I could not help noticing, whilst driving home from the advertising agency the other day, the names on the back of vehicles. The model names of vehicles are of interest to me, from both the branding perspective and what it tells me about the drivers.
Have you been reading ‘Clothes Maketh The Man‘? Enjoy the ongoing serial now in its third year.
A therapist member of mine recently pointed out to me that several of their erectile dysfunction clients did indeed drive muscle cars, in more than one instance a Hummer. Frankly I feel anyone driving a Hummer should be on their knees begging forgiveness from their children as they pump heat into an increasingly fragile environment. On the other hand, given the erectile dysfunction issues associate with Hummer ownership theirs a good chance that having children is one complication these thoughtless tools will not have to concern themselves with.
Sylvester, on the other hand has shunned the muscles cars
and even removed the photo on his office wall of him posing with his Dodge
Penetrator 3000. I am pleased to see him mellowing. I do remember the day he
pulled up outside my house, on his phone calling me to tell me he was there.
āIām just pulling into your garage,ā he said. āNo wait, Iām
reversing. Pulling in againā¦ backing up,
and going in again now. Perhaps I should go in the laneway round the back. I
can get the back way, but itās a bit tight.ā
You know, I may have said this before, but Sylvester can be
quite coarse at times.
Personally I like to drive a Buick Vagina. Itās the limited Silhouette
edition. So much more my style. Both feminine and powerful, with the twin turbo
V6 with the cuddle seats option.
Vehicle names and designs do tell us a lot about their
drivers. I noticed a Kia Soul in the traffic as I was driving home, and I can
only speculate that some Korean designer sat down and thought hard about what a
car designed for Spongebob Squarepants might look like, and then took up the
challenge to build it. Ironically the driver of this particular vehicle did
look like a cartoon character.
Sebastian, my vegetarian personal trainer, drives a Kia Hymen when not riding his electric bicycle. His sister, Rainbow, drives a Nissan Slide with a synchromatic gearbox. Amanda drives a Prius, which is entirely predictable, while of course Ali, my gardener, drives the Smart Car with a rifle rack on the rear window, adapted to carry his gardening tools. Heās proud to declare he always shows up with his hoes.
One of my Vancouver members, Lenni, is originally from
Alaska, and proudly tells of her mother having driven a Ford LTD wagon. This vehicle,
with a 7.5 litre engine has the dubious distinction of being capable of hitting
a moose, killing it, and then being able to transport it back to the trailor
park for butchering. I canāt help thinking life in Alaska holds wonders I am
pleased not to have either witnessed or shared.
Instead I think Iāll go and get Sylvester to change the
fluids in my Buick Vagina.
I was lamenting the passing of our Queen yesterday, along with a huge number of people. My voice need hardly be added to the outpouring of regret by so many others, and yet I do feel a sense of loss. The Queen was, after all, an influence my entire life, and thereās no doubt about it, whatever else she was, she really was a likeable sort of monarch.
It was fitting that I wore a nice black sweater, black stockings and a black kilt yesterday. On that slightly mournful note, I have some lovely crossdressing funeral ideas HERE.
After my yoga session this morning I was sitting in my kitchen, enjoying a calming cup of tea with Sebastian, when he started telling me the news about his sister, Rainbow.
āRainbowās not seeing that optician anymore,ā said Sebastian a little mournfully.
āIām sorry,ā I said, confused.
āTheyāve broken up. Itās a pity, I think he was very good for her,ā continued Sebastian. āApparently when she said she couldnāt see him anymore he told her to stand a little closer, and then said āAnd now?āā
I looked at Sebastian and tried to figure out if he was joking.
āWell, Rainbow has some unusual ideas,ā I said.
āShe certainly does. She told me she felt their energies didnāt āco-mingleā they way she wanted,ā he concluded, looking through the window into the far distance in deep contemplation.
I tell you this as much as anything to set the scene. The window that overlooks my garden is really quite lovely but of late I have had Ali trimming some of the bushes just around the base of the window. Heās a talented gardener, and moves quite silently about the place, his long white gown floating like some ethereal gardening spirit. Now and then he stands up, his head appearing in my wind, and says something before once again going down on hands and knees working on among the foliage of my beautiful flowers. It can be quite disconcerting at times. Heās just like a Syrian Jack In The Box, appearing out of nowhere. It can be quite startling.
Rainbow isn’t seeing the optician anymore.
It was in this tranquil scene of quiet contemplation as I sipped my chamomile tea that Aliās wizened head appeared, rising out of nowhere and chimed in, āTits like coconuts.ā
I steadied my nerves as Ali sank out of my line of vision, and then rising and leaning out of the window looked down into the flower beds and said, āI beg your pardon?ā
Sebastian struggled back onto his stool.
Ali surfaced back into view and replied, āYou were saying how much you like the birdsong of summer, and wanted to attract more birds into your garden.ā
I stared blankly before remembering a conversation weād had just the other day. I do like to attract wildlife into the garden, and had asked Ali if he had any thoughts on the matter.
āOh yes,ā he went on. āLotās of birds love coconuts. If you hang them on a string from one of the trees itās sure to attract a few. You know, tits, chaffinches and sparrows. They all love coconuts.ā
I slowly sat down once more, and thanked Ali for his contribution to the conversation. I really do wonder just how much English he understands, at times. I may have to talk with his English teacher.
I do hope youāre having a delightful end of summer. Be sure to have a look around the website ā thereās a lot there and I always try to keep things fun.
As you likely know, I work for a well known advertising agency in an active office in this delightful city. It is often said that for each job in some industries, several other people are supported. So, for example while a car plant may employ 4,000 people a further 6,000 jobs are created servicing the 4,000 people employed with things like transport, employment services and catering. In much the same way, my work supports not just myself, but also Sylvester my mechanic, Sebastian my personal trainer, Ali my gardener, young Max who helps with technology on my blog and several other assorted hangers on and peripheral individuals. Ā
I was talking on this very subject with Bernard, my photographer, when we were out on agency business just the other day. Ali, who so lovingly tends my garden, spends more time there than I ever do. Instead, while he enjoys my delightful champaign colored roses in my garden I am out driving with Bernard on a task for the advertising agency. And Iām paying Ali! It all seems rather obtuse. That said, I do love Ali, and his daughters are sweetness itself. They arrived in Canada just a couple of years ago, refugees from the war in Syria.
This morning, just as I was emerging from my morning yoga session, I was surprised to seeĀ MaxĀ (my neighbourās son), huffing and puffing and coming in my rear entrance, a bundle of excited youthful anticipation. He was hurrying up the garden path, as I pulled up my yoga pants, and adjusted my hair.
Sebastian, my personal trainer, was as surprised as I was myself. He likes to come early to stretch me, asĀ Iām sure my regular members are aware.
