What are you driving?

I could not help noticing, whilst driving home from the advertising agency the other day, the names on the back of vehicles. The model names of vehicles are of interest to me, from both the branding perspective and what it tells me about the drivers.

Have you been reading ‘Clothes Maketh The Man‘? Enjoy the ongoing serial now in its third year.

A therapist member of mine recently pointed out to me that several of their erectile dysfunction clients did indeed drive muscle cars, in more than one instance a Hummer. Frankly I feel anyone driving a Hummer should be on their knees begging forgiveness from their children as the pump heat into an increasingly fragile environment. On the other hand, given the erectile dysfunction issues associate with Hummer ownership theirs a good chance that having children is one complication these thoughtless tools will not have to concern themselves with.

Sylvester, on the other hand has shunned the muscles cars and even removed the photo on his office wall of him posing with his Dodge Penetrator 3000. I am pleased to see him mellowing. I do remember the day he pulled up outside my house, on his phone calling me to tell me he was there.

“I’m just pulling into your garage,” he said. “No wait, I’m reversing.  Pulling in again… backing up, and going in again now. Perhaps I should go in the laneway round the back. I can get the back way, but it’s a bit tight.”

You know, I may have said this before, but Sylvester can be quite coarse at times.

Personally I like to drive a Buick Vagina. It’s the limited Silhouette edition. So much more my style. Both feminine and powerful, with the twin turbo V6 with the cuddle seats option.

Vehicle names and designs do tell us a lot about their drivers. I noticed a Kia Soul in the traffic as I was driving home, and I can only speculate that some Korean designer sat down and thought hard about what a car designed for Spongebob Squarepants might look like, and then took up the challenge to build it. Ironically the driver of this particular vehicle did look like a cartoon character.

Sebastian, my vegetarian personal trainer, drives a Kia Hymen when not riding his electric bicycle. His sister, Rainbow, drives a Nissan Slide with a synchromatic gearbox. Amanda drives a Prius, which is entirely predictable, while of course Ali, my gardener, drives the Smart Car with a rifle rack on the rear window, adapted to carry his gardening tools. He’s proud to declare he always shows up with his hoes.

One of my Vancouver members, Lenni, is originally from Alaska, and proudly tells of her mother having driven a Ford LTD wagon. This vehicle, with a 7.5 litre engine has the dubious distinction of being capable of hitting a moose, killing it, and then being able to transport it back to the trailor park for butchering. I can’t help thinking life in Alaska holds wonders I am pleased not to have either witnessed or shared.

Instead I think I’ll go and get Sylvester to change the fluids in my Buick Vagina.

Have a lovely week.

Fiona

Sailing on a gender fluid sea.

I enjoy sailing. More than that, I love sailing. Sometimes I will take Sebastian out and we’ll race 16 footers at a local club, and we do pretty well. Other times I just want to mess about on the water, just being me. And that means probably dressing in something mildly effeminate which, when viewed from a distance, you’d never know what gender I might be.

There’s something fundamentally genuine about the elemental connection with wind and water, and this strangely indeterminate person between the two. Regardless of gender, how one acts with sail and rudder will result in something beautiful. The wind has no gender bias. The wider world, however is not so generously democratic.

I have noticed from many of my members that there are definitely days in which they are more inclined to be feminine than masculine. For many, it’s not even a question of ‘days’. It’s a matter of situations.

Continue reading “Sailing on a gender fluid sea.”

A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square.

Now that summer is marching down the garden path toward my back gate and fall is introducing herself at the front door  I turn to ideas about putting together a new wardrobe. I was pondering this, and putting a few thoughts together on Pinterest (  https://www.pinterest.ca/fionadobson22/  ) just this morning. As I did so Sebastian came into my kitchen looking quite disturbed.

As you know, I like to think of myself as a caring soul, a sort of Florence Nightingale in yoga pants. Sacrifice and humility are my two middle names. Yes, that seems a very fitting description. I applied a little lipstick and asked Sebastian to share his deepest concerns with me.

“My sister, Rainbow, has taken off,” he said, sounding quite disturbed.

Continue reading “A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square.”

Sebastian’s showing me his sausage!

Sebastian is a man who knows his way around a sausage. The recipe for his Jamaican Sausage is at the foot of this page.

