In our last session we got you to think about presenting the idea of how you’d like to look so much better, and you mentioned you are aware how some people look so much more groomed. You complimented your partner on their looks and their skills making themselves look so manicured and refined.
I was doing yoga in my garden just this morning with Sebastian, when he raised something that’s been on my mind a while.
“Fiona,” he said, while adjusting my position in a deep hip opening yoga position, “I have always like that on your blog you are unafraid to deal with the deep and penetrating issues.”
I felt him leaning into my posture, pressing me slightly deeper into the position.Continue reading “I know what I believe, no need to wear that on my sleeve…”
Remembering that this is all about timing, we’re going to move a conversation into the area of fantasies. This should not seem forced, so pick you time carefully. Don’t just say “The weather’s nice for the time of year, and by the way, what do you fantasise about?”
Wait for your moment. Approach the subject with sensitivity, and be gentle. Tell her you would love to know what she fantasises about, because you want to make her happier and to serve her sexually as well as you can.
At this stage you’re beginning to move your partner toward acting in a specific manner with you. She’s been primed, sees herself as a liberal thinking and open to intimate suggestions (after all, everybody sees her that way), and she sees herself as being in control in a liberated and powerful way.
The next step is once again a subtle progression in the direction you’re trying to go. When you’re out with your wife and she’s buying cosmetics take an interest. Ask why she likes one brand of make up over another. Be sure to have a sincere interest.
The first thing to remember here is that your going into this with a plan. You’re not just going to spring it on her, and hope for the best. Far from it. By the time the issue comes up you’re going to have laid the groundwork for this to work beautifully.
What a tragic shame that author J.K.Rowling once again sees fit to attack trans rights. As much as some of her writing is wonderful, we love her for that, not her ill-found opinions on gender.
Rowling is once more in the headlines for her views about gender. It’s very curious, by the way, that she also uses a male pen name, when it suits her. Either way, she’s likely raising her profile to sell a few more books – and I can’t blame her for that. But the her target, once again is transgendered people. The above video from Natalie Wynn, Contrapoints, is the best analysis of Rowling’s position I’ve found to date. Instead of just a knee jerk reaction, it’s a deeper examination of her views. As ever, Natalie does an excellent job of blowing away the smoke and finding the kernel of truth that is otherwise obscured by the noise of social media.
It’s a little like finding out Eric Clapton is an anti-vaxxer. We feel betrayed, though we never really imagined we’d look to these talented icons for their human rights or healthcare ‘wisdom’. It just sits badly knowing that we’d offered them our trust and come away disappointed.
OK – so, that’s the last cent these people get from me. They relegate themselves to the role of off-stage court jester – just someone in a funny outfit changing to get home at the end of the night. Just another face in a crowd. How sad that they should consider our trust so disposable.
I grew up in the UK, at a time when television presenter Jimmy Savile was very popular. For those who don’t know who he is, he presented Top Of The Pops, a popular television show, as well as a host of other shows, including some ‘Make A Wish’ style shows for children that were terminally ill. He was a character somewhat beloved (I cringe even writing that now) by his substantial audience. He was knighted and died before the truth about his reprehensible true nature emerged. He turned out to be a serial pedophile with victims going back decades.
It does make me think that perhaps we offer our trust to readily. Taking a step back and asking ourselves if some celebrity huckster on a soap box really is the best person to offer our trust to might be wise now and then. American voters can hardly be surprised at the appalling state of their country when they vote failed TV show celebrities into office. With a president who suggested 15 cases of Covid would just ‘vanish’, and not only weakened NATO but actively undermined a strategic ally, this might be something to think about. These choices have lasting consequences beyond our shores. Just ask anyone in Bucha, in Ukraine.
Yes, the opportunist may have a nice catch phrase, but does that qualify them to lead a modern economy in a complex international situation? Perhaps they should climb back in their box and only emerge when we toss out a few coins to see them dance for us. An amusing performance is all very well, but it ends when the curtain comes down. Then the talent goes back to the dressing room, they take off their costumes and make up and leave the theater by the rear exit and wait at the bus stop with a late night coffee from McDonalds. We can offer them the ticket price, but we don’t need to offer them our hearts.
Those of us in the trans world should guard our feelings particularly in such things, and hold our expectations in check. The erosion of hard won trans rights under right wing pressure is not only a step backward in U.S. society, it’s one that is diametrically out of step with other modern cultures. It’s no exaggeration to think that right after women’s abortion rights are eroded we should expect that we’re next. Historically that’s how this one has played. Trans rights are currently in the cross hairs.
I try to avoid being political on here, however we are who we are. Like it or not, our people are the trannies, the queers and, yes, sometimes the freaks. Our trans sisters and brothers are people we may not ever have met, but they are the only people who really know what it is to be ‘like us’. As such when we see people like J.K. Rowling undermining our ‘family’ they are undermining each of us.
Without needing to go into left/right politics we should ask ourselves sincerely who we do choose to offer our trust. If it is someone who is a celebrity clown, or a celebrated author or musician, then let’s choose to give them a few coins to perform on a stage. We don’t need to vote for them or listen to their views on subjects they are painfully ill qualified to weigh in on.
I don’t really advocate confrontation. I believe we can hold our silence and exercise our view in the privacy of a voting booth. These days it seems everyone needs to vent their opinion on social media, likely in the search for allies. Trans people have learned through the ages that sometimes silence is a wiser course. However facing the onslaught of voices on the right, people bend to pressure and question their own positions, sometimes compromise, and hold their noses and vote. We can’t do that. We have to vote our values.
Our trust is a valuable commodity. Let’s not give it away too easily.
Crossdressing, divorce and death.
I was remarking to Bernard, my photographer, recently that there seems to be a curious link between crossdressing, divorce and death. We were returning from a photoshoot for a client with a well known fashion business, having photographed the new Spring Collection in anticipation of next years marketing.
“I’ve never been divorced,” said Bernard. “Marriage is one institution I have not had the pleasure of enjoying.”
I glanced at him as we moved slowly through the city traffic. I tried to see if he was being sarcastic.
“Well, the term ‘enjoyed’ is not the first that springs to mind,” I said.
“Is your wife back from her trip yet? Where was it, again?”
“Kalamazoo. Or Katmandu. One of those places.” I replied a little testily. “There really are a remarkable number of my members who seem to return to their love of crossdressing following divorce. I wonder why that is,” I said.
“Well,” said Bernard, “I suppose following divorce in middle age one is forced to re-evaluate things. You know, be a little introspective.”Continue reading “Crossdressing, divorce and death.”