Max is teabagging Sebastian in my basement!

I arrived home on Saturday morning to a house full of guests. Max, my next door neighbours 20 year old son, had let himself in as he often does these days, Sebastian had arrived early for my yoga session, and as I walked into the kitchen, there was Sylvester clutching a twelve incher in his hand.

“That looks very meaty,” I said as Sylvester stood there looking proud.

“You know how much I love a good sub,” replied Sylvester. “Salami, tomato, olives… this is twelve inches of perfection.

If I had a quarter for every time I’d heard that, I thought quietly to myself. Actually, I’d only have a dollar twenty five, but all the same…

I slipped into a light skirt and a tee shirt, to be ready for yoga, and then asked Sylvester if he’d like to join Sebastian and I on the yoga mats. I should say that it’s rather like watching a fridge try to do a downward dog, when Sylvester does yoga. The will is there, though.

“Where on earth are Max and Sebastian,” I asked Sylvester wondering if perhaps Max would be joining us on the yoha mats.

“Max is teabagging in the basement,” said Sylvester.

“Really,” I said a little surprised.

“Yes. I had no idea Max knew so much about tea. He’s showing Sebastian how to mix a few different tea types and make a few tea bags. He has some black tea, oil of bergamot, vanilla and all sorts of things.”

“Oh,” I said, somewhat relieved. “How creative. We should see if they want to do yoga with us.”

However, that’s not the main reason I am writing to you. I’m sure that you have experienced, the same as many of us, feelings of embarrassment following dressing. Well, you’ll be pleased to know you don’t need to. In the video below I have prepared a short hypnosis for you that will help relieve those feelings. Have a listen and see how you get along.

Have a great week, and remember – “Accept yourself as you are, and create yourself as you wish.”

🙂

Fiona

 
 

A man at my backdoor, with an enormous tool in his hand!

As I started work on this today I was surprised to find my neighbors son, Max, at my back door. He was standing their holding an enormous tool in his hand. It quite took my breath away!

 

I said to him, “There’s no way you’re coming inside with that!”

He was, however quite insistent. I explained to him that if he had to go about waving that enormous thing of his, he should try seeing it was properly lubricated and prepared. Finding some oil I took it in my hands and worked the lubricant into it.

Now that I think about it, I don’t think Max had experienced someone doing this to him. A crossdressing gurl just taking control like that. I guess he may have felt a little over excited. who can tell? Life is full of these unanswered questions. Like why my friends always use my rear entrance, and not the front door.

Max seemed to enjoy the attention, and I knew he was excited to get inside. As I worked the lubricant deeper and deeper, and stroked his tool I could see he was becoming more agitated. These young boys are so easily overwhelmed. It’s so important to maintain eye contact, when someone is getting near the peak of  their anticipation, don’t you think? I gave him the can of oil and left him to it.

I turned my back on him, and said I had to get an email off to my friends, and the sight of me walking away from him was simply too much. I think he took one look at my bum in my tight leggings and was squirting his fluid everywhere! What a mess. Anyway, I have to get on with this email! When I first asked him to help me with some repairs and chores this was not what I had in mind.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you today. I thought it might be nice to focus on two things in this email. The first will be moisturizing and the second foundation. These are two essentials for anyone wishing to feminize their skin a little. Moisturizing takes care of the tone of the skin, while foundation looks after color.

Regardless of age, male skin is often left untreated and dry because we are taught from an early age to wash, often using harsh soaps and no further treatment is really encouraged. What I’d like to encourage here is the regular use of a moisturizing lotion around the eyes and the sides of the mouth and nose area..

In your on going quest to feminize, this can be quite enjoyable. Those who have been following me a while will know I am a fan of gentle and subtle change. To start moisturizing every day, following a shave and brushing your teeth, is an almost undetectable but enjoyable process. You will soon find yourself feeling more feminine and your skin quality improving. Likely no-one but you will notice, but you will feel a little more feminine with this simple start to the day.

Now, as far as foundation goes, this is possibly something you don’t want to put on everyday as it is likely to be noticed. Although later, as you become a little more proficient at bringing subtle changes into you life, you may want to start using a little foundation each day, at first it is something that you can start practicing in private at home.

Doing self portrats? Foundation takes away the shiny reflections of your skin in photos. Yes, if you are into taking selfies when you dress, you need to know about foundation! To some degree you can achieve the same effect with a little talcum powder, but too much and you look very pale. Rather as though you’d walked in on Max playing with his tool, actually.

You can buy foundation at virtually any drug store. If you have to, asking the assistant to help you, ‘for your wife’, you’ll find they jump right in. Now, while the safest thing to do is go for a general mid tone foundation, at least to start, if you do need to choose a particular color here’s a helpful tool that will get you started: http://www.temptalia.com/foundation-matrix/scratch First choose an undertone, and then your skin tone, and it will list a range of the most available foundation types, along with prices etc..