I was quite shocked this morning when Sebastian appeared in my kitchen with his sausage in his hand. Sebastian, as you doubtless know, is my personal trainer.

“That thing’s enormous,” I said, as he held it out in front of me.

“I know,” he replied with a cheeky smile. “It’s Jamaican.”

Sebastian loves to make sausages and really is most adept in the kitchen. He’s always coming up with new recipes.

“What particularly makes it Jamaican,” I asked. as I turned on the grill.

“Mostly it’s the spices, but I also add a little pineapple and orange. It gives it a citrus lift.”

“That sounds delightful,” I gushed as the sausage began to sizzle and dribble a little fat under the grill. the aroma that filled my kitchen was delightful. It would only be a matter of time before Marjory and Amanda appeared from next door, in all likelihood. It’s the end of the competitive eating season, so Marjory is spending much more time at home.

Continue reading “Sebastian’s showing me his sausage!”

I’ve been having a little trouble with my colon!

I’ve been having some dreadful trouble with my colon lately. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but ever since Max changed some of the settings on my computer keyboard I just keep getting a problem with it! I think he reset the layout to the French keyboard!

In the wonderful sunny weather we’re having I’m going to remind all my girls the importance of moisturising your skin. Using a nice aloe cream helps, and you can find them at any pharmacy or health food store. It keeps you looking fresh and really helps your skin.

Continue reading “I’ve been having a little trouble with my colon!”

Rainbow has a blockage!

As you may be aware Sebastian, my personal trainer, has high tailed it off to Molvania on some jaunt for Personal Trainers Without Borders, leaving me without so much as a gym partner to help me with my yoga positions. I know what you’re thinking – ‘how selfish!’.

Well, no one has seen hide nor hair of Sebastian since he sneaked out of Canada and went off to teach Molvanian peasants about being vegan. Personally I think this might be a step up from living a life punctuated by intermittent starvation, but not a very big one. If I were a Molvanian peasant I know I’d like nothing more than a nice bit of sausage from time to time.

Continue reading “Rainbow has a blockage!”

Sebastian’s slipped out.

Hi,

‘Well, it all sounds highly suspicious to me,” I said. “And, Ali, I thought you said you had a word with Jeff in immigration.  You were going to have him stopped at the airport.”

Ali looked a little sheepish and then said quietly, “He took the lunchtime flight.”

“So?” I asked.

“Well he was on his break,” said Ali. Then he added, as though it explained everything, “He had to take his dog to the vet.”

“His dog?”

“Yes, Fiona.”

Continue reading “Sebastian’s slipped out.”

Let’s Get You In Shape The Fun Way.

You know keeping your body in shape is never a bad idea. However most gym exercises are very yang in nature – elevating the core energy of the body. There’s a great deal to be gained by releasing the tension in the body through a more yin form of exercise. That’s why yin yoga, or a hatha yoga class is so very important.


Some people identify this as a more feminine form of energy. I don’t really go quite that far, but I do feel that releasing tension through the use of yin yoga calm both the body and the mind. This allows me to be myself – a very feminine person.


Now, since Sebastian, my personal trainer, is off on some foolish jaunt to Molvania, teaching the less fortunate of the world about the benefits of being a vegan, I am left to take care of my own personal training needs. Honestly, how can someone be so selfish! He’s doing a stint with Personal Trainers Without Borders. Seems very egocentric to me.


Instead I will have to do my own yoga routine, along with Julie, Katia and Marjory from next door. Sylvester offered to come round and help me realign my chakras, but I’m not entirely sure that he interprets that the same way as I do. To be honest he’s far more useful greasing a half shaft and helping me with my fluids. In the car. He really can be very coarse at times.


However, I do think I should talk a little about exercise and how very important it is for all of us who crossdress. You may remember my photographer, Bernard, recently had some heart troubles resulting in a heart transplant. I am convinced this is because he doesn’t exercise properly. He really should be more committed. Admittedly being tazered certainly didn’t help. None the less he should be more aware of his health. Mind you, he’s not as bad as his brother, Fat Stewart. He hauls his bloated carcass around in a Ford F150 and is only likely to lose weight if he gets flensed.


