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Let’s shove it up a Proud Boy today.

My gardener, Ali is a Syrian refugee. He’s a lovely man, and he and his family are making a go of things in Canada, and doing exceptionally well. His girls are doing so well at school. When I recently asked him what he thought of ‘Proud Boys’ he said that while his home country was not very tolerant of their lifestyle, he personally felt that people’s lifestyle choices are their own affair.

Ali’s English is sometimes not quite what it might be. He’s been here a few years now, but he still sometimes struggles a little. He has become firm friends with Sylvester, my mechanic and confidante, and I commented on it recently saying how pleased I was that they get along so well.

He replied, “Ah, yes. Sylvester. He’s a very good person. We get along like a horse on fire.”

Which reminds me, I must chat with his English teacher. I believe Mistress Meg is acquainted with him – Professor Longstaff. If you follow my Patreon as a Seahorse you’ll have read about him.

“But Ali,” I said. “Surely you don’t agree with Mr. Trump, embracing the Proud Boys.”

He looked at me with some doubt in his careworn face.

“As I said, Mr. Trumps lifestyle choice is his own affair,” he replied. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

I sometimes struggle to understand if Ali is teasing me.

“But what about all this “Stand back and stand by” business?” I said pressing on in what I was beginning to feel was a pointless exercise.

“’Stand back and stand by’? I thought they said ‘stand back and bend over’!” said Ali.

I gave up and left him to continue raking up the fallen leaves. Don’t you just love the fall? You can find some fun fall clothing ideas on my Pinterest HERE.

Don’t forget to sign up for my Patreon and help me keep shoving it up the Proud Boys
 I think you know what I mean.

😊

Fiona

PS. Don’t forget the Fiona Dobson Playlist.  It’s sure to uplift and help you through the day. Enjoy it here.

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Proudboys!

Yes – Loud and proud!

Sometimes the most powerful thing we have is words. When some violent hate group steps forward and starts promoting hate and division (while not even wearing heels, goddammit!) it’s up to all of us to resist.

Many of us in the LGBTQ community are taking back the words ‘Proudboys’ and repurposing them. I’m thrilled to see #ProudBoys trending on Twitter in a way those loser cucks never imagined.

Kiss a ProudBoy today!

Fiona

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What are you going to catch this fall?

As this month draws to a close I am forced to reflect on a couple of things.  The first is that as I look forward to the fall I know that all the lovely clothes I like to wear with browns and the russet colors of this time of year are ready to replace the summer clothes I’ve been wearing.  A long skirt with earth tones looks so nice. I’m looking forward to putting together some new outfits along a fall theme.

I should also make a quick correction in the advice I recently gave to my member Mildred, from Colorado Springs. When I suggested a pair of sugar tongs can easily be used to pull fur balls from a cat, I should have pointed out that these are in the cat’s throat. I’m glad I’ve cleared that one up.

Sylvester appeared in my kitchen today just as the coffee was percolating. He was full of himself, freshly back from a trip out of town, with my neighbour Marjory and her girlfriend, Amanda (the queen of tweed). This unlikely trio spelled trouble, without a doubt.

Like so many other businesses, Sylvester’s workshop has seen a little bit of a slow down during this Covid period. People seem to be travelling much less, and so they need less work on their vehicles. A mechanic’s life is not an easy one in times like this. Having said that, poor Rainbow, Sebastian’s sister, is teaching no yoga classes at all, and her usual way of supplementing her income by waitressing is a total washout. I suppose we should all be as supportive to anyone in the hospitality trade as we can.  I shall bake Rainbow a nice gluten-free peach cobbler, which is sure to make her feel better.

I poured an ethically sourced coffee for Sylvester and myself, pulled the grey blue satin wrap I was wearing around my body, exposing my recently shaved legs and contemplated my pink fluffy slippers as Sylvester stared at his phone. Don’t you think it so rude when people spend more time staring at their screen than the person they’re with? Sylvester can be really quite coarse at times.

“Marjory took this great photograph, have a look,” said Sylvester passing me the device.

I cast a critical eye over it.

“She’s not a bad photographer,” I said looking at the picture of Sylvester fly fishing.

“Yes,” replied Sylvester admiring the picture. “I think she really caught something there.”

“Yes. Covid, perhaps. Or Chlamydia, more likely.”

Sylvester looked a little crestfallen and said, “It’s not like that.”

“Of course it isn’t.” I replied. I’ve made no secret of my disapproval of Sylvester pursuing Amanda. The poor sap seems completely unable to control his desires.

“Though, I must admit,” he continued, “if Marjory wasn’t on the scene
” His voice trailed off and he stared into the distance lost in thought, before adding, “I can imagine making sweet music with her.”

