As perhaps you know I am enjoying a little time away from the hard weather and have slipped of to the Baja, in Mexico. Such a delightful place. However, you can imagine the surprise when I received an excited phone call from Ali, my gardener.
âYou should have seen it, Miss Fiona. Sylvester slammed his tackle roughly in from behind. Iâve not seen anything like it!â
As youâve likely guessed, Ali has discovered ice hockey. Well, it had to happen. You canât be in Canada for very long without being affected by this the national sport.
âIt was wonderful,â said Ali. âHeâs been on the game for some years, I hear.â
âI think you mean, âheâs been on the teamâ, Ali,â I corrected him. I really do worry about Aliâs English at times. I really must speak to his teacher.
Ali went on to tell me that Sebastianâs been going out with a new girl and is very taken with her. Apparently sheâs very pretty but she has a squint. Unfortunately sheâs unable to see him any more. Poor Sebastian.
I do like to keep up with the news at home as you can tell, but thatâs not the main reason Iâm writing. I thought Iâd share some news with you. I have added a new $1 level to my Patreon page. This allows you to penetrate just a little deeper without going to the full expense of the other programs. I realise there are many things out there at present competing for your attention, and at such a difficult time itâs sometimes a little hard to justify the expense of a full program like the Premium Program for some of us. Itâs important to me to be available to all my members, so I talked to Max about this and asked for his ideas.
He said, âYou need to give people a different option. Some way to have a relationship without too much expense. You need some kind of âBack Doorâ. So, with this in mind I am inviting you to join my Patreon and use my âback doorâ for just $1 a month. I think youâre going to like it. It’s exclusively on Patreon. Join here – https://www.patreon.com/fionadobsonCD
I really do enjoy having a few friends over in the evening. So it was that I found myself, just the other day, hosting a small party with Sylvester, Auntie Kittie, Sebastian, Rainbow and her new friend, Epiphany. Just use those links if you’d like to explore a little more detail of each of these great friends.
Iâd prepared a small variety of dishes. You know how it is when you are taking into account the various dietary needs of people, Iâm sure. When I had asked Epiphany what sort of foods she enjoyed she had informed me that she ‘preferred not to feast on the flesh of murdered animals.â
Epiphany is a very slight girl. I am sure sheâll become Rainbowâs lover. She has very small hands.
As Sylvester was listening to Rainbow talking about a flasher who has been frightening people in a local park, I put out the tofu drizzled with a peanut satay sauce.
âHe was about average height and had a big coat. And I think he was right handed,â said Rainbow who didnât seem the slightest concerned that sheâd been exposed to in such a manner, when out for her evening run.
âHow exciting,â I said. âAnd with all this cold weather, too!â
Epiphany and Rainbow, both choosing not to eat meat, were extolling the virtues of a vegetarian diet.
âI have often thought I should become vegetarian,â I said. âThough I really do enjoy seafood.â
Sylvester decided to chime in and added, âFiona does love a winkle in cider now and then.â
I told Sylvester to shut up, you know he really can be quite coarse at times.
At this point Auntie Kittie chimed in that she thought everybody loves a well prepared bird on the table, âand honestly, girls, who doesnât love a good stuffing?â
I gave Sylvester a sharp kick under the table as I saw his mouth open, but before he could make some crude comment. He muttered something about everyone loving a good sausage.
Itâs such a good thing I always prepare a variety delights for my guests. I served the various dishes but not before suggesting to my assembled guests that they should be sure to leave a little room for desert. What a surprise it was for them when, after I cleared away the main course Auntie emerged from the kitchen and whipped out her dumplings covered in cream!
But thatâs not the main reason Iâm writing to you today. I am trying to build up my Patreon following. It’s an up hill struggle, but the more members I can grow there, the more content I can release. Your support is greatly appreciated, especially in these tough times. In case you donât know you can support me there by subscribing for as little as $5, or if you choose to become one of my Unicorn level members you can get one of my famous âYou want me to use which bathroomâ mugs. Who could resist such an offering!
Have a lovely evening,
Fiona
PS. Enjoy the video with Annie Lennox, Hugh Laurie and John Malkovich below.
âSwallow, Fiona!â said Sebastian, pushing me onward.
âButâŠâ I protested, my mouth almost overflowing.
Rainbow, Sebastian’s sister, added, âGo on, Fiona. Youâve taken more than a couple of mouthfuls already.â
She gave me a knowing look and whispered, âI know you love it really!â Then she lay back on her yoga mat in my garden, the soft fragrance of lavender wafting over us.
