|
A steady stream of water is falling between Ali’s legs.
There was a steady stream of water falling between Ali, my Syrian gardenerâs legs.
âAli,â I said. âWould you mind telling me what youâre doing?â
âAh, madam. Iâm watching Maxâs premature ejaculation. He did it for his motherâŠâ
I paused. Iâve learned thatâs a good idea with Ali. Iâm never quite sure if heâs serious, or just confused.
âHis water hose⊠Heâs got it hooked up to Google â that online house thing. It waters the flowers. Well, drowns them actually. Itâs coming on prematurely and the water pressureâs too high.â
âI see,â I said. I decided I had better talk to that English teacher of his.
âI prefer to use a more natural method such as this watering can, madam,â he said as he continued to water the flowers.
Itâs been a strange week. Sylvester had a couple of his Navy friends staying. Billy Bates, a Quartermaster on a missile cruiser, and his friend Simon Steyns. Simon was recently demoted back to Ordinary Seaman following a nasty shoreside incident involving another member of the crew and a very worried looking hamster.
To round everything off Amanda brought her sister over and her revolting daughter. Chelsea, Amandaâs elder sister doesnât approve of Amandaâs relationship with Marjory. She sayâs itâs against God. I have to say I told her that Amanda is against God. I mean really! What immortal hand or eye would frame that fearful symmetry⊠urgh.
Chelsea Chizit and her daughter Emma are cut from the same cloth. Theyâre the sort of uncultured slobs that know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
And to top it off Max is besotted with Emma. To be fair, she is not entirely unpleasant to look at as she glides around the garden half naked in the sunshine, like some sort of fae. Yet Max just stares slack jawed and drools. Itâs most disturbing. He wanders around moony eyed murmuring âEmma Chizit⊠Emma Chizzit.â
âAli,â I said as firmly as I could, âDo you happen to know if Amanda is next door visiting Marjory?â
âOh yes,â he said. Not much gets passed Ali. He knows the comings and goings of most of Huckleberry Close. âShe wrist deep in âŠâ
âAli!â I said firmly.
â⊠in tomatoes. Theyâre canning the tomatoes she grew in her greenhouse. Making sauce…â
As everyone starts to get back to something approaching normal I am delighted to say I am enjoying occasional days like this where friends visit and life seems almost as it did before this infernal pandemic.
I am pleased to say I am double vaccinated, as are most of my friends. I hope you are to, and I’d encourage you to get it done as soon as possible, for your own good and the good of all those around you.
I hope you’ve been enjoying The Dating Game by Mollie Blake. It’s been featured this last few weeks on the website, Remember there always new content on the site, and I do get on now and then to chat with my members on the web chat functionality. If I happen to be on when you are there, be sure to say hello.
Have a lovely week,
đ
Fiona
This summer it’s all about pink! |
It’s a season for your best color! |
What could be a nicer color to celebrate summer. Check out this spectacular swing dress for just $31.99.You going to look delightful. Check it out here – https://amzn.to/3iq4a2v Fiona |
Smart cars, and gardening.
First of all I’d like to say that I hope you are loving my programs. We have over 2500 gurls enjoying my helping hand… Wait, that sounds a little wrong. If you are not already in one of the programs you should sign up today. Â Anyway, I thought I’d share what I’ve been getting up to this week.
With all this sunshine I’ve been spending a lot of time in the garden and at the beach. I do love to sail, and Bernard’s boat is finally in shape. It’s so good to live in a city in which the outdoor lifestyle I love is so accessible.
My gardener, Ali Ibrahim, pulled into my drive way in his Smart Car this Tuesday. He’s been doing some topiary in my garden. With him was Sylvester, my mechanic. Now, Sylvester is a very large man and seeing him struggle out of Ali’s tiny car was rather like watching a man get out of an overcoat that is three sizes too small for him.
âI had no idea you knew Ali,â I said to Sylvester.
âI don’t. He gave me a ride from the highway. My truck broke down, again! Very kind of your friend Mr. Ibrahim to pick me up.â
The irony of this was not lost on me.
Sylvester was speaking very slowly, so Ali would understand him. So slowly, actually, that one might assume he thought Ali had some extreme form of learning disability. Sylvester was, of course, unaware that Ali had been a professor in a university in Damascus until fleeing the country and finding his way to Canada.