“I’m sure you can,” I said skeptically. “Perhaps she could be the clap machine.”

But all this playful banter is not the main reason I’m writing tonight. It’s to suggest that if you haven’t already joined my Patreon it would be delightful to see you in there. You can join for as little as $1 a month.  If you’re already a member, thank you for making this blog possible. I’d love to lift my Patreon membership to over 175, and try as I might I don’t seem able to crack that number. With your help I’ll get there in the end.

One last note… Yeah, we’re in a second wave. Here in Canada, in the UK and in the US. Don’t be a Covidiot. Mask up and enjoy the ride. Here are some cool ideas to help. https://youtu.be/wJu9EyPK8gw and https://www.pinterest.ca/fionadobson22/masks-with-style/

Have a lovely weekend and stay safe.

Fiona

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https://youtu.be/wJu9EyPK8gw
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Sylvester’s giant pain in the …

Sylvester’s giant erection.

What a strange time it’s been. Today in Vancouver we have the strangest light, as smoke from forest fires up and down the west coast fills the air. Visibility here is really quite terrible.

With Covid, and forest fires one can only think that a plague of frogs might be next. It does leave one wondering why more people don’t take climate change seriously. It’s going to get hotter and drier in the coming years, and if we don’t want this every summer we might as well get used to reducing carbon emissions.

Sylvester, my mechanic friend, swung by earlier, and told me how his week’s been going. Not much better than mine I think.

“It took three of use, heaving and panting and sweating to get my erection up,” said Sylvester, my mechanic, sitting at my kitchen table and sipping tea from my finest bone china. Like many of my best friends he just appears in my kitchen sometimes. Like a big sweaty mechanic genie.

“I’m sure it did,” I said sympathetically. “Now, just tell me again, this ‘erection’, what is that again?”

Continue reading “Sylvester’s giant pain in the …”

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Staff Trouble – Mistress Meg.

Mistress Meg’s progressive approach to staff management is not always appreciated by others.

I felt I should share this weeks events with you. I’m sure you’ll find them of interest. Those of you who are Seahorse members on my Patreon will appreciate some of the events more than others, being familiar with my work.  However, for those of you who have not yet joined me at that level, think of this as an introduction.

As I fastened the final leather cuffs to Mr. Barton’s forearms, I turned to Stacy and said, “Correct me if I’m wrong, Stacy, but if I’m not mistaken I can’t help thinking Mr. Barton is not a completely happy man.”
 
For those of you who have been reading my posts you regularly, you will know I am a very perceptive and sensitive person. I’m very generous by nature and I pick up on these things.
 
“What makes you think that?” said Stacy, as she selected a pair of shiny heavy steel nipple clamps.
 
“Mostly it’s the sobbing. The whimpering, too. The squirming is also something that does give him away a little.” I paused for a moment and then, addressing Mr. Barton, added, “What on earth is the matter?”
 
Mr. Barton’s muffled replay came between sobs. “Nothing, Mistress Meg.”
 
“Well, you wouldn’t think so, the way you’re carrying on. Stacy, bring the ball gag,” I said sharply. “And let’s get those nipple clamps on you!”

Continue reading “Staff Trouble – Mistress Meg.”
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Preparing yourself for your next adventure.

There’s a temptation to think of crossdressing as something people only do in the privacy of an intimate environment. In many cases that is true, though most of us would like to take it further, but stifle this desire.

Breaking out of this mold and dressing outdoors is a major step for many of us and leads to a better understanding of the fluid nature of our gender. Once the initial trepidation is over come – and, yes, I could write a book on that alone – then a new world emerges. It feels wonderful to find this, and for many it’s the first time they feel entirely comfortable and can be themselves.

As one enjoys the freedom to wear what we want, and be who we are, it starts to feel increasingly comfortable. I often point people toward this article to get a better basic understanding of crossdressing, and what it means to you. It’s the experience in the end that is our best teacher, though. It takes courage to make those first steps. You might think of it as the price you have to pay to be your true self.

Continue reading “Preparing yourself for your next adventure.”
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The Pastor comes to tea. Mistress Meg.

I looked at the young pastor and offered him another cup of tea. He sat in my room with a look of hopeful expectation.

“I would love to contribute to your fund, and I must say that, in principle I am of course an avid supporter of anything that helps disadvantaged inner city youth,” and with that I paused and leaned a little closer, my cleavage spilling into his eyeline.

I continued, “But, I wonder, Pastor. What can you do for me?”