I should explain, Rainbow and Sebastian are at my place this morning and brought some healthy kale and ginger smoothies with them. I know how good it is for me, so even though I may gag a little, I manage to force it down. I donât mind Sebastian and Rainbow coming over for breakfast and we enjoy it in the comfort of my garden.
âIt tastes very,â I searched for words, ââŠhealthy.â
It tasted so healthy I wondered if I was going to throw up. Itâs not the first time Iâve been exposed to this recipe. To be fair, one does feel wonderful when one stops drinking it.
Sebastian is a very diligent personal trainer. He and his sister come over to my place every two or three days for morning yoga, which helps me keep nice and trim and I feel glad of their presence. I get to dress in a beautiful leotard and tights as we do our yoga class and all the while Max (my next door neighborâs young son) surreptitiously watches us through his binoculars from his bedroom window. I think he’s furthering his knowledge of human anatomy. He should be careful doing too much of that, he could go blind.
âYou know,â said Sebastian, âyour body is the sum total of all that you put into it. Itâs best to choose things that are wholesome.â
I briefly thought back, remembering a long and and enjoyable youth, and smiled.
âSee,â cut in Sebastian, âthe thought has brought a smile back to your face.â
âNo, you misunderstand,â I replied. âI was just thinking about a little encounter I had last fall. Very wholesome.”
Enjoy the beautiful song by Marvin Gaye. Be sure to let me know how youâre getting along.
This afternoon I organised a delightful lunch to welcome Bernard, my photographer, back home. You will doubtless remember that he has had some health issues and was visiting the UK and staying at The Devilâs Dyke Health Spa.
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It is unsurprising that following a tazering and being shot in the chest with a carrot, he should need extensive rehabilitation. However, the Devilâs Dyke facility, according to their internet profile, specialises in heart, digestive and gastrointestinal tract treatments, including extensive use of colonic irrigation. Ali, my gardener, informs me that this has nothing to do with the irrigation he is dutifully installing in my greenhouse, in expectation of a warm summer.
Sylvester, Sebastian and Bernard all joined me, as well as Amanda, who âpopped inâ slipping past Hannibal and the security system. That woman is like a ninja. I should point out that she is an old schoolfriend of my wife, and often appears in the hopes of finding her. Unfortunately my wife is travelling at present, studying flora of the Limpopo.
Amanda was most upset. It turns out her therapist, who sheâs been seeing twice a week for the last two years, committed suicide two days ago. This is not made easier by the fact that her previous therapist did the same thing some years ago. At the funeral, it turned out that Amanda was the only person attending, and likely his only client.
âBut somehow I feel like itâs my fault,â she said tearfully.
âNonsense,â I said. âItâs his job to talk you off the ledge, not the other way around.â
âBut twice! Thatâs quite a coincidence, donâtâ you think?â
âWell, not really. Iâm sure lots of therapists go that way,â I replied.
âApparently he leaves a very extensive library of self help books.â
Returning to our lunch, Bernard enthused about his trip to the UK. As we sipped a light chardonnay he told us as much as one can about colonic irrigation at the dinner table. Sebastian asked about the exercise, and probed him about the diet.
Bernard had brought a couple of bottles of Devilâs Dyke bottled water, one of which Sylvester picked up and inspected.
âDevilâs Dyke Water,â he read from the label, holding is at arms length to be able to read it properly. His eyesight is not what it once was. âIt sayâs here, itâs a great tonic, and good for digestion and flatulence.â Amanda seemed excited, and asked to see.
âI should try this,â said Sylvester enthusiastically with a laugh.
There was an awkward pause, and then Bernard said, âI think they mean itâs good for stopping flatulence, Sylvester.â
âOh,â he replied, a little disappointed. âWhy wouldâŠâ and his voice tailed off.
However, thatâs not the main reason Iâm writing to you today. We now have a little more space in our Premium Feminization Program â and weâre adding some new tasks. So, thereâs never been a better time to put your best foot forward and mince into our wonderful Premium Program and enjoy the fun and games we have to offer.
Weâre enjoying a great deal of success with our Premium Feminization Program. If youâre not already a member, then think about joining. I get email daily from my members telling me how much they love it. Itâs only $10 a month and provides you with valuable training and exercises to help you get the most out of crossdressing. As a Premium Member youâll find my emails help you progress and enjoy your crossdressing even more than you do today.  Sign up HERE.
Have a wonderful week.
😊
Fiona
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Boggie is a hugely talented young lady. More than that, she’s a very brave one. This song is wonderfully written, but also bravely filmed in a manner that challenges the societal norm of beauty. Here’s a translation of the first verse.