âHe just pulled over and offered me a lift, and it turned out we were both coming to your place.â
âHow fortuitous,â I said. Sylvester was looking a little dubiously at Ali, who in turn was smiling happily, as is his nature.
Sylvester took me aside and looking a little worried said âhe keeps saying he can’t get his whores in his car.â
âYes,â I said. âIt’s very small.â
âCar no good for hoes,â said Ali, catching my eye, and nodding and smiling happily.
âYes, Ali. I’m sure,â I said smiling.
I turned to Sylvester and said, âAli is struggling a little with his English, but I think he’s trying to tell you that he doesn’t like the smart car because he can’t put his rakes and hoes and spade in the back. He’s got his small tools for working in the garden, but his large tools get… stuck. But you’d know all about that.â
Sylvester sniggered and turned to Ali and said, âHoes, eh? Well come by my shop in the morning, ok?â
Ali smiled his enormous smile and nodded enthusiastically.
When Ali showed up at my place the yesterday to continue his work on remodelling my bush he came with the most extraordinary collection of tools on the back of his Smart Car. Sylvester had given him a nice new gun rack, salvaged from a car that had been written off.
Ever the inventive soul, Ali had fitted it and now uses it to carry his hoes and rakes and larger tools. And we all like larger tools.
But that’s not the main reason I am writing. I am thrilled to say I have a few spaces available in our Whatsapp Group. You can find all the details here, if you like chatting with other CDs.
Come on in and join the fun.
đ
Fiona
It’s important to get one’s priorities right.
I had just disconnected from a Zoom meeting with a client who was looking at rebranding his chain of laundries when Ali, my Syrian gardener, arrived for his English lesson. I have been concerned about his use of English and offered to help him as best I could. The Trimark Laundry Company would have to wait for their report about renaming their stores.
As a busy advertising account executive I find I do have to prioritise my private life. If Mr. Skid of the Trimark Laundry Company expected to be prioritized over my own personal interests he was very much mistaken.
I spend a half hour each day helping Ali to advance his use of English.
âSo you see, Ali,â I explained, âusing capitalization properly can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example, âI was helping my cousin Jack off his horseâŠâ
At that very moment the door swung open and Bernard bustled into the kitchen.
âGoodness,â I said. âYou gave me a start, Bernard. What on earthâs the matter?â
âIâve got a leak,â he said hurriedly.
âWell, you know where the bathroom is,â I replied.
âNo. Itâs the boat. I need to go and pump it out. It seems to be taking on water.â
I should explain. Bernard keeps a small sloop in the mariner near Huckleberry Close.
âWell, can I help with anything? Biscuits perhaps?â I got up to put the kettle on.
âNo. We have to get down there right away. I wondered if you and Ali could help out,â he said.
âOf course,â I replied reaching for my new London Look lipstick. I wouldnât want to be caught out in a sinking boat without a nice shade, and went to find a nice pale pink sweater.
âItâs just that I need someone to help pump it out.â
I remembered the hours Iâd spent onboard pumping my arm up and down seemingly for hours on a previous occasion. Anyone whoâs been around boats will know this feeling. Up down, up down, and up down. And all to drain the scuppers.
âOh, Iâm sure I can help with that.â
âCan I come too,â piped up Ali.
âOf course,â said Bernard. âThe more the merrier!â
What a fun morning we had. And all because Bernardâs worm gear clamp had not been properly adjusted. I admit this does sound rather more like something in Mistress Megâs realm than mine. Which brings you to the main reason Iâm writing today. I put out a lovely story for my all my members this week â The Long Game. And true to form Mistress Meg has released one of her great self hypnosis files. You can find Mistress Megâs Denial self hypnosis here. Youâll need to be a Seahorse member to access it and if youâve not already done so you can do so here.
Now, I have to go and massage my bicep. All that pumping is quite exhausting. However, at least Bernardâs boat is all shipshape now.
Have a lovely week.
😊
Fiona
Bernard put his foot in it.
As you know, I am a very sensitive person. I like to think others come to me because of my gentle nature and empathy. For this very reason I was very concerned about a conversation I recently had with Ali, my gardener and Bernard, my photographer. Things are a little quiet at the advertising agency at present, so Bernard has been out getting his boat ready for the season. He does so love his sailing.
