|What a creative group of people I surround myself with, I thought to myself as I sat on Sylvester’s boner. It was shaking this way and that, the vibrations rising up through my body in a very unsettling manner.
Sylvester’s workshop has all manner of strange things in it. He is quite the amateur inventor. He’d called me earlier that day, excited about his new development. Naturally, I hurried over to his workshop to see what the fuss was all about.
As I arrived Bernard, my photographer, was pulling up.
“He want’s me to photograph it,” he said as we entered the workshop. “Say’s it’s an historical moment.”
As we arrived Sylvester stood beside a large cube shaped object. I thought it might be a washing machine, though it was covered with a sheet. Suddenly, with a great flourish, Sylvester swept away the sheet revealing a strange device with the words “The Boner” skillfully painted over the front of it.
“Let me demonstrate my new invention,” he said, clearly expecting our excitement to match his.
I clutched my hands before me, teetered to and fro on my heels, and said, “How exciting!”
With that Sylvester brought a small basket of frozen chickens, probably about five, and emptied them into the chamber in the centre of the cube. He then released a valve and I could hear water filling the chamber and see steam rising.
Bernard started snapping off pictures, and I began to smell chicken cooking as Sylvester closed the chamber. There were spurting sounds, and something that looked like a cappuccino machine released steam from the side of the contraption. In a few moments a bell ran, and chicken broth was pumped from a pipe at the foot of the machine.
Then the device started vibrating and shaking, and a burst of super heated steam was released. It looked ok for a moment and then I noticed the look of panic on Sylvester’s face.
“Quick, Fiona, climb on the Boner. You sit on it while I get out my tool.”
“Sylvester…” I said uncertainly. “I’m not sure about this.” It seemed to be shaking and rattling quite dangerously.
“Climb on it or it may shake itself to destruction.” Sylvester was reaching into one of the colorful tool chests, trying to find his special tool.
I carefully climbed on to the Boner, the shaking going through my whole body. As I sat there I thought it was going to explode, and I must say my breath was quite taken away.
And then, quite suddenly Sylvester was there, between my legs with his tool. He jerked it this way and that and before long the shaking began to subside. At last there was a gurgling sound and a hatch popped open revealing two draws. Sylvester opened one, and brought out some perfectly cooked chicken meat. The smell filled the workshop with a delicious aroma.
From the second draw he drew out a tray containing all the chicken bones, completely cleaned of meat.
“It’s perfect,” he cried out. “Every bone has been extracted and the meat remains undamaged.”
“Goodness,” I said, feeling quite out of breath. “What a remarkable invention. I can imagine everyone will want a Boner.”
Sylvester said, “Imagine, a Boner in every kitchen!”
Bernard chimed in “People will be asking what on earth they did before they had a Boner!”
“Imagine, if you could find a way to extract the dark meat,” I said.
“I should think that would make it much bigger,” mused Sylvester. “Do you think there’d be a market for such a thing? It would be a much larger and more powerful Boner.”
“I can’t see that being a bad thing,” I replied.
So you can see it’s been a very eventful few days. Have a wonderful weekend!