Hundreds of perfumes, like daydreaming wildflowers Sweet, bittersweet negligence now overpowers Rose and oleander in their tiny glassware, shimmer me on Myrrh and almond fragments in small portion balanced, lilacs and violas, in hidden small vials Dripping them, spraying them, one by one testing them – that mist dazes me so.
I post this song from time to time to remind my friends and members that the image we see on TV is not the true rendering of the person. Boggie is courageous enough to demonstrate this with great honesty. FD
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Looking for that special gift for the dominant uber bitch in your life? What could possibly be better than this Sexy Leather Bodysuit Leotard? Nothing says “I want you to dress me up like a sissie and beat the heck out of me” quite like a faux leather leotard! Just $19.95.
I usually enjoy my morning tea after a short yoga work out, while I read the headlines on my tablet. Yet this week all I seem to be inundated with in my news feed is the news that some US states are legislating against drag shows and emulating such countries as Uganda in their headlong run toward transphobia. It seems an odd choice for a country claiming to be forward thinking.
âHonestly,â I said as Sebastian poured another cup, âthese cucks will stop at nothing!â
âWhatâs that?â asked Sebastian.
A healthy political mind starts with a healthy diet.
âWell, that ridiculous man DeSantis claims heâs going to save our kids from raging queens. But Iâve never heard of any drag performers ever doing anything to a child?â
âThat would be because they donât do anything to children. Itâs the old trick, invent a problem and then offer a solution and claim youâre the only person that can fix it,â said Sebastian.
âSo, how many drag queens do abuse children?â I asked. âI usually attend drag shows that are charity events raising money for good causes. I canât remember ever seeing anything that has anything to do with abusing children. You’d think I’d notice.â
âThat would be because itâs nonsense. Fortunately here in Canada we donât get sucked into that sort of thing. Iâd be very curious to know just how many drag shows Ron Desantis has been to, as a point of interest,â said Sebastian.
âWell, he does look like a boyfriend I had at university. An odd chap. Ate my panties,â I said remembering an incident unsuitable to repeated here. My memory is a little hazy, but I do remember him being quite embarrassed at the Emergency Department in the hospital. It was a wild time.
âWhat an odd thing to do,â commented Sebastian.
âIt takes all sorts,â I replied. âNearly choked on them, as I remember.â
I poured more tea.
âBut even so, how does this have anything to do with the transgender community? Donât these people realise drag and transgenderism are two entirely different things?â I persisted.
âFiona,â replied Sebastian, âyou canât expect these people to think about these things rationally. Itâs quite literally beyond them. They have no experience of what theyâre talking about, and itâs just about getting cheap votes. Of course, itâs easy to say âWeâre going to save all these children!â when in fact none are in any way under threat. And if youâre against their ridiculous legislation you look like you donât care about children.â
âBut look at my members,â I responded. âMost of them have children. You couldnât find a nicer and more caring group of people.â
âI know,â said Sebastian. âThese people appeal to the most frightened and weak members of society. They look for people who are easily influenced. IF they can convince them thereâs a problem, then they can set themselves up as the solution. It appeals to many weak minded people. Thereâs no point trying to argue with them. Thereâs nothing you can possibly suggest that will make them turn around and say, âOh yes, youâre right, Fiona!â No, theyâre just frightened little people living very sad lives. And that is exactly who a fascist like DeSantis is reaching out to.â
âIt seems very sad. And they will end up with blood on their hands, because good people wonât get the gender affirming care they need. But, I guess they donât care about the kids who die because theyâre denied gender affirming care. I guess theyâre the wrong kind of kids, right?â
âThatâs about the size of it,â said Sebastian.
What a world we live in. Fortunately there is such a thing as a vote. If you live in the southern US be sure to see you are properly registered so that when the time comes we can vote these fascist ding dongs out. Of course, Canadians like myself watch the likes of DeSantis with a sense of bemused amazement. He simply couldn’t even get elected to a school board in this country. At least these idiots make us look good.
âSo, what are you up to this weekend,â I asked Sebastian feeling the need to change the subject.
âBernard is taking Rainbow and I sailing,â he replied. âPoor Rainbow. Sheâs a struggling student now. She had to sell the watch she got off our grand father on his death bed. She needs cash to get through this month.â
âOh dear,â I replied.
âYes,â sighed Sebastian. âApparently he put up a hell of a struggle but she got it in the end.â
I felt this was an awkward subject but continued, âShe always said he was a bit of a tight wad. Though he did have a soft spot for her, as I understand it.â
âOh yes. Rainbow told me that if she buttered him up, heâd always end up splashing out.â
âGood grief,â I replied.
