Gradually introducing your partner to the gurl who is inside you is a process best handled in a slow and sensitive manner. Many partners will recoil from this if it’s not handled in a very precise way.
Most of my members have partners, and some are lucky enough to have open minded lovers who are involved in the joy they find crossdressing. For those of use who have this wonderful situation dressing becomes a delight shared between two (or more) and takes on a new dimension.
Some don’t have this opportunity. Sadly they feel they can’t or shouldn’t bring their partner into this side of their life. There are certainly many times when this is a wise and expedient decision, and one that can still work well for a crossdresser. As we explore in the Premium Program, there are ways to still allow the feminine side of your personality to emerge safely and in appropriate ways. However, there are some members who desperately wish to bring this into their life, but simply don’t know how to approach the subject with a partner that may not be what we could describe as receptive.
Some partners are so far from receptive that they have the car packed and the GPS set to drive to their mother before you can say, “I was just trying it to see if it went with my hair!”
Remembering that this is all about timing, we’re going to move a conversation into the area of fantasies. This should not seem forced, so pick you time carefully. Don’t just say “The weather’s nice for the time of year, and by the way, what do you fantasise about?”
Wait for your moment. Approach the subject with sensitivity, and be gentle. Tell her you would love to know what she fantasises about, because you want to make her happier and to serve her sexually as well as you can.
At this stage you’re beginning to move your partner toward acting in a specific manner with you. She’s been primed, sees herself as a liberal thinking and open to intimate suggestions (after all, everybody sees her that way), and she sees herself as being in control in a liberated and powerful way.
The next step is once again a subtle progression in the direction you’re trying to go. When you’re out with your wife and she’s buying cosmetics take an interest. Ask why she likes one brand of make up over another. Be sure to have a sincere interest.
In our last session we got you to think about presenting the idea of how you’d like to look so much better, and you mentioned you are aware how some people look so much more groomed. You complimented your partner on their looks and their skills making themselves look so manicured and refined.
The first thing to remember here is that your going into this with a plan. You’re not just going to spring it on her, and hope for the best. Far from it. By the time the issue comes up you’re going to have laid the groundwork for this to work beautifully.
Lots of gruesome details in this one. But we wanted to be really sure we convinced you that silicone injections from an unlicensed practitioner in, like, a hotel room?? Bad idea. Faith already knew this thanks to TS Roadmap. We hope you did too.
This is a rather poignant exchange, used with permission, that shows how some of our members struggle. Life’s hurdles are made more complex for those of us searching for our inner gurl.
I hope you read the following exchange with kindness and the way it’s intended. Kelly is now recovering and you can leave your good wishes in the comments below. FD
I received this from Kelly some weeks ago –
I found out this morning that my right foot is going to be amputated below the knee. And since the news my place has been people coming and going. Haven’t had a moment to myself to have a good cry. My fault for not getting to the doctors earlier just kept putting it off. So, I will have to wait on this and I was looking forward to enjoying my time of learning more about myself and inner woman. So sorry to have bothered you. Sincerely Kelly
We exchanged a few messages, and this morning this came in.
Ah Miss. Fiona,
I had my right leg amputated and now have to wait 8 weeks to heal. Then I’ll go back and have some screws removed all in good time.
Whenever I can sneak away from prying eyes I look at some of the other C.d.ers and wonder to myself how in the world can they wear those dresses and mini skirts and not be noticed that they are men. And some of them are beautiful and gorgeous, I must say.
I look, then think am I am a pervert for looking. It is going to take me a long time to even start, for I have to look in a mirror and get used to the idea that my leg is gone. But what can I say, or do, it’s my fault. But when the time is right I shall jump at the chance once again for to many years neglecting my inner needs.
So with sincerity I will close, and thank you.
And here’s my response:
First of all, ‘no’, you’re not a pervert. Those of us who choose to allow the feminine side of our personality to emerge are neither sick nor perverted. We are simply finding our way.
For many people the path is confusing. However, there are some who have blazed a trail and we can learn from them. Primary in our thoughts should be the fact that while we’re searching, it’s really a quest to discover ourselves. As one progresses along this road one realises that it’s more about accepting who we really are than imitating the female form. Acceptance that ‘this is who I am’ is the most important part.
Your amputation does not change ‘who you are’ one iota. There are many genetic females who also have their legs amputated. I cannot begin to imagine being in your shoes – or should I say ‘shoe’ – however, I do think a good idea may be to look at what a feminine amputee might wear. What is considered good for them? You see, nothing has changed. You are who you are; as you embrace that then, sure, you’ll have to deal with the health issue. However, it need not detract from the search for ‘Kelly’.
My thoughts go out to you, and my hopes and prayers. In the meantime, put your best foot forward (an easier choice now) and hop into a brighter future.
And finally: –
Oh thank you Miss Fiona,
Doctor wants me to sit in front of a mirror so my mind can accept the fact my leg is gone. And yes after i go through all this emotional change to my body I will pursue my dreams. Just bear with me on this deal but thank you for the encouraging words.
Please use the comments section below to pass on your best wishes.
Enjoy some great discussion of crossdressing topics.
Last week Marjory, my neighbour and the lesbian lover of the appalling Amanda, my wife’s childhood ‘friend’, suffered a serious blow. She was disqualified in a sausage eating competition in Poughkeepsie, New York. Now, before you go any further, I am going to point out that it wasn’t ‘that kind of blow’, and like you I am at a loss thinking about how Marjory developed any sausage eating skills whatsoever, but I really don’t want to go too far down that rather distasteful road. Needless to say Amanda has been offering her a very supportive hand.
I’ve talked in the past about the idea of accepting who you are, and moving to a point at which we cease to imitate and embrace the idea of accepting the feminine side of ourselves as an integral part of our identity. For many crossdressers it’s a moment in which awkwardness and guilt fall away and we feel free of the self-inflicted pains of self-doubt and self-judgement.
It’s worth considering that those last three things – self-inflicted pain, self-judgement and self-doubt, are all things we do to ourselves. Perhaps because of our upbringing, or our community, we do choose to hurt ourselves as much as we might fear the judgement of others. While it takes a very thick skin to be oblivious to the judgement of others, there’s a lot to be said for not giving too paying too much heed to the criticism of others. They have not walked a mile in our heels, so to speak.