Auntie Kittie writes: –
My goodness, I do have to put up with some nonsense from some of the children in the neighbourhood. One doesn’t like to have favorites, but I can’t help but thank heavens my nephews and nieces are rather better behaved than some of the other neighbourhood children.
Several of the local children like to play in my garden. I’ve started having Ali, Fiona’s gardener – you may have heard of him – pop by and take care of my flowers. He rigged up a nice swing from an apple tree and some of the youngsters like to come over and play on the swing. Generally they are sweet, laughing and giggling away there. I love the sound of happy children. Of course, there’s sometimes one obnoxious little trouble maker in the group, but one hopes the positive influence of my neighborhood kids will have a beneficial effect. Little Angela, Jacinder and Boris are all playing nicely. It’s not easy for the little ones while we have this virus to contend with.
When I found one rather unpleasant child, from the big white house on the avenue nearby, had been lying and teasing some of the others I found I had to step in and discipline him. Young Emmanuel came to me and told me how mean he’d been. He even told them that he was, and I am quoting, “a stable genius”.
It’s so unpleasant when one child starts pushing the others around. It’s likely a sign of deep insecurity and a small penis, but one has to contend with such things.
I happen to know that this particular child’s academic performance contradicted this particular claim. I am on the board of St. Bernadette’s School For Gurls, and the behaviour of this particular child was anything but ‘genius’. I happen to know he has come close to burning his parents house to the ground, and the little creature is something of a laughing stock in the neighbourhood.
“Donald, have you been telling porkies?” I asked him.
“Have you been telling porkie pies? Have you been telling lies?” I said, wanting to get to the bottom of the issue.
Little Donald looked at his feet and shuffled awkwardly.
“Donald, we don’t tell porkies in this house. I expect you to behave like a good little boy.” I was being hopeful.
Donald looked red and folded his arms petulantly.
“We don’t tell porkies in this house because we respect the people we share our life with. We care about them, don’t we! We don’t want to grow up to be a small handed loser that no one has respect for, do we?”
Donald looked shifty and avoided my gaze.
“Well now. I think if you’re not prepared to be a good boy and behave like a big boy we’re just going to have to deal with you in a way that might help you understand things a little better. I think we both know what you’re going to have to do.”
“But Auntie Kittie…” he protested.
“I think you can go upstairs and wait in the study. You can come down when you’ve changed into a little girls clothes, and written out a list of all the lies you’ve told today. And you know why? Because little girls are so much better behaved than you! When you’ve learned to behave perhaps we can think about dressing you differently.” I really felt quite disappointed with the little fellow.
“But…” he protested.
“When you start to show that you care for those around you perhaps we can have some respect for you. Until then, it’s panties and petticoats for you.”
I feel we do have to draw the line somewhere, after all, we don’t want everyone to think that all children are badly behaved. My little friend Tam, a delightful South Korean child has done so well recently. And Jacinder too! It’s so sad to see one person bringing the neighborhood down like this.
As he turned tearfully to go up to my study, I said, “Perhaps if you learn to behave you’ll grow up to be a nice boy, useful to society and not a lying sack of shit.”
I do so feel setting a good example is such an investment in the future! Well, not to worry. I understand this particular child will be moving out of the area in November. That’s probably best all round.
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Your favorite auntie,