But thatâs not the main reason Iâm writing. I just thought Iâd let you k now I have a wonderful offer running on Patreon at present. If you become a Unicorn member through my Patreon membership and stay on for three months you get a delightful cup. Something to press to your lips every morning, to remind you of me. I know youâll love it.
I was doing yoga in my garden just this morning with Sebastian, when he raised something thatâs been on my mind a while.
âFiona,â he said, while adjusting my position in a deep hip opening yoga position, âI have always like that on your blog you are unafraid to deal with the deep and penetrating issues.â
I felt him leaning into my posture, pressing me slightly deeper into the position.
I am very proud of my legs. As Sebastian, my personal trainer has often commented, during our yoga practice, I am able to place my legs in some most unusual positions. As I was doing âdownward dogâ the other morning I felt first a twinge and then one knee collapsed, and I was revisited by some damage incurred during an old skiing accident.
I am very happy with my general health, however in the fall, now and then, I get a twinge. It passes within a week or so, and then I am back to tip top health, but this week I am very slow. I know you are wondering what all this has to do anything, but I felt I should confide in you, as what I am about to say might sound just a little odd.
Part of my morning fitness routine, usually following my morning swim with Sebastian â he really does enjoy giving me a morning work out â is to walk my dog, Hannibal. Now, some of you may remember Hannibal has had more than one run in with Amanda over the years. He once found a marital aid under her sofa and the resulting drama was traumatizing for myself and my poor little dachshund.
He subsequently saw Sebastianâs homeopath for PTSD for several weeks. Petâs Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a widely recognized, at least not in the DSM, but if you were exposed to Amandaâs adult toy collection I guarantee youâd not be the same person after the experience. A whole teamof therapists wouldn’t be enough, I assure you.
I stepped out of the warm stream of the shower knowing Sebastian and Sylvester were downstairs waiting for me in the breakfast room. After pulling on some panties, a robe and my pink fluffy slippers I hurried down the stairs.
Sebastian and Sylvester were at the table. Iâd completed a particularly rigorous dawn yoga session with Sebastian. If my hips were any more open you could have driven a train up there. As luck would have it Sylvester had offered to make us breakfast. While usually a coarse oaf, Sylvester has the capacity to be quite sweet at times.
As I glided into the kitchen Sylvester was serving up a delightful grilled breakfast, the sausages sizzling fresh off the skillet. A good start to the day is a lot easier with a breakfast like this. And breakfast is really the most important meal of the day. The bacon was glistening with flavor and the tomatoes came from Aliâs own garden. Quite lovely.
âItâs the damndest thing,â I said staring at the plate.
Sylvester looked at my plate and said âwhatâs wrong with it?â
âNo, not the food. Itâs just I had the weirdest dream last night.â
Sebastian asked, âWhat did you dream?â
I closed my eyes and tried to remember how it all went.
âThere were a few of us downtown. And there was this guy who had died.â
âWho was he?â asked Sylvester.
âI donât know. Itâs not important. Just some stiff,â I replied.
âAnyway they wouldnât let him in the graveyard because the church said they didnât have room. But everyone knew it was because he was queer. So, there was this drag queen. She was lovely. Letâs call her âCarlottaâ.., and I. And we stole the body and buried her up in the church yard anyway.â
âYou know they donât let you do that,â said Sylvester.
âIt was a dream,â I protested. âAnd we went up there and buried this guy. And then we did other stuff. Loads of stuff⊠And I had this lovely long velvet riding dress, like in that English serial. And Carlotta had these sequins on her pants and a gold cowboy hat and these huge guns with pearl inlays and a smoked blue gunmetal finish. A pair of 44s. Matching nails. Did I say we were on horses?â
âI know all about Carlottaâs 44s. How many of you were there,â asked Sylvester, a canny look in his eye.
âI believe it was seven. Seven trannies and drag queens. And one was bald. Iâm not quite sure what her deal was. Yes, that sounds about right. You have no idea how much glitter that is.â I replied.
âYes, you just dreamed The Magnificent Seven. Thatâs one of the best movies ever made,â said Sylvester.
âI thought it was a fantasy about masculinity and white privilege wrapped up in a self righteous superior message, all avoiding the whole gun thing, and how itâs a penis substitute and actually theyâd all rather be playing with their wieners. Except Yul Brynner. No, If he was coming after me with that huge weapon of his. Well, letâs just say I wouldnât be running away all that fast.â I replied. âCan you imagine,â I said my thoughts drifting off. ââŠfalling, and Yul leaning over you and reaching down and pulling you to your feet, and grabbing a great handful of ass and rippingâŠ.â My voice tailed off. Sometimes I do forget not to speak my thoughts.