Next time you decide to take a few selfies be sure to put on a little foundation first. It will make all the difference! For a great tutorial about how to apply foundation, try this Youtube video: https://youtu.be/TyeMrEYcMoQ

🙂

Fiona.

Looking back to the early 1990’s, this video looks a bit different today.
 

Sylvester needs some help polishing his chopper.

I couldn’t help thinking, as I clutched my banana, that Sylvester really could use a better diet. He seems to exist on burgers, and grilled cheese.

I was standing in his workshop, having dropped off a fruit basket, thinking it would add some welcome vitamin C to his diet. So many of my friends succumb to the cold during the winter, and I’m sure a fruit basket staves of the flu for many of us,and personally,  I find a good banana a lifesaver at times, don’t you?

I happened to have arrived at Sylvester’s workshop on a slow day at his business, and he was busying himself polishing his chopper. He was breathlessly working away at it, wanting it to be in great shape before the first days of spring.

Quite suddenly, I felt I simply had to help, so I found myself leaning over his great machine, polishing away as only a good gurl knows how. I must say, my tight leggings and my slim hands working away on the surface of the rich round pipe raised a few beads of sweat on my brow!

Sylvester becomes full of anticipation, during these final days of winter. He seems to become agitated at the promise of the excitement of the spring sunshine when he and all his big hairy friends can get together and show each other their choppers. It’s such a male ritual, that I feel quite intimidated by it all. It fairly takes my breath away.

Having said that, climbing astride a throbbing beast and feeling it thrust itself down the highway has always been a secret desire of mine. As a young thing my mother once caught me on a friends ride, and I can only say my cheeks were burning red with shame as she chastised me for my foolishness.

Yes, I’ve often inserted myself into the leather clad world of the kings of the road. And the queens for that matter.

That is not, however, the main reason I am writing to you tonight. I have recently put up a new episode of Playtime With Fiona. This one helps you get into a little shaving that will make you feel great. These are fun activities you can enjoy between tasks in the Premium Program, or even just when you feel like a little adventure. The video below is the most recent, however you can always find some here: https://fionadobson.com/tag/playtime-with-fiona/

Have a wonderful weekend, and if your excited about the onset of Spring be sure to polish up your equipment!

🙂

Fiona

Playtime With Fiona - Get out your razor and slip into something silky!
Don’t forget, I’ve got many free videos for you on Youtube.

Splashing out on lingerie.

Hi,

I have been treating myself to a few enjoyable gifts to myself lately. Victoria’s Secret, and one or two other places have been benefiting from my self indulgence.

On Wednesday, this week I asked Max, my neighbours twenty-year old son, to come with me to a lingerie store. This was admittedly partly to tease him, and partly to teach him a little lesson.  He’s been hanging around a lot lately, and seems to spend way too much time at my place. When I am doing yoga he seems to get extremely agitated. When I am working up a sweat he seems unable to stop watching at me.

“Max,” I said to him, “sometimes I don’t know what’s got into you. You spend so much time over here! You might as well help me with some shopping.”

I drove down to the lingerie store with him, and explained, “Things have been so hard lately,” as I smoothed down the skirt I was wearing.

“Don’t you ever feel like,” I searched for words, “…splashing out on some new underwear?”

Max seemed quite overcome by the thought. He carried my bags back to my car once I had bought some new items of hosiery.

Once at home, I took out several boxes of my underwear and asked him to help me sort them into colors and fold them nicely. He seemed very happily engaged in this task when there came a knock on the door downstairs. I asked him to go down and see who it could be.

Max took himself off and some minutes later, when he didn’t return I glanced out of the window to see him clutching at his stomach and heaving into a flowerbed in my garden. This wasn’t going to help the petunias. After all his efforts to keep them looking full and flowery, Ali, my gardener was not going to like that at all.

I opened the window of my bedroom and called down, “Max, are you all right?”

In reply he pointed toward the kitchen and called back “Amanda,” And then staggered off toward the gate to his parent’s house.

I groaned inwardly. Amanda, my wife’s obnoxious friend, had obviously slipped through the perimeter defences. I decided to go downstairs and see what the unbearable woman wanted. I slipped into pair of gender neutral yoga pants and descended the stairs.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with that boy,” Amanda blurted out as I entered the kitchen. Apparently she had got away from work editing Pig and Pig Farmer Weekly a little early today.

“What did you do to the poor lamb, Amanda?”

“I just asked him to help me with something. You see, I’m taking some pain medication for my back. Anyway I’m supposed to,” and at this point she lowered her voice, “use these.” She pulled a package from her sac like handbag.

“And what are these,” I asked not wishing to get too close.

“Suppositories,” she relied, and my stomach turned over.

“And you wanted Max to help you with them?”

“Yes, of course,” she replied in a matter of fact voice. “They’re supposed to bring my temperature down. It’s a side effect of the medication, you see.”

