Connecting with other members of Fiona’s Little Black Book.

By now you should have your Profile up in Fiona’s Little Black Book, a nice pic – or even just something simple until you have the time to do a really good one. Now it’s time to think about reaching out to others.

You don’t want to just sit there and wait for someone to connect. That’s just a wee bit too passive. No, as Sebastian said to me while pulling on his spandex cycling shorts, “Gotta get out there and seize the day!”

Actually, anyone wandering around in those shorts should be more concerned about someone grabbing them – there’s just too much on display, if you ask me.

So, now you’re going to send out at least three ‘Requests To Connect’. That’s what we call it when you send a message out to other members of Fiona’s Little Black Book. You might be tempted to send out hundred – but resist this urge. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

The smartest way to do this is to write a simple email – and save the contents in a Word document, or another similar program. Then use it as a template for the various emails you’re going to send out. You’ll be going back to that original document and tweaking it now and then. You may find that initially it’s not generating the responses you’d like to get, so it will need a little polishing. By saving it, and reworking it, you’ll gradually improve the quality.

Just hitting the entire membership in one go would not let you refine the email. So, gradually as you reach out to others, you’ll be refining your message and improving it.

Be sure you say a little about yourself, say a little about what has brought you to Fiona’s Little Black Book, and be sure to mention some of the things on Http://FionaDobson.com that you’ve enjoyed. Then – and this is the important bit – be sure to ask a few questions about the person you’re writing to. You’ll probably have to tailor that part of your email to each individual, based on what they’ve put in their dating profile.

Ask one or two of your friends what aspects of you are appealing to others. Hopefully there are some! Either way, be as honest and as open as you reasonably can be. There’s no point trying to deceive anyone in the Little Black Book. It’s just going to lead to disappointment.

All our members have committed to our Guidelines – http://fionadobson.com/about/the-guidelines/ – so be sure you’re familiar with these and you’ll be well received.

Most members find that if they set aside about thirty minutes every week to send out a set of Requests to Connect, they very soon have a good network of friends developing. It’s great to select one close by, one mid distance, and someone far away. This provides variety and helps those who are far away find connection they need.

Fiona’s Little Black Book is as much about supporting others that feel alone as it is about finding local friends. Don’t be afraid to reach out across the miles.

Julie.

Writing your Profile in Fiona’s Little Black Book.

Fiona always tells me, don’t write in a hurry. Slip into something comfortable, a nice skirt or leggings, and then take a moment to write a few bullet points of what you want to say. Then leave it for an hour or so. Then come back and write your first draft.

I think she’s got a point. I always write best when I am dressed in a manner I like. I also think more clearly that way. So, when you write your profile in Fiona’s Little Black Book, don’t rush it. It doesn’t have to be long – two or three paragraphs is enough to kindle most people’s interest, if you write something worth writing.

A single line profile will get the attention it deserves – which is very little. If you walked into a party and introduced yourself by saying “I’m Jeff and I like your tits,” you’re probably not going to get far. A better approach might be, “Hey, I’m Jeff, and I can see you like to take care of yourself. I love to ski, and I’d love to show you a few cool places to get out and have some fun on ski’s.”

I think you get the idea. And remember, the profile is just the first step. You’ll have plenty of time for people to get to know you after they make that initial contact. You can go into detail in subsequent emails. The idea of the profile is just to stimulate that initial connection.

I asked a few of our friends what they thought were good ideas about what to say in your profile. Sylvester, our mechanic, was stopping by for tea yesterday. He took me for a ride on his huge chopper, and then we sat in the garden talking about online profiles. He is a very good looking man, in his bottomless chaps.

He suggested “Tell the guys not to oversell themselves. It sounds insecure, and it leads to disappointment. Just tell people who you are and what you like to do. Curiosity will take over from there.”

I thought that rather good advice. You’ll have plenty of time to elaborate after the initial contact, so keeping things simple but well thought out sounds like good advice.

After you’ve written your profile, step back and have a break. Take a look at it later, and imagine you were reading it on someone else’s profile. Is it interesting, original and engaging? If it is you’ve got a winning formula.

Keep in mind that if, after a week or two, it’s not getting the right amount of attention, you may want to tweak it or even start from scratch. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. When you have it just right, you’ll know.

We like members of Fiona’s Little Black Book to try and reach out once a week to at least three new people. The best approach is to contact one person relatively close by, someone more distant and one from far away. This approach ensures you get a good variety of connections.

One of our favorite members is in Zambia. The connection they feel with others is most likely going to come from Skype or email. That is no less valuable than the friend you meet for coffee every Thursday evening.

Keep an open mind about distance friendships. This is, after all, the 21st century.

Julie.

Creating your dating profile in My Little Black Book.

I remember Fiona telling me, one quiet afternoon after we’d had a pedicure together, “We should make it easier for our members to get it up!”

I was a little surprised. Fiona is rarely quite so direct.

“We should make it really easy for them to get it up, and find satisfaction quickly.”

“Not too quickly,” I suggested. I find things that happen too quickly are rarely satisfying. A pleasure extended over a little while is so much more enjoyable, don’t you think?

“The quicker the better,” she declared. I think she saw my confusion, as she then added, “… in My Little Black Book.”

“I don’t follow,” I said.

“I want it to be really easy for them to get their profile up, and start connecting with other crossdressers and Admirers.”

