I am going to share a little secret with you. I
just love to dress my nephews. Actually, anyone for that matter. I know itās a
little shocking, but thatās just the kind of girl I am.
The first time I do so is usually for punishment of some sort. Perhaps a transgression, either real or imagined, but I have the excuse. I usually do something like tell them that to learn respect they must wear something of my daughters ā perhaps these lovely pink panties that I have conveniently to hand. An hour or so of that will give them the chance to consider their misdemeanors properly.
I hand them some silk lacy panties from a draw of
her things which Iāve kept since she moved out to go to university. They take
them, looking nervous, and then always look at me with those big eyes of the
totally subservient. Iāve done this many times though. They will find no pity there. I know precisely
what I am doing.
They take them, usually a little unsure, and then one of two things happen. Either they take them and run upstairs and put them on or they drop their pants and slip out of their underwear and slide them on.
It’s a wonderful moment when all the cousins join in.
I will then generally tell them to pull up their
pants and that I will let them know when they can change back. Of course, I
have a terrible memory and promptly forget. Or so they think.
The next time I decide to do this I will usually
insist they wear tights as well. I have several pairs pink and white tights,
they look very girly. I do so love the way they look. I can usually tell that
my nephews are a little excited by the prospect.
The second time I rarely go very much further, preferring
the poor little scamps to get used to it. And they do. I have sent the little monsters to my
daughters room as a punishment before, only to surprise them after a few
minutes and find them trying on her skirts or a blouse.
By the third time itās usually evident that theyāre
not only excited by the prospect, but secretly craving it. Thatās usually when
I insist on calling them by a nice feminine name. Gerald becomes Geraldine, or Jeanie.
Phillip becomes Phillipa or Pippa. I know they love that. The blush on their
cheek tells me so.
I do wonder what these little seedlings will grow to be. I do know that they will bring great pleasure to their friends, though. And in the end, isnāt that what itās all about?
I’d love it if you’d join as a Good Gurl, as I need to get just a few more members. And remember, for just $4.99 a month you get not only my diary, but also Clothes Maketh The Man, some wonderful hypnosis MP3’s and more a whole lot more. Join up today and help me build up my followers.
Iāve popped over to Fionaās place to give her my diary entry. As luck would have it sheās having a little soiree and the liquor cabinet is unusually accessible. Iāve just dropped in to give Fiona this message.
So, as you may have guessed I am back from visiting St. Bernedetteās School For Gurls. You know, I do love to travel to South Africa, and life in the Natal foothills is really quite lovely. Itās a little like going back in time.
The post is still delivered by the nice young postman, and I often ride into the nearby town of Jabulani on horseback, along with Jack the handyman at the school. Jabulani is about five miles from the school, and a lovely ride in the Natal morning sunshine. The school has a small stable of a dozen horses. Every morning Jack and I would get some exercise taking one or two of the gurls and riding to town to bring back the fresh milk.
Those sultry mornings, with a little mist in the distance, climbing on the back of a well trained pony, and setting out across the veldt, it was quite beautiful. The gurls laughing and chasing along with me, Little Michaela, her ginger hair flowing behind her as we fly across the ground in the morning sun. Quite serene. And Jack the handyman trying to keep pace. Heās a little older, of course and we have to wait for him from time to time.
Once in the nearby village weād put a few cartons of milk in our packs from the store, and then race back to the school stables. And of course finally weād help Jack off his horse.
It all seems a million miles away from the cooler weather I have come back to. And Canada is really much more modern and genteel. Things in South Africa seem so much more, I suppose the word is āprimalā. Everything is more literal and immediate. So, when one of the maids came to me and said they didnāt know what to do about the schools pet dog, āCesarā chasing after the postman every morning I pointed out that the best way to deal with that would obviously be to neuter him.
Well, as I explained to the poor man later, I had been referring to the dog when I said, āneuter himā. These things happen though. Best to move forward and not get bogged down in the details, though I do have some sympathy for the poor fellow.