The young man looked a little surprised, then replied, “Naturally, I’d like to help my benefactor in any way I can.” I couldn’t help noticing the struggle he was having averting his eyes from my breasts.

Continue reading “The Pastor comes to tea. Mistress Meg.”
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Today is likely to be one of the hottest days of summer.

Isn’t it wonderful to enjoy the sun on a day like this. Just remember that while you get into that mini skirt, you should also be very careful not to get too much sun.

It’s a great idea to carry a bottle of water, some sunscreen and at the start and end of your crossdressing day be sure to use some aloe based mopisturizer. There’s a few listed below.

Also, be smart – don’t go to restaurants or crowded public places. There’s a lot of Covidiots out there. Being in the great outdoors and socially distanced is how we’re going to get through this.

🙂

Fiona

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Max’s Premature Ejaculation.

There was a steady stream of water falling between Ali, my Syrian gardener’s legs.

“Ali,” I said. “Would you mind telling me what you’re doing?”

“Ah, madam. I’m watching Max’s premature ejaculation. He did it for his mother
”

I paused. I’ve learned that’s a good idea with Ali. I’m never quite sure if he’s serious, or just confused.

“His water hose
 He’s got it hooked up to Google – that online house thing. It waters the flowers. Well, drowns them actually. It’s coming on prematurely and the water pressure’s too high.”

“I see,” I said. I decided I had better talk to that English teacher of his.

Continue reading “Max’s Premature Ejaculation.”
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Clothes Maketh The Man – Part 1.

It was one of those crazy situations that you just never believe can happen. I was visiting my sister in San Francisco and arrived at the airport only to find my luggage was in Albuquerque – which was not part of the plan at all.

I’d flown out of Chicago just hours before having been called to come in and interview for a position with an advertising agency, and I was excited about the possibility of a great career move. I’d packed my best suit, a shirt and some shoes, and that was about it. I could be in and out of San Francisco in a coupe of days, and I’d stay over with Jennifer, my sister.

Jennifer is one of those people others look at and think is the perfect sister. However, behind closed doors she could be a little harsh, to say the very least. I think growing up I’d seen a mean streak no one else had been exposed to. Either way, I always knew there was something a little dark about her.

I wouldn’t say I am exactly ‘sensitive’ to these things, but there was definitely something about the way she would tease me as a child. You just never knew how far it would go. And there was always the possibility it would go to far.

Continue reading “Clothes Maketh The Man – Part 1.”
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A little something extra.

I realise I may be out of step with some of my members when I say this, and this is really just my own opinion, but I do feel quite comfortable limiting some of my social interactions as we go through the whole Corona thing.  I’ve taken the opportunity to trim out some of the less positive people in my life, and do more of the things I enjoy.

It’s a little bit like having the opportunity to fine tune one’s life a little. Reducing the negative people in my life, and engaging in the things I enjoy has become something of a goal. Sadly, Sylvester is having a more difficult time of it, being so outgoing and social.

Sylvester, for example, throws enjoyable parties, though sometimes they really do get quite out of hand. On one evening last year he had a rather unusual night during which one of his friends decided they were intent on cornering me and plying me with drink, in the hopes that they might do unspeakable, but delightful things to my body.

Continue reading “A little something extra.”

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The top ten things you need to know to stop being a complete sissy bitch.

I have to say that I always try to be positive, and with the exception of when speaking about Amanda, I exercise my mother’s good advice. If you have nothing positive to say, then say nothing. Wise words.

You will understand how writing this piece has been a challenge, and yet one I feel I have to complete. However, after considerable deliberation and talking with both Sylvester and Auntie Kittie, I have put pen  to paper. Auntie Kittie pointed out that sometimes you have to grasp the nettle and say that which needs to be said.

“It’s like that time in South Africa,” said Auntie Kittie, “when I had to tell a trans friend, who was staying at the school out there where I am a school governor, not to sun bathe naked. The grade 9 biology students are confused enough already!”

“No, Kittie,” I replied. “It’s not like that at all, but I still have to write it. There are some members that might need to hear it.”

Continue reading “The top ten things you need to know to stop being a complete sissy bitch.”
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I am surrounded by idiots.

I sat in my garden this afternoon, socially distanced from my two expectant looking guests seated nearby, beside the gentle shape of a bouganvillia, off-setting the colours of the smokey pink and soft grey of my summer dress. Sylvester and Rainbow, Sebastian’s sister, looked on hopefully.

“So, let me get this straight,” I said. “You’re asking me – and Sylvester I think I am quoting you correctly – which is better:

                A: Sylvester’s idea, a facial scrub which is made by simply driving along behind a gravel truck while sticking your head out of the car window.”

