Does the family know? Do you share it? There’s a lot of questions about crossdressing, and gender fluid life that are likely to emerge. How does one handle that? Enjoy this discussion with Jules and Lenni, as they explore the subject.
I do so love swimsuits that have that lovely high waistband. As I looked at mine hanging from the back of a chair in my garden, snow drifting down I slipped into the hot tub. A light steam seemed to rise into he chill night air, as I sat in the warm water watching the snowflakes and sipping a negroni.
I was fortunate this week to enjoying interviewing Ashley Baron, a familiar face on Tumblr and more recently Twitter. As we sat in the freezing night air, surrounded by hot water and the beautifully manicured bushes Ali, my gardener, has been so busy with, we chatted about her journey and what crossdressing has meant to her.
Ashley started dressing following a breakup with a girlfriend. She’d left some of her things, and one night curiosity overcame Ashley, and suddenly there ‘she’ was. Whilst always a little curious about reaching for a pair of panties, and exploring the idea of gender fluidity, this was her first real foray into crossdressing. At the age of 23 she discovered a world which would be a natural fit.
“I was surprised how natural it was for me,” she tells me. “I think the most unusual thing for me when I started crossdressing was realizing just how feminine I actually looked in those clothes. It really kinda shocked me, and just made me want to see how far I could push it.”
Ashley has always admired strong female characters. For her these were the role model that would steer her values and her life. A principled and genuinely authentic person, Ashley found great joy in cosplay – and emulating the characters that inspired her. Unafraid to take on a challenge she dresses provocatively and challenges herself. The character of Babydoll in Sucker Punch is one of her favorite costumes and one she pulls off with consummate skill.
When there’s a light breeze in the Quebec night, the clouds skid across the sky, and the stars break through from time to time. It’s quite lovely.
Ashley carried on, “At this point I crossdress about 90% of the time in my life, and thankfully, I’ve always had a family who supports me. It’s the same with my job. I bartend at the same place I was bartending as when I didn’t wear a bra to work!”
Ashley laughs as she adds, “My bosses are awesome. I suppose the only thing that has changed is that I make better tips in a push up bra than I ever did as a ‘normal’ bartender.”
I asked her about the way she’s become quite an online personality. She’s so cute when she blushes. Perhaps one of the most endearing aspects of Ashley is her genuine modesty.
“I have never really considered myself an online personality,” she confessed. “But i’m slowly starting to realize I might be and I seem to actually have a fan base and people who love me, and that is the most amazing feeling ever. I love that people are inspired by me! That’s such a cool aspect of what I do, that I can bring joy to other people’s lives. And as far as Tumblr goes I’m sad to see it change. Tumblr was a platform that let me express myself, and now that is being taken from me and others, and that’s disappointing to say the least.”
Now, I have to say that I was a little surprised when I noticed my neighbor Marjory and her girlfriend Amanda (my wife’s appalling friend) next door peering over the fence. Amanda, as you know, is one of the only women I know who wears tweed underwear. I believe it’s specially designed by Carhartt for her. Marjory has recently returned from a competition on the busy competitive eating circuit. Ironically she appears to be leading in the sausage division, which is beyond ironic considering she is a committed lesbian. I hurried the interview along as I knew Marjory and Amanda would be invading the hot tub shortly.
I had thought Ali had discouraged Amanda from infiltrating the garden, but he felt it was unfair to shoot her with the paintball gun so often, so I have tried to adopt a more humanitarian approach, at least over the Christmas period. It’s a little like the Christmas Truce of 1914.
I asked Ashley if she had any suggestions or advice for other crossdressers. Her reply illustrates Ashley’s very generous nature and I am quoting her verbatim.
She said, “I never want to influence too heavily people who have to make their own decisions on these things, however, I will say this: Never feel embarrassed or nervous or ashamed about who you are. We are finally (almost nearly finally) pulling away from a society that has been telling people forever that even considering crossdressing, or transitioning, or even questioning your own sexuality is a “bad/wrong/evil” thing… it’s not. It’s not a bad thing to discover who you are and ask yourself who you want to be. Never be ashamed of trying to find out who you are.”
I could not help but feel that so accurately mirrors the mantra of what we do here, in our tag line – “Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire.”
If you would like tosupport Ashley’s journey she has a Patreon account which you can use to send a little appreciation here: https://www.patreon.com/AlsoAshley
This is a season to be generous, and I’d strongly suggest reaching out to her showing your support.
Finally, as Marjory and Amanda squeezed through the fence defences and came into the garden with their towels, Ashley added “There is nothing sexier than someone who is confident in themselves.”
I glanced at Amanda, wondering if there is such a thing as too much confidence. As editor of Pig and Pig Farmer I suppose it is important to have an opinion about everything, and she certain has that.
Ashley has a healthy diet avoiding fast foods, and focusing on vegetable and chicken. It’s a far cry from Marjory’s red meat based diet. As we relaxed the night become still more beautiful, and I was left thinking how Ashley really is the perfect guest. Be sure to show your appreciation HERE.
I am delighted to say that just the other day I sat with Suzi, one of my members, and we discussed how crossdressing has impacted her life. Suzi’s story is one of challenge and growth.
