Tag: psychology

When chatting online I often ask my CD members and friends what their femme name is.  Most of us have one and as we develop this side of our personality we learn to treasure it. After all it is something we have given ourselves.

One of the reasons it’s important is that it gives us something on which to hang all the complexities of the identity we’ve chosen. It gives ‘her’ personality. When we are first called our femme name it gives us a thrill, and each subsequent time it’s used it subtly nails home this part of ourself. It’s a continual reinforcement of who we are.

Each email, each time a friend online and each time someone in our daily lives use this name we are further confirmed as who we really are. This is true whether you are just dressing now and then in private or out and working toward transition. In either case it’s an important part of us. For this reason I encourage all my members to select and use a positive name and give themselves to it.

I’ve even got a great hypnosis file to help reinforce the name.  You can find it here – – https://fionadobson.com/your-feminine-identity-self-hypnosis/  –  I suggest you use this self hypnosis file even if you’ve been using your name for years. It will help you adopt the name as part of yourself.

For those who have yet to choose a name, here’s a good way to do so. Think back to when you were in high school. Likely there was a girl there who you admired. There were some aspects of her character you liked, and you’d like to have today. Perhaps it was her winning smile, or the way she moved. Maybe it was her feisty attitude, or perhaps her depth and thoughtfulness. By choosing her name you are doing a few things.  One is to honor the memory of this person, even if you’ve never seen her since and never will. You’re also affirming subconsciously your admiration of the characteristics that she exhibited. By using her name you’ll find that you are quietly reminded of how good you can be. Your name will silently influence you to be a better person. A person you can admire.

While some people like a very Sissie name, like Trixie or Candie, these names communicate a rather different message. Yes, you can call them ‘stripper’ names. Well, chances are that if you’re using a name like that those are messages you are trying to communicate. There’s nothing remotely wrong with that, as long as that’s the image you wish to present to the world. Personally I like to dress femme everyday, so whether I am in a client meeting at work or going to the sports centre I want my name to fit.

If I were introduced to a new client at a meeting as ‘Trixie’ they might think the entertainment had arrived. So, your name says a lot to the world in general and also to yourself. If you’re at a total loss to find the right name then here’s a little trick. Take your year of birth, and then put it into a google search preceded by ‘popular girls names’. It’s likely that in the first four or five names there will be a name that feels right. I’ve helped many members with his and it usually works. Apart from anything else, if you’re 45 and stumble on a name that was never popular among people of your own age it will probably never feel quite right.

The first few times you use the name it will feel a little strange, but before long it will begin to feel right. If you sign up to a few mailing lists ( here’s a good one – http://FionaDobson.com/my-programs) with this name and start getting used to seeing it in your inbox you will soon delight in it. When someone calls you by your new name you will find it a delight. And before long it will feel as natural as… well, as ‘Fiona’ does for me.

Fiona Dobson.

I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, a skillet sizzling on the hob spilling delightful aromas out into the garden, when I heard the sound of Sylvester’s chopper drawing into my driveway. Sensing the presence of sausage he often unaccountably appears. Now, the same could be said of some of my gurlfriends, but that really is another story.

Arriving just as I was about to pour the coffee, Sylvester showed up with his niece, a glorious young creature of thirteen.

“Fiona, this is Anastasia,” he said as he entered. “She’s heard so much about you, she said she’d like to join

I don’t know the story behind this post yet, but I will try to find out.

FD

So many of my members have spent years suppressing their desire to dress, and only once it is indulged do they find a sense of joyfulness. Sometimes this is accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, and it all seems very confusing.

Suppressing these feelings can result in frustration and depression. Often members report that they never understood why they felt so lost, until they began to allow this side of themselves to emerge.  Prior to embracing their gender fluidity they report feeling lost and fail to understand ‘why is this happening to me’?

For the vast majority of my members it’s about easing into a more comfortable place on the gender spectrum. For some it may be as simple as becoming just a little more androgynous in the way you dress and think. Others will of course find they do want to allow themselves to become far more feminine. I’ve certainly found that many people now go as far as using HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), either herbal or pharmaceutical, without any desire to go for full surgery.

In the end my Premium Program is created to help you find the appropriate place on the gender spectrum that will work for you and fits with your lifestyle. There’s an expression in the LGBTQ community, which originated in the gay and lesbian world, but is very applicable to those of us who consider ourselves to be gender fluid.

“We don’t raise our young. Instead they have to find us.”

Some of us take quite a while to find our tribe. This can take the form of people in your own community or even systems like my Elite Whatsapp Group – where many people find support and friendship. Hopefully we get there in the end. That’s when things start to make a little more sense.

Fiona