I see a lot of comments on forums and blogs about the idea
of labels. It seems to be a common pass time to try to decide if transgender
people are the same as transvestite people – and some terms are now archaic,
and others have slipped into alternative use. One way or another I find it a
complete mine field.
I am certainly not going to step into those debates. I do
understand that there are many different types of people who choose to wear
women’s clothes. Some are on their way to transition, others are choosing to
put something on as they really find a sexual high out of it. Others still
simply want to allow their femininity to blossom. Personally I am enjoying
navigating the middle ground between genders that allows me to enjoy something
of the best of all worlds. I think we cater to all of those possibilities here
I find the term ‘gender fluid’ fairly generic. The movement freely and easily between genders does describe what many of my members do, if not who they are. And there I think lies the safe ground. After all, do we really need these labels? Particularly here, if we really think of the phrase ‘Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire’ you’ll see we are not really interested in what others think or how they choose to judge us.
So many of my friends privately confide in me that they’ve always wanted to crossdress, but just never really knew where to start. It’s not the clothes that were the problem, it was how to think about gender.
I generally suggest they listen to this talk to help get their heads in the right place. After all, crossdressing is more about what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs.
When I started My Little Black Book four years ago I was surprised by how many of my members immediately joined the system. It’s a very simple method of connecting with other crossdressers and admirers, and to be honest it’s a pretty bare bones type of tool.
I help many people get in touch with their feminine side, and many of them want to reach out to others, both for support and friendship. I often hear that people struggle to connect with crossdressers, and that crossdressers struggle to meet admirers – both male and female. It seems to me this is a problem in search of a simple solution. So I built one.
I was a little concerned that the simplicity of the system would not appeal to people used to online dating apps that are pretty sophisticated. My intention was to keep costs minimal, but more importantly put the members in control. The idea was that people set up an email that they felt safely put all correspondence in one place, and then list themselves in My Little Black Book. Members could then use that email to reach out to others, and to have others connect with them.
Very soon it turned out that people loved the fact that it was so very simple, which has become the single most important part of the system. Now we have members from all over the world talking to each other, and enjoying correspondence from near and far. It’s proved a great success. People were even connecting and sharing group holidays.
Gradually introducing your partner to the gurl who is inside you is a process best handled in a slow and sensitive manner. Many partners will recoil from this if it’s not handled in a very precise way.