I continued, âBut, yes, still one of the best movies ever made.â
Bringing a note of levity to the conversation Sebastian chimed in, âTheyâre all gone nowâŠâ
And what a time it would be to have a magnificent seven. With trans rights, and democracy itself on the ropes, we see so many hard won advances in decline. Things will turn around again soon. And in the meantime I think we have to support our trans sisters, regardless of what stage they are at, wherever we find them. Remember, youâre not alone. There are many of us here.
Of all the busy bees in my life these days chief among them is my good friend and mechanic, Sylvester. I came into the living room just yesterday to find him on the floor with Sebastian, my personal trainer, saying âColonel Mustard, in the library with a ten-inch dildo.â
âI beg your pardon,â I said a little shocked.
âOh hello,â said Sylvester. âWeâre playing Adult Clue (or Cludo if you are from The United Kingdom). Itâs something Iâve adapted from the board game.â
Sylvester can be quite a disturbing individual, and he really can be quite coarse at times.
âWell,â I said, trying to be encouraging although I felt a little awkward, âIâm glad to see youâre not letting your God given talents go to waste, Sylvester.â
After a moment’s thought I added, “Perhaps you could think up some way to murder a new character – you could call her, oh, I don’t know… ‘Amanda’. Death by impaling, in the neighbors house, by the crossdresser.”
For those of you who don’t know, Amanda is my wife’s childhood friend, who has started a relationship with my next door neighbour, Marjory. This is a source of some annoyance, particularly as my wife is travelling at present.
I should tell you I enjoy competitive games enormously. I also play some role playing games. So many times I feel like Iâm getting ahead and suddenly someoneâs coming up behind me and a breathless struggle ensues. Itâs all very exciting. Perhaps you know the feeling. Sometimes I get so excited, I just don’t know what comes over me! I guess it’s the cut and thrust – mostly the thrust – of putting oneself up against a fellow player.
I should also say that this week one of my friends who is a regular player got on a plane to work in New York for a couple of weeks, leaving me with no alternative but to play with myself.
That, however, is not the main reason I’m writing to you. I thought I’d write and tell you about the delightful Mollie Blake. She’s a talented writer who has recently had a piece featured on my website, and we’re expecting to see some interesting new episodes from soon. If you’ve not already read “The Dating Game“, this weekend is a great time to do so.
I should also draw special attention to Katia Thornwood’s writing, which is mostly in my Seahorse level which has been growing into a favorite among my members. Slipping into bed, and putting Katia on to read as you fall asleep is one sure way to end the night on a high note. Katia’s style is quite unique, and if you enjoy her rather strange view of the world.
For the many members who are asking about the Clothes Maketh The Man chapter list it can be found HERE. Well, you can see that the office here has been pretty busy bringing you the best of all things to do with Crossdressing. Have a wonderful week.
So, today Iâm writing to talk about how to find great ideas to help you crossdress. We all need a little inspiration and time to do some planning from time to time. One of the simplest and most fun ways to spend a pleasant evening with a glass of wine and a pair of nylons, is to browse Pinterest looking for looks to emulate.
Many of you have heard me suggesting you do something other than looking at lingerie as your only crossdressing option. Especially if youâre over 45, trying to look like a teenage bimbo is a goal youâre unlikely to reach. Weâre not all as naturally lovely as Nikki Buxton, who I was very happy to chat with a while ago. As Iâve said before, a pig in a lingerie is still a pig. Not a phrase Amanda would appreciate. Better to aim for an attainable goal.
Personally I love steampunk styles. It speaks of fun, adventure, culture and sophistication. Check out my Pinterest for what turns my crank!
Looking like a great 45 year old woman is a viable option for a 45 year old crossdresser. Anyway, I have literally just started a Pinterest site where I post a few of my own ideas for dressing. If you follow me you may get to post to the Members Ideas Board. These may inspire you, or you may browse other looks and style. Either way, jump in there and look for a style that works for you. Itâs fun and once you have a bit of an idea, you can go put and shop the entire outfit.
Once youâve done that, crank up the volume and listen to today’s music video (below) and have a dance around the living room. What better way is there to indulge your feminine side?
If youâre in the north, I hope you are enjoying this lovely snowy weather. If not, have a great week anyway.
I awoke this morning to a terrific banging. Now, I know what youâre thinking, but it wasnât like that at all.
I pulled on a lovely apricot silk gown, and fluffy slippers, and hurried down to the front door, where I was confronted by Sylvester and Sebastian chatting away, framed by snow in the doorway.