Ali and I were enjoying a very nice German Riesling in the garden, talking about plans I have for the arboretum, or scrub land as Sylvester rather ignorantly refers to the more unkempt section at the bottom of my garden.
âThe Germans really are talented wine makers,â I said as I surveyed the wild flowers.
âIndeed,â said Ali, in his heavily accented Syrian English. âThis is a very âHĂ€nde hochâ.â
âAli, I donât think you can say that. Weâre all on the same side now! Is it racist? I donât know. Besides,â I added, âyou drive a smart car. Isnât that made by Mercedes?â
âOh, Iâm sorry. Itâs my English, you know,â mumbled Ali. I am concerned about his language skills, but I some times suspect he may be trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
At that very moment Bernard appeared at my Garden gate looking most concerned. I invited him in and sat him at the garden table and asked what on earth could be the matter.
âWell,â he started, looking very downcast, âI think I may have upset someone down at the sailing club.â
âHow on earth did you do that,â I asked, eager to help, as ever.
âI was trying to be helpful,â said Bernard. âIt was the Commodore. He was moving his boat, and I offered to lend him a hand.â
âBernard, that sounds very kind of you,â I observed.
âYou obviously donât remember I introduced you to Andrew a couple of years ago at the year end dinner. You remember, he was the guy with only one arm,â replied Bernard awkwardly.
âOnly one arm,â I said slowly. âAh, yes. I remember now. And you offered to lend him a hand?â
âYes. It just, sort of, came out,â he continued. âAnd things got a little chilly after that.â
âAre you sure he took offence,â I asked. âIt might be that youâre imagining this. Heâs probably just fine.â
At this point Ali chimed in, âYou offered to help the fellow. Whereâs the âarm in that?â
I fixed Ali with a cold stare.
âAli, thatâs not funny,â I said.
You can see the sort of dreadful thing I have to put up with. However, on a brighter note, I am thrilled to say my Premium Program for women is going very nicely. If you know anyone that would benefit from this great program, be sure to suggest they visit my Patreon and look for the $5 a month Package, which is especially for them.
Auntie Kittie has a great new diary entry today, so if youâre a member be sure to check it out.
Have a lovely weekend, stay safe and get a vaccine!
Fiona
PS â Yes. Be sure to get a vaccine. I said that. And I had mine about 10 days ago. Itâs about the most satisfying prick thatâs been in me in a while!
Amanda’s got her finger stuck in the pasta maker.
As the New Year kicks into gear I am pleased to see Ali getting to grips with my garden. As you know, Ali is my Syrian gardener, and a recent immigrant to Canada. He is a diligent worker and has thrown himself into the task of managing my garden.
A university professor of botany in his home country, he has come to build a new life here in our country, along with his lovely wife and two delightful daughters. Here in Canada we welcome new friends from around the world, and embrace the chance to add to the deep culture of this diverse and remarkable country.
âWe donât have an equivalent of your âSanta Clausâ,â he recently explained while we were working at preparing the greenhouse for this years plants. âBesides, anything flying over our airspace at low altitude stands a good chance of being shot down. And⊠well, reindeer meat⊠I think heâs well advised to respect the no-fly zone.â
âBe that as it may, Ali,â I said. âIâm most concerned about Amanda and Marjory. All through the Christmas season I barely saw them. I know itâs been harder this Christmas with the whole Covid thing, but youâd think sheâd say hello over the garden fence.
âFiona, theyâve been very busy. Amandaâs been there all week. And you know what theyâre like,â replied Ali.
I donât think Ali really approves of the nature of Amandaâs relationship with Marjory. Same sex partnerships are not exactly common place in Syria, on account of people not wanting to be stoned to death in the public square.
âAll the noise and fuss they make,â said Ali. âItâs very disruptive.â
âDonât worry,â I assured him. âYouâll get used to it. Besides, it must be nice to be in love.â
âThey were making an Italian dish yesterday with the left over turkey,â he mused, while cleaning one of the planting beds in the greenhouse.
âThat sounds lovely. One of the things I enjoy about Christmas is getting creative with all those meals using turkey in the days that follow. I had turkey curry yesterday, myself.â
âIf I over heard it correctly, Amanda got her finger stuck in the pasta maker. It was quite disturbing,â said Ali.