“You don’t think that’s a little odd?” I said, my mind reeling as I stared at the pack on my kitchen counter.

“Is that even a thing?” I made a note to Google suppositories and temperature.

“You don’t understand,” she stammered as though suddenly realising she’d made a horrendous mistake.

“Amanda, I really don’t think you can ask young Max to…”

“It’s the packaging. I can’t get it out of the blister pack,” she protested.

“There are some things, Amanda, you just can’t ask people to do!”

“I can’t open the packaging, it’s my fingers. Not with my arthritis!” she protested.

“All the same,” I said doubtfully. “I think you may have scarred Max permanently. He looks pretty traumatised.”

“Oh, my goodness,” she gasped. “You don’t think he thought I wanted him to…” Amanda looked horrified.

“Yes, I do, Amanda. I think you may have left a very damaging and lasting impression on his fragile young mind.”

However, all this is not the main reason I am writing to you this evening. We’ve got some great new content on the website here: http://FionaDobson.com and I’d love to see your comments and questions about it. Go right ahead and make comments on the site, and I’m thrilled to answer them.

Have a great week and remember not to let your temperature get too high.

Fiona

A steady stream of water is falling between Ali’s legs.

There was a steady stream of water falling between Ali, my Syrian gardener’s legs.

“Ali,” I said. “Would you mind telling me what you’re doing?”

“Ah, madam. I’m watching Max’s premature ejaculation. He did it for his mother…”

I paused. I’ve learned that’s a good idea with Ali. I’m never quite sure if he’s serious, or just confused.

“His water hose… He’s got it hooked up to Google – that online house thing. It waters the flowers. Well, drowns them actually. It’s coming on prematurely and the water pressure’s too high.”

“I see,” I said. I decided I had better talk to that English teacher of his.

“I prefer to use a more natural method such as this watering can, madam,” he said as he continued to water the flowers.

It’s been a strange week. Sylvester had a couple of his Navy friends staying. Billy Bates, a Quartermaster on a missile cruiser, and his friend Simon Steyns. Simon was recently demoted back to Ordinary Seaman following a nasty shoreside incident involving another member of the crew and a very worried looking hamster.

To round everything off Amanda brought her sister over and her revolting daughter. Chelsea, Amanda’s elder sister doesn’t approve of Amanda’s relationship with Marjory. She say’s it’s against God. I have to say I told her that Amanda is against God. I mean really! What immortal hand or eye would frame that fearful symmetry… urgh.

Chelsea Chizit and her daughter Emma are cut from the same cloth. They’re the sort of uncultured slobs that know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

It’s the perfect time of year to get into Pink!



And to top it off Max is besotted with Emma. To be fair, she is not entirely unpleasant to look at as she glides around the garden half naked in the sunshine, like some sort of fae. Yet Max just stares slack jawed and drools. It’s most disturbing. He wanders around moony eyed murmuring “Emma Chizit… Emma Chizzit.”

“Ali,” I said as firmly as I could, “Do you happen to know if Amanda is next door visiting Marjory?”

“Oh yes,” he said. Not much gets passed Ali. He knows the comings and goings of most of Huckleberry Close. “She wrist deep in …”

“Ali!” I said firmly.

“… in tomatoes. They’re canning the tomatoes she grew in her greenhouse. Making sauce…”

As everyone starts to get back to something approaching normal I am delighted to say I am enjoying occasional days like this where friends visit and life seems almost as it did before this infernal pandemic. 

I am pleased to say I am double vaccinated, as are most of my friends. I hope you are to, and I’d encourage you to get it done as soon as possible, for your own good and the good of all those around you.

I hope you’ve been enjoying The Dating Game by Mollie Blake. It’s been featured this last few weeks on the website, Remember there always new content on the site, and I do get on now and then to chat with my members on the web chat functionality. If I happen to be on when you are there, be sure to say hello.

Have a lovely week,

🙂

Fiona

http://FionaDobson.com

This summer it’s all about pink!
It’s a season for your best color!
What could be a nicer color to celebrate summer. Check out this spectacular swing dress for just $31.99.You going to look delightful.
Check it out here – https://amzn.to/3iq4a2v
Fiona

Clothes Maketh The Man – now free.

CLothes Maketh The Man

Yes, I know. It seems incredible. However, it is true. The iconic serial about poor Andy, a man who stumbles from disaster to crossdressing disaster, all the time under the tender gaze of Davina, is now available free.

I was just getting ready to go out this afternoon, when a very distraught Max came and pleaded with me. I had my favorite heels on, and Hannibal was staring at me looking forward to his walk.

“You can’t make it all free,” protested Max, who has been handling our site rebuild.

“But my members love Andrea, and Davina,” I said. “We can’t just take it offline.”

“I don’t think I can separate it out,” he said pouring over some code. “At least not in a way that’s going to be easy to work with.”