āFiona,ā said Max, bursting into my kitchen. āCan I take a look at your beaver?ā
As you probably know, yesterday was Canada Day. Itās a tradition in Huckleberry Close, to come over to my house on Canada Day, and look at my beaver – a beautiful piece of taxidermy –Ā the centrepiece of the Canada Day party I always throw on the Canada Day Weekend, to celebrate us throwing off the shackles of oppressive colonialism before Canada declared itself free of tyrannical rule from London. Actually, thatās not really true. We just all sort of agreed that weād have a new flag and continue to be the friends we’ve always been. No one was being either tyrannical or oppressive, but itās a good excuse for a party. And the centre piece of the party is my beaver, a stuffed animal that has become something of a mascot over the years. Itās traditional for us to enjoy some lovely Canadian Wines, from British Columbia (a place that is neither British nor Columbian), swap hockey stories and talk about Zamboniās while apologizing to one another. We all eat poutine and make fun of people we love from Newfoundland, and generally act in an understated but quietly superior way, while listening to The Tragically Hip, 54 40, Five Man Electrical Band, Rush and many otherĀ great Canadian bands.
I told Max, āDarling, calm down. My beaver is open to everyone, just give me a moment to prepare it! Youāll get your turn. Just donāt get too excited. Itās Canada Day, youāll have to pace yourself.ā
We have so many wonderful traditions in Canada. Being Canadian means so many wonderful things to all the peoples of our country. We love our diversity, our first nations people and our democracy, which we value enough to protect.
If Max gets over excited, of course, it will be over before itās really started. It can happen to us all. I handed him a pot of maple syrup and suggested he put it out on the garden table while I went down to get the noble beast, and then he could examine my beaver to his hearts content.
This yearās wine of choice isĀ Quill, a distinctive Rose from Vancouver Island, which is quite delightful and goes rather well with the short skirt Iām wearing. Itās light, a little cheeky and subtly stimulating.Ā The wineās not bad either. I know weāll be toastingĀ Sylvester, who has decided to commit to a course learning to drive a Zamboni at the local hockey arena. I must get things ready for the party shortly, so this will be a short email.
It may come as a surprise to some of you, but Marjory (my delightful lesbian neighbor) got her hand stuck in my beaver recently while trying to replace some of the stuffing. She was wedged right in there! I know what youāre thinking, what was she of all people doing, jammed up there?Ā Well, she does fancy herself as something of an amateur taxidermist. Strange woman. Sheās from Alaska, you know. Eventually we got her hand out, but ever since sheās been acting most strangely. Sheās said on more than one occasion that she wishes her hands were a little smaller. I canāt think why! Itās almost as though sheās never heard of lube. I understand it softens the skin nicely and taxidermists swear by it.
I hurried down to the basement and found my beaver, then carried it up to my garden table, already bathed in warm summer sunshine. In the sunlight I could see it has begun to look a little tired. I suppose one can not be surprised. After all, my beaver has been fingered by many over the passing years. And yet, surprisingly it continues to put a contented smile on many of my friends faces. However, I do believe a beaver should be well groomed and well presented. I will speak to my local taxidermist and have him restuff it later this month.
With this in mind I resolved to make a Canada Day offer to all my friends and members. Anyone who emails me with the words in the subject line āFiona, Iāll stuff your beaver!ā before the end of Canada Day weekend, July 3rd, can have a free membership to My Little Black Book. This is worth $2.95 a month for crossdressing gurls, and $4.95 a month to Admirers. So, get your digits moving and I can help get some more members in there.
I stepped out of the warm stream of the shower knowing Sebastian and Sylvester were downstairs waiting for me in the breakfast room. After pulling on some panties, a robe and my pink fluffy slippers I hurried down the stairs.
Sebastian and Sylvester were at the table. Iād completed a particularly rigorous dawn yoga session with Sebastian. If my hips were any more open you could have driven a train up there. As luck would have it Sylvester had offered to make us breakfast. While usually a coarse oaf, Sylvester has the capacity to be quite sweet at times.
As I glided into the kitchen Sylvester was serving up a delightful grilled breakfast, the sausages sizzling fresh off the skillet. A good start to the day is a lot easier with a breakfast like this. And breakfast is really the most important meal of the day. The bacon was glistening with flavor and the tomatoes came from Aliās own garden. Quite lovely.
āItās the damndest thing,ā I said staring at the plate.
Sylvester looked at my plate and said āwhatās wrong with it?ā
āNo, not the food. Itās just I had the weirdest dream last night.ā
Sebastian asked, āWhat did you dream?ā
I closed my eyes and tried to remember how it all went.
āThere were a few of us downtown. And there was this guy who had died.ā
āWho was he?ā asked Sylvester.
āI donāt know. Itās not important. Just some stiff,ā I replied.
āAnyway they wouldnāt let him in the graveyard because the church said they didnāt have room. But everyone knew it was because he was queer. So, there was this drag queen. She was lovely. Letās call her āCarlottaā.., and I. And we stole the body and buried her up in the church yard anyway.ā
āYou know they donāt let you do that,ā said Sylvester.
āIt was a dream,ā I protested. āAnd we went up there and buried this guy. And then we did other stuff. Loads of stuffā¦ And I had this lovely long velvet riding dress, like in that English serial. And Carlotta had these sequins on her pants and a gold cowboy hat and these huge guns with pearl inlays and a smoked blue gunmetal finish. A pair of 44s. Matching nails. Did I say we were on horses?ā
āI know all about Carlottaās 44s. How many of you were there,ā asked Sylvester, a canny look in his eye.
āI believe it was seven. Seven trannies and drag queens. And one was bald. Iām not quite sure what her deal was. Yes, that sounds about right. You have no idea how much glitter that is.ā I replied.
āYes, you just dreamed The Magnificent Seven. Thatās one of the best movies ever made,ā said Sylvester.
āI thought it was a fantasy about masculinity and white privilege wrapped up in a self righteous superior message, all avoiding the whole gun thing, and how itās a penis substitute and actually theyād all rather be playing with their wieners. Except Yul Brynner. No, If he was coming after me with that huge weapon of his. Well, letās just say I wouldnāt be running away all that fast.ā I replied. āCan you imagine,ā I said my thoughts drifting off. āā¦falling, and Yul leaning over you and reaching down and pulling you to your feet, and grabbing a great handful of ass and rippingā¦.ā My voice tailed off. Sometimes I do forget not to speak my thoughts.
I continued, āBut, yes, still one of the best movies ever made.ā
Bringing a note of levity to the conversation Sebastian chimed in, āTheyāre all gone nowā¦ā
And what a time it would be to have a magnificent seven. With trans rights, and democracy itself on the ropes, we see so many hard won advances in decline. Things will turn around again soon. And in the meantime I think we have to support our trans sisters, regardless of what stage they are at, wherever we find them. Remember, youāre not alone. There are many of us here.
