First Steps Into Transition – With Jules Sandison.
In this second part of a series about moving into a transgender life Jules Sandison describes how many of us progress in the first steps of transition, and what that really looks like. We’re not all going to emerge immediately into a fully passable female body, or a female psychology. Far from it.
In this discussion with Lenni and Jules from Http://FIonaDobson.com we look at how we set goals as people in the gender fluid and queer space. In this Jules refers to a Gender Rebels podcast about ‘Lost Girlhood’. You can find that here – https://t.co/WoafGjoTod.
Jules gives us a quick look at the journey from crossdressing to transitioning as a transgender individual. This will help anyone who thinks they may be trans, or friends and family of people who have chosen a transgender life. Enjoy it and let me know what you think.
Let’s clear the air on what Transgender means and what the movement is all about.
Transgender is about transversing genders, spanning the space between male and female. It is a broad term and doesn’t specifically define one gender expression.
Many of us look to the medical profession for guidance. Sometimes we should think twice about that. Our own communities are stronger and more educated than theirs. Until they get their heads around non-binary gender issues we should tread with caution.
This post first appeared on my Patreon. I’ve been traveling in Brazil and following some tech challenges could post only on my Patreon. If you’re not already a member on there, this might be a good time to join.
As I continue to travel here in Brazil I am falling into a routine of listening to the news as I shower and prepare for the day.
I wash and shave, even with HRT there’s still a little shadow there. I don’t really suffer from dysmorphia, but I really don’t like facial hair. It is something of a reminder of something I want to leave behind. So I shave thoroughly, as the BBC newscast goes on and I hear of further erosion of trans rights in the US.
In the mirror I see the reflection of my upper body. I see the curve of my breasts and I brush my hair, now long and lustrous after years of care.
On one breast I have the names of Nex Benedict and Brianna Ghey tattooed, memorializing two of the many trans people who have been tragically taken before their time. I honor them and say their names each morning.
I say a prayer for all my trans sisters as I ready myself for the day. That reflection reminds me that the sun will still come up, I am still transgender, and no executive order will change that fact. The Gulf of Mexico is still the Gulf of Mexico, and life does go on.
The actions of one insecure little man will not change any of this. It is still a wonderful world. Those who mistreat us define themselves through their cruelty.
When chatting online I often ask my CD members and friends what their femme name is. Most of us have one and as we develop this side of our personality we learn to treasure it. After all it is something we have given ourselves.
One of the reasons it’s important is that it gives us something on which to hang all the complexities of the identity we’ve chosen. It gives ‘her’ personality. When we are first called our femme name it gives us a thrill, and each subsequent time it’s used it subtly nails home this part of ourself. It’s a continual reinforcement of who we are.
Each email, each time a friend online and each time someone in our daily lives use this name we are further confirmed as who we really are. This is true whether you are just dressing now and then in private or out and working toward transition. In either case it’s an important part of us. For this reason I encourage all my members to select and use a positive name and give themselves to it.
I’ve even got a great hypnosis file to help reinforce the name. You can find it here – – https://fionadobson.com/your-feminine-identity-self-hypnosis/ – I suggest you use this self hypnosis file even if you’ve been using your name for years. It will help you adopt the name as part of yourself.
For those who have yet to choose a name, here’s a good way to do so. Think back to when you were in high school. Likely there was a girl there who you admired. There were some aspects of her character you liked, and you’d like to have today. Perhaps it was her winning smile, or the way she moved. Maybe it was her feisty attitude, or perhaps her depth and thoughtfulness. By choosing her name you are doing a few things. One is to honor the memory of this person, even if you’ve never seen her since and never will. You’re also affirming subconsciously your admiration of the characteristics that she exhibited. By using her name you’ll find that you are quietly reminded of how good you can be. Your name will silently influence you to be a better person. A person you can admire.
While some people like a very Sissie name, like Trixie or Candie, these names communicate a rather different message. Yes, you can call them ‘stripper’ names. Well, chances are that if you’re using a name like that those are messages you are trying to communicate. There’s nothing remotely wrong with that, as long as that’s the image you wish to present to the world. Personally I like to dress femme everyday, so whether I am in a client meeting at work or going to the sports centre I want my name to fit.
If I were introduced to a new client at a meeting as ‘Trixie’ they might think the entertainment had arrived. So, your name says a lot to the world in general and also to yourself. If you’re at a total loss to find the right name then here’s a little trick. Take your year of birth, and then put it into a google search preceded by ‘popular girls names’. It’s likely that in the first four or five names there will be a name that feels right. I’ve helped many members with his and it usually works. Apart from anything else, if you’re 45 and stumble on a name that was never popular among people of your own age it will probably never feel quite right.