âOh,â I said surprised. âI thought Marjory made the pasta.â
âYes,â replied Ali. âShe does.â
But thatâs not the main reason I am writing to you today, as we go into what I think we are all hoping is a more hopeful year than last. I understand many of us are finding it harder to dress during the lockdowns that we must inevitably endure. I also realise that this increases the stress for all of us, and I want to make a suggestion that I find has helped many of my members.
While it would be wonderful to be able to dress everyday, all day, many of my members are simply unable to do this. When it is impossible to dress, for whatever reason, thereâs still the middle ground, of becoming more androgynous. This is a way to start shifting what you wear to something somewhat more feminine, though without being entirely crossdressed. If you get creative youâll find ways to do this, and enjoy that middle ground in the gender spectrum.
It could be as simple as shifting the colors you wear. Pastel colors and moving away from hard contrast color patterns is somewhat more feminine and gentle. Equally, going for the lambswool sweater and softer fabrics is always more enjoyable.
For others it will be engaging a more feminine clothing style, without crossing the line. Nice jeans can bring out the shape of your legs, and if all you need to do is add heels to shift over the line, then youâre always just moments from being able to crossdress. Sometimes the only difference between dressing straight or crossdressed is the presence of eye makeup.
If youâd like some ideas about androgynous style, check out my Pinterest Page for more inspiration.
Letâs make 2021 a wonderful year. Don’t let Covid get you down. This is where we learn patience – a good lesson for anyone who is trans. If you’re struggling and haven’t done so already, remember my Whatsapp Group is a great way to connect with others and see yourself through this challenging time. Alternatively, remember there’s a host of entertaining stories right here. Be sure to enjoy the video below.
😊
Fiona
Become a Patron!Sylvester and Max are jacking off in my garden!
My goodness, if you could see whatâs going on outside my window. I can hardly believe is! Iâm standing here in my Christmas lingerie, and my heels, and quite shocked at what I can see going on out there!
Ali, my gardner has just told me, âItâs ok, Fiona. Itâs just Sylvester and Max jacking off in the flower beds.â
Now, I know you can imagine me standing here in my flowing red silk robe, mouth open in surprise. I am staring out at the snowy Montreal scene, and everybody seems to be having a wonderful time! Oh, perhaps you should even be here!
Let me explain. Iâm watching Sylvesterâs muscle bound arm pumping up and down and Max, my next door neighbours 20 year old son laughing – I think heâs licking his fingers â yes, heâs spilled some Baileyâs Irish Cream on his hand, or at least I think thatâs what it is. And Ali is watching, engrossed in the unfolding scene.
Theyâre laughing and very jolly, Sylvesterâs face red with exertion, and he has a look of deep concentration. Apparently, Aliâs Smart Car slid off the drive in the snow as he pulled into the icy driveway. It slid into the flower bed, and onto a rock in the rockery. Max and Sylvester were already at my place enjoying a Christmas eve drink, and now the three of them are working away to lift the little vehicle off the rock and manhandle it back onto the drive. What Christmas excitement!
I should hurry along! Amanda, the queen of tweed will be here soon, and Bernard is coming over. My wife, sadly is travelling. Sheâs a slave to her job! In the meantime, we are a fun gang, all hoping that Christmas will go with a bang!
I know Sebastian wants to show me his mince pies and sausage. He has been making so many delightful treats lately.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas! Have a wonderful holiday and remember, be careful if you are driving in the snow. Otherwise you too might find yourself licking Irish cream from your fingers after jacking off in someoneâs garden!
Merry Christmas,
đ
Fiona
As the counting continues Auntie Kittie urges calm.
What a very stressful few days itâs been. Just today I had one of the neighbourhood boys over while my delightful niece, Nancy and I arranged some flowers in my house. I do find it so relaxing to put out a few nice flower arrangements.
The children in Huckleberry Close seem to gravitate to my house, and the large garden Iâm lucky enough to have. Fionaâs delightful gardener, Ali, has been helping me and cutting some beautiful blooms for me to arrange in the house. The unfortunate challenge of being so available to the neighbourhood children is that from time to time the rather revolting neighbour, Donald comes and plays in my garden. I try to be kind and even handed, but itâs really not always easy. I think all the children think of me as their personal Auntie.