At this point Sylvester was nodding and grinning like a chimpanzee that has just found the key to a kitchen cupboard full of banannas.

I continued, “Or B: Rainbow’s idea, a facial scrub made of vanilla extract, cream, vegetable oil, oatmeal and aloe, which is then smoothed on the skin and allowed to dry, before driving along behind a gravel truck while sticking your head out of the car window.”

Rainbow smiled at me vacantly and nodded.

Sometimes, I feel like I am surrounded by idiots. It may seem a harsh thing to say, but it’s true. I considered the question for a moment.

“Obviously,” I said at length, “the answer is ‘B’.”

Sylvester looked crestfallen. Before he could ask why I continued.

“The answer is ‘B’ because you could charge more for it and therefore make more profit. This might mean that in time you could afford to hire the team of psychiatrists that would provide the help that you both so obviously need.”

In these trying times of Covid-19 and failing businesses I am finding many of my friends are searching for new business ideas and as such my marketing expertise is in great demand. Perhaps you, too are surrounded by similar challenges.  If you are, you have my sympathy. Such is the lot of those of us who serve.

Be sure to join my Patreon if you’d like to lend a hand to myself and the sadly challenged people with which I surround myself.

Have lovely weekend, and stay safe.

Fiona.

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BREAKING: Vaccine Found! Trump to announce cure.

Trump to announce vaccine has been found for bisexuality.

“We believe there’s only a few cases, maybe 15. Soon they’ll magically disappear. Our non science based approach gets a thumbs up from the electorate. And our thumbs really are way up!”

Speaking from the Rose Garden Trump talked casually with reporters after the announcement.

“You know I am a stable genius,” he added. “I don’t get why everyone thinks this administration is a laughing stock. Bleach anyone?”

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Sylvester is checking out Amanda’s cans.

What a strange day it’s turning out to be. Our members are all out doing wonderful things. Julia in Holland, one of my favorite members in our Whatsapp Group, has been out and bought some beautiful summery things, and nearby I know Lenni is having a garage sale.

Julia has been doing so well. She, like many of my members in the Whatsapp Group, shares some of her experiences and activities with other members of the group. It makes it a very supportive community.

This afternoon a few friends will be stopping by as the isolation period begins to lift. Lockdown here in Canada has been well observed and the results mean we are now able to begin very gradually restarting 2020. I, like most of my friends, feel that having a glass of wine in the garden with one or two friends is much more comfortable than going out to a restaurant, for the time being at least. It also gives us the chance to have a bit of a barbecue in the garden. Sebastian is hoping to treat us to his sausage later on. I am wearing a denim skirt, tee shirt and a lovely floral mask, and keeping things very simple.

Sylvester and Sebastian arrived a little while ago astride his enormous chopper.

Taking off his helmet he said excitedly, “Amanda’s going to drop by later. She wants me to check out her cans.”

“I’m sorry?” I replied a little surprised.

“Her headphones,” he said. “She says they crackle. She wants me to see if I can sort them out. It’s probably just a loose connection. They were very expensive apparently. Mind you that was in 1993. Still, I said I’d check them out.”

“Oh,” I said doubtfully. “I see.”

I have told Sylvester on more than one occasion that Amanda is in a relationship with my neighbour, Marjory the competitive lesbian eater. Or should that be ‘the competitive eating lesbian’. Well, as I’ve mentioned before Marjory is apparently quite a big noise in the world of competitive eating, although like so many sporting disciplines they are experiencing something of a famine this season.

“You should be a little careful,” I said to Sylvester. “Marjory and Amanda are together, as inexplicable as it may be. I’m not sure that you should be hunting in that particular briar patch. You might get pricked.”

“I don’t mean to be pedantic,” said Sebastian cutting in. “But, I’m not sure you can hunt in a brier patch.”

In the interests of contextual accuracy I rephrased my doubts to Sylvester, saying “I’m really not sure you want that bird in your hand. Better to leave it in the bush.”

Sebastian mumbled something about Sylvester having big hands and added that there are plenty more fish in the bush. I decided I should let it slip past. Instead I shot them both a look of disapproval.

“OK,” I said. “Let’s try this again. I don’t think, Sylvester, that you should have your snout in that particular trough.”

I think I may have to go in a moment. Sebastian has just got a call on his cell and let everyone know that Rainbow will be dropping by shortly and wants to show us her jugs.

“She’s only just got them out of the kiln,” he said helpfully. “She want’s to show us her pottery. It’s come on so well recently.”

Have a delightful weekend and if you’re one of my American members have the very best of Independence Days. To all my members, keep it real and stay distanced and masked if you can. 

Fiona

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