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A tool you might get excited about. It’s not what you think.

At the time of writing we are in the midst of a Corona Virus lockdown.  We’re 8 weeks into it, here in Vancouver, and most of us have not seen many people throughout this period.  For some it’s been a period of reflection, and a chance to rethink many of the things we have formerly taken for granted.

Many of us have struggled with the idea of how we identify with genders. This is nothing new and is a confusing and troubling subject that is often hard to discuss. I’ve said many times that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with gender labels, or for that matter sexuality labels. My experience is that they’re confusing, mean different things to different people, and really don’t serve us well. They may serve those who wish to judge us, or shove us into a pigeon hole – a prospect that doesn’t seem either appealing or comfortable – but exactly how does that serve us?

Yet there is always that question, “what am I?”  Am I ‘trans’, or ‘gender fluid’ or some other label that helps me understand myself. What are the boundaries here and where do I fit?

My constant mantra here is not to judge others, nor allow their judgement to hurt you. Placing a label is doubtless a form of judgement. While dropping judgement is a lofty goal it’s a very solid one to have in mind. I try to practice it, but I could probably try a little harder at times. When someone cuts me off as I cycle to the store, I may pass judgement and express it with my middle finger, and I am the first to acknowledge this doesn’t really further my goals.

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Outed – A discussion about trans life with Lenni and Jules.

What happens when someone is outed? Lenni and Jules discuss the challenges of being ‘outed’ as a crossdresser, or transgender – intentionally or otherwise. Be sure to participate with the continuing discussion via Whatsapp here: https://fionadobson.com/join-our-elit…

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Crossdressing – Keeping it in the family.

Does the family know? Do you share it? There’s a lot of questions about crossdressing, and gender fluid life that are likely to emerge. How does one handle that? Enjoy this discussion with Jules and Lenni, as they explore the subject.

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Breaking the cycle of buying and throwing out clothes.

I remember pulling into a remote gas station on an empty road and thinking I was probably the only customer they had seen that day. In a plastic bag beside me was a pair of tights, some cheap panties and a bra that didn’t really fit.

I knew they had to go. I had been wearing the items, hurriedly bought as I’d made my way across the state on a business trip, when I was in my hotel room. After all, no one could possibly find out about this little pecadillo of mine, and what could be nicer than indulging this desire on a business trip in the middle of nowhere. But now that trip was over and it was time to dump out the evidence. This place looked safe enough, remote and overlooked by all but those who had to be here.

The gas station attendant was inside their little shop, watching something on the TV. I got out of the car and filled the tank, glancing at the trash can on the forecourt. If I dumped the clothes here they would likely go unnoticed. After all, who sorts through their trash at a gas station. No one would know I was disposing of the clothes I’d been wearing just a few hours ago. No one would guess that I was a crossdresser. After checking both ways up and down the lonely highway, I reached into the car and hurriedly tossed the plastic bag into the half full trash.

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Let’s talk about breasts.

There’s not much doubt that the idea of having breasts is hugely appealing to any crossdresser. The question of whether or not we want them 24/7 is something very different. However, there are doubtless moments where a great rack would be very appealing.

So what really is the benefit? It’s tempting to think it is purely aesthetic. Well, it’s not.  As I sat in The Junction in Vancouver recently with some friends, 36 D’s pointing proudly at Jake behind the bar, I couldn’t help noticing that a large part of why I was enjoying myself so much that night was to do with not how I looked, but how I felt. The presence of a full chest, even below an Aran sweater, felt absolutely correct.

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Keeping it in the family.

When a partner decides they want to explore the gender fluid world of crossdressing it’s going to introduce some new strains on a relationship. But does it have to be the end?

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Sailing on a gender fluid sea.

I enjoy sailing. More than that, I love sailing. Sometimes I will take Sebastian out and we’ll race 16 footers at a local club, and we do pretty well. Other times I just want to mess about on the water, just being me. And that means probably dressing in something mildly effeminate which, when viewed from a distance, you’d never know what gender I might be.

There’s something fundamentally genuine about the elemental connection with wind and water, and this strangely indeterminate person between the two. Regardless of gender, how one acts with sail and rudder will result in something beautiful. The wind has no gender bias. The wider world, however is not so generously democratic.

I have noticed from many of my members that there are definitely days in which they are more inclined to be feminine than masculine. For many, it’s not even a question of ‘days’. It’s a matter of situations.

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Let’s go back to basics.

So many of my members have spent years suppressing their desire to dress, and only once it is indulged do they find a sense of joyfulness. Sometimes this is accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, and it all seems very confusing.

Suppressing these feeling can result in feelings of frustration and depression. Often members report that they never understood why they felt so lost, until they began to allow this side of themselves to emerge.  Prior to embracing their gender fluidity they report feeling lost and fail to understand ‘why is this happening to me’?

