Accept yourself as you are – create yourself as you desire.
Lenni, a cis female member of our Whatsapp Group posted this to the group and it came to my attention. It’s a beautiful short movie, poignant especially at this time. Please watch and share.
At a time when youth need all the support they can find, this hits the target beautifully. Our Whatsapp group is here to support all comers. Lenni and her wife have been LGBTQ activist for the last 25 years. It’s hardly suprising that such a supportive message should emanate from her.
FD
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I don’t know the story behind this post yet, but I will try to find out.
FD
So many of my members have spent years suppressing their desire to dress, and only once it is indulged do they find a sense of joyfulness. Sometimes this is accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, and it all seems very confusing.
Suppressing these feelings can result in frustration and depression. Often members report that they never understood why they felt so lost, until they began to allow this side of themselves to emerge. Prior to embracing their gender fluidity they report feeling lost and fail to understand ‘why is this happening to me’?
For the vast majority of my members it’s about easing into a more comfortable place on the gender spectrum. For some it may be as simple as becoming just a little more androgynous in the way you dress and think. Others will of course find they do want to allow themselves to become far more feminine. I’ve certainly found that many people now go as far as using HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), either herbal or pharmaceutical, without any desire to go for full surgery.
In the end my Premium Program is created to help you find the appropriate place on the gender spectrum that will work for you and fits with your lifestyle. There’s an expression in the LGBTQ community, which originated in the gay and lesbian world, but is very applicable to those of us who consider ourselves to be gender fluid.
“We don’t raise our young. Instead they have to find us.”
Some of us take quite a while to find our tribe. This can take the form of people in your own community or even systems like my Elite Whatsapp Group – where many people find support and friendship. Hopefully we get there in the end. That’s when things start to make a little more sense.
Fiona
I received a lovely message this morning from one of my members, Leticia. They wrote a lovely description that I feel I should include below.
“It’s always a treat to hear from you, your stories are so clever and sexy. I am fortunate to live on the outskirts of a small town, and the road out front leads into open country, through farmland all the way to the state line, and across a river. I try to take a long walk every day, and it’s a perfect chance to practice my feminine walk, flowing with a graceful sway. I am wearing running shoes, but I don’t need high heels to swing my hips. It helps me feel like a woman.”
This reminded me of an incident many years ago. I felt it worth recounting, as sometimes we give ourselves away without even knowing it. You can see my reply below.
Hi Leticia,
What a lovely picture you paint. I am so lucky to have so many wonderful members. You remind me that once, years ago, I had a friend who was studying kinesiology. They watched me walking down the street one day, before I’d really emerged as being so very gender fluid and came running along after me very excited.
“Do you know,” they said, “that you walk exactly like a woman. I can see your hips swinging and the motion you use in your gait – it’s so very feminine. I’ve not seen that so pronounced before… in a man. I mean, it’s sort of unusual.”
My acquaintance was suddenly aware that their enthusiasm for their study and their observation were a little inappropriate, and a moment later they felt quite awkward. I don’t think they realised that they’d seen something that was developing and growing within me and that it would become quite impossible to suppress. It was most enlightening, though I don’t think they really realised just how very deeply ingrained that characteristic was.
🙂
Fiona
Sometimes who and what we are emerges in ways we least expect. I have learned not to fight it, but to just allow it to happen. I hope you do too.
You’ll see that throughout my website and the contents of my Patreon I talk about accepting yourself as you are, and creating yourself as you desire. Sometimes we can’t really help it.
Have you experienced similar moments of revelation? Be sure to tell me about them in the comments below.
😊
Fiona
We are all put in boxes by society, family and the wider world. Gender, once considered a fact – is now understood to be more fluid and mysterious. In this heartfelt talk Geena Rocero tells her story.
Many women wonder why a man, sometimes their husband, would choose to wear panties. They also fear that their man, the one they chose to sire their children, would apparently now rather have a vagina.
Continue reading “Oh, God! My husband’s wearing my panties! Does that mean he’s gay?”As people explore ideas about gender it can be helpful to learn from others who have walked this path or one similar to it. Gender Rebels is a podcast that explores the issues and has some informative content that can help us with our views of how gender impacts us, and how society perceives gender.
We are outsiders.
We are outsiders,
On the periphery,
Watching everyone else,
Pretending we’re like them,
But knowing we’re not.
The best we can hope for is to find a place where we don’t have to pretend.
Is home a place to run to, or a place we run from?