How lovely it is to be back, though. My nieces and nephews have offered to help me get my Christmas tree up, and Iām looking forward to standing on a chair as my nephew Gerald looks up at me as I place a fairy on the top of the Christmas tree. How well dressed this tree really is. I suppose I should now turn my attentions to young Gerald.
How very kind he is to help me get it up. Iām sure, given the opportunity, youād do the same.
But now I have to give this account to Max, who is going to post it online for me. Heās so much better at technology than I am. I shall go and sit on his knee and simper, it usually works with him, the little puppy! Iāll just stop off and refill my coffee cup with Baileyās.
So much naughtiness among my nephews and nieces this week. What is a busy auntie to do?
Even young Gerald, usually so devoted, forgot to bring his swimming costume over when he and my nieces were going to play in the garden, and I was forced to have him slip into one of my daughter’s swimming costumes.
It was a tight squeeze, but he managed to get himself suitably arranged. Goodness, the things I am asked to do! Is there no lengths to which I will not go for my nephews?
I’ve decided they should all have uniforms to suitably remind themselves to be prepared in future. What do you think? A good idea?
Check out this delightful one and let me know what you think. Don’t forget, if you join me as Good Gurl member you’ll get my special diary and so much more for just $1 a month. Use the link below.
When Auntie showed me her selection for all her gurls I was thrilled at her choice. Don’t you think they’re just adorable? Auntie has a selection of other goodies here – https://fionadobson.com/auntie-kitties-goodies/
Check them out today and see if they’re right for you!
As you probably know Auntie Kittie does like to keep a close hand on her nieces and nephews. And what a naughty little group they are. Always up to some mischief or another.
As you likely know, Auntie Kittie splits her time between here in Huckleberry Close, and travelling to South Africa, where she is a school governor. What a responsibility it is, forming those malleable young minds into sensible adults.
And of course, now and then someone comes along that Auntie needs to discipline and remind them that they can be so much more than their poor behavior might suggest. For that very reason she does apply her own very special brand of discipline.
She does so love to share her diary with all of my Good Gurls. Think of it as her setting a good example for you to follow.
So many sissies need Auntie’s guidance. Perhaps you feel the need too. And Auntie is always keen to hear from new ‘nephews’. All you need to do to help her out is explore some of her posts here and see what tweaks your interest. If something does, then be sure to join my Good Gurls, and get special access to Auntie Kittie’s diary.
As my little nephew Gerald was helping me with a few personal tasks the other day I asked myself, I wonder how my favorite little sissy is doing? How are you getting along, ? Iām sure youād just love to be in his place. Why just this afternoon he was helping me.
āThatās it, Gerald, stir it round and round the bowl. Faster. Here let me help you,ā and to be extra helpful I stood behind him, my breasts against his shoulders as I reached around and vigorously stirred the cake mix. I really do work up a little sweat as I work away at it! It’s just as well I have a strong right arm.
Poor little Gerald, heās quite overcome!
āOh no!ā I said as I lifted the bowl and placed it on the counter. āSome of the cake mix has dripped from the spoon right between myā¦ myā¦ chest.ā
āCan I lick it,ā asked little Gerald.
āGerald!ā I exclaimed. āOh, you mean the spoon! Of course.ā
After such a busy afternoon in the kitchen I think I’d better go and get a towel to clean up. After all, I want little Gerald to look forward to coming again and again and learning to help in the kitchen.
Join me for just $1 a month and I’m sure I can give you something special too! You may even want to join my Whatsapp Group and chat with other CDs and sissies, if you’ve not done so already.
Itās so nice that my little nephew Gerald has decided to have his birthday party in my garden. My nieces are all making a big fuss of him and making sure he has a delightful day. Heās had a lovely collection of simple but thoughtful presents.
Somehow, and who knows how these things happen, I managed to mix up his gift and ended up giving him a carefully wrapped gift of panties which Iād set aside for my niece, Stacey! How very embarrassing for little Gerald, opening that present in front of all his friends. He blushed so prettily as his fingers touched the lovely pink ruffle of the panties. My nieces giggled wildly, and teased him a little, and even told him he should try them on. I really donāt know where they get such ideas!