āThatās it, Sylvester,ā I said. āYou just take down your boxers and Iāll stick a big one up there!ā
While perched on the top of a step ladder Sylvester handed me down the two portraits of his fatherās prize winner pedigree boxer dogs. They won the dog show here several years ago, and as I liked the pictures so much Sylvester allowed me to display the paintings in my living room while his apartment was being decorated. They made a nice change, but to be honest Iām a little bored of them now. Iām replacing them with a huge photograph of Hannibal, my dachshund now. I do like to freshen up the look of my living room in spring, donāt you?
I’ve had a lovely week, Marjory my neighbour invited me over yesterday evening, having hired a sweet young French chef to cook her birthday dinner. What a handsome young man he is! And I think he took a shine to me, too.
After thanking him in the kitchen for such a lovely meal I spotted something between the frog’s legs, and the cake. So many candles! In the end we lit them, and the chef and my friends all sang happy birthday for Marjory before she blew them all out in the dinning room. It brought quite a lump to my throat. Such fun!
But thatās not the main reason Iām writing today. I’ve been trying to be supportive to Rainbow, Sebastian‘s sister. She’s terribly worried about the people in Ukraine, where she has a number of friends.
“They should do something about those awful Russians,” she said to me while sitting at my kitchen table. “Can’t they send someone?”
“Like who?” I asked.
“I don’t know. The Pope, or the other one,” and then she paused and scratched her head, and then remembering said, “That nice Bono, or Greta Thunberg, perhaps.”
“I’m not sure Greta’s quite the right person,” I replied, “though she might have something to say about the carbon emissions of those useless T72 tanks. They seem to burn very well, if nothing else, but I don’t think that does much for global warming. Then again nor does a thermobaric weapon. The environment doesn’t seem to be a priority for Mr. Putin.”
“I feel so helpless,” she added at length.
“Well, you don’t have to,” I said. “Unicef, the UN agency with a mandate to help women and children, is organising help for women and children in Ukraine. So is UNHCR, who look after refugees.”
Giving here has the funds matched by the agency and is applied directly to women and children in need, and is the most efficient way to provide help. I didn’t need to add that previously having worked for Unicef in Africa, in field emergencies in Sudan and Somalia, I could vouch for their effectiveness.
“It’s a tragedy,” I said, giving her a hug. “But one way or another we’re all going to be a part of sorting it out. And I don’t mind paying a few extra dollars for gas if it means we don’t give Mr. Putin the kind of help he needs to hurt innocent women and children in Ukraine. Let’s just hope people are wise enough not to let his friends, people like that orange haired loser of a former president, ever get anywhere near the reins of power ever again.”
With that I suggested Rainbow come upstairs and help me pick out a nice yellow and blue outfit to wear when I go out today. Perhaps you could do the same.
If you feel generous use the links above to send a few dollars to support people affected by the war in Ukraine. Send me a copy of your receipt and I will enroll you at no cost in our Whatsapp Group – a gift worth $10 a month. Just send me a copy of your receipt to fdobson@zoho.com
Ali has been here in Canada for several years now, having arrived as a refugee along with his lovely family from Syria. As I have mentioned before he was a botany professor in Damascus University prior to the war there, and is now my gardener. His knowledge of fauna and flora really is most extensive.
Arriving from a country such as Syria one does have to check some of the experiences and baggage that we bring, at the door ā as it were. Jeff, who looks after immigration at our local airport, says that most immigrants are all too ready to let go of the past and look forward to their new life in Canada. And many, like Ali, bring some wonderful talents to our communities, regardless of what they may have done in the past. Like many of us, Ali does not talk much about his former life. I imagine it could be quite dark but have had few glimpses of what it may have entailed. Itās really none of my business.
Jeff takes great pride in telling me that he checks the passports of all immigrants arriving at the airport (other than when heās on his lunch break or picking up his kids from school). He says that Canada accepts the poor, the disadvantaged and the impotent. He then rather sheepishly adds that unfortunately, while the poor and disadvantaged regularly show up, unfortunately the impotent couldnāt come.
Aliās language skills, however, appear to still require some polish. As I sat drinking my morning tea in my kitchen Ali joined me and flicked through the local paper that had just been delivered. I had just finished my daily yoga workout and was still in my pink leggings and powder blue sports bra, thatās so good for working out.
He took his tea black and was quite absorbed in the paper.
āIt says here,ā he said at length, āthat the city is going to have a āpilot racoon cullā.ā
āItās about time,ā I said, knowing how mischievous the racoon population of Huckleberry Close can be. āTheyāre too clever by half.ā
Ali frowned as he read the article.
āItās just that you wouldnāt think they could do that,ā he replied.
āWhat do you mean?ā I said sensing something amiss.
Sipping his tea Ali continued reading without looking up and turned the page. āYouād think theyād fail the eye test. I did.ā
I sometimes wonder about Ali and his command of English. It is, however, better than my command of his obscure dialect of Arabic. Iād given up my attempts to learn his language after failing to master such a simple phrase as āIs it safe to drink the water in this hospital?ā
We all of us have our own particular perspective that brings a bit of ourselves to all we observe. As a crossdressing non-binary person, when I see a Zebra I do not take offence at the black and white nature of the creature. Ali, on the other hand, sees a majestic beast of the African plains while Sebastian sees a walking barcode. He then goes on to pretend to scan it in much the same way as the checkout girl in the corner store, and adds, āAt least itās easy to keep track of them.ā
We all of us have our divergent ways of looking at things and each is equally correct. As trans people I think we have to learn acceptance of others with views that donāt align with our own. They, like us, are travelling their own journey. As people who are often misunderstood, it is up to us to try to understand others – the good, the bad and the ugly – with kindness and without judgement.
But that is not the main reason Iāve written to you this morning. Iāve been adding new content to some of my programs. They are now even better value than ever. Be sure to join if youāve not done so already. I always do my very best for my lovely members.
Seldom, if ever, do I like to come between friends (calm down Amber, in Colorado). Yet this morning I came down the stairsĀ having had a refreshing shower to findĀ SylvesterĀ shakingĀ SebastianĀ vigorously by the neck. I leaped in, interposing myself (phrasing) between them, my colorful summer swing dress swishing about me.
āCalm down, boys!ā I said, as I struggled to hold them apart.
āI will not calm down!ā said Sylvester, still fuming. āHe said he wants me in a three way!ā
I glanced at Sebastian. Iād always had my suspicions. He glared at me, Sylvesterās grip loosening.