“Then we’ll give it to our members free,” I said, and applied a little more lipstick. I have a spectacular crimson shade on today.

Enjoy the very best in crossdressing stories. There’s a new episode of Clothes Maketh The Man out later this week. Maybe Andrea is going to get a lucky break. Or not. Be sure to enjoy it when I post it later this week, free.

Fiona

You can find all Clothes Maketh The Man episodes here.

Or just go to the first episode here.

Max’s choice of last words.

The other morning I walked into my kitchen and immediately knew something was wrong. I should explain that my morning yoga is a sacred time for me, and I let nothing interrupt it. I’m only ready to start the day once I feel grounded and settled.

I usually follow my morning yoga with some tea, and a piece of toast, so I was surprised to find a deputation of some of my team waiting for me as I entered the kitchen.

“An odd choice of last words, Max,” said Mistress Meg.

Max, Katia and Mistress Meg fell silent as I entered. I glanced at them, and walked over to the kettle and put it on. To say the atmosphere was tense was an understatement.

“Well,” I said. “What are you all looking so worried about? Has someone died?”

Max, who was backed up against the wall looking a little scared, was the first to speak.

“Meg wants to hang me up by my…” he faltered.

Then Mistress Meg cut in, “I want to hang him by his wrists and have Stacy give him a damned good strapping.”

Katia just looked angry.

“What on earth’s going on,” I asked. “Max, tell me what’s the matter.”

Now, perhaps you remember that Max is my neighbour’s twenty year old son, and looks after much of the technology side of the work I do. There’s a surprising amount of work running the blog. He also manages my Patreon and a few other things, including entering Auntie Kittie’s content. He’s our tame techie.

“It’s Patreon,” he said and everyone fell silent.

“Oh yes. They recently named me as one of their top adult writing creators, didn’t they?”

“Yes, they’ve done very well from your Patrons. You’d think they…”

“Tell her what they’ve done, Max. Stop blabbering,” said Meg.

Max, who by now was close to tears, turned to Mistress Meg and said, “You’re not the boss of me! I’m just doing my best. You can’t tell me what to do!”

Mistress Meg picked up a breadknife, rubbed her thumb against the blade and then said menacingly, “Odd choice of last words, Max.”

“I think perhaps we should all calm down,” I said gently. “Now, Max let’s sit in my study and see what’s the matter.”

I took Max through to my study, usually my sanctuary away from others, and sat him down on the couch. His eyes were brimming over, and a tear ran down his cheek.

“It’s ok, Max. Just tell me what the trouble is.”

“We’ve been kicked off Patreon. They say our content is too adult.”

“What? Make up tips and hypnosis?” I said looking a little shocked. “Or was it that joke you said I should take out?”

“You mean the one about stuttering?”

“Yes, where I said that jokes about speech impediments were a big big ‘no no’?”

“No,” he replied. “I pulled that out before we posted that piece.  It’s more Mistress Meg and Katia’s content. They say it’s too adult and they don’t want it on their servers. But that’s not the worst of it.”

“Really? What else is there?”

“We have hundreds of members there. And they’re not going to be happy. And Mistress Meg and Katia depend on the revenue from there,” he said clearly upset. “I’ve let them down. And I think Mistress Meg might want to do something horrible to me.”

“Mistress Meg does horrible tings to people all the time. It’s sort of her thing,” I said softly. “I won’t let her do anything to you, don’t you worry. She just want’s to look after the Seahorses.”

“I didn’t mean to get us kicked. Really. I thought we were ok, but they’ve just clamped down.”

“Don’t worry, Max,” I said soothingly. “We’ll take care of Patreon. If we have to be off it then I’m sure our members will understand. We got along just fine without Patreon before, remember? We’ll just have to accommodate the members on the website.”

I thought about it for a moment and then said to Max, “Mistress Meg is just concerned because her writing is more edgy. She probably thinks it really her fault.  None of this is anyone’s fault. Patreon are just trying to be careful.”

Max looked a little awkward for a moment and then added, “Well, there’s more to it than that. I was thinking of saying we should get off it anyway.  Some people feel it’s a bit of a scam. You should see the review of it.

“Well, if that’s the case then we should get off it anyway. They’ve done us a favor. I want the best for my members,” I said.

Max stared into he distance and then said, “I can build a membership system on the site. We can ask Patrons to switch over. That way you can chat to them when they visit the site, using that chat window you use some evenings.”

“I love chatting with them,” I said. “Now, I’d better go and calm down Meg and Katia. Don’t you worry about a thing. It’s not your fault.”

And with that I left and went out to the kitchen. It didn’t take long to calm down Meg and Katia.

“We’re just going to build a membership system on the blog instead,” I told them. “Besides that way we can service them much better. Patreon has never been that great. I know people can’t find half the content you write, because their navigation is so outdated.”