So, after chatting with Marissa, one of my lovely members, I was put in mind of some of the benefits of exercising in the proper manner. That’s right, as a crossdresser it’s not as simple as merely going into a gym and lifting weights. If you want to look like Sylvester Stallone in a dress that might work for you, but if you’re looking for a more feminine shape it’s not going to do the things you’re looking for.


Most typical gym exercises are very yang in nature. The elevate the energy within the core of the body. As a crossdresser you’re looking for something a little different. Pumping iron bunches up the muscles and can even elevate anxiety. This is the reverse of where you want to be.


When you swim, particularly breast stroke, you are releasing energy. A slow methodical pace, using each stroke to release and push away tension, leave the body relaxed and supple. Crawl, or swimming in an over arm stroke, is more like a core exercise and isn’t what you’re looking for. The yin-like exercise of breast stroke, preferably daily, is extremely healthy and calming. It’s gentle. That feels more like where you need to go, doesn’t it?


Doing yoga is one of the best ways to allow your feminine energy to emerge. There’s no rocket science here. Getting into either Hatha, or better still, Yin yoga is a great way to find that side of yourself. Now, a word of caution. Don’t just wander into any yoga class, if you’re not sure what you’re looking for. An Ashtanga yoga class has more in common with a martial arts workout than what you likely think yoga is. You are looking for Hatha or Yin styles of yoga.


If you’re unable to get into a class I can thoroughly recommend Esther Ekhart’s website here: https://www.ekhartyoga.com/


I don’t get paid to recommend Esther. She’s lovely.


Have a lovely week, and try to get into a yoga class. If you’re a Patron and Seahorse Level of higher, you can also enjoy this spectacular self hypnosis file to make the experience all the more exciting and feminine.


🙂


Fiona.

Become a Patron!

It’s a very special day.

What a beautiful spring morning here in Huckleberry Close.  It’s a very special day for me, though you likely don’t realise it. Three years ago today I started writing the story ‘Clothes Maketh The Man’, which led to the development of my program and this extraordinary journey.

In that time, as close as Max and I can calculate, something like 85,000 people have enjoyed the story. I find this on the one hand encouraging, and on the other a little disturbing!

In celebration I think Sylvester and Ali have something planned. They keep making spurious excuses to drop by mid morning. Sylvester tells me he wants to ‘check my fluids’, which I think has something to do with the car. Ali is insistent that he was to drop of a couple of hoes. At least that’s what I think he said. He has been wanting new gardening equipment.

Anyway, it’s also International Women’s Day, and in honor of that I am including a video one of my dearest members suggested. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!

Have a lovely day,

Fiona.

Become a Patron!

I think there may be a little viking in me!

I was very suprised this week when I was visited by Sebastian’s cousin, who is visiting Montreal, from Trondheim in Norway. Arvid is a little short, bespectacled blonde young man, who is a genetic scientist and researcher.

I am always curious about such technologies and scientific developments. I remember reading a maginificent book some years ago, called The Seven Daughters of Eve, which piqued my interest.

As we chatted, I leaned over and poured Arvid’s tea. I couldn’t help noticing the way his glanced slipped to my chest, and hovered there. Now, as you likely know, I love to crossdress in a low cut sweater, and figure hugging clothes. It did seem that Arvid’s research interests may extend beyond the highly theoretical.

“Oh, Arvid,” I said. “I do love the idea of you delving into my genes. I’d so love to learn a little more about my genetic background.”

Arvid turned a deeper shade of red.

“Besides,” I simpered. “Who know’s,” I said as I leaned over and poured a little milk into his tea. “Perhaps there could be a little viking in me!”

However, that’s not the main reason I’m writing today. I did want to tell you more about the wonderful things going on at http://FionaDobson.com. We’ve got some wonderful new members in My Little Black Book. Such a great group of members looking to connect and chat.

I should also give a quick mention to my correspondent Mildred, from Colorado Springs. I just want to clarify something, Mildred. No, you do not need a password to operate a wireless bra.

Until next time,

🙂

Fiona

Don’t forget, I’ve got many free videos for you on Youtube, and soundfiles on Soundcloud.


Sebastian’s going to give me one in the bunker!