âI had a huge curry, last night,â said Sylvester, âand I woke up to find weâd had a terrific dump!â
âGood morning, Sylvester,â I said as the two of them stood on my snowy doorstep. âI assume youâre talking about this heavy snowfall.â
âItâs about 9 inches and I couldnât get up the drive at all.â
âCan we use your rear entrance, Fiona?â said Sebastian. If I had a nickel for everytimeâŠ
âWhy donât you boys slip around the back of the house. Aliâs very kindly cleared the lane. You should be able to park there without difficulty,â I said.
And with that the two boys disappeared and left me to put on the hot chocolate, and warm some croissants. My friends are joining me for breakfast today as weâre working on some new ideas for the premium program. If youâre a member of this wonderful program youâll know how much fun we have with it. If youâre not, then think about jumping in!
Imagine, itâs 12 inches long and youâre right on top of it!
Hi,
âWhatâs that,â I asked Max, my personal trainer.
âMy Christmas list, Fiona.â
âAh,â I replied. âI thought it might be something like that, I replied, a little disappointed. It seems a little while since I got on top of anything except for my email inbox.
And speaking of my inbox, I have received a number of emails regarding last weeksâ message about Maxâs new girlfriend and her comment about being able to âwang her own pickle jar.â
In reply to Michelle, in Tennessee, I am not sure itâs possible to do that with a racoon, but suspect that your animal welfare department may have something to say about it.
Vivian, in San Antonio, I think what you suggested is keenly encouraged by some religions, and is probably all right between consenting adults, but ultimately down to the individual church-goer.
I think Maxâs Christmas list involves a large number of gifts, most of which will have his new girlfriend staring at the ceiling of this studio apartment until February.
And as we get ready for the holiday season, thereâs a couple of things to remember. Obviously the first thing is to think about getting yourself a little present to encourage yourself. In the video below (which will probably be pulled by Youtube very soon) you may find some ideas. Itâs the great Canadian singer, Bryan Adams. I am not entirely sure this is what he had in mind when he wrote this song, but it works rather well, donât you think?
The second thing to remember is that you can give yourself the gift of confidence and connection by investing in my Premium Program or Little Black Book, if youâre not already a member. If you are, then get out on the Little Black Book and send some Christmas greetings to the Gurls all around the world, who would love to hear from you.
As I was washing some vegetables this morning after my weekly shop at the organic vegetable store my phone rang, and who should it be but Sebastian, my personal trainer.
âSebastian,â I said answering the call. âHow lovely to hear from you. Iâm just washing my organic ethically sourced zuchinis.â
This seemed to stop him in his tracks, but he quickly recovered himself.
âFiona,â he said, clearly agitated, âwhat on earth have you been saying to Rainbow?”
You’ll remember that Rainbow is Sebastian’s flakey kombucha drinking yoga teacher sister.
âI chatted with her just yesterday,â I said. âWe had a lovely conversation on that thing Max installed on my phone. Snatchchat, I think itâs called.â
âBut what did you say to her,â he persisted.
âOh, we talked about all sorts of things,â I replied. âThat Mr. Willow down the road. He got caught cheating on his wife with her twin sister. Funny story actually.â
Before I could go on Sebastian cut in, âDid you give her some career advice?â
âOh, I wouldnât give her career advice,â I said. âNot after the incident at the vets place.â –
Sebastian, sounded quite exasperated.
âWhat on earthâs the matter?â I asked.
Sounding very puzzled, he replied, âI just donât understand it. Sheâs going on about you telling her that she should be a therapist.â
âWhat, Rainbow?â I replied, almost swallowing my tongue in surprise.
âYeah, thatâs what I thought.â
Suddenly a thought came to my mind. It came with the crushing inevitability of a garbage truck backing purposefully over a childâs unseen tricycle left out in the lane.
âOh, wait,â I said. âI seem to remember saying to her that she should âseeâ a therapist. Yes, that was it. Somewhere after the second bottle of Cab Sauvignon. Did you know her last therapist took his own life? Terrible!â
âOh God,â said Sebastian. âShe thinks you said she should âbeâ a therapist. And now sheâs all excited about getting trained.â
âIt would be an unusual choice for a person like Rainbow,â I said. âVery unusual.â
As you likely know, I work for a well known advertising agency in an active office in this delightful city. It is often said that for each job in some industries, several other people are supported. So, for example while a car plant may employ 4,000 people a further 6,000 jobs are created servicing the 4,000 people employed with things like transport, employment services and catering. In much the same way, my work supports not just myself, but also Sylvester my mechanic, Sebastian my personal trainer, Ali my gardener, young Max who helps with technology on my blog and several other assorted hangers on and peripheral individuals.