It’s hardly surprising really. They love to come over and are sure to sample my pie, or anything else I put out on the kitchen table. I like to provide a nice spread. Some of the young boys just canât get enough of it. I should be flattered I suppose, that they have such hearty appetites.
âAuntie,â said young Donald this very afternoon. âWhatâs an erection?â
âDonald, thatâs a very unusual question. Now, let me see. Your mother should really talk to you about this, but when a man and a woman⊠No, when two people⊠No, when a small group of people of undetermined genders or something between gendersâŠâ
âAuntie,â said little Nancy jumping in and coming to my rescue between placing holly sprigs in vases Iâd put out on the table. âI think Donald means, âWhatâs an election?ââ
âOh, I see,â I said with relief. âReally? You donât know what that is? Ok, letâs see. How can I explain? Itâs something we do now and then to get rid of people who arenât running the country the way we like it. For example, by locking up all the little children. Or making promises they donât keep, or are generally doing things that are douchy and not representative of our values.â
âWhat are values, Auntie Kittie?â asked Donald.
âDonât worry, Donald,â I replied. âIâll let you know if you ever get any. We usually elect people based on policies, Donald. So, for example in Canada we believe in religious freedoms, freedom of thought and belief, and freedom of expression. You believe in freedom of speech, donât you, Donald?â
âWell, I guess,â agreed Donald reluctantly.
âWell shut up then,â I said firmly.
âTell him about the polls, Auntie,â piped up Nancy, always keen to be of help.
âI donât trust the Poles,â said Young Donald.
âDonât be so racist,â I said and cuffed him around the ear, before sending him off to the bathroom. âBe a sensible boy and be sure to wash your little hands after.â
Donald has a lot to learn in the hygiene department.
Nancy turned to me and said, âIâm not sure Donald quite understands about democracy.â
âOh,â I said gently. âIâm sure heâll learn. And then probably be thrown in a cell where he belongs, before dying alone in disgrace. Under the circumstances I think thatâs not a bad outcome.â
âWhat do you mean, Auntie?â asked Nancy.
âWell, five hundred years ago we would have stoned him to death, in the time honored fashion. Under the circumstances, if I were Donald I would consider myself lucky.â
Donât worry, itâll soon be over. Letâs just stay calm, and choose an extra special pair of panties with which to celebrate as the tide of change flushes out the U-bend of the last four years.
Your favorite auntie,
Auntie Kittie.
Get more Auntie Kittie HERE.
Did they leave a number?
Well, what can I say. Itâs not been an easy week. As many of us go into an election week, I know all of us are going to be feeling a certain degree of stress. Be assured I am here for you.
I always find it helpful to listen to the Fiona Dobson playlist on Youtube to dispel stress. It really does help put a smile on my face, even when I do read about something mind bogglingly moronic that the buffoon in the White House is up to. I believe it was Mayo Angelou, that great philosopher that said, âMask up, asshole.â That, however, is not the main reason Iâm writing to you.
Several of my members have written to me this week concerned about my good friend Rainbow, the yoga teacher, who has recently found herself out of work due to the problems we face associated with Covid. I selected one email at random, from Mildred, of Colorado Springs, that I felt I might share with you. Mildred suggested that perhaps Rainbow could make use of her talents as a vegetarian, helping others improve their diet. How very thoughtful, Mildred. I will pass the suggestion on to Rainbow. Vegetarian meals can indeed be an exquisite blend of flavors and are sure to excite the taste buds and satisfy the appetite, unless youâve ever actually tasted meat.
Fortunately Sebastian, Sylvester, Ali and the rest of the crew are all managing ok. Amanda, my wifeâs good friend, has moved in with my next door neighbor Marjory, with whom she is conducting a sordid lesbian relationship. She is working from home there, and I mentioned to Sylvester (who has designs on Amanda for some inexplicable reason), that I often saw her in the conservatory beavering away. He replied âAmanda is indeed elbow deep in,â and at this point he paused meaningfully, ââŠwork.â
What times these are. Nonetheless, I felt I would write and tell you of a rather unusual incident that took place the other night. As you may be aware Canada is large. In fact itâs huge. Earlier this week I was driving across one of our seemingly endless prairies, late at night when I saw mysterious lights in the sky, approaching at high speed. At first I thought it might be our Prime Minister, my good friend Justin Trudeau in his private plane. He has the disturbing habit of flying very low over the prairies, smiling and waving at us as he goes by. You may have heard of him, heâs the head of state in the North America that can read.
