So many people struggle to meet crossdressers.

When I started My Little Black Book four years ago I was surprised by how many of my members immediately joined the system. It’s a very simple method of connecting with other crossdressers and admirers, and to be honest it’s a pretty bare bones type of tool. 

I help many people get in touch with their feminine side, and many of them want to reach out to others, both for support and friendship. I often hear that people struggle to connect with crossdressers, and that crossdressers struggle to meet admirers – both male and female. It seems to me this is a problem in search of a simple solution. So I built one.

I was a little concerned that the simplicity of the system would not appeal to people used to online dating apps that are pretty sophisticated. My intention was to keep costs minimal, but more importantly put the members in control. The idea was that people set up an email that they felt safely put all correspondence in one place, and then list themselves in My Little Black Book. Members could then use that email to reach out to others, and to have others connect with them.

Very soon it turned out that people loved the fact that it was so very simple, which has become the single most important part of the system. Now we have members from all over the world talking to each other, and enjoying correspondence from near and far. It’s proved a great success.  People were even connecting and sharing group holidays.

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Outed – A discussion about trans life with Lenni and Jules.

What happens when someone is outed? Lenni and Jules discuss the challenges of being ‘outed’ as a crossdresser, or transgender – intentionally or otherwise. Be sure to participate with the continuing discussion via Whatsapp here:…

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Crossdressing, divorce and death.

Crossdressing, divorce and death.

I was remarking to Bernard, my photographer, recently that there seems to be a curious link between crossdressing, divorce and death. We were returning from a photoshoot for a client with a well known fashion business, having photographed the new Spring Collection in anticipation of next years marketing.

“I’ve never been divorced,” said Bernard. “Marriage is one institution I have not had the pleasure of enjoying.”

I glanced at him as we moved slowly through the city traffic. I tried to see if he was being sarcastic.

“Well, the term ‘enjoyed’ is not the first that springs to mind,” I said.

“Is your wife back from her trip yet? Where was it, again?”

“Kalamazoo. Or Katmandu. One of those places.” I replied a little testily. “There really are a remarkable number of my members who seem to return to their love of crossdressing following divorce.  I wonder why that is,” I said.

“Well,” said Bernard, “I suppose following divorce in middle age one is forced to re-evaluate things. You know, be a little introspective.”

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Keeping it in the family.

When a partner decides they want to explore the gender fluid world of crossdressing it’s going to introduce some new strains on a relationship. But does it have to be the end?

Crossdressing – where’s my compass?

When one first realises that there’s a little more to crossdressing than simply putting on a pair of panties, most of us start a journey without a compass. Almost inevitably we do so alone.

For many of us finding out that there is a world of gender fluidity is a revelation in itself. As we explore it further, either through online discovery or tentatively exploring alternative lifestyle in our community the first steps are laden with challenges. When something is as simple as a fetish it is easily contained and managed.  The suppression of a side of ourselves that has been trying to find expression throughout our life is likely the cause of unhappiness and probably depression. As it begins to grow stronger and we move to a point where it is no longer suppressed we start to find joy and fulfillment. However, for many of us there is no yardstick and no guideline to follow that steers us in the right direction.

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One small step for man — one giant leap for personkind.

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day. We were discussing how hard it is to take those first few steps outside as a crossdresser.

The circumstances of these first few steps are always daunting. Regardless of whether these are taken in the confines of a drag club or stepping out into an unfamiliar environment they are likely to be a few steps that are never forgotten. But is there any way we can make it easier? And should we?

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Can I be femme behind closed doors, but masculine in public?

I was recently asked this question by one of my members.  So many of us just adore putting on a negligee and yet lead quite masculine lives. 

It’s not unusual at all for my members to indulge their love of crossdressing in a quiet and appropriate way, while still maintaining a leadership role in society generally. One of my members, a pilot with a national airline, told me just the other day, that they feel the fun of crossdressing and the freedom of allowing that more sensitive feminine way of thinking, has greatly added to their ability to manage the tough decisions of leadership.

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Crossdressing – Keeping quiet, or coming out? With Lenni and Jules.

Many crossdressers dread the idea of telling their family and fear the consequences. In this conversation we explore what there is to be learned from other LGBTQ groups and how they come out.

Crossdressing and the reluctant wife.

A short talk about how to crossdress and talk with a reluctant wife or partner.

Help, I can’t find anyone to dress with.

It’s a common problem. You have a healthy desire to explore gender alternatives but neither the experience nor confidence in the process to do it alone.

In this situation instead of the joy of the journey many people find themselves feeling guilty and ashamed. Where’s the fun in that? A part of them which should be celebrated is instead suppressed.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

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Fitting crossdressing into a committed marriage.

Many of my crossdressing friends tell me that they feel confused and often afraid about continuing to crossdress within their marriage. In many cases they feel uncomfortable about where it may lead and guilty about these desires.

There’s a struggle that takes place trying to justify the idea of dressing, and the guilt of doing so and hiding the fact. On the one hand there’s a desire to be open and honest with a spouse, on the other the fear of misunderstanding, or even the thought that simply crossdressing may lead to infidelity. Well, before we go much further let’s dispel a few myths.

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