First of all, you can crossdress, wear a wig and anything else you want, once you’re out on the water no one is going to be able to either do or say anything about it. Another great advantage to be gained from this activity is the wonderful grounded feeling one has when surrounded with this much nature.
The work of a crossdressing advertising account executive is never done. On Friday night I was preparing to leave the office when my eyes fell upon the latest piece of creative from our graphics department.
Just as I was looking forward to a nice lager down at Trannie Annie’s bar I noticed the proof of the poster. It was all signed off and ready to be sent to the printers, when three words leapt off the page at me.
I caught my breath as I reread the text. It’s not often we’re asked to do poster campaigns these days and this one was for a prominent science author who was doing a book tour. Confidentiality prevents me from mentioning names here, however this particular individual is very recognizable, speaking with the aid of a computer synthesized voice, and with his career rolling forward apace.
I called the creative director immediately and caught him as he was stepping aboard a train on his evening commute home.
“Derek,” I said. “This poster,” and then he interrupted.
“Isn’t the image beautiful?” He gushed. “It’s from one of those radio telescopes.”
“Yes,” I replied. “The image is lovely.”
“He’s very excited about it all,” carried on the creative director. “The posters will go out on Monday, if the printers run it over the weekend.”
“Well,” I said calmly. “You might want to get off that train then.”
“But why,” said Derek.
“Asking people to come and meet the author of a book about the infinite universe is one thing, but then saying ‘come early as ‘space is limited’ seems just a little contradictory,” I replied.
Needless to say he was off the train moments later and making his way back to the office. I hope your weekend is going to be more fun than theirs.
In the meantime I have just put up a new page called ‘I nearly got caught!’. Feel free to add your comments to it and tell your own story.
I had a very sweet email from a member today, and I think it worthy of sharing. As I do so, I hope you’ll enjoy this glorious video. It serves to remind us that, even among the turmoil and confusion, the world is still full of beautiful people. You are one of them.
In her message Erin mentions:
“It seems I can’t keep away. I’ve contacted you before. I’ve been a unicorn member. I have a profile on your site. You gave me the beautiful name Erin. But I’ve deleted my account and e-mail since then. I decided to stop exploring this side of me but it seems I can’t. I always get back here. I don’t know what to do.“
Erin goes on to say, “I’ve been back and forth so many times now that I can’t remember what I have and haven’t done. It is kind of stressful and I guess that is why it all becomes a bit blurry for me. I don’t know what to do. “
Well, I really do understand. While we are exploring, particularly in the early stages, we have little understanding of what is happening. Perhaps this is just a fun fetish, or maybe it’s something very much deeper. In either case, regardless of where we are on our particular journey, I tend to believe we are best trying to understand what is going on. As we learn more about ourselves, and what feels right, we get some good clues about where this is going. I know my own journey was anything but a straight line. It can be confusing and quite frightening at times. However, bringing things into the structure of a program allows us to develop in a more structured way, which so many have found more comfortable.
Additionally, while the stories and fetish side of the issues are fun, there’s also some good learning to be had from there. And diving deeper into my site you can find more information about the psychology of this ( https://fionadobson.com/tag/psychology/), the politics ( https://fionadobson.com/tag/politics/) and of course a bit of news ( https://fionadobson.com/tag/news/). As one does accept this side of oneself you will find yourself taking a deeper interest in some of aspects of the gender non-conforming life. This can be eye opening and surprising. My reply to Erin is below.
Hi Erin,
Don’t worry. This is a side of your life worth exploring properly and not being confused about. We can work together to help you feel a little better about things. The first thing I’d suggest is to listen to this – https://fionadobson.com/finding-your-place-on-the-gender-spectrum-with-lenni-and-jules/ – and really understand it. I’d also say that when doing the premium program you should allow yourself not only to dress and act in a feminine way, but allow your mind to also think in that same manner. Before long, if you give yourself to this, you will find that what you wear is really not important. It’s who you are and how you think. That rapidly becomes increasingly femme in nature. For some of us that will be expressed in clothing and mannerisms, but for some of us it is a far more psychological process. And then again, for most of us it is a combination of the those factors, resulting in us being the people we are meant to be.
I would encourage you to continue this exploration and not allow your concerns to hold you back. Only when we understand ourselves, after all, do we really start to understand others.
🙂
Fiona
I think we’ve all felt like this at times. If you’d like to comment on this, go to the site and add a comment about your own experience. I know others will be interested.
As we explore we also realise this side of ourself has it’s own challenges to overcome. And we will overcome them, and I will be right here beside you as you do so.
That however is not the main reason I am writing to you today. There’s a couple of things to tell you. The first is that the new episode of Clothes Maketh The Man is out. Those of you loving Andy, or Andrea’s, adventures are going to enjoy this one.
The second thing I want to mention is that on my website I am increasingly finding it wise to place some of the content behind a password. Don’t worry, there’s no charge, nor requirement for a credit card. Don’t loose your password. I am doing this purely to add a little more security to the site and protect my members. This won’t affect those of you who prefer to see content in your email, however when browsing the site don’t be too surprised if you are asked to log in. If you’re not registered you can do that here – http://FionaDobson.com/register, and then you just log in at http://FionaDobson.com/login
I must say I find logging in a pain at times, too. The thing is I do have to protect some of the content especially in these times when the anti-trans voices are in the ascendency. If you’re not a paying member, don’t worry, you still have all the access you’ve always had. And, of course, you will still get email with topical and exciting content as ever. The other method of enjoying my content is on my Patreon – https://www.patreon.com/fionadobsonCD
The sun is out in Vancouver, and sailing is getting going. I’m going to do my makeup now and slip into a wetsuit.
Perhaps you already know this, but when I am not tormenting Sylvester, he of the bedroom eyes and the bathroom mind, I actually work for a living. As an account executive in an advertising agency, I am one of the busiest crossdresser’s that is ever likely to come across your desk.
As a crossdresser working in a busy advertising agency, I am often asked to involve myself on projects that are a complete waste of time, and serve no purpose whatsoever. With this in mind I've been forced to come up with ways to extract myself from situations in the workplace with apparently plausible refusals, without actually appearing to refuse at all.
This is a short but valuable guide for people who need to say 'no', without giving offence. In it I'll deal with a few suggestions, some of which will save your corporate career. There's a few things here that may have a practical application in the personal realm, but this is more aimed at the professional workplace. I know you'll find it to be of help.
I am currently trying to lift my presence on Patreon. If you’d like to help me by becoming a Patron I’d really appreciate it. As a token of thanks I am going to give away membership of our Elite Whatsapp Group to the next ten Patrons to sign up. That’s worth $10 a month and is a great supportive way to enjoy your dressing.