“Oh, I see what you mean,” I replied, a little relieved. Now it fell into place. “Perhaps I should put together some kind of guide. A Karma Sutra of My Little Black Book.”

“Perfect,” she declared, and went to put the kettle on. When she returned from the kitchen with some tea she suggested I get Max, her neighbours son involved. He looks after much of our technical requirements.

“You can unload some of it on him. I am sure if you put yourself in his hands you’ll come up with something. He’ll bend over backwards to help you bring it to completion. Such a helpful boy!”

So, that’s why I am writing this – the first part of our guide to Fiona’s Little Black Book. Now, if you’re not familiar with this particular tool, I’ll describe it for you. You can always join it here: http://fionadobson.com/fionas-little-black-book/

The Little Black Book is for connecting with Crossdressers, and Admirers (our term for guys that would love to meet CDs). Our members sign up, create a profile and then reach out to others in the Little Black Book, by emailing them. We created a club for the Admirer’s here: http://fionadobson.com/the-admirers-club-2/

No one knows the world of crossdressing quite like Fiona, and our friends here, so we’ve also built in some cool features. For a start, everyone commits to a set of values and guidelines. You can see these here: http://fionadobson.com/about/the-guidelines/

So, unlike Craigslist, you are not just meeting some random person, who may or may not show up. You’re meeting someone who shares your values and is committed to your privacy and behaving in a manner that is likely to instil confidence.

You’re also looking at a system that’s not really built to create a random hookup. There’s plenty of those out there, and they’re often filled with working girls and people who are not really very serious about creating friendships. My Little Black Book is about forging genuine connections.

The next thing to help you feel secure is that the only thing listed in your membership details is an email address. From there, you can choose how much or how little information you share. Many members create an email account just for My Little Black Book, and then – when they feel comfortable with whoever they’re connecting with – begin to chat on Skype or Whatsapp. The point is that you are always in control of the relationship. You can release as much or as little information as you choose.

Now, that all sounds simple enough, however there are some things about it that insure you will do well with it. If you stick to the successful techniques you’re going to have a great time and make a lot of new friends.

One of the great things to do in Fiona’s Little Black book, is to load up a picture.  You are going to want an image that is fun, engaging and says a little about who you are. I have chatted with some of our most prolific members, and they all tend to agree that you shouldn’t just put up a cock pic and hope for the best.  That will get you nowhere fast.

So, if you’re going to upload a picture take the trouble to get a really great picture. What better excuse could there be to take time and dress up really well. Our best CDs make sure they have a girlfriend come by and help them with their make up. Unless you are well practiced, or in our Premium Program, you’re unlikely to be able to do as good a job on makeup as your favorite girlfriends are. Just ask someone to help out. You might be surprised how much fun this can turn out to be.

So, have an evening where one of your girlfriends comes over, helps you dress and maybe even brings a few accessories. You’ll have to be careful who you ask, if you’re not in a friendly environment for this. However, we have some members who travel for work and have told us stories of dressing in the hotel and having someone come in and help them. This sort of situation is ideal for pictures as well.

If you dress, have a glass or two of wine, and then at 2 am take a pic in the ornate hotel lobby you will not be the first to have done it, I guarantee! Either way, try and do the pic in a nice location. Take the time to dress nicely, really think about the look you wish to present, and then have fun with it.

Here’s a few suggestions to help you have a few things to make the pic more interesting. Whether you are an Admirer, or a CD these tips are quite helpful.

Tips for your photos:

  1. Make up – keep it simple but classy. See if you can find a girlfriend to help. Have fun with it, but don’t over do it. Less is often better.
  2. Choose something that looks cool, but keep it simple. The tried and tested simple outfits are always great. Nylons, heels, and choose a number of outfits to experiment with.
  3. Accessorise! You need the bangles, scarves and earings – even if it’s just to play around with.
  4. Sketch out what you’d like to look like, so when it comes time to take a picture you have some idea what it’s meant to achieve.
  5. Choose a simple background that doesn’t detract from you too much.
  6. Lighting is important. If possible, use plenty. If you’re shooting in daylight, harsh sunlight and shadows don’t help. Overcast skies give a flatter more forgiving light.
  7. If you’re in a low light situation try to use a camera which has adjustable ISO settings, and get them up to about 1600.
  8. The images are not going to be used large, so it doesn’t matter if they are a little grainy.
  9. The sexiest thing you can wear is a smile.
  10. Don’t try and look too slutty. If you’re over 30, don’t try to look like a school girl. Try to look like a confident woman who is comfortable in her skin. If you’re over 60, look at the women out there of that age that look wonderful, and emulate that look.
  11. Using a camera and having a tripod makes images look way better than a hand held selfie.
  12. Using a tiny bit of forced flash often lifts the colors nicely.

The most important thing in getting the picture is to have fun. If you’re doing it on a phone you can still get great pics. You also have the advantage of being able to use an App like InstaBeauty, though you have a little less control of the image. It’s really down to what your photographic skil level is.

Bernard, Fiona’s photographer, always says that it’s not the size of your lens that important. It’s how you use it. I think he’s probably right about that.

I will make a point of posting another tutorial about creating your profile on My Little Black Book in the next few days. In the meantime, if you haven’t checked it out do so here: http://fionadobson.com/fionas-little-black-book/

Or, if you’re looking to date a crossdresser, have a look into joining the Admirer’s Club here: http://fionadobson.com/the-admirers-club-2/

Julie