āSylvester, I think you should put Sebastian down. Heās gone a funny color. Besides, you might enjoyā¦ā
āI was trying to explain three way calling,ā chimed in Sebastian, as the color came back to his face. āAll I said was, āwould you like to join Max and I in a three way?āā
Ā
āWell, I think I see where the confusionās crept in,ā I said. āPerhapsĀ MaxĀ and you could help Sebastian get a little more utility from his smart phone. You know, Sylvester, Iāve seen your messages that end with that quaint little expression, āSent from a phone thatās smarter than I am.ā I think in your case it might well be true.ā
Thirty minutes later Sylvester was being watched by three of us marveling as he attempted to open a Soundcloud song that had been shared over Watsapp.
āItās quite remarkable,ā I said, shaking my head. āItās like watching a monkey try to operate a type writer.ā
āCome on, Sylvester. Youāve got 999,999 more tries to go! Given enough time,ā said Sebastian very softly, āsome people believe thatĀ enough monkeysĀ would type the complete works of Shakespeare.ā
You could almost feel the gears inside Sylvesterās head grinding. He frowned again, and prodded the file in the Watsapp window.
But thatās not the main reason Iām writing to you today. I thought Iād share a rather wonderfulĀ BBC articleĀ with you. In this piece about the people ofĀ Guna Yala, their unusual lifestyle is examined. As a child develops they are allowed to move toward a more male or female orientation. While this is still essentially binary in nature there is clearly a more equal approach to gender. There is also a greater choice in how the Guna present themselves.Ā Itās a fascinating readĀ and I hope you enjoy it.
Donāt forgetĀ ourĀ Premium ProgramĀ is growing all the time.
Martin arrived this morning to help me with my shopping, heās such a good little boy. He cycled over. I’ve been encouraging him to ride a little more since a taxi frightened him by blowing their horn as he cycled by recently.
He rang the bell of the pink bicycle he was riding in my yard and came rushing in.
āAuntie, you wonāt believe what I have between my legs,ā he said excitedly.
āReally?ā I said a little surprised.
āOh yes, Miranda said I could borrow her bicycle. Itās much bigger than mine and itās fun to ride.ā
āOf course it is, Martin,ā I said, āand donāt let anyone ever tell you that size isnāt important. I especially like the pink tassles and the unicorn motif. How kind of your sister to let you have a go.ā
āMiranda is the bomb,ā he replied enthusiastically.
āThe ābombā,ā I replied. āIs that good?ā
āOh, sheās the best! She letās me use lots of her things.ā
āI am sure she does, Martin,ā I said gathering up a couple of bags to take shopping. āHelp auntie with these bags, so we donāt have to use those nasty single use plastic bags in the store. We care about the environment, donāt we Martin.ā
āYes, auntie,ā said Martin.
We climbed into the car and in a moment were off to get the groceries. After a quick run round the shop to get some organic vegetables and a few tasty treats we came home in time to see Fiona and her personal trainer Sebastian going for a run. They stopped outside my house in Huckleberry Close for a moment to catch their breath.
āGood morning, Martin,ā said Fiona to my nephew. āHow are your parents, Iāve not seen them for a while?ā
āOh theyāre very busy this morning. Theyāve been upstairs banging since I woke up,ā came his innocent reply.
āReally,ā I replied, noticing that Fiona was looking a little confused standing there in her little tennis skirt and trainers, her chest still heaving as she was a little out of breath.
āOh yes, theyāre putting together some new furniture from Ikea,ā said the little scamp.
āMummyās very good at it,ā he chimed in with enthusiasm, and continued ābut that itās sometimes better for Daddy to watch because his tool isnāt very big. She prefers to use her own equipment or get a man in, she says, but she likes Dad to watch. Itās just like you say, Auntie. Size really does matter!ā
I glanced awkwardly at Fiona as Martin carried on.
āMummyās good with her hands. Everyone says that. Sheās very creative you know.ā
I said, āI am sure she is. Now letās hurry in and make some tea. Then we can get some oil and put it on that chain on your bicycle.ā
āMummy likes to put oilā¦ā
“That’s enough, Martin.” I cut little Martin off and hurried him inside. One never knows what these little ones will say next. My nieces and nephews are such little scamps.
Have you been a good boy for Auntie? You can be a special star for me by going onto Fionaās website and adding a comment on her new page, Member Experiences ā where you can tell some of your own story. Be sure to mention that Auntie sent you.
A fun competition. Figure out the link between the video below and Auntie’s Diary entry and I will give you free Good Gurl membership if you you’re not already a member. Email me on fdobson@zoho.com with your answer. The first 10 get free membership. FD.
Iāve been having some dreadful trouble with my colon lately. Now, I know what youāre thinking, but ever since Max changed some of the settings on my computer keyboard I just keep getting a problem with it! I think he reset the layout to the French keyboard!
In the cold wintery weather weāre having Iām going to remind all my girls the importance of moisturizing your skin. Using a nice aloe cream helps, and you can find them at any pharmacy or health food store. It keeps you looking fresh and really helps your skin. You can also find some here.
I am busily chatting with a few of the suppliers who sometimes give some great discounts to my members. It’s always nice to nail down an agreement with a company that provides great clothes and makeup for my members. Be sure to check out my shopping list here.
I can see Ali working on my bush, in the garden ā heās saying something about that not being the only thing that going to get nailed. Aliās English is very selectively intermittent.
Now, if youāre not already a member I suggest you do join up soon, whether you choose to as a Good Gurl, for just $1 a month, or one of the more extensive programs.
Oh, I have to go nowā¦ I can see Auntie Kittie heading up the drive, Iād better hide the sherry!
Have a lovely week and be sure to let me know how youāre getting on.
This afternoon I organised a delightful lunch to welcome Bernard, my photographer, back home. You will doubtless remember that he has had some health issues and was visiting the UK and staying at The Devilās Dyke Health Spa.
It is unsurprising that following a tazering and being shot in the chest with a carrot, he should need extensive rehabilitation. However, the Devilās Dyke facility, according to their internet profile, specialises in heart, digestive and gastrointestinal tract treatments, including extensive use of colonic irrigation. Ali, my gardener, informs me that this has nothing to do with the irrigation he is dutifully installing in my greenhouse, in expectation of a warm summer.
Sylvester, Sebastian and Bernard all joined me, as well as Amanda, who āpopped inā slipping past Hannibal and the security system. That woman is like a ninja. I should point out that she is an old schoolfriend of my wife, and often appears in the hopes of finding her. Unfortunately my wife is travelling at present, studying flora of the Limpopo.
Amanda was most upset. It turns out her therapist, who sheās been seeing twice a week for the last two years, committed suicide two days ago. This is not made easier by the fact that her previous therapist did the same thing some years ago. At the funeral, it turned out that Amanda was the only person attending, and likely his only client.
āBut somehow I feel like itās my fault,ā she said tearfully.