However, it was not he. I should have remembered heâs usually tucked up in bed by 9 pm with a cup of hot milk. No, this was altogether too fast to be something of this world.
Now, I think I know what youâre thinking. âOh, not again!â Yes, thatâs right, youâll remember I had an encounter with alien life forms a little over two years ago. And indeed once again this vessel drew level with my speeding Buick, and I felt the sensation of being lifted off the ground, as if by a giant alien hand.
Faster than you can say âanal probeâ I found myself in the hold of the enormous vessel. Two alien figures dressed in a silver grey fabric, some type of satin I imagine, walked out of what seemed to be a wall of light toward my car. I was a little disconcerted, as you might imagine. After all itâs not everyday that you are accosted by higher life forms. One of them tapped on the window, and as I looked at them I realised these were the very same two aliens I had met once before.
I put my mask on, and then lowered the window.
The closer of the two aliens leaned toward me and then said, âExcuse me madam, are you the owner of this vehicle?â
âYou know I am. Remember, weâve met before.â
âJust my little joke,â he said with a smile. His sense of humor had not improved in the two years since last we met.
The closer of the two aliens turned to the other and said, âI told you, weâve seen this one before.â
They seemed to pause for a moment, consulted what looked like an Ipad, and then one shook his head in disappointment, before saying, âWell, letâs get on with it, otherwise weâll never make the quota.â
Ever helpful I said, âAre you running out of people?â
The nearest alien nodded, and said. âItâs this Covid business. No oneâs going out much these days.â
âWell, itâs not like you ask permission,â I said.
âNo, but when we pick up someone off Davie Street in Vancouver, and theyâve had six pints of Alexander Keiths everyone just thinks they had a good night at The Junction. No one believes theyâve really been abducted. You know, plausible deniability and all that. But these days,â he shook his bald head, ânot so many people are going out for the night. Thatâs why we have to hang out in the middle of nowhere.â At this point he turned to his friend and said, âIâm not even sure where we are!â
I sighed and said, âCovid.â
In agreement he nodded and sighed, âCovid.â
The senior alien, clearly impatient, then chimed in, âwould you mind getting out of the car please?â
I stepped out of the car, and the two of them led me into a small examination room. Instead of the surgical table and lights that one expects in these circumstances, I was placed in a reclining chair and the first alien asked if I would be kind enough to read the letters on a lightbox directly in front of me.
âA, F, G, H,â I said and then asked, âis this it? I mean, youâre giving me an eye exam?â
âPlease just read the letters,â said the one that appeared to be in charge.
âM, S, X, no, really is this it?â
The second alien cut in at this point and said, âThey donât let us use the probe any more. They said itâs not politically correct. Something about it not being âwokeâ, whatever that is.â
âWell,â I replied, âitâs not like you ask for consent, is it?â
âWe didnât get many complaints in this sector. At least not on Davie Street.â
âNo,â I said. âYou wouldnât. You might get a few people disappointed that you didnât at least leave your number after youâd finished.â
At this point the first alien smiled at me and said confidentially, âwho said he didnât,â and then winked.
Anyway, I felt I should share these events with you. Now, if youâre in the US be sure to get out and vote as soon as you can. If you donât live in the US, let’s wish our friendsâ the best for their election.
😊
Fiona
Rainbow’s sitting on my right hand at the kitchen table.
Iâm so pleased to be able to write to you, in these troubled times itâs so good to be able talk to others just like myself. Perhaps you too get frustrated by the pace of modern life coming face to face the slowed down life we now lead due to Covid. Well, donât worry, Iâm here to help.
On the site thereâs a host of content to help you get through the day, as well as some great hypnosis files that will help relax you. Just explore and youâll find a ton of it.
Before I go on I should answer a query thatâs come in from one of my members, Mildred from Colorado Springs. In reply to her I have to point out that Minsk is a coastal city in northern Russia and not how a Russian drag queen walks down the street. Iâm glad to have cleared that confusion up.
I also want to remind all my Patreon Members that you get a great part of the Patreon site that few people are really aware of. Thereâs a community aspect here where you can post pics and even connect with other members. When youâre a member just go here – https://www.patreon.com/fionadobson/community to participate. Itâs a lot of fun.