On this lovely summerās afternoon theyāre all outside running about, and I have baked a lovely cake, adorned with candles. Iāve told him, āYou can take it outside to your friends, and then blow them out in the garden.ā
I donāt know for the life of me why Stacey and the girls found this so funny, but they were giggling away like a pack of starlings.
I know that there will be a clown arriving shortly, and Narcalepto, a local celebrity narcoleptic plate spinner. I hope he’s using his own plates this time.
Gerald seems really quite excited. I hope you are too. Have a lovely day,
Sylvester was in my garden this morning enjoying a glass of my freshly made lemonade, hand squeezed and made from a recipe I enjoy.
“I do hope you’re like this, Sylvester, I juiced my lemons this morning especially for you,” I said.
Sylvester stared at my chest and then took another sip. You know he really can be quite coarse.
I do find fresh lemonade is a great way to refresh myself on these warm west coast days. Here’s a useful recipe if you have yet to make lemonade yourself. Now, I’m not saying Auntie Kittie has a problem with alcohol, but the moment I added a little gin to the mix her head appeared over the back gate to my garden and she gave a dainty wave.
“Is any body home,” she called out staring at the gin bottle.
And then she was in. Really, what can I do!
Not to be derailed from the job at hand, I sat the two of them down and told them of something that’s been on my mind of late. I am often asked by members and their wives, ‘does crossdressing mean Iām going to be a worse husband?’ I had one such discussion this morning with a member whose husband was, ironically, a veterinarian.
Auntie Kittie topped up her lemonade with a healthy belt of gin and turned to me and said, “Of course it doesn’t.”
Sylvester glanced at Auntie Kittie and thankfully kept quiet. She is an expert on marriage having had two husbands. Widowed twice by the age of sixty is by some measures, quite an achievement.
“My poor Willard used to love to wear a nice frock from time to time,” she went on. “Of course, he was a slave to his prostate…”
She left that one hanging in the air. I wasn’t quite sure how to go on from there.
Surprisingly, Sylvester chimed in, “didn’t I see some statistics recently saying that people who are in the non-binary category are 23% more likely than the other adults to own a dog or cat?”
“Yes, ” I said. “Max pulled up those stats the other day.”
“Well, that suggests they’d be more likely to be sympathetic. You know, having a slightly more gentle nature,” mused Sylvester.
I stared at him, and said, “Well, done Sylvester. I think you just made your first emotionally intelligent observation. I do believe you’re becoming more sensitive. There’s hope for you and all other Neanderthal men out there. Next you’ll stop trying to light your farts at the church picnic.”
Sylvester looked a little morose at this and muttered something about that only happening on the one occasion.
But that’s not the main reason I’m writing to you today. I thought I’d share something Jules and Lenni did last night. In the lovely west coast city of Vancouver Jericho Beach Kayak organised a Pride Paddle for the LGBTQ community. This sunset paddle was joined by 40 or so paddlers in their kayaks on English Bay. This is an great initiative and a positive way to support the local community. I wanted to share this and suggest that if you are in an area where outdoor sports like kayaking are popular this type of event might be a great way to promote the local community during Pride. Suggesting it to local kayak or sailing clubs benefits us all.
I am always so pleased to see one of my little nephews coming up the path to my house. They are all growing so fast. Today I was in the garden trimming my hedge when little Gerald appeared.
āOh Gerald, itās so nice to see you!ā I said as he appeared with his school books.
āAuntie, do you have time to help me with my homework,ā he asked.
āOf course,ā I replied. āDo you mind helping me in the garden for a little first, and then we can do it together.ā
āOf course, Auntie.ā Heās such a good boy.
āIād like you to hold the ladder while I climb up and trim the top of the hedge.ā
He hurried off and brought the ladder from the shed and then came over to where I was trimming the foliage.
