My dog, Hannibal, has been interred!

Well, I thought what Sylvester was saying was that Hannibal, my dachshund had been interred. Wondering if this were some punishment for running wildly about the park, I assumed he meant he’d been taken by the bylaw officer. This is what you get for letting your friend walk your dog.

I’d have walked Hannibal myself, were it not for the fact that I need my legs waxed. Rainbow has been kind enough to come over to help, and after we’ve finished we’ll be enjoying an eggplant yoghurt facial she has concocted. As you can imagine I am using the term ‘enjoying’ advisedly. I’m sure you understand there’s a certain amount of scheduled maintenance has to happen to keep up appearances, as a crossdressing account executive at the advertising agency. Much as one would care for a beautiful object, or as Bernard, my photographer, put it rather unkindly a large public building.

Sylvester thinks Hannibal, who is extremely sweet particularly when he snarls at Amanda, is a chick magnet. Whenever he walks Hannibal young women who ought to know better come up to Sylvester and start fawning over him. I mean, Hannibal, not Sylvester. Fawning over Sylvester would be like fawning over a Caterpillar Tractor. As a result Sylvester enjoys walking Hannibal some days, usually after the local yummy mummies have dropped there screaming charges off at the Huckleberry Montessori Daycare Centre For Spoiled Brats.

He wanders around the park looking sombre and brooding like a poet or a man recently widowed who needs the loving embrace of a dissatisfied young mother. Preferably blonde, a former gymnast, and quite possibly with poor English skills.

“What do you mean, Sylvester,’ I said into the phone. “They can’t inter my dog!’

“No, he’s been ‘interred’. It’s a fancy way of saying he’s got very dirty.”

I paused. I think Sylvester has been spending too much time with Ali, my Syrian gardener.

“I don’t think that’s what that means,” I said. “If you mean he’s dirty I suggest you bring him back here and give him a good wash. And I don’t mean like last time.”

I could tell Sylvester was about to protest and quickly added, “Sylvester, throwing Hannibal’s ball through Mr. Singh’s car wash does not count as cleaning my dog. I’m still getting abusive phone calls from him from the last time.”

I hung up the phone and returned to the business at hand, Katia having recently arrived and was presently sitting with Rainbow and myself contemplating the yoghurt facial. 

“Do you plan to eat it or fix the grouting with it?” she asked.

As you likely know, Katia Thornwood is what I can best be described as a disciplinarian, working with some of my Seahorse members. These are those special members who require that extra little helping hand in their dressing. Katia and Mistress Meg look after them and can be found on my Patreon. However, Katia was visiting my house to discuss some minor business matters and was looking forward to seeing Sylvester.

“He’s a very useful sort of chump,” observed Katia. “He leant me some of that very fine oil for a pair of nipple clamps I use on my visitors. I’ve been using them a while now, and I hardly hear a squeak out of them.”

“The clamps or the visitors,” I asked.

“Both,” she replied. “I have these rather frightening surgical shears I’d like him to oil. They’re most intimidating. They look perfect for castration.”

I winced a little and then said, “Well you can be sure your clients would speak highly of you after that.”

Katia sniggered and replied that they’re really just for show and insisted it’s good to maintain her tools.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing.  I’ve just put out another episode from Jules Sandison’s ‘Jensen And The Lady Of The Manor.’ It’s part four and becoming most popular. This is freely available on my Patreon, and should you choose to upgrade to the $1 a month tier you get Clothes Maketh The Man, examples of headlines for dating sites and so much more, if you’re not already on it. I should also point out the Community section of the Patreon site, as people are getting into that increasingly and posting some delightful pictures of themselves there.

I’d be thrilled to see you in there. In the meantime, pleased keep socially distanced, wear a mask and if you’re going to have a facial, be sure to do so safely.

😊

Fiona

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