It’s been such an active period. And I must say, I’ve been surprised by Sebastian, as he’s been putting me through my paces in my fitness regime. This gives me a great opportunity to dress in some lovely outfits.

I do, of course, take a keen interest in sport. I’ve been noticing a lot of talk lately about concussions in sport. It’s high time these types of injuries were addressed, and particularly in ice hockey. Unnecessary violence does nothing to enhance the game. However, I was most surprised when Sebastian came home the other day, having had to stop in at the hospital after a yoga class. Apparently, while helping out at his sisters studio, he’d asked a young lady if she was unwell, as she was sneezing and coughing right through the class.  When he told her he was sorry she wasn’t feeling herself, she turned round and punched him.

He does take me with him when he’s climbing some weekends.  I generally watch, though sometimes I do like to mess around in caves pot holing with him. This very weekend I’m looking forward to a truly dirty weekend of fun in various holes he’s suggested.

That, however, is not the main reason I’m writing. For those of you enjoying my serial “Clothes Maketh The Man”, I have just released Part 22. Things seem to get less and less comfortable for poor Andy! I’m trying to keep a good schedule getting it out (phrasing) every couple of weeks now. The best way to be sure your getting enough, is to use my App – which you can download here.

I’ve also made some cool changes to the website recently. Once you register on the website you can now get full access to the Free Program content on the web. Be sure to register and you can have me in the car, your office, when you wake up and before you fall asleep!

Now, I have to hurry off. I have a golf lesson with Sebastian shortly. He’s planning to give me one in the bunker.

😊

Fiona

Maintaining discipline on the pitch can be a point of contention even in school games.

Finding you in good health.

I put my own success and good health down to my adherence to a strict and healthy diet. In Canada we have a wonderful chain of health food stores, called ‘Tim Hortons’. Where ever you roam in this great land you’re never far from a healthy nutritious snack. In fact, I think it fair to say Tim Hortons has become a Canadian institution as identifiable as our polite nature, love of hockey and insistence that we elect a Prime Minister that doesn’t have a serious personality disorder.

As you may know, my wife, Amanda and our neighbour Marjory, are traveling on an ornithological tour of Western Europe.

Amanda, my wife’s appalling friend, has come down with a severe case of Canestin poisoning,  which I understand is rare but not unknown in menopausal lesbians. I hasten to point out that I do not subscribe to Sylvester’s view that when lesbians are exposed to large amounts of oestrogen they run a severe risk of having their ovaries explode. Sylvester somehow equates this to the idea that ‘males have to masturbate at least once a day, or else their testicles burst into flame.’

In my kitchen with Sylvester, Bernard and Max, my neighbours son, I poured the tea.

“Whoever told you that nonsense,” I snapped at Sylvester.

“My mother,” he said.

“Sylvester,” I said in mock protest, “that’s complete nonsense! We all know that Max has to masturbate at least four times a day to prevent such a mishap!”

Young Max blushed and pursed his lips. I smiled at him fondly. Since that embarrassing matter of the carrot, poor Max has been very subdued, poor lamb.

I made the mistake of asking Bernard how he was, since he’d only been out of the hospital a few days.

“It’s all these tests,” he said. “They make me feel like a bloody pin cushion.”

“I’m sure the doctors are doing their best,” I reassured him.

“I’ve become a slave to my prostate,” he said sounding downcast.

“Aren’t we all,” I replied a little uncertainly.

“It seems to rule my life,” he continued.

“How very awkward,” I commiserated.

At that moment the kitchen door was flung open, and in staggered Sebastian. He looked terrible, with a weeks growth of facial hair on his chin.

“Good God, Sebastian! You look like you got interrupted halfway through eating a raw porcupine. What on earth happened?”

Sebastian was shaking with energy. “Just got back from Mexico,” he shouted. His words word tumbling over themselves to get out.

“I did the ayahuasca retreat…It was… It was…” he was stammering his words out, his voice shaking.

“I think you’d better sit down and have a glass of water.” I said.

I decided to call my sister, who works at the local hospital. To cut a long story short, she swung by and using the drug testing kit nurses often carry, she determined that Sebastian’s Ayahuasca retreat could more accurately be described as an LSD retreat. That, and that he’d probably spent the last five days sleeping in a burlap sack. Not bad for a cool $3000.