I smiled at Gerald and explained, āI always like to trim my bush. After all,ā I added, āyou never know whoās going to be looking at it!ā
As Gerald held the ladder I climbed to the top and began trimming the errant growth. The, looking across at the bay, and the mountains, I said to Gerald, āI can see for miles, itās a terrific view from here.ā
Gerald replied, āYes Auntie. From here too.ā
I glanced down at where he was looking up at me.
āExcuse me,ā I said.
āThereās a lovely view from your garden,ā said Gerald quickly, as he flushed red.
When Iād finished trimming the hedge we came indoors and I put on the tea. Gerald got out his homework and started working away at math problems.
āWould you like Chinese, Gerald,ā I asked, feeling like take out was a good idea.
āOh yes,ā he replied.
I looked at one of the online menus, and I must say my mouth was watering.
āMmmm,ā I said. āI think sweet and sour porkā¦ā
Gerald looked at one of his math problems and then asked me, āAuntie, which do you think is the odd one out. 9, 12, 14, and 15.ā
I answered him swiftly, āGerald, itās obviously number 14.ā
āThatās what I thought,ā he replied. āBut why?ā
āOh Gerald,ā I sighed. āItās because itās the only one that comes with rice.ā
Martin arrived this morning to help me with my shopping, heās such a good little boy. He cycled over. I’ve been encouraging him to ride a little more since a taxi frightened him by blowing their horn as he cycled by recently.
He rang the bell of the pink bicycle he was riding in my yard and came rushing in.
āAuntie, you wonāt believe what I have between my legs,ā he said excitedly.
āReally?ā I said a little surprised.
āOh yes, Miranda said I could borrow her bicycle. Itās much bigger than mine and itās fun to ride.ā
āOf course it is, Martin,ā I said, āand donāt let anyone ever tell you that size isnāt important. I especially like the pink tassles and the unicorn motif. How kind of your sister to let you have a go.ā
āMiranda is the bomb,ā he replied enthusiastically.
āThe ābombā,ā I replied. āIs that good?ā
āOh, sheās the best! She letās me use lots of her things.ā
āI am sure she does, Martin,ā I said gathering up a couple of bags to take shopping. āHelp auntie with these bags, so we donāt have to use those nasty single use plastic bags in the store. We care about the environment, donāt we Martin.ā
āYes, auntie,ā said Martin.
We climbed into the car and in a moment were off to get the groceries. After a quick run round the shop to get some organic vegetables and a few tasty treats we came home in time to see Fiona and her personal trainer Sebastian going for a run. They stopped outside my house in Huckleberry Close for a moment to catch their breath.
āGood morning, Martin,ā said Fiona to my nephew. āHow are your parents, Iāve not seen them for a while?ā
āOh theyāre very busy this morning. Theyāve been upstairs banging since I woke up,ā came his innocent reply.
āReally,ā I replied, noticing that Fiona was looking a little confused standing there in her little tennis skirt and trainers, her chest still heaving as she was a little out of breath.
āOh yes, theyāre putting together some new furniture from Ikea,ā said the little scamp.
āMummyās very good at it,ā he chimed in with enthusiasm, and continued ābut that itās sometimes better for Daddy to watch because his tool isnāt very big. She prefers to use her own equipment or get a man in, she says, but she likes Dad to watch. Itās just like you say, Auntie. Size really does matter!ā
I glanced awkwardly at Fiona as Martin carried on.
āMummyās good with her hands. Everyone says that. Sheās very creative you know.ā
I said, āI am sure she is. Now letās hurry in and make some tea. Then we can get some oil and put it on that chain on your bicycle.ā
āMummy likes to put oilā¦ā
“That’s enough, Martin.” I cut little Martin off and hurried him inside. One never knows what these little ones will say next. My nieces and nephews are such little scamps.
Have you been a good boy for Auntie? You can be a special star for me by going onto Fionaās website and adding a comment on her new page, Member Experiences ā where you can tell some of your own story. Be sure to mention that Auntie sent you.