For the vast majority of my members it’s about easing into a more comfortable place on the gender spectrum. For some it may be as simple as becoming just a little more androgynous in the way you dress and think. Others will of course find they do want to allow themselves to become far more feminine. I’ve certainly found that many people now go as far as using HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), either herbal or pharmaceutical, without any desire to go for full surgery.

In the end my Premium Program is created to help you find the appropriate place on the gender spectrum that will work for you and fits with your lifestyle. There’s an expression in the LGBTQ community, which originated in the gay and lesbian world, but is very applicable to those of us who consider ourselves to be gender fluid.

“We don’t raise our young. Instead they have to find us.”

Some of us take quite a while to find our tribe. This can take the form of people in your own community or even systems like my Elite Whatsapp Group – where many people find support and friendship. Hopefully we get there in the end. That’s when things start to make a little more sense.

Fiona

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How crossdressing can change the world.

I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, a skillet sizzling on the hob spilling delightful aromas out into the garden, when I heard the sound of Sylvester’s chopper drawing into my driveway. Sensing the presence of sausage he often unaccountably appears. Now, the same could be said of some of my gurlfriends, but that really is another story.

Arriving just as I was about to pour the coffee, Sylvester showed up with his niece, a glorious young creature of thirteen.

“Fiona, this is Anastasia,” he said as he entered. “She’s heard so much about you, she said she’d like to join

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Let’s not get hung up on labels.

I see a lot of comments on forums and blogs about the idea of labels. It seems to be a common pass time to try to decide if transgender people are the same as transvestite people – and some terms are now archaic, and others have slipped into alternative use. One way or another I find it a complete mine field.

I am certainly not going to step into those debates. I do understand that there are many different types of people who choose to wear women’s clothes. Some are on their way to transition, others are choosing to put something on as they really find a sexual high out of it. Others still simply want to allow their femininity to blossom. Personally I am enjoying navigating the middle ground between genders that allows me to enjoy something of the best of all worlds. I think we cater to all of those possibilities here on FionaDobson.com.

I find the term ‘gender fluid’ fairly generic. The movement freely and easily between genders does describe what many of my members do, if not who they are. And there I think lies the safe ground. After all, do we really need these labels? Particularly here, if we really think of the phrase ‘Accept yourself as you are, create yourself as you desire’ you’ll see we are not really interested in what others think or how they choose to judge us.

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The French Engineer

I remember a hot morning in Johannesburg, at Jan Smut’s Airport (now renamed to O. R. Tambo International Airport). A small group of reporters and photographers were out on the apron, in front of one of the hangers.

The Highveldt air was still and heavy. Not a blade of the dry grass stirred on that windless morning. The sky was so blue it would make you almost sing just to look at it.

A new aircraft autopilot landing system was being demonstrated by Airbus. This was a hands off landing system, and fully automated the final approach prior to landing until it came to a halt on the runway. It was a pretty advanced piece of technology for the time.

The press boys were all grumbling about the early hour and sipping coffee. There was no smoking on the tarmac either. Some of the engineers from Airbus were meeting with us to talk about their innovative system and were chatting away in French in a small cluster a few yards off.

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Crossdressing – Do I have to be submissive?

I was asked a curious question by a member this week. I’d just got back from a dance class with Sylvester, my mechanic.  Admittedly going to a dance class with Sylvester is a little like taking a gorilla for tea with the Queen, but it is nothing if not entertaining.

“If I am a crossdresser, does that mean I have to be submissive?” wrote my member in an email.

“What do you think,” I asked Sylvester.

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Crossdressing – where’s my compass?

When one first realises that there’s a little more to crossdressing than simply putting on a pair of panties, most of us start a journey without a compass. Almost inevitably we do so alone.

For many of us finding out that there is a world of gender fluidity is a revelation in itself. As we explore it further, either through online discovery or tentatively exploring alternative lifestyle in our community the first steps are laden with challenges. When something is as simple as a fetish it is easily contained and managed.  The suppression of a side of ourselves that has been trying to find expression throughout our life is likely the cause of unhappiness and probably depression. As it begins to grow stronger and we move to a point where it is no longer suppressed we start to find joy and fulfillment. However, for many of us there is no yardstick and no guideline to follow that steers us in the right direction.

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One small step for man — one giant leap for personkind.

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day. We were discussing how hard it is to take those first few steps outside as a crossdresser.

The circumstances of these first few steps are always daunting. Regardless of whether these are taken in the confines of a drag club or stepping out into an unfamiliar environment they are likely to be a few steps that are never forgotten. But is there any way we can make it easier? And should we?

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Can I be femme behind closed doors, but masculine in public?

I was recently asked this question by one of my members.  So many of us just adore putting on a negligee and yet lead quite masculine lives. 

It’s not unusual at all for my members to indulge their love of crossdressing in a quiet and appropriate way, while still maintaining a leadership role in society generally. One of my members, a pilot with a national airline, told me just the other day, that they feel the fun of crossdressing and the freedom of allowing that more sensitive feminine way of thinking, has greatly added to their ability to manage the tough decisions of leadership.

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