Katia cut in, “You’re right. Someone wrote to me the other day saying they couldn’t navigate properly in their app. Half the time it doesn’t work properly.”

“Now, let’s not be unkind to Max. He’s going to have our website updated in a few days with a bunch more content for our members and we’ll let everyone know exactly how to switch over to our website,” I said. “Besides, it gives us an opportunity to do more on the website itself, rather than someone else’s platform. We can do even more cool things for our members.”

And that’s why I’m writing to you today. This has given us the great opportunity to improve the way we serve up content. It’s also a heads up that Clothes Maketh The Man is soon going to be served entirely free. You probably know that the first 24 episodes are currently free, but that subsequent episodes have only been available on Patreon. Well, I’ll be making them freely available on FionaDobson.com in the next couple of days.

Now, if you’re a Patron you’ll need to subscribe to one of the services here to continue your membership – and I want you to know how very much I appreciate each of you that does so. And if you’d just like to support the work my little team and I do then you can simply join for $1 a month in my Good Gurls membership here. You know how very much I appreciate each and every one of my members, and over the years we’ve overcome hurdles like this plenty of times.

If you’d like to tell Patreon what you think of their decision to throw us off their platform, don’t let me stop you. You can email them here: platform-support+id1217903@patreon.zendesk.com – It won’t change their decision but it might remind them that they’re a bunch of homophobic self righteous dicks.

Don’t worry. This isn’t going to stop us delivering the very best crossdressing content, just as I always have. Now, I have to hide the cooking sherry. I can see Auntie Kittie coming up the drive, and if I don’t she’ll be here all night.

Have a lovely week.

😊

Fiona

Continuing crossdressing adventures, and leotards!

Hi,

After a busy morning I returned to my house today to find my wife’s appalling friend Amanda waiting for me. Max had let her in, something I’d warned him about, but he seemed to have forgotten. I was a little irritated as I had a lot on, and had to get to a jazzercise class which would start shortly.

As I hurried in Max silently mouthed his apology.

“Hello, Amanda,” I said as I heard her beige trouser suit rustle in my direction and she appeared from the living room. “Have you been having fun on the newsdesk?”

“Why, what have you heard?” she replied nervously.

I couldn’t really imagine what fun one could have on the newsdesk of Pig And Pig Farmer Weekly, but didn’t waste too much time thinking about it.

“I wasn’t expecting you today,” I said. Had I known she’d be coming I would have been out.

“Well, I thought I’d stop by. Leo’s with me today,” she said, and glanced over her shoulder into the living room.

I should explain, and I’d like to do this with the sympathy and delicacy this subject deserves, that Leo is what we used to call ‘developmentally disadvantaged.’ He is a very sweet young man, but has never really progressed beyond the early stages of mental development. Now, I should point out that in Canada we have a very inclusive approach to those less fortunate than ourselves, and we embrace those less able than the rest of us. It’s a point on which we stand with great national pride. Not withstanding my recent unfortunate episode with a homeless person, I believe we measure ourselves as a nation by how we treat the less fortunate. To us, universal healthcare at no cost whatsoever, for example, is an absolute no brainer. Which, in it’s way makes what happened this afternoon even more difficult to relate.

I made my apologies to Amanda and said I had to hurry to get ready for my Jazzercise class, and had to change, and so hurried upstairs. I had washed and prepared a few things, and as I gathered them together and put them in my bag, I realised I’d left some clothes lying in the living room.

I called down to Max, who came upstairs.

“Max,” I said, “I seem to have left some things in the living room. Some tights and a leotard, they’re probably in the living room. Can you be a sweetheart and see if you can find them. I think they may be lying over the back of the chair by the window.

With that I changed out of my office clothes and into a light summer dress. I’d slip into my dancewear at the studio.

It was then that I heard a commotion from downstairs, and the slamming of the front door. From my bedroom window I saw Amanda hurry to her Prius, and help her brother Leo into the passenger seat. I couldn’t think what had caused such a commotion, and a moment later Max was politely knocking on my bedroom door.

I opened it and stepped out.

“What on earth was that all about?” I asked.

“I think I must have said something to upset Amanda… I don’t know what I did. She just erupted.”

“Max, calm down. I’m sure it’s nothing.  Just tell me what you said.”

Max followed me downstairs, and recounted his words.

“I just walked into the living room and said to Amanda that you were changing upstairs and I had come down to find a leotard that was lying around in the living room.”

“That’s all you said?”

“Yes,” he said looking hurt.

“Those were your exact words?” I pressed him.

For a moment he closed his eyes, and then in a moment of reflection he said, “No, wait a moment… I came through that door, and then I said “Is there a leotard lying around in here?”… And that’s when she took off in a huff!”

“Oh,” I replied.  “You don’t think she thought you were referring to her brother, do you? I mean, his name is Leo… and he is… well, you know.”

We looked at each other ashamed of ourselves. I felt pretty sure I had an awkward phone call ahead to make to Amanda.