Suzi is a little unusual among my friends, in that she sees herself transitioning and moving toward a full-time existence as a woman. This has not been an easy path for her.
Sitting in the hot tub at the local spa, after having our nails done so beautifully, Suzi told me her story.
“Crossdressing has been a part of my life forever. I remember the feeling of tights the time I wore them and that was amazing – even if they were to large. There was one time that I dressed as a girl for a comedy/skit show with my brother and a friend from a youth group and the experience of wearing clothes that were the right size was so incredible. There was one day when I was hone alone, off sick from school, I spent the whole day as a girl in my sister’s dress and my mum’s heels – it was the first time I went outside. I was seen by a neighbour but to this day I don’t know if anything was said.
Crossdressing was shameful to me. It was my dirty secret, I was raised in a very conservative and Christian household. I remember being caught by my parents and told it was wrong and I was wrong for wanting to do it. I did the “right” thing, I promised I would stop and told myself I could. I got married, had kids. I mentioned early into the marriage that I liked it. My wife hated the idea – again I lied and promised I’d stop. Then, about 18 months ago, I told her I was still doing (after 11 years). She was devastated and we separated.
Since then I have swung from leaving everyone and becoming a full time woman to again promising I would stop. I have told friends, who at last have offered support rather than rejection, and I have been able to embrace my desire to dress. I am beginning to see what really fits for me. I do identify as transgender, I have told my doctor and I have an appointment with a specialist to access HRT next month. It’s been a journey and one that is littered with shame and porn abuse – both things I continue to deal with – but I’m not ashamed.
Sexually, I am yet to find a woman who wants to know Suzi intimately. When I need loving I have found myself veering towards guys who love seeing me dress up for them.”
Suzi has remained true to herself in what has not been an easy journey. She continues to move forward toward her desired goal, and I have every confidence she will achieve it. As a dear friend and member of My Little Black Book, Lenni, pointed out to me, after telling me of their own journey – ‘We all find our place eventually. We find our own way to make it work.’
Of course, this is a story without an ending. It’s a journey that requires commitment and bravery, and one for which no medals are handed out. As I often find myself saying, in the end we all have to learn to accept ourselves as we are, and then we can create what we desire.
This week I am pleased to say I had the delightful Ariel in my kitchen, as I was preparing a cake. And what a wonderful gurl she is. Ariel has found it quite
challenging to live openly as who she really is, and when she came out to one of her best friends a while ago, found that it’s hard for some people to be accepting of her.
Things are going much better for her now, and at 24 she’s steering her life the way it needs to go. She’s currently getting laser hair removal on her arms, legs and chest. Ultimately she plans to live as a woman. After starting hormones.
Ariel is so very lovely, I let her lick some of the cake mix from m
y fingers after I’d been getting quite breathless, mixing up some cake mix. My biceps are in great shape from beating the cake mix so thoroughly! At least, I think that’s why they’re so strong… What a lovely lust for life Ariel has, I thought, as I wiped a little cream from her chin. We do get up to some fun things in my kitchen!
We’d like to be as supportive as possible to Ariel. You can show your support by helping with her Amazon Whishlist. You can find it here.
Ypou can also find Ariel’s Tumblr HERE.
Visiting my kitchen the other day was the beautiful Nikki Buxton. I will let her images speak for themselves.
I had just come in from running around in the local park, where Sylvester and his German Shepherd had been playing with his balls. I do enjoy the exercise, but when Nikki wandered in I was already quite out of breath.
The arrival of Nikki leaves everyone breathless. She is an absolute joy.
Nikki tells me she started dressing when she was about 9. Her mother had a great sense of style, and so when Nikki found some of her nylons, and a little black dress she tried them on. The experience was wonderful and her path was set.
Like many of us, Nikki’s family didn’t know anything about her delight in dressing, and she now enjoys a relationship with a kind and understanding girlfriend who helps her with her dressing. Her girlfriend is accepting of her gender choices, and is supportive.
Nikki is very non-judgemental. She accepts others as they are and knows that while others may not be completely understanding, they have their own journey too. Her attitude is quite delightful and easy going.
I asked Nikki how she came to terms with herself crossdressing?
She replied, “I never had a hard time accepting who I am, I just thought ‘if I enjoy it so much why give myself a hard time about it – I should just get on with it.”
“As long as I’m good with it, I don’t really need anyone else to accept it. That’s why I don’t really want to involve others as it’s my thing.”
As we enjoyed a Kenyan free trade coffee, I asked her what advice she might have for others exploring their desire to dress.
“Just go for it,” she replied. “Book a hotel room if you’re worried about being caught and just enjoy it to the full, it will feel like a weight has been lifted.”
What wise words! I’m hoping Nikki joins me again soon, as I just know Sebastian would like to get her in a yoga class – just the three of us!
I asked her what she might do, should she find herself trapped in an elevator
with Donald Trump, as one naturally does in an interview like this.
Nikki turned a shade of green and commented that that wasn’t going to happen. ‘Mr. Trump’s not welcome over here.”
Nikki is a delight. She has a wishlist on Amazon. If you’d like to show your appreciation for her hard work dressing, her delightful attitude and for presenting herself so wonderfully, visit her wishlist and send her something nice. You can do so here.
Feel free to leave a comment for Nikki below.