Life in Huckleberry Close is a little muted these days, as people reduce the number of people theyâre seeing â reducing their âbubbleâ. Well, as inconvenient as it may be, I think we all understand that this is necessary. Personally I am using this time to get a little fishing in â socially distanced of course. Iâm also enjoying reading a few more books than usual. Itâs a chance to do some of the things I donât usually get time to do. For the moment I just donât really feel comfortable with the idea of going out to restaurants, or getting on a plane.
Sadly Rainbow, who teaches at a local yoga studio, has been laid off, like so many others in that type of work. Sheâs asked me to help her with her resume and to help her apply for a few jobs. I asked her what qualifications she had, and if sheâd graduated.
âOf course,â she replied while sipping her home made kombucha in my kitchen with Ali, my gardener, and I. âI have an advanced degree in Enlightenment with a minor in Colonic Irrigation from the Healing Light Yoga And Ayevedic Academy. Iâm really not used to being unemployed. Itâs almost as if my spiritual GPS is not functioning.â
âWell, Iâll try to help, darling,â I told Rainbow, feeling a little doubtful that those were skills that are in particular demand at present. âPerhaps Sylvester knows someone. Heâs quite well connected in Little Italy.â
âOh yes, I know. Thatâs the area around Patelâs Pizzeria, isnât it?â
âYes,â I said helpfully. âHeâs quite big in the business community there.â
Now, youâre probably wondering why that part of town is called Little Italy. You wouldnât be the first to think it was because of the profusion of immigrants from years back. Itâs got more to do with the fact that it changed sides three times during the second world war, though. A very confused part of town, youâll agree.
Ali listened sympathetically to Rainbow describing her difficulties finding work.
âI sometimes feel like the goddess Kali has cursed me,â said Rainbow.
âOh, I donât think so,â said Ali sagely. âI mean, itâs not as if sheâs going to chase you down the high street beating you with her many arms and laying about you with that nose, trunk, thing of hers. Itâs not like she caught you drinking Coca-cola instead of your usual distilled water, after all.â
âI donât think the goddess Kali would curse Rainbow for that,â I said to Ali, unsure if he was teasing her. I am most concerned that his English lessons sometimes miss the mark a little.
âYouâre right Fiona,â agreed Ali. âPerhaps Sylvester has something for Rainbow in his workshop. After all he runs a very tight shipwreck.â
I look skeptically at Ali. Itâs taken him time to settle into the ways of Canada which are a little different to those of his native Syria.
In these difficult times we are all making adjustments.
Now, I want to tell you all about some spectacular Mary Janes I have recently tried from Glamour Boutique, my favorite online store. First of all, the quality of these shoes is faultless. They fit my size 10 male, size twelve female, feet perfectly. When I recently stopped by The Junction in Vancouverâs Davie Street, the boys were all very complementary, with comments ranging from how elegant they looked, to how good theyâd look beside my favorite serverâs bed.
These are a patent leather shoe, with a four inch heel â I can best describe it as being a heel size that sayâs youâre somewhat innocent, and yet at the same time accessible and possibly a filthy little crotch ferret, much like myself. The dainty strap is equally at home being undone hurriedly after a night out, or being released by a loverâs teeth in a frenzied moment of passion.
Have a good look through Glamour Boutiqueâs site and be sure to mention my name when you order them. Theyâre a great company, reliable and always on point with quality merchandise. You need never feel awkward contacting them, and discretion is their watchword.
Now, I must get back to work. Sebastian, my personal trainer, is coming to give me a workout soon. He tells me heâs got an exciting new exercise regime he wants me to get into. Or vice versa. Something like that.
😊
Have a wonderful weekend.
Fiona.
Let’s shove it up a Proud Boy today.
My gardener, Ali is a Syrian refugee. Heâs a lovely man, and he and his family are making a go of things in Canada, and doing exceptionally well. His girls are doing so well at school. When I recently asked him what he thought of âProud Boysâ he said that while his home country was not very tolerant of their lifestyle, he personally felt that peopleâs lifestyle choices are their own affair.
Aliâs English is sometimes not quite what it might be. Heâs been here a few years now, but he still sometimes struggles a little. He has become firm friends with Sylvester, my mechanic and confidante, and I commented on it recently saying how pleased I was that they get along so well.
