Can you hear them?

I was reminded of something I probably don’t say often enough recently, while chatting with one of my lovely members.  Those  of us who occupy the middle ground of the gender space, whether we consider ourselves trans, gender fluid or crossdressers, have to learn some unusual disciplines, and our ability to do so radically influences how well we will exist in society.

We are different. Some people get it, while others never will. This forces us to sometimes hide who we are, and it also results in strong feelings when we can speak our truth.  However, our tool kit of disciplines can help us as we grapple with the challenges of life.  Chief among these, in my experience is the ability to suspend our judgement of others, and equally to move past the judgement they put on us.

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Where to start crossdressing?

So many of my friends privately confide in me that they’ve always wanted to crossdress, but just never really knew where to start. It’s not the clothes that were the problem, it was how to think about gender.

I generally suggest they listen to this talk to help get their heads in the right place. After all, crossdressing is more about what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs.

So many people struggle to meet crossdressers.

When I started My Little Black Book four years ago I was surprised by how many of my members immediately joined the system. It’s a very simple method of connecting with other crossdressers and admirers, and to be honest it’s a pretty bare bones type of tool. 

I help many people get in touch with their feminine side, and many of them want to reach out to others, both for support and friendship. I often hear that people struggle to connect with crossdressers, and that crossdressers struggle to meet admirers – both male and female. It seems to me this is a problem in search of a simple solution. So I built one.

I was a little concerned that the simplicity of the system would not appeal to people used to online dating apps that are pretty sophisticated. My intention was to keep costs minimal, but more importantly put the members in control. The idea was that people set up an email that they felt safely put all correspondence in one place, and then list themselves in My Little Black Book. Members could then use that email to reach out to others, and to have others connect with them.

Very soon it turned out that people loved the fact that it was so very simple, which has become the single most important part of the system. Now we have members from all over the world talking to each other, and enjoying correspondence from near and far. It’s proved a great success.  People were even connecting and sharing group holidays.

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Keeping it in the family.

When a partner decides they want to explore the gender fluid world of crossdressing it’s going to introduce some new strains on a relationship. But does it have to be the end?

Let’s not get hung up on labels.

I see a lot of comments on forums and blogs about the idea of labels. It seems to be a common pass time to try to decide if transgender people are the same as transvestite people – and some terms are now archaic, and others have slipped into alternative use. One way or another I find it a complete mine field.

I am certainly not going to step into those debates. I do understand that there are many different types of people who choose to wear women’s clothes. Some are on their way to transition, others are choosing to put something on as they really find a sexual high out of it. Others still simply want to allow their femininity to blossom. Personally I am enjoying navigating the middle ground between genders that allows me to enjoy something of the best of all worlds. I think we cater to all of those possibilities here on FionaDobson.com.

I find the term ‘gender fluid’ fairly generic. The movement freely and easily between genders does describe what many of my members do, if not who they are. And there I think lies the safe ground. After all, do we really need these labels? Particularly here, if we really think of the phrase ‘Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire’ you’ll see we are not really interested in what others think or how they choose to judge us.

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One small step for man — one giant leap for personkind.

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day. We were discussing how hard it is to take those first few steps outside as a crossdresser.

The circumstances of these first few steps are always daunting. Regardless of whether these are taken in the confines of a drag club or stepping out into an unfamiliar environment they are likely to be a few steps that are never forgotten. But is there any way we can make it easier? And should we?

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Crossdressing – Keeping quiet, or coming out? With Lenni and Jules.

Many crossdressers dread the idea of telling their family and fear the consequences. In this conversation we explore what there is to be learned from other LGBTQ groups and how they come out.

Crossdressing and the reluctant wife.

A short talk about how to crossdress and talk with a reluctant wife or partner.

Help, I can’t find anyone to dress with.

It’s a common problem. You have a healthy desire to explore gender alternatives but neither the experience nor confidence in the process to do it alone.

In this situation instead of the joy of the journey many people find themselves feeling guilty and ashamed. Where’s the fun in that? A part of them which should be celebrated is instead suppressed.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

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Fitting crossdressing into a committed marriage.

Many of my crossdressing friends tell me that they feel confused and often afraid about continuing to crossdress within their marriage. In many cases they feel uncomfortable about where it may lead and guilty about these desires.

There’s a struggle that takes place trying to justify the idea of dressing, and the guilt of doing so and hiding the fact. On the one hand there’s a desire to be open and honest with a spouse, on the other the fear of misunderstanding, or even the thought that simply crossdressing may lead to infidelity. Well, before we go much further let’s dispel a few myths.

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