Only to hide out in places we’re more accepted, unconditionally.
Places that feel more like home to us,
because we can finally be who we are.
The music is by The Monks. It’s great – and fit’s this weeks message very nicely. If you listen the the words you’ll get a lot out of it! Jules Sanderson talks about passing, and how it really isn’t important while crossdressing.
Join as a Seahorse member today.I would like to say it was a morning like any other. I would like to say I didn’t receive a string of texts from friends and family asking if what they were reading on line were true. I would like to say I wasn’t being outed by my stalker.
But we don’t always get what we want, do we?
Instead that morning, as I drove to work I made an awkward phone call to my son and asked, “So what are you seeing online?”
“Some weird guy says you’re a crossdresser. He say’s a load of stuff.”
I avoided sliding the car into the oncoming traffic and said, my voice a little strained, “And what did you say back?”
Continue reading “I was ‘outed’ to my kids by my stalker.”
I see a lot of comments on forums and blogs about the idea of labels. It seems to be a common pass time to try to decide if transgender people are the same as transvestite people – and some terms are now archaic, and others have slipped into alternative use. One way or another I find it a complete mine field.
I am certainly not going to step into those debates. I do understand that there are many different types of people who choose to wear women’s clothes. Some are on their way to transition, others are choosing to put something on as they really find a sexual high out of it. Others still simply want to allow their femininity to blossom. Personally I am enjoying navigating the middle ground between genders that allows me to enjoy something of the best of all worlds. I think we cater to all of those possibilities here on FionaDobson.com.
I find the term ‘gender fluid’ fairly generic. The movement freely and easily between genders does describe what many of my members do, if not who they are. And there I think lies the safe ground. After all, do we really need these labels? Particularly here, if we really think of the phrase ‘Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire’ you’ll see we are not really interested in what others think or how they choose to judge us.
Continue reading “Let’s not get hung up on labels.”So many of my friends privately confide in me that they’ve always wanted to crossdress, but just never really knew where to start. It’s not the clothes that were the problem, it was how to think about gender.
I generally suggest they listen to this talk to help get their heads in the right place. After all, crossdressing is more about what’s between your ears than what’s between your legs.
As we progress through our Covid winter I know many of my members are going to feel constrained by the challenges of being either locked down, or at the very least restricted in our movements. These are precisely the challenges that we should rise to as we move through the dark months.
It’s quite normal, when unable to dress as we desire, to feel a little down. I’d like to make a few suggestions that may assist those of you unable to indulge your usual dressing practice as much as you’d like. It is important to remember that being non-binary, or crossdressing generally, takes place largely between the ears, and not the legs. How you think, and finding that more sensitive side of your nature, is a very important goal.
You’ll find many of the free hypnosis files available here to be of great help. Keeping your mind in the right place, and training yourself to accept it, is a great step forward on your journey – and one that will provide comfort during those moments when there is no possibility of dressing.
The most helpful thing you can do during this time is to develop a routine during the day. When you get up and have your morning wash and shave, waiting a few minutes and then using a little moisturizer is sure to give your skin a nicer texture and will start the day in a positive way. Give yourself a few minutes after shaving, as you don’t want the pores of your skin to be too open when you use the moisturizer.
If you have the habit of taking a daily walk during the lockdown, you may wish to try an exercise. Imagine walking in a feminine manner and slowing your pace a little. Taking slightly shorter steps and allowing a more feminine motion, as subtly as you reasonably can, is a satisfying and enjoyable process. Observing how a woman moves, and giving yourself that same, more fluid gait is both satisfying and reinforces the gradual changes that you will start to enjoy as you progress along this path.
Using a small amount of eye make up, probably imperceptible to others, is a good habit to form. It’s quite normal to feel others will notice it, but rarely do others notice a subtly applied amount of discrete eye shadow. Using it will make you feel more feminine and satisfy that basic urge we all enjoy as we groom ourselves a little.
Planning, selecting a few interesting outfits and combinations of clothes, and doing a little online research into ordering, can be a useful pastime in preparation for more enjoyable times ahead. One way or another, after all, spring is coming.
These are simple steps. You’ll find many more in the Premium Program, should you wish to move more overtly ahead. Most of all you should remember that crossdressing is about being yourself – your true self – rather than the person society has pressured you into being. Doing so, with or without being able to crossdress, will help you feel more comfortable and better prepare you for the months ahead. And don’t forget, there’s a host of stories here to keep you entertained, either free or within the Patreon platform.
Let me know how you get along.
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