He replied, âAh, yes. Sylvester. Heâs a very good person. We get along like a horse on fire.â
Which reminds me, I must chat with his English teacher. I believe Mistress Meg is acquainted with him â Professor Longstaff. If you follow my Patreon as a Seahorse youâll have read about him.
âBut Ali,â I said. âSurely you donât agree with Mr. Trump, embracing the Proud Boys.â
He looked at me with some doubt in his careworn face.
âAs I said, Mr. Trumps lifestyle choice is his own affair,â he replied. âNot that thereâs anything wrong with that.â
I sometimes struggle to understand if Ali is teasing me.
âBut what about all this âStand back and stand byâ business?â I said pressing on in what I was beginning to feel was a pointless exercise.
ââStand back and stand byâ? I thought they said âstand back and bend overâ!â said Ali.
I gave up and left him to continue raking up the fallen leaves. Donât you just love the fall? You can find some fun fall clothing ideas on my Pinterest HERE.
Donât forget to sign up for my Patreon and help me keep shoving it up the Proud Boys⊠I think you know what I mean.
😊
Fiona
PS. Don’t forget the Fiona Dobson Playlist. It’s sure to uplift and help you through the day. Enjoy it here.
Max’s Premature Ejaculation.
There was a steady stream of water falling between Ali, my Syrian gardenerâs legs.
âAli,â I said. âWould you mind telling me what youâre doing?â
âAh, madam. Iâm watching Maxâs premature ejaculation. He did it for his motherâŠâ
I paused. Iâve learned thatâs a good idea with Ali. Iâm never quite sure if heâs serious, or just confused.
âHis water hose⊠Heâs got it hooked up to Google â that online house thing. It waters the flowers. Well, drowns them actually. Itâs coming on prematurely and the water pressureâs too high.â
âI see,â I said. I decided I had better talk to that English teacher of his.
Continue reading “Max’s Premature Ejaculation.”It’s a very special day.
What a beautiful spring morning here in Huckleberry Close. Itâs a very special day for me, though you likely donât realise it. Three years ago today I started writing the story âClothes Maketh The Manâ, which led to the development of my program and this extraordinary journey.
In that time, as close as Max and I can calculate, something like 85,000 people have enjoyed the story. I find this on the one hand encouraging, and on the other a little disturbing!
In celebration I think Sylvester and Ali have something planned. They keep making spurious excuses to drop by mid morning. Sylvester tells me he wants to âcheck my fluidsâ, which I think has something to do with the car. Ali is insistent that he was to drop of a couple of hoes. At least thatâs what I think he said. He has been wanting new gardening equipment.
Anyway, itâs also International Womenâs Day, and in honor of that I am including a video one of my dearest members suggested. Iâm sure youâll enjoy it!
Have a lovely day,
Fiona.
Become a Patron!What have they ever done for us?
What have they ever done for us?
Good morning and welcome to a wonderful election day in the US. If you’re getting ready to vote, slip into some heels, do your makeup and get out there with plenty of time to make a difference.
Just this very morning I was walking in my garden with Sebastian, my personal trainer, and Amanda, my wifeâs appalling friend. Sheâs heading over the border to the US this afternoon to vote, of course, like all good people should. However, as we were walking Amanda got a call from my wife, who as you may know is currently travelling.
Sebastian and I could not help but overhear Amandaâs comments, and politely listened in to the one sided conversation. Now the important details I will skip over, except to say that I was wearing one of my lovely pleated maxi skirts that I find so very comfortable and a pair of suede boots. However, returning to Amanda, who it should be noted edits Pig and Pig Farmer, the first publication in the US to endorse Mr. Trump in the last elections.
The importance of charity.
I hope youâve been practicing your makeup routine, in preparation for Halloween. So many crossdressers spend time on their clothes without realising that the most attractive thing a gurl can wear is a smile⊠preferably under a nice coating of YSL or Chanel lipstick.
Marjorie has an infestation!
Hi,
Sitting in my kitchen, enjoying a quiet cup of tea, wearing my favorite kimono, I was surprised to see Ali hurrying through the gate in the fence between my garden and my neighbors. Ali, you’ll remember is my wonderful gardener. He’s a Syrian refugee, and the nicest man you can imagine.