āNonsense,ā I said. āItās his job to talk you off the ledge, not the other way around.ā
āBut twice! Thatās quite a coincidence, donātā you think?ā
āWell, not really. Iām sure lots of therapists go that way,ā I replied.
āApparently he leaves a very extensive library of self help books.ā
Returning to our lunch, Bernard enthused about his trip to the UK. As we sipped a light chardonnay he told us as much as one can about colonic irrigation at the dinner table. Sebastian asked about the exercise, and probed him about the diet.
Bernard had brought a couple of bottles of Devilās Dyke bottled water, one of which Sylvester picked up and inspected.
āDevilās Dyke Water,ā he read from the label, holding is at arms length to be able to read it properly. His eyesight is not what it once was. āIt sayās here, itās a great tonic, and good for digestion and flatulence.ā Amanda seemed excited, and asked to see.
āI should try this,ā said Sylvester enthusiastically with a laugh.
There was an awkward pause, and then Bernard said, āI think they mean itās good for stopping flatulence, Sylvester.ā
āOh,ā he replied, a little disappointed. āWhy wouldā¦ā and his voice tailed off.
However, thatās not the main reason Iām writing to you today. We now have a little more space in our Premium Feminization Program ā and weāre adding some new tasks. So, thereās never been a better time to put your best foot forward and mince into our wonderful Premium Program and enjoy the fun and games we have to offer.
Weāre enjoying a great deal of success with our Premium Feminization Program. If youāre not already a member, then think about joining. I get email daily from my members telling me how much they love it. Itās only $10 a month and provides you with valuable training and exercises to help you get the most out of crossdressing. As a Premium Member youāll find my emails help you progress and enjoy your crossdressing even more than you do today. Sign up HERE.
Have a wonderful week.
😊
Fiona
Boggie is a hugely talented young lady. More than that, she’s a very brave one. This song is wonderfully written, but also bravely filmed in a manner that challenges the societal norm of beauty. Here’s a translation of the first verse.
Hundreds of perfumes, like daydreaming wildflowers Sweet, bittersweet negligence now overpowers Rose and oleander in their tiny glassware, shimmer me on Myrrh and almond fragments in small portion balanced, lilacs and violas, in hidden small vials Dripping them, spraying them, one by one testing them – that mist dazes me so.
I post this song from time to time to remind my friends and members that the image we see on TV is not the true rendering of the person. Boggie is courageous enough to demonstrate this with great honesty. FD
Looking for that special gift for the dominant uber bitch in your life? What could possibly be better than this Sexy Leather Bodysuit Leotard? Nothing says “I want you to dress me up like a sissie and beat the heck out of me” quite like a faux leather leotard! Just $19.95.
The winter months are always fun in an advertising agency. Even more so for myself, as I have several skiing related accounts. It was this that brought me, Bernard my photographer and Sebastian, my personal trainer to the beautiful mountain village of Whistler in Beautiful British Columbia this week.
I found myself here partly to oversee the photography for a ski manufacturerās latest high end products, and also for a resort client located in the Village. As part of the weekās activity I found myself skiing with a small group of journalists, all eager to test the manufacturers new products.
Before the main days skiing, I had the opportunity to brush up my skills a little with Bernard. There I was, in my tight ski suit, stretching and preparing.
In the comfort of my hotel room, Sebastian helped me refine my style and posture for fast downhill skiing. Sebastian can be very useful on a trip like this. Youād be surprised what he gets up to.
āThatās it,ā he said, pressing his hand into the small of my back. āLean forward and stick your bum out.ā
āNow bend your legs, and flatten your back.ā
I found the position strangely familiar.
āIf you move your hips from side to side,ā he said standing behind me, āyouāll find it feel even more fluid.ā Sebastian seemed quite breathless.
āYes,ā I gasped feeling my body getting into the exercise. āItās a very enjoyable sensation,ā I said as I moved my body languidly back and forth.
Now, I know youāll find this hard to believe, but all this stretching and preparation seemed to get Sebastian quite excited. I could swear he poked me in the back with his ski pole!
As it happened I did very well on the slopes. At the end of the week of skiing we had a race down the mountain from the peak, a very exciting informal race. I thought I might be beaten by a number of the boys, but as you might guess, try as they might ā and through no small effort on my part – I managed to beat them off and cross the finish line leading by a head.
After that it was up to the hot tub to watch the snow falling on the mountain in the twighlight.
But thatās not the main reason Iām writing. I thought Iād send you a quick reminder that with Spring just around the corner itās time to start looking for some new Spring colors. This year putting together easy combinations of colors in underwear, makeup and outwear should be every CDās priority. When was the last time you matched your eyeshadow to your favorite lingerie? Well, todays a great day to start planning ahead.
Got any great Spring outfit ideas? Get on the website and share them!
Auntie Kittie’s niece Megan tells me her Auntie says she looks good in a kilt. What do you think?
āPush your bum back a bit,ā said Sebastian, maneuvering behind me.
āOh, Sebastian,ā I said, perspiration dripping from my brow.
āThatās better,ā he said pressing his hand into the small of my back.
As you probably know, Sebastian is my personal trainer. We often do yoga sessions together. Some of these yoga positions are really quite challenging. As we move into the cooler weather I do find I like to lift up the intensity of my exercise regime. And Sebastian is a treasure, I really do enjoy getting it up with him. My yoga is very important to me.
I also find that with the cooler weather I like to dress in suitably warmer clothes, and the opportunity to explore new styles is a source of great joy. I enjoy wearing a kilt, and know there are many other members, some who cannot overtly dress in femme clothing but can wear a kilt from time to time. A kilt is a very good way to gradually introduce more androgynous clothing into your repertoire.
This week, as an exercise perhaps you can check out a few ideas for kilts online ā hereās a start.
I also loved the tights below.Ā They have a nice tartan imprint.Ā I do have some distant Scottish heritage and used to spend every Christmas on the Isle Of Skye. I even got lost in Dunvegan Castle once as a child. But one thing I do enjoy is watching the Highland Games events. I have always thought Bernard would be rather good at tossing the caber. I understand he comes from Essex, in England, which some of my English friends have told me is full of tossers.
Bernard tells me that it sometimes gets so cold in the north of Canada that thereās so many icicles hanging from his sporran that youād think he brought along his own wind chimes. What a sight that must be.
Here in Canada we believe in an inclusive approach to life. This is exemplified by my good friend Justin, who – when he’s not busy running the country – is very happy to swing by and take a walk on the beach nearby. And I have to say, he doesn’t have bad legs. He’s asked me once or twice if I can spare Sebastian for a yoga class, but so far we’ve been a bit too busy and our schedules haven’t been quite aligned. Perhaps he’ll join us for a class here in Huckleberry Close as things slow down around Christmas. At least, he promised he would. We’ll see.
When not running the country Justin enjoys a little yoga, and wants to borrow Sebastian, my personal trainer.