But that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you today. I thought I’d drop you a line and tell you about some of the spectacular leotards that you can find on my website. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. That’s quite a coincidence, isn’t it? They’re versatile and fun, and as you’ll see can be worn either in a very femme way, or quite an androgynous manner. Check out the page on my site that tells you about them and you’ll find they’re fun and can make you look great.

Till next week.

😊

Fiona

If your mum comes in while you’re watching this, switch to porn whatever you do. It’s just easier to explain away!

Sylvester’s giant pain in the …

Sylvester’s giant erection.

What a strange time it’s been. Today in Vancouver we have the strangest light, as smoke from forest fires up and down the west coast fills the air. Visibility here is really quite terrible.

With Covid, and forest fires one can only think that a plague of frogs might be next. It does leave one wondering why more people don’t take climate change seriously. It’s going to get hotter and drier in the coming years, and if we don’t want this every summer we might as well get used to reducing carbon emissions.

Sylvester, my mechanic friend, swung by earlier, and told me how his week’s been going. Not much better than mine I think.

“It took three of use, heaving and panting and sweating to get my erection up,” said Sylvester, my mechanic, sitting at my kitchen table and sipping tea from my finest bone china. Like many of my best friends he just appears in my kitchen sometimes. Like a big sweaty mechanic genie.

“I’m sure it did,” I said sympathetically. “Now, just tell me again, this ‘erection’, what is that again?”

Continue reading “Sylvester’s giant pain in the …”

Max’s Premature Ejaculation.

There was a steady stream of water falling between Ali, my Syrian gardener’s legs.

“Ali,” I said. “Would you mind telling me what you’re doing?”

“Ah, madam. I’m watching Max’s premature ejaculation. He did it for his mother…”

I paused. I’ve learned that’s a good idea with Ali. I’m never quite sure if he’s serious, or just confused.

“His water hose… He’s got it hooked up to Google – that online house thing. It waters the flowers. Well, drowns them actually. It’s coming on prematurely and the water pressure’s too high.”

“I see,” I said. I decided I had better talk to that English teacher of his.

Continue reading “Max’s Premature Ejaculation.”

Is eight inches enough?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. It’s true though, eight inches is my torso measurement. You know, most of us are completely unaware of what our true measurements are. However, because I simply have to get a new corset I need to measure myself correctly.

Some things never change. Get a friend to help…

You know, it can be wonderful fun to have a friend measure you.  I always suggest having someone you enjoy being with come and help. With this in mind I called Sylvester to get him to come over to help me.  Unfortunately he was busy. Honestly, he’s a slave to his business. He’s never happier than when he’s got his hands on someone’s exhaust pipe.

Sebastian is out climbing this weekend. He’s going up the Devil’s Danglers he tells me. They are a challenging climb, I understand, but it’s remarkable what Sebastian can get up when he puts his mind to it.

I would have asked Amanda or Marjory to help with the measurements, but this is Marjory’s busy season in the competitive eating circuit. She’s apparently excelling in the sausage category this year, which is surprisingly ironic considering the blossoming of her relationship with Amanda.

Now, as you know, my next door neighbors son Max has at times been a little jealous of Sebastian, my personal trainer, when he comes over and helps me with yoga. Max has been noticed spying on us from his upstairs window while I’m getting my downward dog on in the garden. Well, in the interests of humanity I felt I simply had to ask Max to come over and help me measure myself properly for a new corset. I felt this might help ease his tension a little.

I stood in the kitchen as Max placed the measuring tape first under my breasts, to get an accurate underbust measurement, and then standing behind me he wrapped the tape around at my waist. Now, this is very important. Getting these measurements is essential to get just the right fit in a corset. You may want to take notes.

“Max,” I said as his breath quickened. “I feel size is very important. Be sure to get it just right.”

Next he placed his strong young hands on my hips as I stretched, and measured very carefully. FInally he took my torso measurement. This is most important. This is from the underbust point to the hip crease of when you are sitting in Max’s lap. Poor boy was struggling quite hard at this point. I think all this measuring was wearing poor Max out. He seemed very red faced and was breathing heavily.

“And now the final part, Max,” I said. “We have to decide if my belly is ‘soft and squishy’ or ‘lean’. What do you think?”

I placed his hand on my belly.

“It’s sort of firm,” he said.

“Yes, and I expect you are too!”

And the final thing you need to have a note of when ordering a corset is your height. It’s most important to let your corsetier know. I had found a delightful denim corset from https://glamorouscorset.com/ which was perfect to wear either with a pair of nice jeans, or a nice skirt. It’s so good to find truly versatile clothes. You can see the one I chose here: https://glamorouscorset.com/product-category/material/denim/  I chose this one specifically because I knew I could rely on the product quality coming from Glamorouscorset.com  and also the stylish look that I’d be able to make good use of year round.