The first few times you use the name it will feel a little strange, but before long it will begin to feel right. If you sign up to a few mailing lists ( here’s a good one – http://FionaDobson.com/my-programs) with this name and start getting used to seeing it in your inbox you will soon delight in it. When someone calls you by your new name you will find it a delight. And before long it will feel as natural as… well, as ‘Fiona’ does for me.
Many of us worry that sharing the changes we’re going through will destroy our relationships, particularly if we’ve been partnered for many years. There are certainly situations where this is the case, however it doesn’t always need to be that way. If you’re interested in preserving your relationship you may want to read on.
Partners generally can be very accepting as long as they don’t feel their relationship or security is threatened. So, for example, if you choose to share that you are experiencing some shifts emotionally, you’re likely to get a lot further than simply declaring that you want to be known henceforth as ‘Candy’ and that you’re going to wear stripper clothes to your job at the iron foundry. I think you understand what I am driving at. Communication is the key, and it’s communication at a very gentle level. No one wants to hear an ultimatum, or that ‘everything has to change’.
Everyone struggles with this in the early stages of their journey. Those guilty moments of looking at a collection of clothes and saying to yourself ‘what am I doing?’, followed by throwing out sometimes expensive clothes.
You don’t have to do it this way. There’s a few things that will help, and all you need to do is step through this simple process to remove the purging and save yourself some money. So, if you want to end that wasteful process, read this, and act on it.
Step One. Understand this is all about shame. You swing like a pendulum moving from excitement dressing, to shame and regret that you’re doing this in secret. You can start the process of getting past this by understand that there’s nothing shameless about this. It’s simply a part of you longing for fulfillment. The simplest way to start getting over this is to using my hypnosis content. Try this for a start.
Step Two. You are going to need to start understanding what this is about. If it’s more than a passing fetish (and it is if you’re really feeling shame), then you ae going to want to understand more about trans issues, and how it’s perfectly understandable and normal for many of us. You may not be a ‘woman’ but you may feel like one. That’s neither an illness, nor a sin. It may be a signal that there’s something going on you’re going to have to organise in your head. If you listen to some of the videos in my Featured Friends sections you will find that most of us are perfectly normal and reasonable people. We’re not freaks. We’re probably just like you. Below is a video by Contrapoints that’s a fun place to start but gives you some serious things to think about. Listen to it, and then come back to it again a day later and listen to it again. Understand it. This stuff takes time and is a lot to assimilate, but if you’re going to understand this stuff you need to do it.
Step Three. When you purge you’re probably tossing out hyper femme clothes you feel, in a moment of shame, are not ‘you’. You’re going to change how you dress. Instead of buying some excessively feminine clothes, you can by more practical androgynous clothes that move you into a semi femme aesthetic. There will be time to buy the more femme clothes later. That’s not to say you won’t have any super femme clothes, but you will also have some nice simple androgynous clothing. Getting the pastel lambs wool sweater and the more feminine cut jeans will not arouse others concerns, but will allow you to dress in a more androgynous way any time you like. Putting on a little eye makeup is all you need to present much more femme whenever you wish to. You’re not going to toss clothes like that and you won’t feel shame associated with them.
Step Four. This is not meant to be a hard sell. I don’t need to do that, and people in my programs know it’s not my way. However, to send your expensive habit of purging clothes you will help yourself enormously if you join my Premium Program, because it will help you learn more and accept more about yourself. This is all about understanding your gender, and accepting yourself. There’s nothing to be ashamed of about being who you are. So subscribe to the damned program and stop wasting money!
These steps will help, if you do them. If you don’t, well I’ll see you back here when you do it all over again, because this thing doesn’t just stop. It’s part of you.
Does the family know? Do you share it? There’s a lot of questions about crossdressing, and gender fluid life that are likely to emerge. How does one handle that? Enjoy this discussion with Jules and Lenni, as they explore the subject.
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When a partner decides they want to explore the gender fluid world of crossdressing it’s going to introduce some new strains on a relationship. But does it have to be the end?
I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, a skillet sizzling on the hob spilling delightful aromas out into the garden, when I heard the sound of Sylvester’s chopper drawing into my driveway. Sensing the presence of sausage he often unaccountably appears. Now, the same could be said of some of my gurlfriends, but that really is another story.
Arriving just as I was about to pour the coffee, Sylvester showed up with his niece, a glorious young creature of thirteen.
“Fiona, this is Anastasia,” he said as he entered. “She’s heard so much about you, she said she’d like to join
Lenni, a cis female member of our Whatsapp Group posted this to the group and it came to my attention. It’s a beautiful short movie, poignant especially at this time. Please watch and share.
At a time when youth need all the support they can find, this hits the target beautifully. Our Whatsapp group is here to support all comers. Lenni and her wife have been LGBTQ activist for the last 25 years. It’s hardly suprising that such a supportive message should emanate from her.