A fun competition. Figure out the link between the video below and Auntie’s Diary entry and I will give you free Good Gurl membership if you you’re not already a member. Email me on fdobson@zoho.com with your answer. The first 10 get free membership. FD.
I think you know how naughty Auntie Kittie can be. She’s sked me to make this very special hypnosis file available to you so that you can enjoy being made to be one of her little nephews.
All you need do is sign up for her special emails and then settle down quietly and enjoy this lovely hypnosis file.
This morning Auntie Kittie decided she’d change her Facebook settings. Predictably, Facebook then crashed causing an outage affecting many millions of customers. Don’t worry. We’re working with Auntie Kittie to resolve the issue.
Auntie is on a three way call with my friend Mark at Facebook, Max my neighbour’s son who looks after our tech department ( such as it is).
As you are doubtless aware Auntie Kittie is not very technically minded. These things are to be expected.
Don’t worry. Max is working to restore the system as quickly as he can.
My goodness what a surprise to see young Gerald over at my place when I got home from a meeting of my book club this afternoon. Poor little mite was sitting on the doorstep looking most sorry for himself, waiting for me to get home.
I should explain. I go out to my book club every second Wednesday. I do enjoy it, as we often hold it over at Fionaās. Sheās such a good host, and always provides some of her excellent South African wine. We then discuss a book weāre reading and then just for fun do a game of charades, in which we each mime a book weāve read in the past. Of course, we are not allowed to say the name of the book, and can only indicate it through the use of mime in the minute and a half we allow each person. I can only say that Fiona seemed terribly thrilled to do Howards End, though she was terribly frustrated once trying to finish off Three Men In A Boat in under 90 seconds.
It appears Gerald has been having trouble with his homework. This week he has to make a list of all the things in his room. As you know I am a school governor at St. Bernadetteās School For Gurls, and I know away around the curriculum. Naturally I can help Gerald.
I told Gerald to write down all the things he could remember while I made a nice cup of tea. When Iād finished I came over and looked over his shoulder. Goodness, his handwriting has improved. As I looked over his shoulder, and told him what a good by he was, I noticed heād written down one of the items twice.
āOh, Gerald. Youāve down so well,ā I said. āMaybe you should just stay there a moment while I make a quick correction.ā
With that I leaned over and quickly helped him rub one out.
āThere,ā I said gently. āIsnāt that much betterā
He seemed so much more relaxed once weād finished. I think I know why Gerald always calls me his favorite auntie, donāt you?
It’s up to us to live to a higher standard than others.
With Sebastian strutting around in his cycling shorts, and Auntie Kittie coming over to offer me some of her specially imported organic coconut sunblock, anyone would think that going outside in this glorious weather is some sort of sin. However, it is important to look after ourselves in this extraordinary heat.
It is more important than ever to moisturize ā personally I like a nice aloe based moisturizer ā and also to drink plenty of water. Adding to this a good quality sunblock is a wonderful idea. I have started working early in the day and having a break by the time the day is hot, then going back to my endless labours in the early evening when the day is cooler. Itās a slightly different regime, but one I learned while living in the hottest parts of Africa. There is no point getting over heated and having headaches and the misery of sunstroke.
This stunning weather does give us the opportunity to wear some suitable clothes that are perfect for the twenty-first century crossdresser. Swimshorts, a tee shirt and a pair of sandals. Add lipstick and a little eye makeup and youāre there. You may not quite be Daisy Duke, but that is all a bit 1970ās anyway. Iām not sure Daisy would quite work today, sliding across the bonnet of an electric vehicle and roaring off down a country road listening to Taylor Swift. Nor can I see Sheriff Roscoe taking gender sensitivity training and a course in critical race theory.
I was discussing this with Sylvester this very morning. I explained how today we are all more āwokeā.
āItās all those energy drinks,ā he replied.
āWhat?ā I answered feeling like one of us was losing their grip.
āThe caffeine.ā
āOh, no,ā I said. āWeāre more āwokeā, not more āawakeā. Besides I donāt even touch those things. Theyāre bad for you.ā
āI donāt get all this āwokeā stuff,ā grumbled Sylvester.