As my sister was leaving she glanced at Bernard, and said, “Oh, Bernard. I didn’t see you there. I didn’t recognise you from the front.”

My sister does two shifts a week in Proctology.

This week I’d like you to take a good look through my Pinterest for some clothing ideas. As you know, I love my members to experiment. Have a lookand see if there’s anything there that takes your fancy. And before I leave you, I’ve a special request. Help our girlfriends at The Downtown Eastside Women‘s centre. They could use a hand. See the panel below for details.

😊

Fiona

 

Upgrade Now
Let’s make a difference this week. We’re appealing to you to help out some friends of ours. The Downtown Eastside Women’s Centre supports vulnerable women on Vancouver’s Eastside. Mostly these are people who have fallen between the cracks of society’s safety net. We’re focusing on this charity today because it’s in a cool city, it’s a cause I know my members will fall in line with, and because the big charities have the big advertising budgets – and the small ones are often overlooked. This is a small charity, and your gift will make a huge difference. You can support this charity by going HERE and giving something, however small, to help.
Nice Legs, Shame About The Face! Wise words from the early 1980’s. The last verse is the best one. You can always enjoy the Fiona Dobson Playlist HERE.

The dangers of yoga pants.

The dangers of yoga pants.

You are catching me at a very inopportune moment, so I’m going to hope you can indulge me a moment. Here I am with my hands covered in a white solution – goodness, it get’s everywhere!

Let me explain. This morning, Sebastian was over getting ready for my daily yoga class, when I got a call from Marjory (Max’s mother) from next door. She asked if perhaps she could come over and join our yoga class.

Now, I think you all know how important I find yoga. It really helps me get in touch with my feminine self. And wearing tight colorful yoga pants is just a bonus.

Naturally I agreed Marjory should join us, however she was not sure if she had quite the right clothes. I wouldn’t want her colors to clash with mine so I sent Sebastian over to her place to have a quick look at what she was going to wear.  This was a big mistake.  To cut a long story short Sebastian now has a virulent rash which he seems to have picked up from Marjory’s pussy.

I had no idea he was allergic. Fortunately he has some homeopathic tinctures in his first aid kit. Let’s hope this does the trick!

Have a great week, and remember, if you develop a nasty little rash it’s a good idea to treat it with plenty of lubrication, vigorously. And often. It’ll either cure it, or you’ll go blind.

😊

Fiona

PS. If you are not a full member think about signing up – HERE . When I see payment go through I will start you on your path. I work though everyone’s messages a couple of times a day and work to get you moving quickly. I know you’ll love it. Email me to let me know you’ve upgraded.

Fiona.

Upgrade Now
This music video simply has to be played. There’s a companion on here. Let me explain. In the 80’s we had some great pop bands. We also had some that didn’t quite make the cut. In fact, The Reynolds Girls ‘I’d Rather Jack’ did get into the top ten on the music charts, but more recently rose to some fame as one of the top 100 worst pop records of all time. Personally I loved it. I love the energy and the girls sense of fun. They were so cool that they even did a reunion video in 2007 which is just painfully delightful and has to be watched. If only we could all be so honest and ready to enjoy life. Now, if you really want to elect a celebrity leader, why not one of these two?  For those who have been asking for a playlist of the music videos I use, it can be found here.

What have they ever done for us?

What have they ever done for us?

Good morning and welcome to a wonderful election day in the US. If you’re getting ready to vote, slip into some heels, do your makeup and get out there with plenty of time to make a difference.

Just this very morning I was walking in my garden with Sebastian, my personal trainer, and Amanda, my wife’s appalling friend. She’s heading over the border to the US this afternoon to vote, of course, like all good people should. However, as we were walking Amanda got a call from my wife, who as you may know is currently travelling.

Sebastian and I could not help but overhear Amanda’s comments, and politely listened in to the one sided conversation. Now the important details I will skip over, except to say that I was wearing one of my lovely pleated maxi skirts that I find so very comfortable and a pair of suede boots. However, returning to Amanda, who it should be noted edits Pig and Pig Farmer, the first publication in the US to endorse Mr. Trump in the last elections.

Continue reading “What have they ever done for us?”