I was talking to my good friend Sylvester this morning and he asked me what I thought the most important thing was for my members.
“Well, of course it’s the stories,” I replied.
“No, I mean what are they looking for?” he said, holding one of my hand made coffee cups in his giant paw. I have a good friend who makes them.
“Sylvester,” I said. “This is remarkable. You’re thinking ‘conceptually’. That’s incredible. It’s as though the fridge had made the leap to being self aware!”
“Huh?” He replied.
Before thinking that perhaps I should check up on Skynet I pushed forward.
“I think what they really want is a safe and non-judgemental space. Somewhere they can come and find something of themselves.”
“Ahhhh….” He said. It’s very puzzling when Sylvester takes such a cerebral interest in things. He really does have a good heart, but deep thoughts about existentialism are, to say the very least, alien to him. Even Hannibal, my dachshund, has a greater grasp of some complex thought processes than Sylvester.
“Well,” I said. “I think they’re looking for acceptance. And look,” I said pointing at the strapline. “It says it right there. ‘Accept yourself’ – in the strap line.”
I thought about it for a moment.
“If you think about it, accepting yourself does require you to accept others. It’s like, don’t judge yourself and don’t allow others judgement to harm you.”
And this brings me to the purpose of this message. In chatting with my members I often find they have a sense of guilt or shame about dressing. It’s not unusual and I strongly suggest people looking at the Premium Program to help overcome this. It really helps. However, in accepting ourselves there is an implied value that’s unwritten.
In accepting ourselves we also need to honestly strive to accept others – regardless of their gender, race or other defining marker – without judgement. If you’ve every read An English Country Garden you’ll find it spells out one person’s journey to acceptance rather well. I think I’ll open that story up to the general readership, as it’s quite important.
We can’t expect society to be accepting of us unless we are to be accepting of it, along with all it’s foibles and quirks. That’s not easy, I know, but who ever said there was anything easy about being in this ‘queer space’ in which we find ourselves. We are unusual people. Not allowing others judgement to hurt us is important, as is not judging others. This is the very reason I tend not to spout on about what one should or shouldn’t think – you just don’t need me to do that for you. I can tell some fun stories, share my opinion about some ideas, but I’ll always let you come to your own conclusions about things. If my posts do have a moral component I am proud to say it’s that they are full of bad morals, but make great stories.
I have been fortunate enough to have wiser people than myself around me as I navigated the politics of the LGBTQ world. That navigation taught me one thing above all others. Stay out of it! Opinions are often harsh and expressed harshly – even in accepting places like Montreal and Vancouver. Sometimes some feelings spill over into actions that are cruel and unkind.
People sometimes let their passion get the better of them and overreact in hurtful ways. I know a little about this, having had my own experience of being stalked and doxed. It was a horrible thing and I don’t think anyone has a right to act that way to anyone else – particularly not to me! I have thought about writing an autobiographical story about it. I could call it ‘A Young Man’s Passage.’ Do I smell a best seller? Well, something maybe.
You maybe wondering why I say all this. Well, it’s to do with some excessively judgmental things said on Twitter and elsewhere about the Youtuber ContraPoints. Her latest video upset some of her followers, though and there’s been what certainly appears to be an unwarranted backlash against her. In my opinion it seems her only crime is to have been human (which is more than can be said of some of her detractors). The short version of the background here is that Natalie Wynn, the creator of ContraPoints, has done great things for this community. I include all the transgender, transsexual, gender fluid and ‘god alone knows what other label’ people in that community. She’s spoken her truth and freely admits that it’s sometimes slightly out of step with others. Her views have been well meaning, though, and no one could reasonably doubt her good intent. No one, that is, until Twitter went into a veritable shitstorm of abuse over her most recent video.
The resulting vitriol hurled at her, including the doxing and systematic nature of the over reaction has left her horribly hurt. Here’s the bit that’s important here… If we are going to accept ourselves as crossdressers, gender fluid, transgender or transsexual we also have to accept others. It’s just a simple tenet of society. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Same thing. Even Sylvester gets it.
So, it appears to me that no one in our space should ever be so horribly unkind to Natalie Wynn. I hope we are better than that and that Natalie returns soon. She’s a talented voice and one we really need.