āAs far as I can make out, it means weāre more aware of racial issues. And gender ones. And age ones. And some other things.ā
āYou mean weāre more considerate?ā
āI guess,ā I replied.
āThat reminds me, there was something I wanted to talk to you about,ā went on Sylvester.
āGo ahead,ā I replied, ever my helpful self.
āHave you ever been hit on by someone in authority? I mean, I know youāreā¦ā
āYes,ā I replied expectantly.
āYou’re not like some other people,ā said Sylvester awkwardly.
āYou mean I have tits, wear lipstick and have a dick? Yes. I am slightly different, but thatās no oneās business but my own,ā I replied enjoying Sylvesterās discomfort.
āWell, I know this is a difficult subject, butā¦ā continued Sylvester squirming.
āSylvester, this is me. You can talk to me about anything.ā
āI wondered if youād ever been hit on by anyone who was your boss, or something like that.ā
I must admit I was intrigued by Sylvesterās line of questioning.
āWell, thereās been one or two incidents. Iām pretty abrasive with people that I get a confrontational vibe from, though.ā
āItās just my brothers teenage daughter got hit on by her boss at the store she works at,ā I wondered what you thought about it.
I was a little surprised, mostly that any employer could be so stupid.
āItās a horrible fact, and one that many men donāt understand, but as I understand it many women do get unwanted attention at work. We sort of assume it doesnāt happen, but it does. Actually, it happens all the time. Now, having said that, most young women do learn to deal with it. I know itās wrong that it would be that way, but many women just deal with it. However, my best advice is to get her a good lawyer, and then have her choose a nice Caribbean island to go and visit with the settlement that is likely to follow.ā
āI was shocked,ā said Sylvester. āIt was all so ālow levelā.ā
āWhat do you mean,ā I asked.
āWell, he just approached her and asked if sheād go for a drink,ā said Sylvester.
āUnfortunately thatās often the way these things do look. Somewhat harmless and low key. But then, when itās time for her review sheāll find that the colleague that went out for that drink does a little better than she did. Itās horrible, and itās insidious,ā I said and paused. āItās a weird thing. Itās easy to see abuse when itās obvious. When itās subtle itās more difficult. And you know what? As a person who has lived much of their life āin trousersā it has never happened to me, at least not as a teenager. So I can never say Iāve lived through that kind of subtle abuse.ā
āWell, Iām glad Iāve not been bullied like that, however subtle it may have been. But to be honest, I canāt say Iāve lived the āfemale lifeā in that sense. I think this is a difficult area for many people who identify as female. The fact is Iāve been fortunate enough to have many advantages of being male. Having said that, it didnāt feel that way when I got a beating or two for being too girly for some people. My journey has different struggles. But I sympathise and I see how unfair it is on young women.ā
āAnd this happens a lot?ā
āIt happens all the time, which is why we have to be so supportive of young women who are taken advantage of. Iām fortunate enough to work at an agency where even a hint of such behaviour would have the senior person fired and escorted out of the building before their feet touched the ground. People who act like that are a liability to the company, as well as being bullies.ā
āWell, it doesnāt happen in my business,ā said Sylvester a little defensively.
āI should hope not,ā I replied. Itās worth noting that Sylvester runs a workshop servicing vehicles and has a fairly mixed group of employees.
āAnd it never happened to you?ā he continued.
āOh gosh, no,ā I sighed. āI thought it might when I was at summer camp once, but the camp counsellor found out I was trans and then wasnāt interested.ā
āHuh,ā said Sylvester with a puzzled look on his face. āIām not quite sure what to make of that.ā
āYes,ā I replied. āThatās what he said.ā
Stay hydrated and enjoy the sun, and remember, itās not just the climate thatās changing.
Iāve been sorting a few things out in my house for summer, and as I have no doubt you can imagine in this heat Iāve found a little help from my nephews helps a great deal. Moving some of the furniture to give my place a lighter and more spacious feel has made it so much nicer in the heat.