As we approach Halloween I have a ghostly story coming out late this month which I think you might enjoy. You may want to keep an eye open for The Living Doll on http://FionaDobson.com . Thereās also The Foreshore Light and The Apartment, for those of you who like the ghostly theme of Halloween, both of which are already available. If you’d like to hear me reading The Foreshore Light you can do so here. Be sure to check them out when you have a moment. I think I’ve given you enough there to keep you up at night. Itās not often that you find ghostly stories suitable for crossdressers, but I do try to present a broad cross section of content for my lovely members. As ever, Clothes Maketh The Man, now with episode 50 out, is doing wonderfully. I do hope youāre enjoying it.
I arrived home on Saturday morning to a house full of guests. Max, my next door neighbours 20 year old son, had let himself in as he often does these days, Sebastian had arrived early for my yoga session, and as I walked into the kitchen, there was Sylvester clutching a twelve incher in his hand.
āThat looks very meaty,ā I said as Sylvester stood there looking proud.
āYou know how much I love a good sub,ā replied Sylvester. āSalami, tomato, olivesā¦ this is twelve inches of perfection.
If I had a quarter for every time Iād heard that, I thought quietly to myself. Actually, Iād only have a dollar twenty five, but all the sameā¦
I slipped into a light skirt and a tee shirt, to be ready for yoga, and then asked Sylvester if heād like to join Sebastian and I on the yoga mats. I should say that itās rather like watching a fridge try to do a downward dog, when Sylvester does yoga. The will is there, though.
āWhere on earth are Max and Sebastian,ā I asked Sylvester wondering if perhaps Max would be joining us on the yoha mats.
āMax is teabagging in the basement,ā said Sylvester.
āReally,ā I said a little surprised.
āYes. I had no idea Max knew so much about tea. Heās showing Sebastian how to mix a few different tea types and make a few tea bags. He has some black tea, oil of bergamot, vanilla and all sorts of things.ā
āOh,ā I said, somewhat relieved. āHow creative. We should see if they want to do yoga with us.ā
However, thatās not the main reason I am writing to you. Iām sure that you have experienced, the same as many of us, feelings of embarrassment following dressing. Well, youāll be pleased to know you donāt need to. In the video below I have prepared a short hypnosis for you that will help relieve those feelings. Have a listen and see how you get along.
Have a great week, and remember ā āAccept yourself as you are, and create yourself as you wish.ā
So tonight Iāll tell you about a rather unusual episode, that happened outside my house this morning. Sebastian turned up on his racing bicycle, looking rather sweaty in his spandex shorts and tight tee shirt.
As you probably know, I love cycling. I find it keeps me in shape, and gives me the perfect excuse to show off my legs, and itās a great way to get about the city as the weather improves. Itās not unusual for Sebastian, my personal trainer, and I to get out on the bikes and rip round the local parks and cycle paths. Itās such a good work out. I always wear tight leggings that show off my legs, and a cute tee shirt.
For Sebastian, however, this is just a warm up. He likes to race and takes it all very seriously. Recently heās regeared his cycle replaced the handlebars with a Kevlar lightweight pair. All this is very good, but as he babbled on, in my driveway, about how wonderful these modifications are, I couldnāt help noticing his spandex cycling shorts are a little tight.
āIāve always found my get away a little slow,ā he said.
āI see,ā I replied, having no idea what he was on about.
āI always find I end up having to come from behind,ā he went on.
āOh,ā I said, āI know exactly what you mean.ā
He straddled his bike, and asked me to steady it, as he stood on the peddles, balancing and leaning over the handle bars, his bum almost in my face.
āWith these modifications,ā he said enthusiastically, āIāll be able to sneak up from behind and take the low hanging fruit, even if I do have a slow start to a race. Then I can take the leaders from behind as I get further into the race.ā
From where I was standing I thought Sebastian should be more concerned about his own low hanging fruit.
That, however is not the main reason Iām writing to you tonight. I thought Iād touch on a slightly more topical subject tonight. Below is a video from a performance by the great British comedian, Eddie Izzard. It touches on the subject of crossdressing and the army and a few other things you may find of interest. Have a listen and see what you think.
I hope it lifts your spirits in these uncertain times.
😊
Fiona
Eddie talking about the army, transvestites, and the squirrel hole! Been there, done that!
Don’t forget, I’ve got many free videos for you on Youtube.
Are you reading the exciting adventures of Andy in “Clothes Maketh The Man”?
Manipulated and taken advantage of by the evil Devina, Andy finds himself compromised into dressing. You’ll never believe what follows!
If you haven’t yet dived into the extraordinary serialised feminization adventure you can find it here:
If you’re already a Premium Member, THANK YOU! If not, this is a great time to start. Try the Premium Program today!
Have you signed up yet for my Little Black Book? Far more than just a list of crossdressers, this is a great project for anyone wanting to chat, email and connect with new friends. Join the book, email some friends and then once a week come back and reach out to new members both far away and close to home. All for just $24.95 a year, If you’re not already in the book now’s a great time to sign up! https://fionadobson.com/fionas-little-black-book/
Sebastian, my personal trainer, was standing in my kitchen, looking distraught. It’s not a good look for a slim man in spandex. He’d cycled over to my place for a coffee.
āThe stuffās everywhere,ā he moaned. āI canāt move in my apartment, thereās so much Jiz everywhere!ā
āIām sorry?ā I said, adjusting the peach colored silk robe I was wearing. I had just waxed my legs and chest and the soft silk felt magnificent on my skin.
āItās all over the place!ā He went on.
āSebastian,ā I said, āWhat on earth are you talking about?ā
āItās the week of the Junior and Intermediate Zumba challenge. Everyone down at the gym enters.ā
āIs that a āthingā?ā I asked.
āI get to do the Jiz thing every year, and every year itās a nightmare. I just get overwhelmed. And this year, honestly, I think Iāve taken as much as I can take. Iāve bitten off more than I can chew and Iām practically choking on it!ā
āI believe the expression is āgaggingā.ā I added, helpfully.
āAll the other personal trainers down at the gym leave it to me, and every year I just get sucked in!ā
āI wonder why,ā I said rhetorically.
āMy whole place is covered in the stuff to arrange it, costumes, posters. I even had to design them myself.ā Sebastian reached into his back pack and brought out a folded-up poster.
āOh, Let me see it,ā I said trying to sound enthusiastic.
āYes, of course. Your friend Amanda helped me with it.ā
āAmanda is my wifeās friend,ā I pointed out. Because she edits a trade publication, Pig And Pig Farmer, Amanda considers herself something of a media mogul. I think youāll agree thatās a bit of a stretch.