These are important details, because a corset can do so much for your look. While there’s a range of price points with corset manufacturers, like most things, it’s wise not to go down market. A good corset can serve for years when well looked after and really grows to your needs. Don’t just go for the cheapest supplier you can find – look for quality and sound reputation. I knew I was on solid ground with glamorouscorset.com .

GlamorousCorset make a wide range of superior quality corsets that will help you look your best.

Sure enough a few days later I received a package from my friends there. The first thing I noticed was the beautiful presentation of the corset. It comes in a presentation bag that suggests this is a product of quality. My friends included a detailed handbook about care for the corset and how to season it.  These things are very important as the investment in effort pays off as you continue to use their product. I was particularly impressed by the attention to detail that had been made. On inspection the corset was perfect. I’ve bought corsets before and I’ve had them hand made. This corset was without doubt one of the nicest and best fitting I’ve ever had. I look forward to years of service with it.

Now, Max is looking forward to years of service too, I think. I suppose I should ask him to help me put it on sometime. Teasing the puppies can be such fun!

If you’re interested in getting into a great corset I have a special surprise for you. If you use this code – FIONA15 – you will get a special discount from GlamorousCorset.com   Be sure to have a good look around their website. It’s very comprehensive and you’ll quickly realise that your dealing with a company that is proud of doing the job right. Send them proper measurements as I’ve described above, and be sure to mention I sent you!

Have a wonderful week.

😊

Fiona

My pussy is being hunted!

My pussy is being hunted.

Hi,

The sun is blazing down on my garden, and I can hear Ali moving about in the distance, his hand tools musically clinking as he cleans up the flower beds. He has recently declared a Jihad on the weeds in the north border.

As he arrived this afternoon in his Smartcar, equipped with the rifle rack that Sylvester gave him, re-purposed to carry his rakes and spades, I was dancing – in my kitchen to the sounds of my childhood –https://youtu.be/v16CwfkppeI – getting carried away in my own little world. I had put together a big pitcher of sangria, a nice zinfandel with pineapple chunks and oranges, for myself, Ali while he worked, Max who was climbing a tree and trying to get to my pussy (don’t ask), and Bernard who will be over later this afternoon with some proofs from our latest photoshoot.

My garden is one of my favorite places in the summer. It’s a hive of activity. I still don’t know exactly what Max is doing climbing that tree, though. Shirtless and tanned he is, well, an entertaining diversion. He’s trying so hard, but I don’t think he’s ever going to get my pussy. All the same it’s fun to watch.

The summer here in Montreal is in full swing, and I am thrilled to say that we’re welcoming new members to my program all the time. I have been thrilled to see so many new members recently, it quite takes my breath away. I’ve also been getting a lot of mail – my inbox has been quite literally pounded with interesting mail. Have a listen to a couple of my responses here:https://soundcloud.com/user-474146023/probing-fionas-inbox-2

So, I thought I’d include a couple of things in today’s message. One is something I am constantly asked about. Breasts. Yes, always something we like to give our attention. But, if you don’t want to go on a hormone therapy treatment, what can you do to stimulate a little breast growth? I am so glad you asked!

There’s a few soy drinks out there, including ‘So Good’, that are quite rich in phytoestrogens that mimic the female hormone estrogen. If you drink a moderate amount daily you will experience a small increase in breast size. Women have known of this trick for years, and can lift their breast size by one or two cup sizes quite easily. So can you. If you’re not in North America (and I have members from all over the globe now) then finding another milk like soy drink will likely have the same effect.

Gosh, you learn some useful things from me! You can also use one of my breast enlargement self-hypnosis files here: https://youtu.be/15v1usMJAXg Self hypnosis for breast enlargement has been around since the sixties, and is well documented to be successful. I have many gurls who have experienced great results with this.

Have fun, and enjoy your weekend.

🙂

Fiona

 

Finding you in good health.

I put my own success and good health down to my adherence to a strict and healthy diet. In Canada we have a wonderful chain of health food stores, called ‘Tim Hortons’. Where ever you roam in this great land you’re never far from a healthy nutritious snack. In fact, I think it fair to say Tim Hortons has become a Canadian institution as identifiable as our polite nature, love of hockey and insistence that we elect a Prime Minister that doesn’t have a serious personality disorder.

As you may know, my wife, Amanda and our neighbour Marjory, are traveling on an ornithological tour of Western Europe.

Amanda, my wife’s appalling friend, has come down with a severe case of Canestin poisoning,  which I understand is rare but not unknown in menopausal lesbians. I hasten to point out that I do not subscribe to Sylvester’s view that when lesbians are exposed to large amounts of oestrogen they run a severe risk of having their ovaries explode. Sylvester somehow equates this to the idea that ‘males have to masturbate at least once a day, or else their testicles burst into flame.’

In my kitchen with Sylvester, Bernard and Max, my neighbours son, I poured the tea.