In my living room is my husbands old sea chest, one of my last mementos of the dear man. He disappeared in the south seas many years ago, though I donāt really like to talk about it. Needless to say, as a widow I do like to keep some of his things about the place, even if it has been 25 years since he went beyond his last horizon. I used to put a few photographs of him and his shipmates on it all arranged nicely in their frames, but theyāre all packed away now.
āGoodness, Auntie,ā said my nephew Gerald. āYou really do have a big chest,ā trying to move it.
āAh, yes,ā I replied. āAnd not so very long ago it was covered in seamen.ā
Auntie always wants her sissies to look their best. This week she’s suggesting a great new pair of panties for her Good Gurls.
When Auntie is not working diligently in her role as the Governor of a busy boarding school she is always happy to take care of her nieces and nephews. If you’re not already following her be sure to check out her page.
How nice it is to be back in South Africa. I am visiting St. Bernadetteās School For Gurls here, where I serve as a school governor. I am also taking the opportunity to help out in the school, as a lot of the staff have been effected by Covid.
I do hope this is finding you well. If youāre being good for your auntie youāll be taking a few precautions, wearing a mask as well as a nice pair of frilly panties. You know I like all my nephews to be well presented. If youāve not bought any yet, perhaps you should check out my page of goodies. Have a look and see if thereās something suitable for you there. I think youād look just delicious being a good gurl for me!
All the pupils here are out playing sports in the spring sunshine today. I do love it when they are out playing fields, and I get out my buns to give them all a treat between games. Itās so good to see them all playing together. I watched one of our most promising pupils, Amanda, beating off the competition to win the long jump. What a sight.
I do my best to keep all the scores tallied.
āOh, auntie! Youāre so good, always getting them down for us,ā said Amanda just today, with a little snigger. I canāt think what she found so funny.
As summer gently shimmys toward the exit door, and fall gets in the queue to get into the club of the passing year, weāre slowly seeing the weather change. Even Auntie Kittie has started wearing a sweater now and then, a matter of considerable relief to Max, who types up her material.
Auntie Kittie is often surprised how quickly Max gets it up.
āMax is such a dear,ā she said the other day. āIām so grateful heās so good at putting it in. Heās so thorough.ā and then added as an after thought,āā¦ and so quick.ā
The poor 20 year old lamb goes the color of a beetroot when heās embarrassed, and Auntie Kittie will say such things in front of Sylvester and Mistress Meg. And it was Sylvester and Meg who were sitting at my kitchen table this very morning. Sylvester was telling us how in these troubled times we should all be finding ways to lift our spirits. Instead of worrying about the Corona Virus we should be reaching deeply within ourselves and fostering our creativity. Meg was a little skeptical.
Iāve been doing that very thing myself. Iāve been doing a little embroidery, making some of my jeans look a little more feminine by adding a few little designs. Itās really very simple and gives even the most masculine of trousers a nice feminine touch. If youād like to change your favorite dungarees from the farm yard, or even the ones you wear when cleaning out the slag from the iron foundry this will do just the trick. Even your most stylish denim pants can be personalised and uplifted ā and we could all use a personalised uplifting of our denim clad butts, Iām sure youāll agree.
I leaned over the kitchen table and turned to Sylvester and said, āWhat do you think of this?ā
Sylvester looked at my jeans as I did so, and said, āThatās really very impressive. I think I should enter you.ā
āSylvester, Iā¦ā but before I could speak he went on, as Meg looked on, arms folded and unimpressed.
āI should enter you in the embroidery competition. Itās part of the end of summer cultural fair at the recreation center.ā
āOh, really I donāt think so,ā I said. āMost of the people entering are really rather older than I am. Theyāre quite a conservative lot. Iām really not sure what theyād make of me. I can imagine it would be like that poor South African athlete who they didnāt believe was a woman.ā
Sexy jeans – just add heels.