Sebastian unfolded the poster. An image of two young dancers, breathlessly whirling across the floor filled the page, with the headline, āItās Jiz Time! Youāll be glad you came.ā
Sebastian looked at it thoughtfully. āThey wouldnāt let me put it up at Starbucks. They got quite snotty about it.ā
āI wonder why,ā I said.
But thatās not the main reason Iām writing to you today. Itās going to be spring soon, so itās time to start getting ready with some new looks for Spring. I thought Iād make a couple of suggestions, to help you along.
Spring is a time to emphasise the soft pastels, using both cosmetics and clothes that lift and brighten their surroundings. This is a great time, if you donāt dress outside of the house, to bring some more feminine colors into your selection of clothes that youād wear day to day.
If you wear glasses, think about getting a pair that are softer and more blended to your skin. Be prepared to experiment with your daily look, softening it with colors that convey gentle forms. Hard black frames may be better replaced with a softer color, for example.
As you color your life more gently, you may be surprised to find yourself feeling more gentle. Youāre going to love that. You may well find that wearing pastels and muted colors contributes to a more gentle mood, and as you look the way you know you should, you start to feel the way you should, too.
I sincerely hope you are enjoying the news I share with you. You can participate and comment even more at http://FionaDobson.com
What a wonderful surprise I had this week when a parcel arrived on my doorstep from my friends at Glamour Boutique.Ā My new sandals had arrived, perfectly sized and packaged discretely.
Iām sure that like me, youāve probably looked for a comfortable pair of sandals that look sophisticated, but are also practical. These shoes fit the bill perfectly. Having a good square heel they had the stability that gives confidence, but retained the classic lines that gives a masculine ankle a feminized appearance.
It so happened that in the evening I was out with Sebastian, taking Hannibal (my pet dachshund) for his evening walk. This has become something of an event recently. Because thereās so few performance venues open currently due to Covid itās become quite normal to see performers in the evenings along these paths. I have to say that thereās some great performers out there putting on live shows in the open air. I took the opportunity to give the new sandals a bit of a test drive.
As you likely know Hannibal is a very chirpy little chap. Now, before you imagine I am a ditzy bimbo-like crossdresser, tottering along with a silly little dog, I should point out that Hannibal has a black studded collar with spikes, and I āflowā rather than totter. Yes, years of practice.
I must say I am a little careful around some of these performers when I have Hannibal with me. Anyone who has ever owned a dachshund will be aware that you never let them near to anyone who calls themselves a balloon twister, for example. Accidents can happen, after all.
Few people realise that the dachshund is a very unusual type of dog. Most domesticated dog breeds are descendants of wild canine animals such as wolves. In the case of dachshunds the reverse is true.
Some dogs chase motorcycles, others chase cars. Hannibal has two bad habits. The first is his dislike of homeless people. Iāve found myself embarrassed a number of times as he wanders up to someone holding up a sign asking for change, stares at them for a moment and then relieves himself on their leg. I put it down to him being a homeless rescue and having had to fight for a slice of pepperoni pizza more than once in his life.
His other bad habit is to chase people in wheelchairs. This can be most unfortunate. The flailing arms, the cries for help, and all as they try in vain to speed away from his snapping jaws. Needless to say Dachshunds are faster than wheelchairs, as many otherwise abled people locally have become painfully aware. All the same, it does often draw an interested crowd as an electric wheelchair speeds along a path way, people leaping out of the way, pursued by a streak of brown and black with vicious growls and teeth flashing in the dusk.
As we walked along the beach I got a number of admiring glances. These shoes really do make a difference. A well designed shoe emphasises the length of the leg and shape of the foot. This pair did not disappoint. I have to say that many times Iāve found shoes online and ordered them, and theyāve not lived up to expectations. The most common of disappointments is poor sizing and uncomfortable. I know many of us who do crossdress struggle with heels. They may look lovely, but I know weāve all wondered how the hell weāre getting home in such agony, particularly when wearing them for the first time.
These heels were not only perfectly sized, they were actually comfortable. Yes, that may seem unlikely, but they felt great. The heel was high enough (3 1/4 inches) to give me a lift, and that wonderful posture that a well conceived pair of heels enables. As it turned out it was just as well.
I thought the commotion ahead, as we walked along the path, was a street performance of Macbeth. It seemed very realistic, and the gathered onlookers were most impressed. You can imagine our surprise as we watched and gradually realised we were not watching an adaption of Shakespeare, but were witnessing a mugging. Sebastian hustled me away and we hurried back in the direction of my condo at a fast jog, not wishing to get embroiled in the excitement.
As I relaxed and kicked off my shoes at home I realised that these were not only comfortable shoes, they were also perfectly suited to running away from a mugging in the park. Thatās more than can be said for most of my heels. You can get your own pair here – https://www.glamourboutique.com/buy/shoes-hosiery/high-heels/square-heeled-sandal. Feel free to let the team at Glamour Boutique know Fiona sent you.
It’s up to us to live to a higher standard than others.
With Sebastian strutting around in his cycling shorts, and Auntie Kittie coming over to offer me some of her specially imported organic coconut sunblock, anyone would think that going outside in this glorious weather is some sort of sin. However, it is important to look after ourselves in this extraordinary heat.
It is more important than ever to moisturize ā personally I like a nice aloe based moisturizer ā and also to drink plenty of water. Adding to this a good quality sunblock is a wonderful idea. I have started working early in the day and having a break by the time the day is hot, then going back to my endless labours in the early evening when the day is cooler. Itās a slightly different regime, but one I learned while living in the hottest parts of Africa. There is no point getting over heated and having headaches and the misery of sunstroke.
This stunning weather does give us the opportunity to wear some suitable clothes that are perfect for the twenty-first century crossdresser. Swimshorts, a tee shirt and a pair of sandals. Add lipstick and a little eye makeup and youāre there. You may not quite be Daisy Duke, but that is all a bit 1970ās anyway. Iām not sure Daisy would quite work today, sliding across the bonnet of an electric vehicle and roaring off down a country road listening to Taylor Swift. Nor can I see Sheriff Roscoe taking gender sensitivity training and a course in critical race theory.
I was discussing this with Sylvester this very morning. I explained how today we are all more āwokeā.
āItās all those energy drinks,ā he replied.
āWhat?ā I answered feeling like one of us was losing their grip.
āThe caffeine.ā
āOh, no,ā I said. āWeāre more āwokeā, not more āawakeā. Besides I donāt even touch those things. Theyāre bad for you.ā
āI donāt get all this āwokeā stuff,ā grumbled Sylvester.
āAs far as I can make out, it means weāre more aware of racial issues. And gender ones. And age ones. And some other things.ā
āYou mean weāre more considerate?ā
āI guess,ā I replied.
āThat reminds me, there was something I wanted to talk to you about,ā went on Sylvester.
āGo ahead,ā I replied, ever my helpful self.