I was talking on this very subject with Bernard, my photographer, when we were out on agency business just the other day. Ali, who so lovingly tends my garden, spends more time there than I ever do. Instead, while he enjoys my delightful champaign colored roses in my garden I am out driving with Bernard on a task for the advertising agency. And Iâm paying Ali! It all seems rather obtuse. That said, I do love Ali, and his daughters are sweetness itself. They arrived in Canada just a couple of years ago, refugees from the war in Syria.
I could not help noticing, whilst driving home from the advertising agency the other day, the names on the back of vehicles. The model names of vehicles are of interest to me, from both the branding perspective and what it tells me about the drivers.
Have you been reading ‘Clothes Maketh The Man‘? Enjoy the ongoing serial now in its third year.
A therapist member of mine recently pointed out to me that several of their erectile dysfunction clients did indeed drive muscle cars, in more than one instance a Hummer. Frankly I feel anyone driving a Hummer should be on their knees begging forgiveness from their children as they pump heat into an increasingly fragile environment. On the other hand, given the erectile dysfunction issues associate with Hummer ownership theirs a good chance that having children is one complication these thoughtless tools will not have to concern themselves with.
Sylvester, on the other hand has shunned the muscles cars
and even removed the photo on his office wall of him posing with his Dodge
Penetrator 3000. I am pleased to see him mellowing. I do remember the day he
pulled up outside my house, on his phone calling me to tell me he was there.
âIâm just pulling into your garage,â he said. âNo wait, Iâm
reversing. Pulling in again⊠backing up,
and going in again now. Perhaps I should go in the laneway round the back. I
can get the back way, but itâs a bit tight.â
You know, I may have said this before, but Sylvester can be
quite coarse at times.
Personally I like to drive a Buick Vagina. Itâs the limited Silhouette
edition. So much more my style. Both feminine and powerful, with the twin turbo
V6 with the cuddle seats option.
Vehicle names and designs do tell us a lot about their
drivers. I noticed a Kia Soul in the traffic as I was driving home, and I can
only speculate that some Korean designer sat down and thought hard about what a
car designed for Spongebob Squarepants might look like, and then took up the
challenge to build it. Ironically the driver of this particular vehicle did
look like a cartoon character.
Sebastian, my vegetarian personal trainer, drives a Kia Hymen when not riding his electric bicycle. His sister, Rainbow, drives a Nissan Slide with a synchromatic gearbox. Amanda drives a Prius, which is entirely predictable, while of course Ali, my gardener, drives the Smart Car with a rifle rack on the rear window, adapted to carry his gardening tools. Heâs proud to declare he always shows up with his hoes.
One of my Vancouver members, Lenni, is originally from
Alaska, and proudly tells of her mother having driven a Ford LTD wagon. This vehicle,
with a 7.5 litre engine has the dubious distinction of being capable of hitting
a moose, killing it, and then being able to transport it back to the trailor
park for butchering. I canât help thinking life in Alaska holds wonders I am
pleased not to have either witnessed or shared.
Instead I think Iâll go and get Sylvester to change the
fluids in my Buick Vagina.
I was lamenting the passing of our Queen yesterday, along with a huge number of people. My voice need hardly be added to the outpouring of regret by so many others, and yet I do feel a sense of loss. The Queen was, after all, an influence my entire life, and thereâs no doubt about it, whatever else she was, she really was a likeable sort of monarch.
It was fitting that I wore a nice black sweater, black stockings and a black kilt yesterday. On that slightly mournful note, I have some lovely crossdressing funeral ideas HERE.
After my yoga session this morning I was sitting in my kitchen, enjoying a calming cup of tea with Sebastian, when he started telling me the news about his sister, Rainbow.
âRainbowâs not seeing that optician anymore,â said Sebastian a little mournfully.
âIâm sorry,â I said, confused.
âTheyâve broken up. Itâs a pity, I think he was very good for her,â continued Sebastian. âApparently when she said she couldnât see him anymore he told her to stand a little closer, and then said âAnd now?ââ
I looked at Sebastian and tried to figure out if he was joking.
âWell, Rainbow has some unusual ideas,â I said.
âShe certainly does. She told me she felt their energies didnât âco-mingleâ they way she wanted,â he concluded, looking through the window into the far distance in deep contemplation.