Sylvester looked a little doubtful. āNo, I donāt think it would be like that.ā
Anyway thatās what Iām doing. Sylvester tells me heās working on a book. The Complete Idiotās Guide To Being A Complete Idiot. A catchy title.
āAre you writing it or reading it?ā muttered Meg, ever the acerbic wit.
It turns out that half the people in this competition Iām now entered in are young arts students. I thought theyād all be doddery old buffers like Auntie Kittieās father, whoās staying with her rather than going into a care home. These days that seems a rather good idea. The old fellow is about 150 years old and sits smiling looking into the far horizon. He seems a kindly old fellow, though the dementia is quite complete and he has little idea of whatās going on. He seems cheerful, though.
I said to Auntie Kittie, the other day when I was round there, āHe looks like heās fondly remembering the things he used to do when he was a young man.ā
She frowned and agreed.
āYes, youāre probably right. Heās remembering flying aeroplanes and bombing Germany. Heās always been a belligerent old bugger.ā
I suppose we all have our own journeys.
Have a safe, socially distanced week. The Republican convention should provide a few laughs this weekā¦ urgh, I can hardly wait.
It is a point of some irritation to me that Auntie Kittie, who does write the most extraordinary diary entries (as my Patreon members will know), struggles with technology. Living only a few houses away in Huckleberry Close, she is wrestling with the idea of social distancing.
āBut what is it, Fiona,ā she said down the phone this
morning. āWhy donāt I come over and you can explain it to me? I keep hearing
about it on the wireless.ā
Yes, thatās actually what she said, āthe wirelessā. I told
her not to worry, but to listen to her gramophone rather than the news.
That really does sort of miss the point. I have to say that
for each person failing to do use social distancing we can expect this to last
just a little longer. So, there is a bit of an incentive to get it right. Also,
if you have an elderly parent, and you want there to be a respirator for them
should they get this thing, well, thereās your incentive right there. It works
and reduces the loading on the healthcare system.
Auntie Kittie is a conundrum. While baffled by even the technology to operate a doorbell, she is the only person in my regular circle who understands how to use a Norwegian wine bottle opener I have. Itās an electric device, ergonomically designed and as far as I can make out, entirely unusable. You could die of thirst in a desert with this thing it’s so complicated, and yet she figured it out and had a bottle opened and poured before Iād finished explaining to her that no one knew how to use it.
Auntie Kittie has only recently acquired a cell phone.
For those of you who regularly do follow the events here in
Huckleberry Close, you might already have guessed that Sylvester actually does
have a hazmat suit. I sent him over earlier to get Auntie Kitties phone and
bring it back here so Max could install Whatsapp on it. That didnāt go so well.
I had no idea a phone this old could even connect to a wireless network.
Frankly I should be grateful it didnāt have a wire and a rotary dial.
Eventually Max called her and asked if she had a tablet, to
which she replied she would look in the medicine cabinet and I think the phone
got cut off after that.
Some of my neighbours are looking concerned seeing Sylvester
walking up and down Huckleberry close in a hazmat suit. I think Iād better put
the kettle on and make tea. Itās going to be a trying day.
Now, Iām not going to give you medical advice or any more COVID19 news. Thereās other sources for that. I would recommend middle of the road reporting such as Apnews.com, BBC , Axios and CBC . These are actual news sites and not entertainment sites. If you believe anything you see on Fox News you pretty well deserve everything you get, Iām sorry to say. That might be a case of Darwinian evolution in practice. All I can say is, donāt be a covidiot.
What I can suggest is that you occupy your time with Clothes Maketh The Man, or if you want something interactive our Whatsapp Group is having a wonderful time. This week weāve have Toenail Tuesday lined up for our members of Whatsapp tomorrow. Thereās always discussions about music, and cooking, whether or not Skye from Paw Patrol is hotter than Dr. Smith (in the new Lost In Space) and of course no end of crossdressing chat. You are never going to be bored if you join us on Whatsapp. Itās different every day.
I am often online at present on the website, and in the Whatsapp Group so feel free to stop by and say hi.