“Whoever told you that nonsense,” I snapped at Sylvester.

“My mother,” he said.

“Sylvester,” I said in mock protest, “that’s complete nonsense! We all know that Max has to masturbate at least four times a day to prevent such a mishap!”

Young Max blushed and pursed his lips. I smiled at him fondly. Since that embarrassing matter of the carrot, poor Max has been very subdued, poor lamb.

I made the mistake of asking Bernard how he was, since he’d only been out of the hospital a few days.

“It’s all these tests,” he said. “They make me feel like a bloody pin cushion.”

“I’m sure the doctors are doing their best,” I reassured him.

“I’ve become a slave to my prostate,” he said sounding downcast.

“Aren’t we all,” I replied a little uncertainly.

“It seems to rule my life,” he continued.

“How very awkward,” I commiserated.

At that moment the kitchen door was flung open, and in staggered Sebastian. He looked terrible, with a weeks growth of facial hair on his chin.

“Good God, Sebastian! You look like you got interrupted halfway through eating a raw porcupine. What on earth happened?”

Sebastian was shaking with energy. “Just got back from Mexico,” he shouted. His words word tumbling over themselves to get out.

“I did the ayahuasca retreat…It was… It was…” he was stammering his words out, his voice shaking.

“I think you’d better sit down and have a glass of water.” I said.

I decided to call my sister, who works at the local hospital. To cut a long story short, she swung by and using the drug testing kit nurses often carry, she determined that Sebastian’s Ayahuasca retreat could more accurately be described as an LSD retreat. That, and that he’d probably spent the last five days sleeping in a burlap sack. Not bad for a cool $3000.

As my sister was leaving she glanced at Bernard, and said, “Oh, Bernard. I didn’t see you there. I didn’t recognise you from the front.”

My sister does two shifts a week in Proctology.

This week I’d like you to take a good look through my Pinterest for some clothing ideas. As you know, I love my members to experiment. Have a lookand see if there’s anything there that takes your fancy. And before I leave you, I’ve a special request. Help our girlfriends at The Downtown Eastside Women‘s centre. They could use a hand. See the panel below for details.

😊

Fiona

 

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Let’s make a difference this week. We’re appealing to you to help out some friends of ours. The Downtown Eastside Women’s Centre supports vulnerable women on Vancouver’s Eastside. Mostly these are people who have fallen between the cracks of society’s safety net. We’re focusing on this charity today because it’s in a cool city, it’s a cause I know my members will fall in line with, and because the big charities have the big advertising budgets – and the small ones are often overlooked. This is a small charity, and your gift will make a huge difference. You can support this charity by going HERE and giving something, however small, to help.
Nice Legs, Shame About The Face! Wise words from the early 1980’s. The last verse is the best one. You can always enjoy the Fiona Dobson Playlist HERE.

The dangers of yoga pants.

The dangers of yoga pants.

You are catching me at a very inopportune moment, so I’m going to hope you can indulge me a moment. Here I am with my hands covered in a white solution – goodness, it get’s everywhere!

Let me explain. This morning, Sebastian was over getting ready for my daily yoga class, when I got a call from Marjory (Max’s mother) from next door. She asked if perhaps she could come over and join our yoga class.

Now, I think you all know how important I find yoga. It really helps me get in touch with my feminine self. And wearing tight colorful yoga pants is just a bonus.

Naturally I agreed Marjory should join us, however she was not sure if she had quite the right clothes. I wouldn’t want her colors to clash with mine so I sent Sebastian over to her place to have a quick look at what she was going to wear.  This was a big mistake.  To cut a long story short Sebastian now has a virulent rash which he seems to have picked up from Marjory’s pussy.

I had no idea he was allergic. Fortunately he has some homeopathic tinctures in his first aid kit. Let’s hope this does the trick!

Have a great week, and remember, if you develop a nasty little rash it’s a good idea to treat it with plenty of lubrication, vigorously. And often. It’ll either cure it, or you’ll go blind.

😊

Fiona

PS. If you are not a full member think about signing up – HERE . When I see payment go through I will start you on your path. I work though everyone’s messages a couple of times a day and work to get you moving quickly. I know you’ll love it. Email me to let me know you’ve upgraded.

Fiona.

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This music video simply has to be played. There’s a companion on here. Let me explain. In the 80’s we had some great pop bands. We also had some that didn’t quite make the cut. In fact, The Reynolds Girls ‘I’d Rather Jack’ did get into the top ten on the music charts, but more recently rose to some fame as one of the top 100 worst pop records of all time. Personally I loved it. I love the energy and the girls sense of fun. They were so cool that they even did a reunion video in 2007 which is just painfully delightful and has to be watched. If only we could all be so honest and ready to enjoy life. Now, if you really want to elect a celebrity leader, why not one of these two?  For those who have been asking for a playlist of the music videos I use, it can be found here.