āHave you ever been hit on by someone in authority? I mean, I know youāreā¦ā
āYes,ā I replied expectantly.
āYou’re not like some other people,ā said Sylvester awkwardly.
āYou mean I have tits, wear lipstick and have a dick? Yes. I am slightly different, but thatās no oneās business but my own,ā I replied enjoying Sylvesterās discomfort.
āWell, I know this is a difficult subject, butā¦ā continued Sylvester squirming.
āSylvester, this is me. You can talk to me about anything.ā
āI wondered if youād ever been hit on by anyone who was your boss, or something like that.ā
I must admit I was intrigued by Sylvesterās line of questioning.
āWell, thereās been one or two incidents. Iām pretty abrasive with people that I get a confrontational vibe from, though.ā
āItās just my brothers teenage daughter got hit on by her boss at the store she works at,ā I wondered what you thought about it.
I was a little surprised, mostly that any employer could be so stupid.
āItās a horrible fact, and one that many men donāt understand, but as I understand it many women do get unwanted attention at work. We sort of assume it doesnāt happen, but it does. Actually, it happens all the time. Now, having said that, most young women do learn to deal with it. I know itās wrong that it would be that way, but many women just deal with it. However, my best advice is to get her a good lawyer, and then have her choose a nice Caribbean island to go and visit with the settlement that is likely to follow.ā
āI was shocked,ā said Sylvester. āIt was all so ālow levelā.ā
āWhat do you mean,ā I asked.
āWell, he just approached her and asked if sheād go for a drink,ā said Sylvester.
āUnfortunately thatās often the way these things do look. Somewhat harmless and low key. But then, when itās time for her review sheāll find that the colleague that went out for that drink does a little better than she did. Itās horrible, and itās insidious,ā I said and paused. āItās a weird thing. Itās easy to see abuse when itās obvious. When itās subtle itās more difficult. And you know what? As a person who has lived much of their life āin trousersā it has never happened to me, at least not as a teenager. So I can never say Iāve lived through that kind of subtle abuse.ā
āWell, Iām glad Iāve not been bullied like that, however subtle it may have been. But to be honest, I canāt say Iāve lived the āfemale lifeā in that sense. I think this is a difficult area for many people who identify as female. The fact is Iāve been fortunate enough to have many advantages of being male. Having said that, it didnāt feel that way when I got a beating or two for being too girly for some people. My journey has different struggles. But I sympathise and I see how unfair it is on young women.ā
āAnd this happens a lot?ā
āIt happens all the time, which is why we have to be so supportive of young women who are taken advantage of. Iām fortunate enough to work at an agency where even a hint of such behaviour would have the senior person fired and escorted out of the building before their feet touched the ground. People who act like that are a liability to the company, as well as being bullies.ā
āWell, it doesnāt happen in my business,ā said Sylvester a little defensively.
āI should hope not,ā I replied. Itās worth noting that Sylvester runs a workshop servicing vehicles and has a fairly mixed group of employees.
āAnd it never happened to you?ā he continued.
āOh gosh, no,ā I sighed. āI thought it might when I was at summer camp once, but the camp counsellor found out I was trans and then wasnāt interested.ā
āHuh,ā said Sylvester with a puzzled look on his face. āIām not quite sure what to make of that.ā
āYes,ā I replied. āThatās what he said.ā
Stay hydrated and enjoy the sun, and remember, itās not just the climate thatās changing.
Auntie Kittie and her naughty nieces have been having an exciting spring. Get Aunties diary for just $1 a month.
I am happy to say that a few friends and I have been able to gather safely, and socially distanced, in my garden of late. Seeing Sebastian, Sylvester and Bernard all sitting there, along with Marjory and Amanda was a very special treat after such a long time when gatherings have been a bad idea. I am thrilled to say that weāve finally all ben vaccinated.
Each of my friends brought an item they had prepared themselves. Sebastian whipped out his lovely sausage, which I am sure you know I just canāt get enough of! Just when I think I canāt take any more of it, he surprises me with more.
I was however a little disturbed as Sylvester leaned suggestively over toward Amanda and asked her if sheād like to try a cream horn. He really can be quite coarse, you know. It did remind me though, I did have to speak to Amanda confidentially, and make something of an apology.
This was a matter which by its very nature is unpleasant, however, when Amanda had asked me about a little problem she has I felt obliged to assist. Now, as you know, Amanda is not exactly my favorite person being my wifeās friend and former lover from university. Anyway, it seems Amanda has a problem with something politely described as āhyperhidrosisā. In plain English this translates through to āshe sweats like a gross pigā, something not all together surprising as she is the editor of Pig and Pig Farmer Weekly.
When she approached me confidentially to ask my advice, which as you are doubtless aware I offer without judgement or any desire to embarrass, I was happy to help the poor pigā¦ oopsā¦ woman. Pointing out the fact that it may be a sign of more serious health issues, such as diabetes, infection or a thyroid issue, I suggested that the most likely cause was that she was a little out of shape and that she might think of getting more active. Perhaps she should go out with Bernard in his sailboat, or spend more time on her bicycle than in her Prius. Or occasionally walk somewhere.
āBut, Fiona,ā she replied by text, during a brief exchange, āI feel so embarrassed about my sweating. If I exercise more people will see it. I have great lines of sweat on my tee shirt, and under my arms.ā
I pushed the gross imagery from my mind and suggested āPerhaps an antiperspirantā¦ā
The texts flowed to and fro with her asking for recommendations, and as it happened the advertising agency for whom I work do handle an account for a large manufacturer of healthy personal products, so I suggested their antiperspirant stick product, which I had couriered over to her directly. Weāre particularly proud of our association with this company, having suggested some slight revisions to the previously ungainly shape of the product. It is now sportily shaped in an aerodynamic style.
āItās easy to use,ā I texted her. āJust remove top and push up bottom.ā
Well, needless to say I did not mean her to take the instructions quite so literally. I suppose when people depend on texts it is somewhat easy to take them a little out of context. Needless to say Amanda was experiencing a degree of discomfort, and I felt I should offer my sympathy.
By the way you can read more of any character I mention by drilling down into the hotlinked references to them, if you feel so inclined. Itās a fun way to explore the strange world I navigate daily.
Iād like to suggest a very worthy charitable cause for my members today. I donāt do this often, as I know not everyone is able to help. Today however I think it important to raise awareness of many of our sisters in quite dire need in India. Itās not easy being trans at the best of times but during a pandemic things can be extremely difficult. Of course, we canāt help everyone on the planet, but helping those where the buck goes furthest is probably not a bad idea. Anyway, check out this campaign, and if it resonates I am sure your help will not be unappreciated.
and also for a resort client located in the Village. As part of the weekās activity I found myself skiing with a small group of journalists, all eager to test the manufacturers new products.