I tell you this as much as anything to set the scene. The window that overlooks my garden is really quite lovely but of late I have had Ali trimming some of the bushes just around the base of the window. Heâs a talented gardener, and moves quite silently about the place, his long white gown floating like some ethereal gardening spirit. Now and then he stands up, his head appearing in my wind, and says something before once again going down on hands and knees working on among the foliage of my beautiful flowers. It can be quite disconcerting at times. Heâs just like a Syrian Jack In The Box, appearing out of nowhere. It can be quite startling.
Rainbow isn’t seeing the optician anymore.
It was in this tranquil scene of quiet contemplation as I sipped my chamomile tea that Aliâs wizened head appeared, rising out of nowhere and chimed in, âTits like coconuts.â
I steadied my nerves as Ali sank out of my line of vision, and then rising and leaning out of the window looked down into the flower beds and said, âI beg your pardon?â
Sebastian struggled back onto his stool.
Ali surfaced back into view and replied, âYou were saying how much you like the birdsong of summer, and wanted to attract more birds into your garden.â
I stared blankly before remembering a conversation weâd had just the other day. I do like to attract wildlife into the garden, and had asked Ali if he had any thoughts on the matter.
âOh yes,â he went on. âLotâs of birds love coconuts. If you hang them on a string from one of the trees itâs sure to attract a few. You know, tits, chaffinches and sparrows. They all love coconuts.â
I slowly sat down once more, and thanked Ali for his contribution to the conversation. I really do wonder just how much English he understands, at times. I may have to talk with his English teacher.
I do hope youâre having a delightful end of summer. Be sure to have a look around the website â thereâs a lot there and I always try to keep things fun.
âThatâs it, Sylvester,â I said. âYou just take down your boxers and Iâll stick a big one up there!â
While perched on the top of a step ladder Sylvester handed me down the two portraits of his fatherâs prize winner pedigree boxer dogs. They won the dog show here several years ago, and as I liked the pictures so much Sylvester allowed me to display the paintings in my living room while his apartment was being decorated. They made a nice change, but to be honest Iâm a little bored of them now. Iâm replacing them with a huge photograph of Hannibal, my dachshund now. I do like to freshen up the look of my living room in spring, donât you?
I’ve had a lovely week, Marjory my neighbour invited me over yesterday evening, having hired a sweet young French chef to cook her birthday dinner. What a handsome young man he is! And I think he took a shine to me, too.
After thanking him in the kitchen for such a lovely meal I spotted something between the frog’s legs, and the cake. So many candles! In the end we lit them, and the chef and my friends all sang happy birthday for Marjory before she blew them all out in the dinning room. It brought quite a lump to my throat. Such fun!
But thatâs not the main reason Iâm writing today. I’ve been trying to be supportive to Rainbow, Sebastian‘s sister. She’s terribly worried about the people in Ukraine, where she has a number of friends.
“They should do something about those awful Russians,” she said to me while sitting at my kitchen table. “Can’t they send someone?”
“Like who?” I asked.
“I don’t know. The Pope, or the other one,” and then she paused and scratched her head, and then remembering said, “That nice Bono, or Greta Thunberg, perhaps.”
“I’m not sure Greta’s quite the right person,” I replied, “though she might have something to say about the carbon emissions of those useless T72 tanks. They seem to burn very well, if nothing else, but I don’t think that does much for global warming. Then again nor does a thermobaric weapon. The environment doesn’t seem to be a priority for Mr. Putin.”
“I feel so helpless,” she added at length.
“Well, you don’t have to,” I said. “Unicef, the UN agency with a mandate to help women and children, is organising help for women and children in Ukraine. So is UNHCR, who look after refugees.”
Giving here has the funds matched by the agency and is applied directly to women and children in need, and is the most efficient way to provide help. I didn’t need to add that previously having worked for Unicef in Africa, in field emergencies in Sudan and Somalia, I could vouch for their effectiveness.
“It’s a tragedy,” I said, giving her a hug. “But one way or another we’re all going to be a part of sorting it out. And I don’t mind paying a few extra dollars for gas if it means we don’t give Mr. Putin the kind of help he needs to hurt innocent women and children in Ukraine. Let’s just hope people are wise enough not to let his friends, people like that orange haired loser of a former president, ever get anywhere near the reins of power ever again.”
With that I suggested Rainbow come upstairs and help me pick out a nice yellow and blue outfit to wear when I go out today. Perhaps you could do the same.
If you feel generous use the links above to send a few dollars to support people affected by the war in Ukraine. Send me a copy of your receipt and I will enroll you at no cost in our Whatsapp Group – a gift worth $10 a month. Just send me a copy of your receipt to fdobson@zoho.com
